Courtesy? Morals?

Today I have been thinking about how the world around me has changed. There is a caveat in that I live in the South (US) and mores are recognized more here. However, it is apparent that having seen, what I call, the “me first” generation there has been a drastic change in how people behave.

courtesy

The word “courtesy” has almost disappeared. Language has become coarse and  there is no place where it is not used. Words that were curse words had some power when they were used since they were used seldom. Today they have lost their impact as they are part of everyday conversation. I will have to think of some words to use when really upset like “prithee pox” and “egad.”

Considering others is on the back burner. Kindness is slipping away. I am also interested and amazed how sexuality has become a primary focus. I, for one, could care less about others sexuality. It is a part of life but do we have to consider it the most important thing about someone? There is so much more to a person than that.

Political Correctness has gone way overboard. If you and I don’t agree then anything I say makes me prejudiced and you are a “victim.” There are now more victims than people.

moral compass

In addition moral codes have changed to the point that there are none. Everything is decided individually and anything goes. Respect is a forgotten word.

Most of the people who I follow on Word Press are caring and concerned about others. Can’t we spread our concern and courtesy to others? Things are going downhill.

No worry allowed

anxiety worryToday I can feel worry creeping in. We have some problems in the house that need renovating and the cost is very expensive. The bid is not too high but the work required is extensive. I am anxious about the cost and wonder if we should put it off until we can come to grips with it.

It upsets me when I know things have to be done and require spending a lot of money. We are, after all, on a fixed income and retired. As we age there is the possibility that one of us will require care that is costly. We do have to keep that in mind. So spending money always gets me going.

Worry is so useless. It does absolutely no good at all. I am so good at it and can let it undermine any calm. This comes back to what I have said before about changing the things we can and not deal at all with what can’t be changed.

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I will sit down and work on a “do, don’t do” list. Maybe that will help me to get my mind around it. I am determined that I will not let this undo me.

A pause

I have been home too much lately. When this happens I lose my perspective.  Things start to close in on me and I spend too much time in my head.

Ennui

 

The house is quiet

life is in abeyance

lightening flashes

outside

 

And yet

I don’t see

the storm

coming

 

The storm

is outside

and inside

I am numb

 

 

Dinner? Really?

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This is one of the things I saved in a file to enjoy. I once belonged to a group who met once a month. In the beginning we each took turns being hostess and offered a light supper for everyone. Initially this was easy and worked for everyone.

Then the trouble began. One person decided to become a vegetarian. Ok, not a problem. That can be managed. Then another became vegan. That began to cause some serious planning regarding meals. Then whoops! someone declared that they were not eating anything with gluten. Meals became a puzzle to plan. Soon some began to declare allergies to certain foods. That was the end.

We then changed plans and ate out at a place that had many choices. Problem solved.

I have no problem with those who make choices about the foods they want to eat. Each of us has to decide what should go into our bodies but having friends for dinner when there are so many taboo’s becomes impossible. I guess in today’s world we would have to invite people to dinner and call it BYOM bring your own meal. I don’t know any other way to manage all of it!

Exploring the journey

win or loseToday I went back and read some of my original posts. I had a plan for this journey. I wanted to find a way to accept what comes each day and to learn new ways of coping. In some things I have done well in others not so much.

I have managed to spend more time in the “now.” I am more aware of each day than I have ever been. I have made daily prayer a habit. I have always prayed in erratic moments but now I also pray intentionally at the end of each day. This has worked for me and allows me to explore the events of the day in a different way. It is a time for contemplation.

I have not done as well with meditation. I can’t seem to get into a pattern or keep to any kind of a schedule. My past experiences taught me that meditation works best when it is practised consistently. This is something I want to improve.

Life is all about changing ourselves to better manage our place in the world. The world is not going to change for us. We are the only ones in our control. We have to continually work to understand how we react to what happens in our lives.

change ourselves

It is so easy to say that I know what to do and so hard to actually do it. I will continue to fight the struggle that some things are for me and work to truly immerse myself in changing. The struggle will remain until I am no longer on this earth but that is being alive. There are always challenges but we can move forward each day.

Cherish those who matter

Life, as usual, throws curve balls whenever it feels like it. My husband has been peaked for several day and now there has been another family crisis. Nothing health wise, thank God, but the usual drama. It is something that can be dealt with and will be but it has brought about some upheaval.

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Maybe, because I am a nurse, if something bad happens but no one is going to die I am ok. Life constantly has ups and downs and we just have to learn how to cope with them. I have found that one of the things that helps the most is having a strong friend/family base behind you. If you have someone that you can count on to hold you up when you are sinking it makes all the difference.

For me, that is why my family and my friends are so important. I work at keeping those bonds strong and it does require work. If we don’t connect with those we love we are making a big mistake. Someone said “don’t let the path become overgrown between your houses.” That’s not totally accurate but close.

cherish loved ones

We do have to spend time maintaining our relationships. It doesn’t matter if they are face to face, on line, mail, whatever. People’s lives are busy and it is easy to get pulled away from those you don’t connect with.

Take the time to nurture the relationships that matter. They are your lifeline.

