Let go!

letting go 2Sometimes we struggle and struggle to make something work and it just doesn’t. I never want anything to defeat me. When this happens I feel so unsuccessful. Failure jumps in and causes me to show my frustration with whatever I was working on. I hate giving up.

I just have to learn that in some cases I am not defeated. It is not giving up. That is so hard to see. There are some things that we don’t need to succeed at. It may not be the right thing for us in the first place. We can get caught in wanting to fix things that are not ours to fix. There are things that cannot be fixed. This is a difficult lesson to learn. We can continue struggling and get absolutely nowhere.

The prayer from AA talks about fixing the things we can, letting go of the things we can’t fix and most critical the wisdom to know the difference.

Working in the medical field shows you clearly that there are things you can’t fix. I can’t heal the child with brain cancer or stop an illness from progressing. I can’t go home and night and obsess about those things or I will not be able to help the things I can help.

Sometimes it is time to let go and move on to the next thing. We just have to learn when to do it.

 

Keep fighting

I have been fighting IBSD for several days now. I am on the medication that helped last time. There is two weeks worth to take. I hope it works again. The last 7-8 months have been the best I have had in years. It is wonderful when something actually works.

If it doesn’t then back to the doctor again to see if there is anything else.

aggravating-2934

It is so frustrating to have to plan trips and clothing around your physical status but I will keep on doing it as the alternative is to not do anything.

Mental_Disorder_Silhouette2Chronic problems can bite us in the $@#$&**. Aggravating and depressing. I have been free from this (for me) for such a long time that I had hoped it would be a new pattern. Now I have to backtrack and remember how I dealt with it. Life always brings new challenges and asks us to manage them. Here arise the coping skills that I had managed to put in the back of my mind. A stupid thing to do. There are some that I have faithfully continued so at least I am not starting totally over. However, I will increase the concentration on them.

Don’t we all wish that we could wave a magic wand and make ti go away? That is the lazy way out and won’t work. Controlling our thoughts and emotions requires work and energy. The trouble is that when we are down we don’t have a lot of either. We have to drag ourselves up and make do.

lifeisinteresting-min

I have done that today and will push myself. I will eat better….I have been really bad lately…exercise….get out doors…meet friends….meditate and anything else that helps. I am determined that I will not be beat by this challenge.

As the Bipolar Writer says:  Keep Fighting!

Find Lucy

After the serious dry spell that we had now we have had rain every day. It doesn’t rain long but enough to help. I hope that it reached the farmers soon enough.

Today I had a call from one of my daughters telling me that my daughter in Texas has lost one of her dogs. She rescued two dachshunds a while back. Both had obviously been badly treated and were afraid of almost everyone. She and her family have been working hard to restore their trust and put their fears to rest. One of them would probably be considered to suffer from PTSD. The dog is on multiple meds for anxiety and panic attacks. While I was there visiting she eventually let me touch her but is still terrified of most things. Apparently last night little Lucy got out somehow. She is so fast. I’m not sure how it happened but my daughter is devastated.

lucy

Lucy will not come to anyone if called. She is chipped and has a collar with her name and address but I don’t know if anyone will be able to catch her. Poor thing she is now lost and away from any kindness she has ever been shown. They also live near what is called “green belt” an untouched area designated to allow water retention and wildlife. I know they are worried that if she is there it will be difficult to find her.

safe place3

 

This makes me so sad. I would be lost if I couldn’t find either of my dogs and Lucy is at risk in so many ways. Dogs become part of our families and touch our hearts in so many ways. Lucy found a safe place and I hope she is found and returned there.

All will be well??

Sometimes everything that can go wrong will and there is nothing you can do about it. This week has been that way. We were supposed to be able to have a closing on a house we are selling and nothing has gone right. Part of it has been minutia. T’s to be crossed and i’s to be dotted. It just seems that every time we thought it was done something else has cropped up. Who knows how this will end but I know that sometime it will.

frustration (1)

It is just so hard to not let things that drive you crazy push you over the edge. I am supposed to travel next week to visit my daughter and I am not going to let anything mess that up. I don’t get to see two of my children and their families that often and I am not going to spoil this trip by being upset.

all will be well

I will invoke all of my coping skills and manage the frustration my husband and I are  feeling. “This too shall pass!”

