There is a quote that says “if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans.” That has been true for me so many times. I thought I had most of my financial things all wrapped up and just found out today that the accountant I had doing things for me died. He was a wonderful man….joyful, kind and loved. My finances will work out but he will be missed.
Life is so uncertain. we never know what is coming next. I learned early that I am not in charge of life. It was a hard lesson but a necessary one. It is helpful to know that.
On Saturday mornings there is a meeting of the Knit Wits. This is a group who meets each week to enjoy each other, chat and like our grandmothers do hand work. One person was talking about when her father’s nursing home called to tell her he had passed away. The lady on the phone said “Your father has expired.” She replied “I didn’t know he had an expiration date.” There was silence for quite a while on the other end of the phone. I just loved that and it was my laugh for the day.
I have been absent for so long that I feel guilty. The life that I live now is so different than before. There are many good things that I do. I swim three times a week and it feels so good. I will be able to do that all year as the pool is inside.
There are so many different people here. It was founded by graduates of the University of Texas and we have lots of retirees who taught or held other jobs at the University. There are so many smart people who have held amazing jobs and traveled the world. Sometimes I feel inadequate and provincial. However it is exciting to talk with those who have had such interesting lives.
I am still playing guitar in the band badly but no one notices. It is just a fun thing to do.
I still spend too much time reading or watching TV. I actually miss working in the yard. There was something therapeutic about it. I had such a sense of accomplishment.
Most days are good and I have new friends who are wonderful but there are times when the huge change in my life still overwhelms me.
My dog, Crash, is still with me and shares his love with me every day. I am so grateful for him.
I’m just resting my eyes
I am trying to get on a schedule with writing. I need it and miss all the connections I have made in the 5? years that I have been doing this. I want to keep in touch.
Last week was stressful. At my age any medical issue makes you immediately think “this is what will take me out!” The system for getting medical issues resolved is wonderful here. Saw a nurse practitioner on Monday. Got results from that on Tuesday. Heard from a referred physician on Wednesday and had an appointment on Thursday. I had to wait til the next week to get some testing done but now know that I have several small kidney stones. I haven’t had any of those for 50 years! Oh well. That’s life.
Knowing what is wrong has relieved my stress and now I just need to move on. The hardest part about most medical issued is the not knowing. When you have discovered the problem then it is easier to accept and keep going.
Christmas is coming. Do you believe it? Maybe this year we will be forced to think about what it means instead of stressing out about details. We never seem to get our priorities right. I just can’t get started. Today I realized I have not even heard a Christmas carol. I usually hear them riding in the car to shop or visit but I haven’t been anywhere.
Sometimes I wonder what we will talk about when this disease is relegated to the back pages. I guess we will reminisce about the year 2020.
Last night I had a dream about trying to cook at meal, at the last minute, for a large group of family members. It seemed to be partly my fault that it was last minute but I couldn’t find the right things to cook. It was in the kitchen I grew up in and everything was wrong. The meat was huge and had to be cut up to cook but looked like nothing I have ever seen before.
I have always had lots of odd dreams and this one was not unusual but I wondered where my mind was headed and if I could connect it with anything going on in my life. Maybe it does in some ways. I do keep trying to get things done and it seems that everything is so difficult. Nothing goes easy. That may not be that unusual but is being amplified by covid.
The frustration of the whole situation, my husband’s illness, covid and all that goes with it are getting old. I am not the only one who is feeling this way and waiting for some good news. It will come….please let me hold on until it does.
I don’t know that any of us have ever been through this kind of situation. We were not alive for the last pandemic and waiting for it to end had to be much worse. Now we will always remember this year and those who come behind us will hear us talk about what happened.
If, before going to be every night, you will tear a page from the calendar, and remark.’There goes another day of my life, never to return,’ you will become time conscious.
A.B. Zu Tavern
I’m not sure we take much notice of the passing of time. We say time flies. It certainly seems to. Months fly by with hardly a notice. Someone once told me that time passes faster for us as we grow older because we pay less attention to each day. Yet each day is unique. Each moment is different and we will never have it again.
Don’t let time fly by without notice. Remind us to savor each moment and savor each day.
As a nurse there is one thing that I have learned well….not everything can be fixed. Often people grow up with the idea that there is nothing that can’t be solved in some way. Working in the hospital it is evident that things go wrong, people die, life is not perfect.
We live in a world where we expect everything to be fixed. Get a headache take a pill. Go to the doctor..get a diagnosis..get fixed. We don’t want to wait for anything. We want everything to be done at once.
Because of that this time is a real eye opener for some. I can’t go to the store and expect to find everything I need. I can’t hop in my car and go out to a restaurant. Everything I want is not available. What a shock.
I was born a year before Pearl Harbor. I don’t remember much about the war as I was very young but I do remember rationing. You couldn’t get everything you wanted. Gas was limited so you couldn’t go where you wanted all the time. We mostly stayed home. My father was working on the pentagon (construction contractor) and was exempt from going to war. This grieved him and he tried several times to go but to no avail.
My parents built a house shortly before the war began. They had extra rooms and took in war wives whose husband were overseas. They lived with us throughout the war. That was the environment I grew in. We were comfortable but certainly weren’t able to choose the life we wanted to live. I was blessed with a sense of extended family and lots of love but we lived in frightening times. Even as a small child I could sense that angst.
This time reminds me of those days. Something from my distant memory pulls feelings from the past. Those feelings are attached to the way things are now. Just like that time we can’t fix it. We just have to wait it out and live with whatever comes afterward.
Remember…patience, patience and waiting. It can’t be fixed but it can be endured and lived beyond.
“All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”
― Julian of Norwich
I have this quote hanging where I can see it when at my desk. It is so powerful. There is always so much that we don’t or can’t understand and we can chew on it over and over. Rilke says that we have to let it go and gradually we will be able to live into the answers.
If we persist chewing on them we can’t move forward. We have to LIVE today. We can’t be obsessing over things we don’t understand. Let it go.
Our 2019 ended….badly. Our 21 year old granddaughter was in a serious auto accident and ended up in surgery. She was very blessed that when the surgeons went in the only thing damaged was her spleen. Her spleen was removed and she is recovering. She does have a bruised lung which makes breathing painful. It will be a few days in the hospital barring any infection or other problem.
This was early in the day and was not alcohol related with either driver.
Life is so fragile. One moment everything is fine and the next it can be taken away at the snap of a finger. It truly reminds me to treasure each and every day. Even when things are not perfect it is still life!
If only we could live so that we don’t let our minds move us into places we don’t need to go. The worries and anxieties can remove all the joy and we spend each day struggling.
Just to live each day in thanksgiving and peace. That is really the driving force behind worry less journey. To worry less and experience joy and peace more.
Well Christmas is over. It will come again next year.Now we need to think about what lies ahead. It’s been hard for me to think of what’s next. I know I will go back to my Community Conferencing. I know that there are other things that I have been doing that I will keep on doing.Writing is 1 of the most important of those.
It is a joy to be able to share my experiences and my thoughts. It is a joy to have a community so caring. Each of us has a story to tell. It is important to share that story so it maybe help other people.We learn from the experiences of others and ourselves.
1 of the lessons that I have learned in recent years is that things change frequently. The only thing consistent is change.We have to adapt To live.Without Gaining the strength and courage to move forward each day we would not be able to survive. Life is a challenge but it is also a joy. Each moment is precious And should be savored.
Remember that life is a gift.We are so blessed to have the opportunity to live each day. Don’t take that gift for granted. It can be taken away so easily. Love each and every day to the fullest. Even if it’s a struggle continue to move on.