Change what you can!

Tonight I hardly know what to write. I am having to adjust to where I am with my IBSD. It is not awful but I feel as if I am back to where I was last year. The thing is last year I was used to it and coped daily. I have been so good for so long now that I am having to back up and think logically about maintaining my calm. As with most things in life I will change to suit the situation rather that let it get to me long term. I am now in a re-learning curve.

messy

Our weather has been beautiful for the last week and more normal for us. Our usual pattern is some sunny days and some days with thunder showers. Our dog, Crash, is terrified of thunder and we feel so bad when we have to be away and there is a storm. He just hides under my husband’s desk and shakes.

It we are at home he stays right at our feet and seems to be better. I don’t know what happened to him before he came to us but it must have been terrible. It is so hard for me to imagine anyone treating an animal badly. We see so many pictures of abused animals and people still big game hunting animals that are going extinct. I can’t fathom it.

exploit

Abuse is horrible in any form and there seems to be so much more of it than there used to be. I don’t know if that is because we are more aware of it or if we are seeing more people whose mindset is cruelty. It seems to go along with the number of people who see the solution to their frustration is shooting people.

I keep reminding myself that I can’t fix the whole world but I can be an example of loving and giving. Each one of us has an opportunity to affect our own environment. We must change things one person at a time.

be the change

 

Each day take it on yourself to change the things you can.

Responsible?

A mother is neither cocky or proud, because she knows the school principal may call at any minute to report that her child has just driven a motorcycle through the gymnasium. Mary Kay Blakely, b. 1957

I found this in a little book of quotes from women. My experience as a mother finds this to be so true. I was never sure what was coming next. Mostly from my son but not always.

no to blame

 

I think the reason it struck me is that even though I love my children  I never doubted that they could make some mistakes of bad judgment. Having received that call I would immediately have known that it was true and one of my children at fault. I wonder if this would be true today. So many parents now want to remove any blame from their children. Somebody else must have caused this.

 

Taking this attitude does such a disservice to the child. If we are never responsible for our actions and there are no consequences we don’t learn. Actions always have consequences. Sometimes good…sometimes bad. When the outcome is bad we need to learn that we have to take responsibility and that may not be fun. Reparations must follow.

Responsibility

I have known families whose children were never responsible for any bad behavior. The sad part is if they don’t learn when the response is minor they may end up in jail for a major offense.

Think about those parents who falsified records to get their children into college. Not only have the children learned that it’s ok to cheat to get what you want but also that it’s fine to laze your way through school. Someone will fix it for you. Those children believe that everything will be handed to them forever. They have no coping skills when things don’t work out the way they wanted.

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I wonder why parents have come to the conclusion that saving children from their actions is good parenting. I hope that the pendulum starts to swing back the other way.

Apologize?

“It is a good rule to never apologize. The right kind of people never want apologies and the wrong kind take advantage of them.” From the TV show “The Orville”

On one level I agree with this quote. The wrong people can take advantage but the right people deserve an apology. Sometimes you don’t know which you are dealing with. When thinking about this I came to the conclusion that if in the wrong I would rather apologize. In some ways the apology is for me and the other person.

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Being able to ask forgiveness makes me feel better. It also shows respect to the other person.  It takes away some of the guilt I am feeling. However, I don’t like to apologize for something I did not do. This is where I draw the line. In my life I have been accused of wronging someone when it wasn’t me. In spite of the fact of my insistence that I was innocent I was never believed. That is hard to live with.

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I just couldn’t resist this one

The other interesting idea is the non-apology apology. Have you ever used this ploy? For example, I might say I am sorry you feel that way. It sounds like an apology but really I am just stating how I feel at the moment. It is however, the truth. This can work if you are in a sticky situation. Most of the time it is taken as an apology. It is one way to end any dispute and restore good feelings.

 

What are your feelings about apologies?

 

Decisions, decisions!

The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward. Amelia Earhart

decisions-research

One of my husbands favorite things to say is “no decision is a decision.” He believes that we should gather all the information we can at the time and then move forward. To just do nothing is actually a decision. This thinking makes complete sense when it comes from one who spent two years in combat. No decision could kill you.

Sometimes our decision is right sometimes not. It doesn’t really matter. As they say “hindsight is 20/20”. Most of the time we must just gather as much knowledge as is available and move on. We often blame ourselves later when the choices become clear but remember there were things you didn’t know at the beginning.

The thing we don’t always do is to gather information. Yesterday I wrote about irrational decisions. We are so easily swayed by a bias from our life history. Not considering all the options is heading toward a mistake. To see clearly we must know our own sets of bias and be able to push them into the background. It is so easy to jump to a conclusion and not take the time to see the whole picture.

I often have to stop myself from an “assumption” and you know where that gets us. The word “assume” tells it all.

assume

Decisions are not just about major things but can also be snap judgements.  It is so easy to make up our minds about other people without all the information. We can lose out on some great connections this way.

Decisions may not always be easy and we will make mistakes just don’t beat  yourself up about it. We have to accept our messes and move one. To feel guilty and dwell on them does no good.