A new world

In our area the Episcopal Diocese has said that we will not go back to church until there has been two weeks with no new cases. I am hoping that they will rethink that as I don’t think we will see a week without at least one case until there is a vaccine.

At some point we will have to resume some regular activities even if for those of us “at risk” must remain more isolated and more careful than the rest of the population. The mental health aspect is going to require us to do some things or we risk some serious complications.

I know that I am reaching my limit of just being at home and that I will have to go out into the world carefully but I will have to go out. The state has opened many things and there are people out there resuming their normal schedules. Most of them are not wearing masks but they seem to be social distancing. I can see us doing that for quite some time.

It’s a new world and one we will learn to navigate one day at a time.

Life changes when we least expect

This is a difficult post to write. Since my husband has been recently diagnosed with dementia our life has changed. We will learn and adapt as we go but some major changes will have to be made.

Our home is one that requires us both to be able to help with its maintenance. It is really too much for me to manage on my own. It is time to move forward and find the right environment for both of us. This will be heart wrenching and particularly hard on my husband but we need to do it now and get settled for the future.

My aunt ( who was really quirky) always said that if you do all the things you CAN do at the moment then you can stop worrying. This is my plan. We will be taking one day at a time. There are still some medical issues to be resolved and the virus hasn’t helped getting those done but we will get there. God is with us.

There have been lots of ups and downs in our life together. This is just another down to get through and look forward to the next up. On the 9th of June we will have been married 58 years. A wonderful journey.

The real me

Another week gone by. Funny, they all seem the same. Wait…they have been the same. Each day blends into the next. Around and around and around. The days are only different by thoughts and ideas. It is hard to know what day it is.

Why am I so lazy? So inclined to just sit and knit or crochet. It is getting something done but not with the energy I usually enjoy. Today I did some simple gardening. It was hot out and it didn’t take me long to be tired and overheated. A routine of exercises must be added to my days or I will become a painted picture attached to a chair with knitting in her hands. This is not me. Somehow the desire for more has to be re-established. Days where my sights are higher than that chair.

the real me 2

 

People around us are getting out more but they are not as at risk as we are. It is so strange to be in the “old and fragile” group, I have never thought of my self that way. My self image has been altered and I need to move back to the real me.

Hang on!

life-is-always-up-and-down-so-why-are-you-8796618 (1)

Life has been pretty much up and down. My husband’s health fluctuates from day to day. Not critical but learning management is the plan. Yesterday was particularly tough but we got through it. I am still not sure about the underlying problem because the virus has made logical medical care impossible. We will root it out eventually. At least the hospital stay ruled out major problems. I am sure there are others suffering from the same issues.

Something else to make life uncertain. We will all be lucky not to need a short time for what was called in the 50’s a hospital stay for out nerves. Too bad that’s not possible any more. A couple of days rest and relaxation with someone waiting on us would be wonderful. Anyone what to join me? A long time ago a friend suggested (when life was stressful) a Cruise to Nowhere. It showed up in the New York paper and sounded like a wonderful idea. Not so great now with the status of cruising.

Hamster hangs on a rope isolated on a white background
You can do it!

I do find myself without lots of energy to tackle any big projects. Some things I will have to do and will get done. Others will just have to wait. I think looking toward the future is a big question. We know that life will go on but will have to cope with the shape of things. We can do it! We can’t give up or the virus will have won. This is not acceptable.

Most of us are still here and still functioning. Keep going things will change.

 

Deadly routine

The days slip by and all seem more or less the same. I once read something that said change things up each day to make them stand out. Then it will seem that things are more interesting. It may only be driving to work a different way. That made sense. When I was still working I sometimes had no idea how I got to work. I knew I drove there but that’s about all.

change daily

We do have to be intentional about paying attention to life even when the days can blend into one another. Yesterday I baked bread and today I worked in the yard. That helps me remember those two days. If I just sit and watch TV then nothing is different.

Even in this covid time take time to make changes each day. Do something that makes that day memorable. It doesn’t have to be  spectacular but just something to mark the day.

When we drift into same, same, same it is easy to feel depressed and anxious. Just a walk outside to watch the birds will help.

Change is possible

change is possibleWhen I started this journey on Word Press I wanted to stop worrying so much over simple things and stop ruminating. Over the past several years I have learned much from the people I have encountered. I have made major changes in my thinking and my life. These things have helped.

