New procedure

Tomorrow will be very busy. My husband will have a “Watchman” implant (a brand new device) to prevent blood clots. A short while after he will be able to come off of blood thinners for the first time in years. That will be great as he bruises easily and is always needing major band aids for small everyday scrapes and cuts.

They will allow me to be with him and can see him following the procedure. He will spend the night and be home on Friday. Medicine just keeps advancing. Hopefully this will be a plus for him.

This getting old is aggravating but it’s better than not being here. I am thankful that we have managed this long and hope we keep moving for a while yet. We plan to.

What will we learn?

problemsI feel awful about not posting yesterday. I lost the day. The night before I had what I think was food poisoning. I was fine by morning but exhausted. I was feeling sorry for myself. Here without my husband and feeling miserable. Later that day one of my friends called and her sister’s husband caught the virus while traveling and died at 44 years old. His wife, working as a nurse, had damage from a tornado that struck their neighborhood. Her sister cannot have her husband transported home or have a glimpse of him. He died with none of his family around. There are so many people who have more crisis than anyone should have to bear. It certainly put my life into perspective.

Each of us has our own problems. Even though we can see catastrophic things happen to others the feelings we have are still valid. Our own problems bring forth emotions that we have to learn to deal with. We may not have things wrong that seem more devastating than others but our own tragedies are ours. We have to absorb the emotions. We have to deal with the issues. They are important. They are ours.

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As each of us move through the things that cause us grief and pain we will learn things that we can use to help others when this is all over. Our experiences will help us gain new insights, new skills,  and new ways to cope. We will have much to teach others. Lots to share with those who come after us.

This crisis is hard but we can learn from it and share what we have learned with generations that come.

Keep On

 

persistance

Life can be pretty scary. The news tells us nothing good. There is anger and violence everywhere. That may explain why so many of us have anxiety. Maybe to be anxious is the right response to what is going on around us. Lately I have heard nothing but bad news. People I care about are sick and quite a few have very rare problems. Is this because we have too many people on the earth or because the earth is tired of us and wants to shake us off? Too much to think about.

The trouble with anxiety is that is grows exponentially. It starts small and you can get past it and then it begins growing like a virus and you find that it has taken over. You are no longer living life but just existing. There has to be a way beyond this. It’s understandable that any help has to be started long before the problem arises. If not it’s not strong enough to push the anxiety down. The trouble is when everything is ok we tend to ignore the fact that something has to be done beforehand. Again, we come back to persistence and determination. Just putting one foot in front of the other. We have to keep moving forward.

 

Without a sense of humor I don’t think I would have lived as long as I have. When as many things fall apart as have around here recently laughing is the only option. It really reaches the ridiculous. Today the water went nuts and decided to gasp out of the faucets and produce brown water. Fortunately I have a husband who can see beyond the ridiculous and solve problems. So we are temporarily able to shower and have water to drink. Further solutions will come in time.

sense-of-humour

I think if asked what is the most important trait needed for survival and sanity I would have to say sense of humor.

Challenges

Each day is different. Each day brings it own challenges and its own rewards. We just have to be ready to take one moment at a time. We have ups and downs…times when we feel lost…times when we are sure that we won’t manage. Somehow, we can pull up our socks and get through.

personal challenges

These last few weeks have been a challenge for me but I continue to move on. I will not give up and let it drag me down. I know it will be a few more weeks before I can put things back to rights and find all the things I can’t put my hands on right now.

Things do arise that test our patience and our ability to cope. Each time we learn something new about ourselves. It may be something good or something we didn’t want to know. Nevertheless it is critical to learn, accept and move on.

Still waiting but coping

kind-of-coping-9781507209189_lgAnother day just waiting. The workers who are redoing our bathroom will not be able to work this week so we will just continue toughing it will stuff everywhere. Who know that fixing a bathroom would be such a big deal? We are very lucky that we tore it out since we discovered that a major leak had been occurring under the tile. Before long one of us would have fallen through the floor. I am so glad that we are able to fix this now.

Life is never boring. At least that has been my experience. Life has had nice lulls. Just enough time to think it might continue when something else comes along. This is a pattern I have learned to accept and manage to absorb.

sharing wisdom

I am sure that age has something to do with my perspective. I’ve had a long time to learn how to roll with things. There are still things that can wreck my calm but after a short while of acceptance I usually can move on. I wish I had been able to manage this well when I was younger. I hope that my sharing my experiences is helpful to others. It is a major thought in everything I write.

