My husband remains in hospital without any word on a diagnosis. I have done some research on my on and have some ideas to pass on. As a nurse I do know when the information is reputable. I will just have to take one step at a time.
I have had so many calls from friends that it has given me such a boost knowing how many care. This is just a bad time to have this happen but there is nothing different to do. I will continue to attempt to talk with the physicians working with him even though so far I have not heard from a single one. This is a common problem with hospitals and doctors and I will be stronger about insisting to discover what they are thinking. The hospitals here are not yet full of covid patients and are actually functioning well so there is no excuse for no information.
Tomorrow is a new day. According to the nurse they have some labs pending so maybe some answers will come.
Placating my anxiety, depression and stress with prayer, TV and walking outdoors. I am unable to do some things as my brain is not up to par.
When nothing can be done it is necessary to accept that and do only what is possible. The prayer from AA sums it up perfectly.
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Thank you for your prayers.
There is no greater disaster in the spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality, for life is maintained and nourished in us by our vital relation with realities outside and above us.” C.S. Lewis.
Lewis is so right but not just about our spiritual life. Living in unreality is a disaster in every way. It touches us on every level. I impact our physical self. No matter our level of activity it is not the same as it was. Even how and what we eat has been impacted.
Our emotional/psychological life has been impacted. We can’t do the things we used to do. Our social interactions have been curtailed. Whether we are introverts or extroverts this is still a change. I am sure that everyone is feeling this distancing in some way. I used to be an extreme extrovert but in my latter years I am more in the middle. This change has affected me in many ways. I miss the touch of others, the face to face exchange of ideas, the fun of simple conversation. I am lonely.
Our spiritual life has most assuredly been impacted. In some ways mine has expanded in that I spend more quiet time and intense connection with God that I have in quite a while. There are not so many distractions. I miss the camaraderie of our church community in addition to the services themselves.
This time has created a different way of being. One that can either strengthen or break us. We have to maintain perspective. Though maybe months distant there will be a change. The view will be changed making us find a new path into the world as it emerges. We have the ability to blend into the new world around us and adapt and make it better.
Part of my nightly prayer from the New Zealand Prayer Book: Night Prayer says:
The night heralds the dawn.Let us look expectantly to a new day,new joys,new possibilities.
May we all do so with enthusiasm and creativity.
Things have been difficult here in the last few days. I hope we are on the up side. It is pretty scary to think that in the middle of covid 19 I would have to take my husband to the hospital. That is the last thing I want to do. But if that is what it takes to get him well then there is not choice. However, for now each day seems a little better but it is slow.
Today I was wondering what it must have been like the day that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. One day there was war “over there” and suddenly it had come home. What fear and panic must have been felt by everyone. We are facing something not at all fun but it will pass long before WW2 did. They lived with it every day for years.
They were strong. They had endurance, faith and hope. We have the same things available to us. Whatever we have to do to keep on is what we will do.
Since my husband developed this UTI life has not only been abnormal because of Covid 19 but also because of dealing with someone who can’t think straight. It is better but not totally gone. God bless all those who live with an Alzheimer’s patients. I really don’t know how you do it.
The anxiety has taken its toll on my mental health and my body. IBSD has flared up after being gone for quite a long time. I know that all of this will end but I want to hurry it up. Living as we do we are mostly alone. We have some family here but they are unable to help much. It is not the day to day help I miss but the comfort of hugs and contact with friends. I am a person who knows the comfort of human touch. I count on it. It is what I miss the most. With my husband not well I feel very alone.
This is my time to spend time with God and that has been helping. I also keep in mind my grandmother whose favorite quote was “and this too shall pass.” She had such strength and faith.
There are many who are suffering much more that I and I hope they can find the resources they need, stay well, and survive the physical and financial crisis. There will be many to help in the days to come and it is up to us to do what we can.
Remember my favorite quote:
‘ALL WILL BE WELL, AND ALL MANNER OF THINGS WILL BE WELL’
Julian of Norwich.
I was not able to write last night. I was mentally and physically exhausted. It was a day to delete from memory.
It started out fine. I actually worked in the yard for a few hours. Took a shower, fixed lunch. It was then that I realized my husband was not all there. His conversation was totally disoriented. Having seen this once before I had an idea what was wrong. He is 82 and as we age if we get a urinary tract infection it can make us out of it. Sooo…I tried to get him to go with me to the local drop-in Dr. We have been there before with great success.
Unfortunately my sweet man had switched into Dr. Hyde. He had 4 insulin pens on his desk and was telling me they were wrong. He yelled at me when I tried to get him to go to the Dr. My son was at work and he can usually get him to listen but it didn’t work. I finally ended up calling EMS.
The two young men who came were really nice. They checked him over and agreed with me that UTI was the most likely culprit. They also felt that the drop-in doc would be great as we should stay away from the hospital with all the virus around. They also could not convince him to go. Then I had a AHA moment. He always listens to his primary physician and will do anything he says. His office was closed but I had him paged and he called back immediately. He told my husband to go with me….of course he listened to him and the paramedics went with me to get him in the car and off we went.
The Doc checked him out and he did have a UTI and now has the medicine and is even some better this morning.
