“AHA” a new tool for me

I didn’t write yesterday as I came home exhausted from taking a class on Community Conferencing. This is a program that works with the school, courts, police, to deflect teens with offences to a resolution process instead of getting them into the system. The trainers told us that where they are teens who have been through this process are 60% less likely to re-offend. I will see how this works for me.

One of the people who was also training told us about a way she looks at people’s differences and how they live. She broke it down into this.

Tolerance: She is tolerant of how others live and their opinions.

Acceptance: She will accept that the way may not be her way.

Approval: This is where she steps back and feels she doesn’t have to approve.

The-aha-moment

 

This makes so much sense to me. I may not agree with you but I can be tolerant about your life and your opinions and accept that you want to live that way but I don’t have to approve of it.

This is a way to break it down into pieces and be a tolerant and accepting person without agreeing with what it is. There are people who I love but cannot approve of their lifestyle. For me, it is usually when I see it as hurtful to them or others.

This may not work or help some people but for me It was sort of an “aha” moment. Another tool to put in my toolbox and help me understand and move on.

With thanks to Yolandra for this insight!

Searching medical information

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The doctor’s office put me on a new medication for IBSD. It really seemed to help but now I have been fighting some symptoms that disturbed me. I looked up the drug for side effects and discovered that the problems I am having are related to the drug so I have stopped it.

It is so important to pay attention when starting a new drug for you may discover that even though it works for the initial problem you may have problems that seem unrelated. Make use of the internet but be careful that you reach a web site is one that you can trust.

When I a curious about a medical issue the first place that I look is the web site belonging to the Mayo Clinic. In my experience they have the most accessible site and you know their information is correct.

When looking up drugs if you have any doubt about the information you are finding search the site for the manufacturer. I may be somewhat harder to get through but you can skip a lot of things and just hunt what you need.

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It has been my experience that doctors can’t read all the information on every drug. There are just too many and each of us is different and responds to things differently.

As a nurse patient advocate if anyone need help finding information I would be glad to do what I can.

Seek the infinite

A “better” world is one in which we recognize that all people possess an incomparable value that we are morally obliged to respect . . . in social, political, and economic terms. Honoring the humanity of your fellow beings means that if they are hungry, ill, or oppressed, you must exert yourself to help them. . . . But this . . . runs up against our inherited instincts of self-protection, greediness, and desire to dominate others. . . . If we could rearrange energy from within—if we more often nurtured our companions and promoted their well-being, we would suffer much less. Rearranging energy from within is what mysticism does.                    Dr. Beatrice Bruteau (1930–2014)

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This quote from the meditation of Richard Rohr really speaks to what we must do to make the world a better place. Each of us has to dig deep and find that core of humanity that allows us to respect all beings.

She is so right. Our own instincts of survival, both physically and mentally, get in our way and keep us from becoming the humans we can be. She is calling us to seek that inner place where we meet the intangible, infinite spirit….no matter what we call it.

Help where you can!

Yesterday I didn’t write which is unusual for me. I spent the afternoon with my friend while someone came to get a history on her husband and help to evaluate her husbands mental status. He has had such a devastatingly physical journey that it has taken its toll. It took all afternoon to get it all down on paper.

She wanted me there because I have been on a good bit of this journey with her and could help with the history. Just having someone write it all down made me realize what an extensive and harrowing time it has been.

I feel so humbled by how she has weathered this whole scenario and my heart aches for all she has been through with him. I don’t think anyone can appreciate the level of exhaustion and stress seen when a long illness puts their partner into the caregiving role.

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It is so important for caregivers to have time away from the situation. Without it their physical and mental status is at risk. It is a blessing when help can be afforded but in some cases that is not possible.

Most people just keep going and hate to ask for help. Frequently there are friends, neighbors, church members or others who would be willing to sit for a while with the ill person. When they do it is important for the caregiver to do something for themselves…..meet friends for lunch, go outdoors away from home, or whatever rejuvenates them. Too often they take that time for errands and tasks that must be done. This may be necessary but even a short while doing something they love will help.

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If you know someone who is a caregiver take the time to offer help. Be specific. Tell them you can sit for them or run errands or, if they can, take them out. Caregivers need all the help we can give. It is so easy to continue with our own agenda but remember those who have no time for themselves.

