The continuing saga

For some reason it has been very hard for me to write. It is as if my brain has gone on vacation. In some ways it worries me. Has all this stuff over the last year changed my ability to think? It is a scary thought. One that is particularly frightening one for me. I have worked with families who are suffering through family members with dementia and their pain is great. I hope as things settle I will feel more myself.

I hope that it will only be a few weeks before I more to my next destination. It will be so wonderful to feel that I can plant my feet and settle into a home. The apartment is being worked on at this time and I can move as soon as the work is done.

I have been trying to get some things cleaned up and sorted for the move. That means sorting my husband’s things and deciding what to let go and what to keep. It is going well with some moments of sadness.

Hopefully I will get back to my regular writing schedule in the near future and actually have something interesting to say.

Muddling through

Today was a different day. I dropped off one of my dogs early this am to have her teeth cleaned and a cyst removed from her back. I expected to pick her up about four this afternoon. It is now 7:15 and I am still waiting to get her. They had emergencies and didn’t do her stuff until 6 pm. Not what I had planned. Now I will have a dog just out of surgery and not herself to care for tonight. I love her and that is ok but this didn’t work out well. Hopefully things will work better later. New vets….just have to learn if this is the one for my pups.

Yesterday I got to visit the place that I hope to move to. Once there I will never have to move again. After all, at 80, I’ll be blessed to get to 100 with all my faculties. There is so much there. The place is connected to thee University of Texas at Austin and professors come to teach classes. Residents have set up many activities for themselves and they travel and enjoy life. I hope to never stop learning so this sounds perfect for me.

I will also be glad when we can all get back to church. I know that following all that has happened and may still be a problem life will be different but I hope that we will be able to be with other people more than we can now. (wow…long sentence…maybe needs editing)

Bind up fear

Hope is some extraordinary spiritual grace that God gives us to control our fears, not to oust them.

Vincent McNabb

I am one of the worst for worrying about things. I cross every bridge before I get to it. When something is really wrong, fear can rule my world. We shouldn’t expect all our fears to disappear. This is the real world. But by leaning on God’s grace, we can begin to hold fear in check and rely on hope.

Prayer: God, our father and mother, we turn to you as a loving parent. Help us to remember that you love us and want only the best for us. Help us to bind up fear and put it away.

Is there any hope?

Today I listened to the new presidents’ address. If you have been reading my blog for any length of time you know that I am a moderate. Dead center. I just want everyone to be able to talk without getting angry with each other.

It was refreshing to hear a coherent, logical speech. There were several phrases that impressed me but one that I liked a lot was “We will lead not merely by the example of power but by the power of our example.”

I certainly hope that this can be true. The speech had some reminders of the Gettysburg Address especially this part: “It is rather for us, the living, to stand here, we here be dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that, from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here, gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve these dead shall not have died in vain; that the nation, shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people by the people for the people, shall not perish from the earth. “Abraham Lincoln

I am with Lincoln. May we return to being a civil, respectful, caring people. I hope that our whole government (no matter the party) can move forward with this focus and work to end the discord we have been living with.

What to do?

I have been reading the most amazing book. It is The Choice by Dr. Edith Eva Eger. She is a psychologist and survivor of Auschwitz. For part of the book she tells her story as a lead in to the things she has learned since and how our choices frame our lives. She begins with this statement: “It took me many decades to discover that I could come at my life with a different question. Not: Why did I live? But: What is mine to do with the life I have been given?”

This is a question that I have struggled with for a long time. At 80 years of age I am not sure that I have the answers yet but I have made progress. Over the years I have realized that most of my purpose is to do this as much as I am able to help others. There are so many who have never had a chance to experience understanding and acceptance which for me are part of loving. Being present for others in a real way is important to me. Covid has made this difficult and it has been hard on me not to be physically present.

I can’t think of anything more important than to be there…present, open and accepting when needed. I wish that everyone could see love and caring as an answer to so many issues infecting our lives. Spread love, hope, kindness and acceptance. It could change everything.

2021

Life is a wonderful thing. A journey that we don’t want to miss. In some ways it seems that we missed things this year. We have to understand that this past year was life. It definitely was different than any of us expected but it was life. For those of us who continued to experience this past year it was a time to learn. It was a time to take stock of ourselves. It was a time to test our strength. It was time to pull out the best of ourselves and live on.

Now it is time for us to take what we have learned and use the strength we have gained to face the new year. We have to make it the best we can. We have to work with what we have and move forward with love and hope.

May the new year give us the chance we have gained through the struggle of 2020 and live, live, live 2021!

Hard to write

It has been very hard to write lately. Covid is rampant again and we are staying close to home. Christmas is almost here and yet it is hard to get into the spirit. So many people did not stay in over Thanksgiving and now we are seeing the result.

This time has been almost as hard as the two Christmases that my husband was in Vietnam. He loves Christmas but this is not what he’s used to. 

We will get through this. Somehow things will have to get better.

I hope that everyone has a safe and wonderful Christmas.

More rambling

Today I helped my daughter make Christmas cookies. This is the first time I had done that in several years. It seems that I haven’t taken the time. It was a really fun things to do. I have finally obtained an appointment with a primary care doc. This is something critical for the management of his health and it is a relief to get this done. I will see if I can see this doc also as it will simplify matters.

Yesterday my daughter, who works at a hospital, got the first of two injections for covid. I am so glad. I have worried about her as she has been exposed three times in the hospital and didn’t get the virus but luck can run out. I hope that this means that all of us will be able to vaccines soon. I have been doing little except knitting, crocheting and watching TV. Like most people I am thoroughly tired of it. What was my hobby has become my life. I am ready for some new stimulating activities.

We are all exhausted with this long drawn out crisis and hope that there will be changes soon. May we all see a new vision with the coming new year.

Hard times

I can’t believe how difficult it has been to write lately. My heart is heavy with all that has gone on. Details have buried me in paperwork and I am so lonely. I know that most of us are experiencing that problem. I don’t know why it is bothering me now since moving didn’t change any of that since I see some family here and saw a very few friends at at home.

We can climb out of this

They are starting to vaccinate health care workers here so maybe before too long we will be able to get the vaccine. I know some people are afraid to take it but at our age we have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Each time I have to go to the grocery store or anywhere else I pray that I don’t get the virus just before the vaccine is available. I’m sure many people feel that way.

So much for my sad story this night. Tomorrow will be a brighter day with hope on the horizon. May you all be blessed with a good night and a wonderful tomorrow.

New vision

Today I did the little decorating for Christmas that is possible in our small apartment. It looks nice. I still can’t get my mind around having to find gifts for those I love. I’m just not there yet. This is so unlike me. I usually have things done way in advance but then this has not be a normal year for any of us.

I am hoping that we can look toward Christmas as a new beginning. Some vaccines are due to come out soon (we hope) and maybe we will move into the new year with a new vision.