I feel as if I am living back in a third world country. When we lived in Panama we couldn’t drive across the country without fear that anything we did wrong could cause us to be arrested and jailed. The police were also the army.
Now in my own country insurrection is real. And it seems that it is possible that this was incited by our own president. I am not very political but I do believe in obeying our laws and that the best form of protest is non violent.
I guess I am not as surprised as I should be since our divisions have been sending us that way. There is no way for people to agree. I used to volunteer where we tried to teach teens and even younger that there were ways to resolve differences without violence. I guess we need to focus on teaching the same things to adults.
As we age we see the primary figures in our life (mother, father, loved ones) grow older too. At some point we begin to see the differences. Roles begin to blur and the status of those important connections changes. For many families there is a matriarch or patriarch. As we grow older the power of those figures diminishes and the power begins to shift.
The big change comes when those older ones die and we find ourselves as them. Suddenly we are the older generation. If life goes that way we many not be the ones hosting holidays. The roles have changed and we have to find a new place in the scheme of things.
I felt that strongly this year as we have moved away from our home and have experienced new roles and new patterns. We always encouraged our children to make their own traditions as they grew their families. Now we are joining in the traditions of our daughter and her family. It truly is a different thing and we will have to find the place that we fit. We have never been to their home for Thanksgiving and Christmas so we have no role there. Over time we will have to find a way to be incorporated. We know this will come but this year if felt strange to not help or participate in some way. Life does have a way of changing. We just have to change with it.
Today I helped my daughter make Christmas cookies. This is the first time I had done that in several years. It seems that I haven’t taken the time. It was a really fun things to do. I have finally obtained an appointment with a primary care doc. This is something critical for the management of his health and it is a relief to get this done. I will see if I can see this doc also as it will simplify matters.
Yesterday my daughter, who works at a hospital, got the first of two injections for covid. I am so glad. I have worried about her as she has been exposed three times in the hospital and didn’t get the virus but luck can run out. I hope that this means that all of us will be able to vaccines soon. I have been doing little except knitting, crocheting and watching TV. Like most people I am thoroughly tired of it. What was my hobby has become my life. I am ready for some new stimulating activities.
We are all exhausted with this long drawn out crisis and hope that there will be changes soon. May we all see a new vision with the coming new year.
We are in Texas! We are not yet in our apartment. The pod arrives on Saturday and we will be able to start settling in. I’m sad that I missed much time with my WordPress family but now I will be able to start catching up. It is a relief to be on this end of the process and though still sad I am looking forward to our next steps.
My brain is slowly starting to function again and that feels good. I may take a while to find my way around here with all those tangled highways but I will get it eventually.
Just a few more weeks until our move. I will be so glad to be done with this and in place. I know I will so miss my friends but nothing else is as important. We will create a new path and a simpler way to be. When my mother died, then my aunt a year later, I was tasked with clearing out two homes. It was hard to see all the things they had gathered over the years. I always swore that I would not leave that kind of task for my children and now I know that I will not. Things that I saved through so many moves have been sorted and only the important and loved things will go with us.
It is a sadness but also a relief. There was so much “stuff” I found that I have no idea why I kept. Now there is a fresh start with the things we love. It feels freeing in so many ways. Help from family arrives on the 23rd and more on the 27th. That will help us to continue to make progress.
We have mailed our absentee ballots and who knows what this election will bring. I will just be glad when it is over. I have never seen so many vituperative people in my whole life. The world has certainly changed and I am not sure for the better. I pray that the world can move on to a better way of being.
I am sorry that I haven’t been able to read on a logical schedule lately. I want to keep up with everyone but things have been so crazy that I just couldn’t get to it.
We only have a few more weeks to go and the hectic part will be over. It will be time to settle in and get a routine going. I will be nice to have my daughter and her family to be with since they have been quarantining and we feel safe around them.
They have done so much for us during this transition as have my other two children. We are so blessed that my three and their families don’t fight with each other and love each other dearly.
“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.” Anonymous
We are in the middles of one of the hardest things we have ever had to do. We are upsrooting ourselves to be where we need to be. It has been a hard decision but it is the right one and we know that. So we will continue to honor our decision and follow through.
Changes are very difficult and most of us don’t like them at all. Nevertheless nothing ever stays the same. I have always heard said that nothing is sure but death and taxes. Well, I would add something else to that. Change is inevitable.
All of us are always on a journey. We don’t really know where the journey will take us. That is a mystery that will unfold as we live. To try and force that journey to go a particular way doesn’t always work. Sometimes we may be able to choose a direction. Sometimes, as in the words of Robert Frost, “Two roads diverged in a wood and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”
Sometimes we are afraid to choose the unfamiliar road. We just like the smooth path we can see in front of us. We feel secure and safe. But life doesn’t always leave it that way.
For many years we have loved following the known road…the one we could see ahead. But now we a called by life to take that other road…the less traveled one…and we will. We are hoping that road will take us to a place of peace and safety but there is no way to know for sure.
Nevertheless we will step out in confidence sure that life is sending us that way. We will miss many things but gain others. This is always the way. The trick is to appreciate what you do have and not what you don’t.
“You cannot sail new oceans if you never lose sight of the shore.” anon
I am continuing to clean things out and today I put all of my dvd’s in a case. That eliminated the cabinets that housed them. This is the first time that I have moved any pieces of furniture. I was a small thing but for the first time I realize that we are actually planning to move away from here.
This is a major life event. This is a complete change and an acceptance that we are growing older and need to be set for the time we have left. It may be long or short but we want it filled with people to meet, things to do and new adventures. Even though we are going to move to a retirement community it is one that has people who are still living fully, having fun, exploring new things to learn and enjoying a expansive life. It is connected with a University and has much learning experiences and opportunities.
We will also be near my youngest daughter and her family whose lifestyle makes them able to be supportive and caring. Their church home is also a plus since we have visited there many times and also feel at home there. The best of all worlds.
This kind of change comes with some sadness and loss. We will be leaving long time friends, a church home, a beautiful home with an amazing view and things we love. As a Parish Nurse I have seen so many people sit in a home they love until they can no longer manage and family has to make decisions for them. This leaves everyone unhappy and we decided that it is better to make the decision for ourselves.
This cannot happen too quickly due to medical issues and the problem of covid but we know it is on the near horizon. So this will be a time of looking forward to good things and still grieving over where we have been. A time of mixed emotions.