Where will it end?

Recently I have talked to a number of people who are feeling what I am feeling. It’s been too long. Someone mentioned yesterday that we have been under restriction for eight months. No wonder it seems so long. We are all just ready for this to end but it won’t yet.

In my area the numbers are decreasing and I hope in other areas as well. The riots and anger are not helping. I think the stress of the pandemic is fueling some of it. People are just frustrated.

Does anyone recognize our life now? There is violence and killing in cities that have never had that before. Those of us at risk for the virus are trapped avoiding exposure. Schools can’t decide what is best to do. Businesses are going under and people are out of work. This doesn’t sound like my world.

There were riots during the Viet Nam era. There were “demonstrations” during the civil rights era (God bless MLK) but nothing like this. Understanding what has caused all this unrest is complex. The feud between the police and BLM is almost like the Hatfields and the McCoys (if anyone remembers what that was). Logic has been left behind and only anger and hatred remain.

I wonder if anyone thinks any good will come of all of this? Does violence change things more than non-violent demonstrations? I’m not sure it does. I think that the crusades of MLK and Gandhi are remembered more. Will that be the case in the future? Will this nation withstand this or will it fall?

Have they disappeared?

From my history background I remember a historian named Arnold Toynbee who said that when the moral fiber of a nation declines the nation falls. We are certainly there. What is to come?

Searching: a time waster

Have you ever had a day where you spent most of it looking for something that you misplaced? For me that is one of the most frustrating things. It is something important…you know you had it recently….you know it should be where you think you left it….bit it isn’t.

Where did I leave it?

I have a notebook all nicely organized… so organized that it has different tabs that designate what kind of project is in each section. It has many of the patterns I use to knit or crochet. Sounds like it shouldn’t be too important. Wrong! I wanted to start on a new project and needed that notebook.

Now this is a three hole binder notebook. It is not tiny. There are only so many places that it could be without being visible. I remember having it about 3 weeks ago so it should be near.

Nothing doing. I looked high and low, in cabinets, drawers, everywhere I could think of but no luck. Finally I had to attend an on-line meeting and then take my husband to a doctor visit so I had to stop looking.

Banging my head against the wall

Getting back to the search later I decided to look where a few almost identical notebooks are. I went through them recently and get rid of some of them. Hello! There among the others with a title on the side that had nothing to do with it was the book.

One of the reasons that I try to put things back where they belong is I hate to waste time and frustration looking for something that I put down without thinking. I try so hard not to do that. It puts a kink in your plans for the day and time just flies away. The older I get the more I work to keep things where they belong. Not only does it save time but it is really so easy to do.

Just one more thing

You would never think that water would be a problem but here we go again. We now have a huge water bill because apparently something happened in April that we were not aware of. At that time I was tending to my recently hospital discharged husband. (still not well) I was barely holding my own. Somewhere, unaware of us, water was left running and caused an enormous water usage. Now there is the problem of scraping up the money to pay all of this to include having plumbers come out to tell us there is no leak now.

HELP!

Just another one of life’s glitches. Just when you think the money is holding up well something hits. There are so many people hurting so much more than us. Many are out of work and have not yet received any unemployment compensation. Many businesses are having to close. Covid has brought us to our knees. I pray that things begin to improve…even if just a little and that those who need help can get what they need.

Dreams can echo life

Last night I had a dream about trying to cook at meal, at the last minute, for a large group of family members. It seemed to be partly my fault that it was last minute but I couldn’t find the right things to cook. It was in the kitchen I grew up in and everything was wrong. The meat was huge and had to be cut up to cook but looked like nothing I have ever seen before.

I have always had lots of odd dreams and this one was not unusual but I wondered where my mind was headed and if I could connect it with anything going on in my life. Maybe it does in some ways. I do keep trying to get things done and it seems that everything is so difficult. Nothing goes easy. That may not be that unusual but is being amplified by covid.

