I love C.S. Lewis. His books have inspired me for many years. Today I came across this quote from his book “A Grief Observed.”
I don’t think I had thought about grief in this way but it is so true. I have been washed in fear. Not constantly but over and over. Just when I think it has disappeared it comes again and overwhelms me.
It makes me wonder why fear? What am I afraid of? There is no clear answer. Some things can be seen such as being alone but others are not so obvious. Most of the obvious ones have been dealt with…finances, paperwork, moving, but still the wave comes.
Each time I can feel it tugging at me…wanting to pull me under but then it subsides. Each time it is possible that the pull is less strong but not enough to really feel.
Time will pass. The wave will someday bring memories of love and joy and the fear will recede. I only pray that it continues to lessen with fear and increase with love.
Hope is some extraordinary spiritual grace that God gives us to control our fears, not to oust them.
I am one of the worst for worrying about things. I cross every bridge before I get to it. When something is really wrong, fear can rule my world. We shouldn’t expect all our fears to disappear. This is the real world. But by leaning on God’s grace, we can begin to hold fear in check and rely on hope.
Prayer: God, our father and mother, we turn to you as a loving parent. Help us to remember that you love us and want only the best for us. Help us to bind up fear and put it away.
The last two days have tested my ability to cope and pushed me as hard as I can be pushed. I have had to rely on just asking God to be in charge as I was in overload. This request put me in the right place with reliance on God changing my focus completely.
Yesterday my daughter told me that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Fortunately she does not have the aggressive version so the doctors feel there is reason to expect a good outcome.
Today the physical therapists came to see my husband and wrap his swollen legs. They told me after seeing him that one leg was infected, he had a fever, very low blood pressure and probably needed to see the doctor. Shortly after that the primary nurse called and said she was coming to check. It turns out his leg is fine, he has no fever and there is no issue. Problem solved. I am so glad that she determined all of that and cleared everything up.
For me getting the fact helps me to get things into focus. It is so easy to have events shake us up and send us into a tailspin. It is best to let yourself feel those moments but let them sink in and wait for the panic to subside and reality to push itself forward. The unknown is the most frightening. If we can hold off until there is time to absorb and get settled then being able to cope can arise and put your mind into a much better place.
Keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we work our way through all of this.
Everyone has ups and downs. Today has been a down for me. Just not feeling the best. The bad part is that with what is going on the minute you are not well you ask yourself if you are getting covid. Logically I know that is not the case but still it can be scary.
I have never before lived in a time where I have to be afriad just for going out. We both are careful and getting covid is a low risk but it is always in your mind.
This has made me wonder what it must be like to live in a place where any day where you go or where you live could be bombed. So many people live in this kind of environment. Stress for them is an everyday happening. It makes me think how blessed I am to not have to live that way forever. I know that there will be an end to this and I pray we don’t see another one of these any time soon.
I still will keep in my prayers those who do not live in safety. I cannot imagine living that way.
Yesterday was a milestone. We were able to take my husband out for an early dinner at an outdoor restaurant. Afterward he was exhausted but happy. I know how good it must have felt for him since he has been completely for so long. Boredom and cabin fever have hit hard since he couldn’t even get outside except on the porch. Out there it can be so hot that it is not worth it.
I am so tired of doomsayers. People are already warning about the next pandemic. Whether they are right or not is immaterial. We can’t live in constant fear. For one thing we would all suffer PTSD and go nuts. Eventually we would die out as the human race. Suicide by fear is not the way I plan to live.
I am focusing on how to live each day and appreciate what it brings. There is no other way. I have struggled most of my life about learning to live in the moment and now I am getting closer to that. I will not spend each day in fear and anxiety frittering away my time. Life is too precious for that.
Today was not a good day. I had to admit my husband to the hospital. Not with Covid 19. I pray they can get him well and out before he gets exposed to it.