 

We all see differently

One day, a while back, I was at the beach and in the bright sunlight I happened to look at something with only one eye open. I saw the color of the object clearly. For some reason I closed that eye and looked through the other one. The object’s color was a different hue. It could still be called the same color but there was a remarkable difference. That’s when it hit me that not only do we each see color differently but our eyes can see things differently.

different

None of us sees things in the same way. Each of us brings with us our lifetime of experiences. The things we have seen and been through have given us our own perspective. So how can I expect someone to grasp a problem in the same way that I do?

Years ago my husband and I went to marriage encounter. It is a wonderful program to enhance good marriages. We were taught a tool for getting closer to what someone else is feeling. It is hard to describe but is like bouncing back and forth “Does it feel like” until you find a common emotion to describe an event or issue.

For example I might say: does it feel like going to a friend’s funeral and the other person might respond no but it feels like your beloved dog died. I might then say I know what that feels like. It is frequently is a longer process but that is the idea. The whole things is based on discovering feelings.

I once knew someone who had great difficulty accepting a male image for God. I later found out she was abused by her father.

Getting to the root of someone’s feeling helps us to understand them. We can develop a bond with those who have suffered similar problems. That is why support groups work.

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Here on Word Press we find support from others who really understand. The community is important. Thank you to all those who share feelings openly and offer support and understanding. You are important!

Unkindness

This week I have heard two stories of people being deliberately unkind. In both instances it was totally uncalled for. It is amazing to me how mean ad hurtful some people can be. In one case the person hurt made no response. In the other the hurt was brought to the attention of the person with not a smidgen of remorse or acknowledgement that anything was said that hurt.

unkindness

How do we handle this kind of person? It totally depends on the situation. Unfortunately, in both of these cases there was no ability to dismiss the person and just stay away from them. The one person tried to deal with it and since it is a work situation will not be able to do anything until later.

The second one is dealing with family. Both of these people do not have the option to just walk away. That would certainly be the best choice.

Being unkind in return just exacerbates the situation. It is better to state your feelings in a calm and simple way and move on

kindness-in-ourselves-is-the-honey-that-blunts-the-sting-of-unkindness-in-another-3

At my age I seldom tolerate those who behave in this way. I will either stay away from them after voicing my thoughts….quietly but with conviction….or if family point out the hurt and hope that they see. Sometimes I choose to speak to spare a family member from being the one in the cross fire. As we get older it is easier to absorb the fall out.

We do not have to continue to be hurt over and over. People who are this unkind are usually unhappy themselves. Their behavior is often the result of being hurt in the past. However, we don’t have to put up with it. Sparing ourselves is important to our health and well-being.

Sadness

sadness quote

Today has not been the best day. I am sad. At the moment explaining why would take too long. This sadness will fade but my heart is sore. I will tuck this sadness away and look at it later and decide how to manage it. That is like Scarlett O’Hara saying “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” I am putting it aside for today but sometimes you just need a day to let the emotion sit.

 

Today’s ramble

rest-dayYesterday I spent down in the dirt so today was a rest day. Altogether a nice day. I still hate the time change and it will take me at least a week to adjust. I got up at my usuall time although it was an hour early. That is the only way I know to adjust.

Lately I have found myself prone to tears. I seem to weep at anything. It is not depressions but almost an acknowledgement of the sadness I feel for others. Being sensitive to other’s trials and pains is sometimes a difficult road. It does reduce me to tears on occasion and lately more than usual. That is probably because I am seeing more pain around me. Not just those I know but in the world at large.

weep for the world

 

As an elder I worry about the world that will be here for my grandchildren and great grandchildren. I hope that some of the abuses, anger, going too far in many things will swing back to reason. We have pushed the limit on so many things. Here in the US sexuality has become such an issue. Why do we have to be so concerned about the private lives of others.

