“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.” Anonymous
We are in the middles of one of the hardest things we have ever had to do. We are upsrooting ourselves to be where we need to be. It has been a hard decision but it is the right one and we know that. So we will continue to honor our decision and follow through.
Changes are very difficult and most of us don’t like them at all. Nevertheless nothing ever stays the same. I have always heard said that nothing is sure but death and taxes. Well, I would add something else to that. Change is inevitable.
All of us are always on a journey. We don’t really know where the journey will take us. That is a mystery that will unfold as we live. To try and force that journey to go a particular way doesn’t always work. Sometimes we may be able to choose a direction. Sometimes, as in the words of Robert Frost, “Two roads diverged in a wood and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”
Sometimes we are afraid to choose the unfamiliar road. We just like the smooth path we can see in front of us. We feel secure and safe. But life doesn’t always leave it that way.
For many years we have loved following the known road…the one we could see ahead. But now we a called by life to take that other road…the less traveled one…and we will. We are hoping that road will take us to a place of peace and safety but there is no way to know for sure.
Nevertheless we will step out in confidence sure that life is sending us that way. We will miss many things but gain others. This is always the way. The trick is to appreciate what you do have and not what you don’t.
“You cannot sail new oceans if you never lose sight of the shore.” anon
I am continuing to clean things out and today I put all of my dvd’s in a case. That eliminated the cabinets that housed them. This is the first time that I have moved any pieces of furniture. I was a small thing but for the first time I realize that we are actually planning to move away from here.
This is a major life event. This is a complete change and an acceptance that we are growing older and need to be set for the time we have left. It may be long or short but we want it filled with people to meet, things to do and new adventures. Even though we are going to move to a retirement community it is one that has people who are still living fully, having fun, exploring new things to learn and enjoying a expansive life. It is connected with a University and has much learning experiences and opportunities.
We will also be near my youngest daughter and her family whose lifestyle makes them able to be supportive and caring. Their church home is also a plus since we have visited there many times and also feel at home there. The best of all worlds.
This kind of change comes with some sadness and loss. We will be leaving long time friends, a church home, a beautiful home with an amazing view and things we love. As a Parish Nurse I have seen so many people sit in a home they love until they can no longer manage and family has to make decisions for them. This leaves everyone unhappy and we decided that it is better to make the decision for ourselves.
This cannot happen too quickly due to medical issues and the problem of covid but we know it is on the near horizon. So this will be a time of looking forward to good things and still grieving over where we have been. A time of mixed emotions.
Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Actually it has been more a matter of getting rid of things we don’t need. It has felt good. Clutter is disappearing. Surfaces can be dusted easily and cabinets are empty. It is hard to believe when you move into a place how much you can accumulate over the following years. There was stuff that I haven’t seen or needed in years.
All this reminds me that I need to also look into myself and open all the closets and drawers and clean out all the excess. With all that has been going on I haven’t had time to do that. I realize I have let the structure of my days fall apart. It couldn’t be helped before but with the way things are now I think I can do it.
Cleaning out our living space is important but it is also as important cleaning out ourselves.
We ordered a new lounge chair for my husband from Wayfair. I have ordered from them before and they are great. We were in no hurry for it to come but it took an interesting journey. It traveled! Up and down the country. Not a direct route. It went from the west to the north. The opposite direction to us. Then it took a journey east before starting to turn south. It finally ended up about 10 miles from us where it sat for several days before coming to us. This is a well traveled chair.
Now it is here to travel more with us as we plan for the rest of our lives. A fun start to the new things in front of us. We will be sad to leave this beautiful home that my husband designed for the way we live. It is so perfect but nothing lasts forever. Now perfect is becoming a burden and that changes things.
In life we have to accept what happens as we age and be ready to do what is best instead of holding on to something that no longer works. I have seen too many children having to drag their parents out of a home that is no longer logical. How tragic that is for families and everyone ends up unhappy. We have to know when it is time to choose for ourselves and do it.
My grandmother used to tell me about her life as a young girl. At 100 years old she hardly recognized the world she was living in. So many things had changed. Some of the changes have been good for us as humans and others not so good. We need to stay aware of the changes in our world and work to correct those that are bad for us and the earth. After all, our children will know what we have done. What world do we want to leave for them?
I love having my daughters here. They have been a big help. We have accomplished a lot and are moving ahead. It remains to see how Hap’s recovery goes and how far. This will take time.
Once again we are stuck up against all the changes in the ways that society can interact. Around here I see most people wearing masks which wasn’t happening before. Maybe people are finally getting it. I hope it lasts.
We have all been so weighed down and fighting our way of life. Maybe it is time to step into a new mode and learn to fly again. I am realizing that even though there are things that I can’t do there are also things that I can do and I am going to do them.
According to current information I can eat outside at restaurants with distancing from other customers. I will be taking advantage of that. We have many places with the option to eat outdoors. My knitting friends and I can meet wherever we can find a safe place and there actually are some options for that.
So life goes on. And it is up to us to decide how to accept what is….not what we wish it could be.
I have not posted for so long it feels strange. I spent the last week at the Mayo Clinic with my husband whose knee problem was finally diagnosed after him dealing with the pain since February. His knee is infected with staph. He will be on intravenous antibiotics for six weeks and on oral ones for life. Surgery was done to physically remove as much infection as possible. He is recovering from all of this.
There is no answer for how this happened. We all carry staph on our skin and it can migrate through a simple cut. For him it found the weakest area of his body a settled in. It was most likely the cause of several other problems. He is now in a rehab facility for a short stay and then will be home.
It is wonderful to be home but missing him. One of my daughters is with me and it is so good to have someone to actually see and talk with.
Many changes will be coming to my life as it will to the lives of others. We will have to learn to live differently. Somehow we have to learn to respect and appreciate what we have and not dwell on what is missing. It is the only way to live.
What is it like when the day begins with no plans? Every day the same. Nothing going on. The sameness creates ennui…nothing creates the desire to do nothing. We have to learn a new way to live.
That is how I was feeling when I got up this morning. Then the light bulb lit up. It is nice outside. Why not have my knit group meet on my porch where we can distance ourselves?
We can talk and knit and discover what has been going on with each other. I am sure we all have stories to tell. So I called them and that is what we are going to do tomorrow morning. We will meet, have lunch, learn the news from each other and feel like life is somewhat normal.
Just sitting in the boredom was definitely not the answer. It was time to do something about it. We just have to do it ourselves and in a safe way because this is how we have to continue. Life goes on.