The frustration of the whole situation, my husband’s illness, covid and all that goes with it are getting old. I am not the only one who is feeling this way and waiting for some good news. It will come….please let me hold on until it does.

I don’t know that any of us have ever been through this kind of situation. We were not alive for the last pandemic and waiting for it to end had to be much worse. Now we will always remember this year and those who come behind us will hear us talk about what happened.

More aggravations

And many other words I don’t want to write down!

Today was a continuation of yesterday. It seems that none of our current physicians, including the Mayo clinic, consider themselves unable or right, to provide the next medication that my husband needs to switch to on Monday. Surprise, surprise! After spending most of the day working on this problem the Visiting Nurses managed to get him in to see an Infectious Disease specialist who is wonderful. The appointment is for tomorrow morning.

I am really concerned about him although he is better we need to get everything in place for this transition and God willing the meds work. I am so mentally tired that it has also made me physically tired. Tomorrow will tell the tale.

If you pray, pray for us…if not send good thoughts. Peace

We will get through!

Today it is hard to write. It’s as if my mind is spinning with all that has gone on recently. Like most people the covid outbreak has turned everything around. Things that would normally be just a drop of water into a pond are amplified into major issues. The stress of our isolation is getting to almost everyone. I still see people out without masks and just not staying away from others who are either in denial or oblivious.

just waiting

Sometimes it is hard to see an end to all of this but there will be one. I think one of the hardest things for me is to wait. I know I am not alone in that. Lately I have felt as if I am part of the play “Waiting for Godot.” The play is a picture of futility which seems right on target. Here in the states so many people have been stupid and are suffering the consequences of that. While New York is getting better because things were done right that is not true here. Bad decisions were made and we are all paying for it.

We will get through this! We will get through this! It helps me to keep reminding myself of this.

Blame it on the pandemic

Why is it that sometimes it seems as if the universe is against you? Nothing earth shaking but little things that require multiple details and it all goes crazy.

This is how I feel

I have been trying to get my husband in to an orthopedist to find out why his knee is hurting. He had surgery at the Mayo Clinic over a year ago and we don’t know why there is pain now. I’ve called the orthos that we see here for other issues and they can’t see him without the records from Mayo. He had two procedures there and Mayo sent the records from his last visit instead of the surgery notes. Now we have to start over. The whole process had to be done again so that I can get him seen.

Why does something so simple have to go awry? Is it karma? This is just one of the things that has been so frustrating recently. I am keeping my sense of humor but it is getting harder. Hopefully some things will start to work out and life will at least be a little easier. I can blame it all on the pandemic!

An important lesson

Every day is different. Today was a better than good day. That’s the way life is. You never know what is coming next. It is the uncertainty that gets us.

control1

Not knowing answers to problems is the thing that is hard to take. I don’t think anyone likes it. When we can see the path in front of us life seems so much easier. We just want someone to turn the lights on the path so we can see ahead.

However, there are so many times in life when that is not possible. No matter what we always live without knowing what is ahead. The difference is we think that we do. We can see the day ahead with all its plans and we think that is what will happen. the truth is there are no guarantees. It’s funny how we perceive that we have control but really don’t. It is an important lesson learned when we realize that.

Fear can change us

Today I am sad. Sad that so many people are so frightened that they can think only of themselves. Fear can make you do terrible things. Rushing into the stores and taking all the things off the shelves that others need is a perfect example. That kind of thinking frightens me more than the virus.I hope that they begin to realize the selfishness of their thinking.

Image result for hoarding in a crisis

Each of us will need to tamp down our fear and help where we can. As a nurse, I worked for years where I was exposed to illnesses. I was stuck with a needle from a baby who was being tested for Hepatitis.  I have cared for AIDS patients when there were no medicines and no cure. Good, really, good hand-washing and other needed steps helped me and others remain disease free.

There is a real threat but if we take the proper precautions we will lessen the risk. That doesn’t include hoarding all the toilet paper (why?) and hand sanitizer. It includes being a responsible and caring person.