May all those who are threatened by Hurricane Dorian be safe.

You raise me up!

I have always loved this song. It is such a powerful message. I don’t know how you see the meaning…whether it is God you see or someone dear to you. Either way it speaks clearly of being affirmed and loved. I can see my God and my family/friends in it. I have been held up so many times in my life. In any crisis or when I don’t trust myself someone has been there to encourage and lift me up.

It must be so difficult to live without this kind of assurance. I know that I am blessed to have it. Some don’t have family they can count on or the sort of friends who stick through anything.

It has been said that to have this support from others we have to be there when they need support and I have found that to be true for me. Being there through thick and thin is what it is about for me.

I was also blessed to grow up in a family who had God as a core belief. They were not concerned about denomination or intricate doctrine. Just the underlying support of a loving God.

 

Demolish the wall

Sometimes we build walls around ourselves to stay safe. We wall out anything that hurts us…whether physical or mental. An extreme example of how the walls work is the patient written about called Sybil. Dividing yourself into separate people puts up walls between the root person to help her. Another example is Howard Hughes who physically walled himself in.

wall

Our various forms of mental illness can be walls. Ways that we have adjusted to the world in order to survive. The illnesses seem negative but at some time they may have been essential. (this may not include some types of illness)

The walls are hard to pull down. They are worse than masks. Masks seem more temporary but the walls have been built with bricks and mortar. Our anxiety can cause us to retreat from the world. We only seem safe if we stay under the covers on our beds.

When we are suffering it is very difficult to pull down the walls and move out of our comfort zone. When I am anxious I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I curl into a fetal position mentally and physically. I have erected a wall around myself.

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I have been working on the things that help me to remove the wall one stone, one piece of mortar, at a time. Meditation, remembering to breathe, focusing my mind, distraction are all things that help. With persistence these tools help me to keep the wall from growing and even begin to keep sections down. Progress is happening which gives me impetus to keep on keeping on.

Don’t give up. That wall can be knocked down a little at a time. Just keep on!

Face things and move on

Today I decided to bake some bread from a different recipe. It didn’t work. Although the bread rose initially after shaping it just sat there. After a little rise I decided to bake it and it promptly fell. After taking it out the taste was great and the texture wonderful but it only rose the slightest bit. Won’t use that recipe again. Back to my own recipe that works every time.

my-bread

Bread baking is so therapeutic. I love kneading it with my hands. The silky feel of it and the smell when it bakes. (even if it doesn’t rise) The house smells so good. I was planning to take some to a neighbor but another day.

Things don’t always work out the way we planned. This was a small thing but when big things happen we have to move on just the way we do with the little ones. Sometimes it helps to fuss and #%^&*+#  some to make us feel better. If it is a truly bad thing it may take some time to get over it. I have a friend who says “take 24 hours for a pity party and then shake it off and get on.” I have actually found this to work for me. After the 24 hours are up I challenge myself to rise up out of the depths, take a deep breath, and move on. I think our minds just need time to absorb whatever new reality is facing us.

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Life is never boring but shakes us up to test our mettle. Those upsets don’t get to me as much as they used to except for life and death issues. Even then I have learned that those things can be faced and accepted even though they hurt. At my age one has to acknowledge that death is inevitable. Doing so brings a kind of peace.

If only we could learn to live each day knowing that it will never come again. Participate in life every moment instead of waiting for tomorrow we would be so blessed.

 

Finding pleasure

bakerI have been cooking a lot lately. Mostly desserts. I have given a great deal of stuff away as we don’t need to be eating everything I make. I have been baking bread for years but am trying to hone my skill and make some different things. Some successes …some just so so. No real failures but I was not thrilled with them.

There is something creative about cooking. Most of my life was spent cooking for a family. Now there is just my husband and I most of the time I am not energized by our dinner menu. Nobody’s fault but mine. Breads and desserts are more fun.

I think this cooking has been therapeutic for me. It is better than just house and yard tending although some of that has suffered from my time in the kitchen. Oh well, it will still be there.. no genie will be coming to clean.

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Finding things that give you pleasure are important for maintaining physical and mental health. Being creative makes me feel good and that is a big plus. You may not find it in a job but find it where you can. Take the time to fit it in. Your demeanor will improve and life will just be better.