Admittedly we see too much on media that is painful and disturbing. I have to turn some of it off for self preservation. Sometimes there is enough to handle in your own space, Many are in overload and it is no wonder that depression and anxiety are rising. A friend of my grandson spent the first semester of his college term not attending classes and obsessing. He has threatened suicide and his parents and having trouble finding appropriate care.

Life today is not easy. As I have said before it seemed easier when I was growing. Was I living in a bubble or was it really easier?

Anyway that is just my train of thought for today. Hope everyone had a good day!

The change of aging

I have been overwhelmed lately by my friends crises. When I think about the things that others are facing tears come to my eyes. If only we could fix whatever we wanted. Sadly, life is not that way.

As we get older we have to face the reality of others traveling with us are also aging. With age come health issues. We cannot live forever. I know this and yet it still hurts to see those we care about struggling. I tried to express some of this in this poem.

aging-is-not-lost-youth-but-a-new-stage-of-opportunity-and-strength-its-a-di-0d2b7866058da1dd7ec4aa7d4024fc53

 

Aging Change

Life doesn’t last

forever

we know

yet watching

as time

erodes

friendships

descent

into pain

how to

absorb

loss

loss of abilities

bring

aches

and yet

we

continue

to love

to grow

to love

until

the end

And beyond

From the neonatal nurse…sadness

This is my rant and objections about the Vermont State law in process. You are free not to read. It frightens me that this may be politics at its worst.

crying-eyes

I worry so much about our country. What I see happening is the decline of our ethical standards. Another state, Vermont, has changed their abortion law. So there is no misunderstanding of what it says here is the link to the bill itself.

https://legislature.vermont.gov/Documents/2020/Docs/BILLS/H-0057/H-0057%20As%20Introduced.pdf

The applicable part is below.

2 § 9493. INDIVIDUAL REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS
13 (a) Every individual has the fundamental right to choose or refuse
14 contraception or sterilization.
15 (b) Every individual who becomes pregnant has the fundamental right to
16 choose to carry a pregnancy to term, give birth to a child, or to have an
17 abortion.

The bill sounds pretty comparable to the laws of some other states until you get to part (C)

(c) A fertilized egg, embryo, or fetus shall not have independent rights
under Vermont law

Even though I am a nurse and understand what the word fetus means I looked for a definition.

fe·tus

Dictionary result for fetus

/ˈfēdəs/
noun
  1. an unborn offspring of a mammal, in particular an unborn human baby more than eight weeks after conception.
    synonyms: embryo, fertilized egg, unborn baby, unborn child

    “antibodies are passed via the placenta to the fetus”

Notice that no definition of that word is present in the bill. It is deliberately ambiguous for most people. We don’t usually hear it applied to full term, viable, infants. However, it does apply to them. I find this reprehensible. Naturally they did not use the word “baby” as that would have been a trigger.

sadness2

I have talked about how we can’t spend our life in “what if’s” but it is time where we must look ahead. Is aborting a full term baby  murder? If it isn’t we have just allowed murder. Now the “fetus” has no rights at all. I guess I have seen so many babies born and fight to live and I have loved and cared for them I am in tears at the thought of this.

“What if” a teen gets pregnant and is able to hide it to full term and disposes of the baby in a trash can. Is this murder? Maybe not under that law. She can claim that she was aborting it. This is not pie in the sky. I have cared for infants found this way and still alive.

My hope is that most women would not carry to full term and then choose to “abort.”I hope that most women will make a decision about this early on and that only exigent circumstance will cause this to be an issue. I hope no one is willing to do it to test the law but I can’t be sure of that.

I have seen babies die and have always felt the sorrow of that loss of life. Life is precious. I would like for the people who have drafted and passed this bill and those who will do so in the next house be present when such a late term abortion of a perfectly normal baby is carried out. It seems that is the least they could do. I certainly could never be present at the MURDER of a BABY.