What has not helped is what is happening in our world. It is one thing to obsess over things that will usually never happen and to be concerned over things that are happening. The concern is realistic and can’t be done away with. However, my changes have made me different so that even this current crisis has not been the tipping point to take me back to where I was.

keep walking

Lessons can be learned and applied to make life, though challenging, less likely to move us back to where we started.  We can learn and change and cope better. It is possible. Never give up and think it can’t get better. I can and will if you work at it.

What’s next?

future_what_is_next-100711982-largeI wish that this quiet time away from the busy world was one that I could enjoy but not to be. My husband is still in care. He’s physically all right but still not mentally well. He is better. It is just so hard not knowing how this will all come out.

I don’t know if I will have the man I knew or someone else. Things will work out but the uncertainty of it all is harrowing. At this point the virus is of less concern to me. During this time not only has the world outside of my own surroundings changed but also inside my circle. Many people are caught in this. I am not the only one struggling. Some have more grievous things to bear.

I seem to do really well for a while and then I falter. I suppose this will continue until there are some answers forthcoming. Waiting has never been my strong suit. I am certainly learning to endure patience.

It will be different for us when we come out of this. I pray there will not be another pandemic coming any time soon and that we can be better prepared. Everyone is blaming everyone else the world over but I remember hearing some words of Pope Francis pointing out that if we all blame someone else them we have to accept that all of us are to blame. There are certainly judgement errors aplenty to share.

mother earth

We must change. We must understand the nature of the damage we have done to the earth. Soon it will be too late and we must live with the guilt about what we are leaving our great grandchildren.  We have to learn to live together over the whole world or there is no hope.

I pray that we can.

Hope and dreams

how-not-to-live-in-a-bubbleI don’t remember if I wrote about this before but here are some excerpts from something written by C.S. Lewis many years ago that ring true today.

He was talking about an atomic age and asked how can we live with this?

“Why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night; or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway accidents, an age of motor accidents.”

 It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering and drawing long faces because …*something new*…. have added one more chance of painful and premature death to a world which already bristled with such chances and in which death itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.

This is the first point to be made: and the first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together.…. *the world we have now should*…… find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep….. *He goes on to say that nothing should forever change our minds.*

**My edits

— “On Living in an Atomic Age” (1948) in Present Concerns: Journalistic Essays

The concept of business growth .We are people still with ideas, hopes and dreams. Those thing may have changed their form but there will be more. New dreams, new ideas that we can hang our hope on. This feels as if it will last forever but even if it did we are still us. We are still alive and until we are all gone from this earth there is hope.

 

 

 

What happened?

elephant-and-rabbit-sit-on-a-bench-on-the-glade-natalia-moroz

In my youth I envisioned the future as a wonderful place, Peace, flying cars, visiting space. That idea is gone. Have the changes made a better world or one more frightening, more dangerous, more ominous? My memories make it seem that way. When will we ever learn what really matters?

 

 

 

What Happened?

My past is a dream
A memory
A life of summer days
Poodle skirts
Bobby socks

We did
Hide under desks
With fear of A bomb
And built
Air raid shelters

That did not
Dim our hope
Our dreams
Of a better world
Free from fear

what happenedTime moved on
Electronics, VHS, DVD’s
Computers, internet
Instant everything
A better world?

Strange
My memory world
Seems happier
Less fearful
More hopeful

The better world
Vision lost
More war
More sickness
More hatred

What happened?

Polygamy: what do you think?

Did anyone else read about the state of Utah having a bill before its legislature about polygamous marriage being legal? I was fascinated by this idea. As I see it the problem is that marriage in one state is legal in every other state. This creates a conundrum for many states. The polygamous marriages reported so far have been far from pleasant. The reported ones have been abusive. There may be others that are fine but I don’t know about them.

Image result for polygamy

I am not sure how I feel about this. I guess I haven’t spent much time thinking about it. As a proponent of women’s rights I am concerned whether this would create any impact on the status of women. I guess this would give women the right to marry multiple men also. Interesting thought.

My concern is there are women who are easily swayed into living in conditions that will be detrimental. Maybe this will work for some people.

Anyone have any thoughts on this issue?