I met today with a new therapist and am so encouraged by our connection and her understanding. Things will get better. I will continue to believe that.
I continue my struggle with IBSD but I am reaching out for a doctor as I don’t have a gastro one here. I realize that I also am missing all the doctors I had before. I must find new ones.
We are currently sheltering from the new covid strain and quite a few people here have been sick. We all wanted so much to see things as normal and that is not happening. It can be so tiresome and depressing.
Crash and I remain here working through each day. He is my companion and solace.
The last few days have been bad. I am having a serious attack of IBSD and that always stresses me into anxiety. In addition where I live there has been a considerable increase with the number of people who have covid and that doesn’t help. Today the dining rooms are closed and we can order food to be picked up. Not fun to have to eat alone.
I think one of the hardest things about my time is the loneliness that can’t be helped. I miss my husband who was my rock for almost 59 years. It is the emotional support that is the most difficult to lose.
I am trying to hang in there and hope that getting my rx for the med I need will bring about some change.
I am working hard to get back into the habit of posting. I know that I am doing too many things to keep myself from thinking about the changes in my life and the world. Posting is such a good way to vent feelings and share hope.
We have been through so much and now there is another war to think about. So many people are at risk and they did nothing to deserve it. Hitler started by just hopping into Poland and then kept going. I know so little about Putin and how much his personality could influence what happens next. In WWII we learned too much about how one person’s mania can destroy so much. Let’s hope we learned enough to do what works to end it.
After several plus years of dealing with a pandemic and now war it is so easy to get depressed. We are in a fragile condition emotionally. I don’t know there are very many people who have not suffered some deprivation since covid began. Most of us are not at our best to handle a new crisis. We have not yet recovered from the last one.
However in the midst of all of it we have to trust that somehow things will change. We cannot turn away from hope. It is the lifeline that we cling to and a gift from God. Over all the catastrophes we have endured throughout history we are still here. I pray that we will be able to push away the darkness and let in the light.
Hope! Continue to hope but don’t forget to “act as if” we can change things. We cannot sit by and do nothing. Small acts of hope and love matter. Act!
Today I am having thoughts about loneliness. We are creatures who need each other. We are hard wired to be in community. We need belonging. The emotional toll of being shut off from others is being felt, not only where we are, but in the world at large.
Finding myself in an Independent Retirement Community during covid has brought on questions that I didn’t expect.
Even though we have all (almost) been completely vaccinated we are still alone much of the time. Our need for companionship, which is one of the reasons to be here, has been intensified. We must all wear masks which limits our ability to see facial expressions. Encouraged to seek physical distance we cannot gather to be with others. This is no fault of where we are but since we are elderly our safety is primary.
Of course this hits harder on those who are truly alone and do not have a spouse or companion with them. We have to find a new way of belonging. Electronic connection doesn’t satisfy the need. We need physical presence. It is imperative that new ideas for belonging are tried and used with safety in mind.
Some of that is already happening by default. People are meeting with others who they feel take safety seriously . Small groups meeting can bring the closeness we need to alleviate the physical and emotional pain (and yes it is actual pain) brought on by our need to experience belonging.
We are suffering. All of us. The innate need to experience personal physical links with others is critical. Without it the increase of depression, loneliness and suffering will increase enormously.
Our love of life, desire to live fully and happily are threatened. We must find new ways to experience belonging or many of us will die lonely and sad.
After a series of glitches last week with my health and my dog Crash I think we are both on the road to recovery. A new year is coming and I pray that with it not just a better year for me and mine but for everyone. The last two years have certainly been hard for us. It is certainly time for everyone to have a break. For some reason I was reminded of a very old TV program called HEE HAW and a song that they sang frequently. I think that in the last two years this has felt true.
I know my life has not provided pleasant reading for quite a while. Unfortunately it has not yet changed for the better. I was terribly sick Christmas Eve I think due to medicine changes but fine on Christmas. Have been basically fine since except for the pain from the fractured vertebrae.
Now one of my dogs is ill and I am worried. I am praying for a good prognosis. A new year is coming and I still hope for better things to come. With trust in God and faith there will be continued hope.
I have not written since the middle of June. It has just been too hard. I have struggled with IBSD and grief and didn’t want to write about all my sadness and anxiety. I have moved to Longhorn Village a wonderful home for those who want to live the rest of their lives with joy and I have met so many people who live life to the fullest. It will take me time to adjust and the grief will come and go on its own schedule. Nevertheless, I am hopeful for the first time in forever.
I will be able to do stimulating mental and physical activities and it is such a relief after covid to be able to go without a mask here and shake hands. Before all this journey we have all been on with virus we would never had imagined how our world would change.
I thank God for all that has changed in my life…the good and the bad. I would have preferred to not go through some of it but I am alive getting up every morning.
It will be interesting how this “time out” for the world will be viewed in the future. The big question is has it made enough of an impact to force us to change. Change is a word that can strike terror in the hearts of many. We don’t like change. Somehow we tend to focus on what has changed and lost instead of what has been gained.
Will there be more similar problems coming? Will we learn from this about our world and take better care? Will we revert to our old way of life and finally have the next crisis be destroying the world?
I imagine that there will be some of each of these things. I pray that enough will change to make things better. It has been enlightening and joyful to see creatures not seen for decades or centuries suddenly reappearing. I hope we can keep this trend going. There is hope.
I have been off blogging for almost a week. Last week all my belongings were packed and I moved to stay with my family until my apartment is ready. For some reason this move was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I dropped into panic mode and suffered with IBSD. It took medicine and much coping to bring myself back. I am better but I have realized just how much has happened in the last year and 1/2.
I can’t say enough about how I long to be done with all of this. Will it be over soon????
Today my daughter who lives away will be here to visit. I am really looking forward to it since I have not seen her since last fall. It has been so hard not seeing all of my family since my husband’s death. The covid situation has made it hard on so many families. Funerals have not been able to do the normal things following a death. It will be nice to be able to have a proper funeral.
The covid problem seems to be easing for us here but there are places where people are facing horrible devastation from it. We need to keep them in our prayers and help where we can.