All will be well

Today has been trying. I had to be at the eye center early for surgery to remove some cloudiness behind the lens. I used to be a morning person and I still get up early but I can’t get going easily. I just need some alone time in the morning to get my mind going. When I have to get going early I don’t sleep well the night before. So I didn’t sleep well. The bad part is that we have to drive to the Mayo Clinic for a check up tomorrow. Three hours there and three hours back. I’m not looking forward to that. Once we get going I will be fine. At least the drive is time to think.

This waiting to move is so hard. I feel as if I am living in a time warp. I know it will be past soon and I am looking forward to that. And “all will be well.”

A real stormy day

We have had rain every day for the last week. Not just a little bit of rain but heavy downpours. Today, as I started writing, we are having a major storm with heavy rain and strong winds. I have not heard anything about a tornado but some of the blasts have pulled limbs from trees. The rain has blown all the way up to the porch windows and I can’t really see out.

the blurry parts are where it is blowing rain against the window.

Before all this started we got more stuff checked off our to-do list. Flu shots and the last of the shingrix (?) Vac. I have been working on the Christmas presents that I am knitting/crocheting trying to get them done. Then I can shop in Austin. All in all progress has been made. Fortunately this month is not as busy with Dr visits as last month so maybe there is some time to breathe.

I can really see the benefit of going through everything you own. It makes you clear out things that you have saved for no reason at all. Bags of trash are going out of this house. Some things will go to charity and some will be sold. I find myself not horribly sad about this. Things are not as important to me as people and it is interesting to see what I couldn’t/didn’t throw away before this. This is a good feeling.

The help for illness muddle

It is always said that nurses and doctors are the worst patients. They are also the worst when tending for a family member. My husband is receiving IV infusion at home and it has been challenging. The supplier of the drug is a different entity than the nurses who visit and oversee. Not every city has a drug supplier and therefore some of the drugs come from the nearest place…in my case 2 1/2 hrs away. This has presented some problems for me and the supplier.

Naturally the insurance companies get in the middle of the whole thing and create problems for everyone. They will not send one extra dose of medicine nor will they send it one day earlier so they don’t have to pay for medicine that might not get used. So at this point I sit here at 5 pm with one dose of medicine left for tonight and more on the way?? There are also components that this kind of care requires and some of those are not here also.

Because of us being in a position where the insurance companies write the rules proper care is put on the sidelines. I ran into this my whole career as a nurse and somehow there has to be a better system. I have not been quiet about this as have many others but I’m sure our voices fall into the void. I have even made suggestions for how the current system could work better ….also fallen into the void.

Ask the workers

I feel that you shouldn’t complain about a problem without offering suggestions for improvement. Some of them quite simple but as with any other entity (corporations, government etc.) no one ask the workers how to fix things. I wonder how much money could be saved if that happened.

Blowing up and moving on

The stress of the last few months caused me to finally have a melt down. I was suddenly afraid that I will not be able to keep my husband and I from contracting covid. He is due home tomorrow and covid would be a disaster for him.

I realized that this falling apart was due to the extreme stress that has been happening and that I was due to crash at some point. You might say I was entitled to break down. the good part is that with medication and my daughter being here I have recovered and am again moving on.

moving on

There becomes a point when things compile for such a long time that just letting all the anxiety out helps you to free yourself. I am getting stronger again day by day. This long situation with covid has strained all of us. For me it was on top of struggling so hard to find out what was actually wrong with my husband and being able to do something about it.

When things bottle up for too long we will explode like a volcano. The pressure can just be too be too much. My daughter pointed out that having someone here made it possible for me to feel safe letting go.

Now I will be able to focus on helping my husband recover and get us both through this irritating crisis. Life will be good again. Different but good.

We will get through!

Today it is hard to write. It’s as if my mind is spinning with all that has gone on recently. Like most people the covid outbreak has turned everything around. Things that would normally be just a drop of water into a pond are amplified into major issues. The stress of our isolation is getting to almost everyone. I still see people out without masks and just not staying away from others who are either in denial or oblivious.

just waiting

Sometimes it is hard to see an end to all of this but there will be one. I think one of the hardest things for me is to wait. I know I am not alone in that. Lately I have felt as if I am part of the play “Waiting for Godot.” The play is a picture of futility which seems right on target. Here in the states so many people have been stupid and are suffering the consequences of that. While New York is getting better because things were done right that is not true here. Bad decisions were made and we are all paying for it.