At the moment they don’t know the diagnosis but he has an altered mental status. He’s just not the same. It all happened over a few days and was not getting better with meds. They will keep him and God willing he will be home soon.
Since my husband developed this UTI life has not only been abnormal because of Covid 19 but also because of dealing with someone who can’t think straight. It is better but not totally gone. God bless all those who live with an Alzheimer’s patients. I really don’t know how you do it.
The anxiety has taken its toll on my mental health and my body. IBSD has flared up after being gone for quite a long time. I know that all of this will end but I want to hurry it up. Living as we do we are mostly alone. We have some family here but they are unable to help much. It is not the day to day help I miss but the comfort of hugs and contact with friends. I am a person who knows the comfort of human touch. I count on it. It is what I miss the most. With my husband not well I feel very alone.
This is my time to spend time with God and that has been helping. I also keep in mind my grandmother whose favorite quote was “and this too shall pass.” She had such strength and faith.
There are many who are suffering much more that I and I hope they can find the resources they need, stay well, and survive the physical and financial crisis. There will be many to help in the days to come and it is up to us to do what we can.
Remember my favorite quote:
‘ALL WILL BE WELL, AND ALL MANNER OF THINGS WILL BE WELL’
I was not able to write last night. I was mentally and physically exhausted. It was a day to delete from memory.
It started out fine. I actually worked in the yard for a few hours. Took a shower, fixed lunch. It was then that I realized my husband was not all there. His conversation was totally disoriented. Having seen this once before I had an idea what was wrong. He is 82 and as we age if we get a urinary tract infection it can make us out of it. Sooo…I tried to get him to go with me to the local drop-in Dr. We have been there before with great success.
Unfortunately my sweet man had switched into Dr. Hyde. He had 4 insulin pens on his desk and was telling me they were wrong. He yelled at me when I tried to get him to go to the Dr. My son was at work and he can usually get him to listen but it didn’t work. I finally ended up calling EMS.
The two young men who came were really nice. They checked him over and agreed with me that UTI was the most likely culprit. They also felt that the drop-in doc would be great as we should stay away from the hospital with all the virus around. They also could not convince him to go. Then I had a AHA moment. He always listens to his primary physician and will do anything he says. His office was closed but I had him paged and he called back immediately. He told my husband to go with me….of course he listened to him and the paramedics went with me to get him in the car and off we went.
The Doc checked him out and he did have a UTI and now has the medicine and is even some better this morning.
Don’t want to relive yesterday but today is already better! YEA!
Well today we have been told that this is a National Emergency. This virus has awakened people to the danger of illnesses arising that can cause major havoc. I think many have seen this coming but no one wanted to believe it. I am sure that all of us are worried and anxious about what the next weeks will bring.
I am hoping that the measures outlined today by the president and others will help this pandemic to fade quickly. Maybe it will help us to have measures in place to react more quickly.
The next while we will see some logical responses and some idiotic ones. Who would have thought there would be a run on toilet paper? I hope that everyone is covered and there will not be a toilet paper panic.
I am so sorry for those whose lives will be ripped apart by this pandemic. I hope everyone will be able to manage during this time and not be devastatingly impacted. Prayers for all those who suffer from the virus whether physically or economically.
Usually, when we say we can’t do something, what we means that we won’t do something unless we can guarantee that we’ll do it perfectly. The Artist’s Way
I am so guilty of this. Growing up my father was always encouraging me to try lots of different things. So many time I wouldn’t because I didn’t think I could do it well. The sad part is that I missed so many opportunities by not trying.
It took me way too many years to try anything I want to experience. I am not afraid any more of not being perfect or of failure. When I started my last job I told people that if I gave a presentation and it didn’t have an error then I didn’t do it.
So many times I post blogs with errors because my mind is running faster than my fingers. I know, I know I should check them over but I get ahead of myself.
We are not perfect. We never will be. Don’t miss out on things because you are afraid of not doing well. Life is too short not to try!