Weather the storm

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I saw this quote today. I sort of chuckled and know it is true. When we lived at West Point we lived on top of a mountain called Stony Lonesome. I would get up in the morning to a sunny day and dress accordingly. Going down to the post to shop I would discover that I truly was above the storm and it was pouring down below. I actually lived above some storms.

However, when we are talking about life it is not always possible to get away from the storm. It can sweep into life and change things as we know it. Those kind of storms can’t be escaped but they can be endured and will pass.

I have been in some long lasting storms in my life. Some that I never thought I would get out of but I did. During the storm there were friends and family who shielded me from the deluge and gave me something to hold on to. I have been blessed that I have not had to face things alone.

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I hope for everyone that they can find someone to anchor them in life. It may be God, a friend, a family member….it doesn’t matter who. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Only the strong are willing to reach out. It is not a weakness to need help. Don’t suffer on your own.

Here on Word Press is one place you can reach out and know that you will be heard and answered. This is a loving and giving community at your fingertips.

No labeling

I was reading an old journal of mine today and come across the statement “Labeling is easier than compassion.” I don’t know if this thought is mine or a quote so forgive me if I err.

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It is so easy to label people. It is also easy to make snap judgments about who they are. How many times have I met someone and “assumed” what strata of society they come from or their level of schooling or intelligence. How often I have been wrong.

My son, when a teen, worked at a golf course’s shop. A man came in browsing. He was dressed in somewhat crumpled clothing and sported a battered hat. Fortunately for him my son just took it in stride and sold the man the things he wanted. Later someone told him the mas was Sam Walton…the founder of Walmart. How easy it would have been to think the man didn’t have the money to buy anything.

Labels are “odious” (Madeleine L’Engle). We have not walked in the shoes of the person we are labeling. We don’t know what kind of life they have had. Someone who seems angry man have been abused as a child.

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Having compassion for those we meet is the way to start out. Even if we don’t know what is behind their behavior or mindset. We can’t go wrong in setting our own behavior to believe they deserve our compassion. Maybe we can change lives.

 

Give of yourself

This has been a beautiful day. The temperature is in the 80’s. A miracle for Savannah at this time of year. We were able to spend some time sitting on the porch in the rockers. Just like two old folks. Well, I guess to many people we are.

They would be wrong. I am busy most days of the week with volunteering, meeting friends, helping those in need and just cleaning house and yard. Neither one of us sits on our hands. If we did we would probably be stuck. It’s only keeping going that keeps us going.

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Unless illness interferes, it is important to continue living an active life. Helping others is the best way to forget about your own issues and give back what you have learned. However, when I used to visit the sick and shut-ins I always reminded them that although limited in motion they could help by praying for others. There is always something we can do.

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The most satisfaction I have had in life is when I have been able to impact someone else’s life in a positive way. The joy and satisfaction I have gained is enormous. Always lend a hand, an ear, a hug, and a prayer where you can.

To “see” more

f anmysticd why I struggle to spend more time in silence

I have always been a fan of the mystics. They have such a deep connection with the “unknowable.” This piece by Richard Rohr has helped me to see that my thinking is totally non-linear and more in sync with the mystics. I have never seen things as totally right or wrong, left or right. I have always had an issue with totally scientific thinking. I don’t think it is wrong I just think that there is more. There is the intangible piece that I see (much more dimly than the true mystics). I think most of us have had a moment when the “unknowable” has broken through and we see “beyond.” It is what I seek to see more of and why I struggle to spend more time in silence and meditation and listening. In order to “see” more I am the one who must reach out.

and meditation and listening. In order to “see” more I am the one who must reach out.

julian norwich“When I use the word “mystical” I am referring to experiential knowing instead of just intellectual, textbook, or dogmatic knowing. A mystic sees things in their wholeness, connection, and union, not only their particularity. Mystics get a whole gestalt in one picture, beyond the sequential and separated way of seeing that most of us encounter in everyday life. In this, mystics tend to be closer to poets and artists than to linear thinkers. Obviously, there is a place for both, but since the European Enlightenment of the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, there has been less and less appreciation of such seeing in wholes. The mystic was indeed considered an “eccentric” (off center), but maybe mystics are the most centered of all, which leads them to emphasizing love as the center, the goal, and the motivating energy of everything.

The word mystic is not a title of superiority. It’s rather that mystics see things differently. Mystics are nondual seers. They don’t think one side is totally right and the other side is totally wrong. They can see that each side has a part of the truth. When people on either side of any contentious issue cannot love one another, it means they don’t have the big message yet.”                Richard Rohr