We will get through this! We will get through this! It helps me to keep reminding myself of this.

Another Challenge

This is going to be a simple post.Since last Thursday I have been with my husband at the mayo clinic.He has been quite ill With an infection In his knee replacement. He also had some mild congestive heart failure.That has now resolved And the only issue is the infection in his leg.This is a serious infection and will Require Long-term Antibiotic therapy.We should be able to go home And have his therapy completed at home.I ask For prayers for his healing And that the infection is able to be cleared.I have missed my word press family During these few days and hope that I can keep up better.

The Box Lady

My home has become a storage area for boxes. All sizes and shapes. Boxes from Amazon, Hello Fresh, Chewy, and wherever else I need to order to keep our house going in this distancing time.

boxes being brought to my house

The boxes are piling up because my husband was the one who broke them down and took them to the recycling place. I have not done that. There are boxes in the back stairs, on the front porch, in the garage and in the house. I am starting to feel like a hoarder.

I know, I know, I just have to get them broken down and removed but somehow it has not been something that floated to the top of need to do things. Now it is beyond that. Does anyone need boxes? I have about any size you need. Small ones, big ones, square ones, flat ones, some with filler so things don’t bounce around inside. Maybe I could go into business selling them. Probably not since I imagine many people have been ordering also and may have their own supply.

what if there is a fire?

Oh well, I guess I will have to bite the bullet and get on with cutting them down and getting them out. If not soon they will be popping out of windows and lifting the roof.

The always tasks

Today I had to cut the lawn. For my lawn this is a two hour job on a riding lawnmower. the weather was great but the mosquitoes about carried me off. I came in reeking of OFF and headed right to the shower.

Normally I like cutting the lawn as it is one of those jobs that you can see results as you go. Usually my husband like to do it but his health has halted that for now. I had waited too long to mow and the grass was really long. I had to mow some areas more than once to mulch the cut grass. Nevertheless it is done.

Not me but it could easily be.

This time of needing to do everything has been a challenge. One that I have met sort of. There are boxes that need to go to the dump piled up in the garage and that will hold for another day. I guess I didn’t realize all the things Hap was doing. I’m getting a dose of real appreciation for the things he did.

The good new is that I can look out at a beautifully cut lawn and enjoy the view. That is until it jumps out of the ground again. Some things never go away.

Let impatience go

It is hard knowing that I am going to be living in confusion for a good while. I don’t like confusion. I like my life to be in order but that is not going to be. I know that it will all be worked out but I want it finished NOW!!

Patience is not one of my virtues. I am notoriously impatient. Maybe not as bad as some younger people since I didn’t grow up in an era when things happened over night. We did have to do a lot more waiting. Internet shopping was not available. Heavens we didn’t even have a TV until I was about 10. I have just learned to be impatient and now I have to move that away and think about how it used to be.

We were living at a very fast pace. The world was spinning more rapidly and getting faster all the time. This lull has taught us some things about patience. We have been waiting to get out and be with others. We still have to be very careful and wait. Now I have to put that into practise.

Whether there is weather

I was wakened in the middle of the night by my Alexa light blinking at me. I asked it about the notification and was told that we had flash flood warnings. We are not in that area and I wasn’t thrilled but the light woke me.

It is amazing how much we all count on technology. I love Alexa and use it for all sorts of things from meditation to “what is the time, weather?’ I wouldn’t call myself addicted but it sure is handy.

When the power goes out we realize how much we depend on electricity in our homes. We are blessed to have a generator since we are in a hurricane area. It doesn’t work for the whole house but the parts that it does make storms livable.

Hurricane season is upon us and after what happened a few years ago I am not looking forward to it. I have to say though that I would rather than than a tornado. At least we can have time to get out of the way. Property may be lost but lives can be spared. I pray that this hurricane season doesn’t devastate anyone. Nature can be so unforgiving.

and fall

Since we have had such a difficult spring it would be nice to have summer and fall to recover.