Don’t want to relive yesterday but today is already better! YEA!
Nothing like just getting ready to write and the power goes off. In addition to dealing with The Virus we were then without power. WOW! I think we have made Mother Nature mad. We are under a tornado watch. Obviously the power is back on but who knows when it will go again.
Today I have been thinking about those people who are sheltering at home and are alone. It must be worrisome to not be connected to others. I decided that I need to being calling the ones that I know just to touch base and share a friendly greeting. There are some people we know who we only see at church and lunch after. I want to reach out and see if there is anything that they need. I know we can’t help much but I do have a son and grandson here who would help if needed….especially to run errands.
I heard today that there are now people getting prescriptions for Hydroxychlorquine to stash away in case they need it. They are getting doctor friends to write the RXs. How selfish can some people be?
I hope that there are more people out there who are concerned about their friends and neighbors than those that hoard. I hope that somehow everyone learns that this quote is true.
Today has been hard. The isolation has finally hit us both. My husband really wanted to go out for lunch but not possible.
Yesterday I talked about living (as a child) through WW2. My husband’s experience was much more noteworthy than mine. He was four years old living in Hawaii behind Diamond head in army quarters when Pearl Harbor was bombed. He remembers waking to lots of planes flying overhead. He got up and told his father who told him it was people training and go back to bed. A few moments later his father was called about the bombing. His father was in charge of the Coast Artillery that was actually in the volcano.
My husband, his mother and sister, lived in a bomb shelter in the yard that day expecting the bombers to come back. Later they moved into the volcano and stayed there for several weeks before being evacuated to the states. The ship that took them to the west coast went back for more people but was bombed and sank before getting there.
His memories are much scarier than mine and clearer. After all, being bombed is enough to sit in the memory for quite a while. I can’t imagine what it would be like to live where that is a threat every day.
This crisis is bad. It is testing our will just as WW2 did. I hope that we can pull together as we did then to get past this enemy. I hope it will unite much of the world to the real threat….the distress of the environment which may be why these viruses are gaining hold. I don’t know that… I just wonder.
As a nurse there is one thing that I have learned well….not everything can be fixed. Often people grow up with the idea that there is nothing that can’t be solved in some way. Working in the hospital it is evident that things go wrong, people die, life is not perfect.
We live in a world where we expect everything to be fixed. Get a headache take a pill. Go to the doctor..get a diagnosis..get fixed. We don’t want to wait for anything. We want everything to be done at once.
Because of that this time is a real eye opener for some. I can’t go to the store and expect to find everything I need. I can’t hop in my car and go out to a restaurant. Everything I want is not available. What a shock.
I was born a year before Pearl Harbor. I don’t remember much about the war as I was very young but I do remember rationing. You couldn’t get everything you wanted. Gas was limited so you couldn’t go where you wanted all the time. We mostly stayed home. My father was working on the pentagon (construction contractor) and was exempt from going to war. This grieved him and he tried several times to go but to no avail.
My parents built a house shortly before the war began. They had extra rooms and took in war wives whose husband were overseas. They lived with us throughout the war. That was the environment I grew in. We were comfortable but certainly weren’t able to choose the life we wanted to live. I was blessed with a sense of extended family and lots of love but we lived in frightening times. Even as a small child I could sense that angst.
This time reminds me of those days. Something from my distant memory pulls feelings from the past. Those feelings are attached to the way things are now. Just like that time we can’t fix it. We just have to wait it out and live with whatever comes afterward.
Remember…patience, patience and waiting. It can’t be fixed but it can be endured and lived beyond.
“All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”
Yesterday when coming back from the grocery we were behind at school bus with a police car behind it. The bus stopped and we remained stopped. The bus didn’t move and we just sat there. In a few minutes the bus pulled forward and to the side of the road. Not being sure if to pass or not we drove alongside the police car. I put my window down to ask if we should pass. The police office said to go on by that they were delivering food.
It made me feel good. The school buses are not being used right now and what a wonderful thing to do. Obviously the county where we live has decided to use the police, when they are available, and the school bus drivers are not working. This helps everyone.
This shows me that our community is finding ways to help those who can’t get out to get needed supplies.
Today we ventured out to the grocery store. We are limiting the times we go anywhere but it was necessary. While in the store my husband commented to one of the employees that he just didn’t understand the hoarding of toilet paper.
The reply he got was “It is because the virus scares the s###t out of everyone.” That is the first logical response I have heard and the funniest.
There are some funny things to be found in our day to day lives now. One yard in our neighborhood usually looks terrible but it now looks great. Guess the free time made a difference.
Many people are still working here but I don’t know how long that will last. We are way behind the places that got the virus early on and we will be behind getting rid of it. That may mean a longer time isolating since we began with the rest of the country.
I have managed to be productive knitting and crocheting— 2 blankets for the Humane Society, three hats for one granddaughter (she wears them so she doesn’t have to fix her hair for university classes), one afghan for another granddaughter several necklaces to sell to make money for the Humane Society. (You can see where my love is)
This is the crazy hat. She will love it!
Let’s hope that people calm down soon and the crazy hoarding stops. There really is no need for it.