I have been reading the most amazing book by Brene” Brown “Atlas of the Heart.”(Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience) I have read one other book of hers and will be getting her previous ones.
I have always been a person to share my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I got hurt…sometimes it lead to a closer connection. In this book she explores deeply how word meanings and our interpretation of them can so alter what we hear and feel. She is honest about herself and her own failings and writes for real people. She talks about how constantly comparing ourselves with others gives us a dilemma. We are caught between two scenarios. She says: “Comparison is the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other –it’s trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out.” I don’t think I have ever heard it put so well.
This book will be giving me things to think about for a long time. It is well worth the read.
Memories are interesting things. I attended a conference by a professor from Emory a while back. She was studying how our memories can change. Over time they may not be a accurate as we think. We have seen that in people who have had to testify in court about a certain incident. Our memories are colored by many things.
In my life I have noticed that some memories are connected to outside stimuli. So many memories are brought back by music (auditory), scents and touch. These physical aspects are inextricably connected and when we hear a song or touch something soft or smell some familiar scent memories come flooding back.
There are a things that we remember specifically because they were connected to our senses…especially music. In my work as a Parish Nurse I saw that people whose memories were lost recognized familiar hymns and could sing them. They also remembered things like The Lord’s Prayer and the 23rd Psalm. All of these things were joined with emotional experiences and totally imprinted.
My mother only wore one kind of perfume..Bellodgia by Caron. Whenever I smell this perfume I not only recognize it but immediately find memories of my mother come flooding back. Some song bring back memories of my teen years and I can scarcely hear certain songs without being connected to the past.
I have no idea how accurate these memories are but I embrace them and accept them as they are. I hope I never stop finding these connections to my past.
Sometimes I just don’t know what to write. Life can be so confusing. So much has gone one in my life over the last year and 1/2 that it will take some time to process. It seems that life goes faster the older we get. We don’t stop to savor each moment like we did as children. I would like to relearn that ability and I think it is possible to do so.
As I look out my windows I see hills and trees and rain clouds. There are houses where others live out their own lives. Will they stop and see time rushing by? I hope so. It is such a gift to have those memories from the times we did pay attention.
We see so often “take time to smell thee roses” but we often don’t do that. As I continue my journey I want to savor every moment. Life it too short. Don’t waste it.
Today things are better. It is easy for them to be better as several days ago was really awful. My IBSD was so bad that I had a panic attack which I haven’t done for years. I am sure that all the changes in my life brought this on and my comping skills were at the bottom. I did take things into my own hands and go to the doctor and now things are leveling off. God willing, I will continue to improve.
It is so nice have have this space to share something that I can’t share with many. It has been a safe place for me for quite a while. Thank you to all of you who have been so supporting and kind. It is a blessing to be able to share here.
Yesterday I had a real treat. My family and I went to a Renaissance festival near Austin. The day was perfect…breezy and just the right temperature. There were people there but not so many that you couldn’t keep a safe distance. I have never been to one of those but it was really fun. We spent most of the day just walking around, watching people, seeing many people in costumes and lots of venders of antique looking stuff. I got home refreshed, tired and filled with joy at being out and about.
My daughter decided that after all that we have been through recently it was time for a break. She rented a few days in a wonderful VBRO (Vacation Rental By Owner) very near to us. She felt, rightly, that just changing the scenery for a few day would make a big difference. It has. Here are a few photos from where we are staying.
Today there was a quote on the blog “idealideas” on Word Press that really caused me to think. “A good change is a short term inconvenience for a long term solution.”
It made me see that my husband and I have done the right thing. We are aiming for the long term solution. Right now we are in the short term inconvenience. Hopefully it will not last too long but after this we will hopefully be where we can stay permanently. That will be a wonderful thing. Sometimes it feels like this is stressful and unreasonable but it really is not. It is just that with covid and trying sell a house it seems like it will go on forever.
Sometimes life can be really hard to take and difficult to understand but it is how we deal with it that matters. Keeping your resolve is not easy but worth it in the long run. I know that this time will pass but at times that is hard to believe. We just have to keep on.
Today my house is full. My heart is also full with the love from my family. My two daughters, my daughter-in-law and a best friend are here. This is the first gathering since the beginning of covid. It wasn’t planned but just came together as a spontaneous time. The girls are all making dinner and my husband’s pain is less and he is able to rest.
All in all I am grateful. I know there are some tough times coming but definitely not as stressful as the week I spent alone in a hotel with Hap in the Mayo Clinic. I got through it and that is the best I can say. Somehow we both survived it and mending is happening.
It still feels strange to be at home the whole day on a Sunday. I guess that feeling won’t go away until church can begin again. I look forward to that.
Each of us is finding new ways to grow and cope in this strange new world. I suppose we will have some ability to meet others at some point but for now not exposing ourselves to those who could be carrying the virus is best for us.
I hope on this Sunday everyone has found some peace and hope that continues.
The American Dreamis to reach a point in your life where you don't have to do anything you don't want to do and can do everything that you want to do. Jerry Reinsdorf
People have had bumper stickers that said “whoever dies with the most toys wins.” The focus for a long time has been “me first.” We idolize the rich, the famous and those whose life seems perfect to us. We think “just how I want to live.” The sad truth is that the majority of those who have that life are not living the life we think. So many of them have died of drug overdoses, committed suicide, had multiple divorces and aren’t really happy.
The people who are happy are living a different kind of life. Most of them care more about people than they do money or things. They give freely of themselves and their bounty. It doesn’t matter how much they have they will share even if it leaves them little.
Our vision of how we think we want to live is so very skewed. Wishing always to want things we don’t need, stepping on people to get what we want does not bring joy. Living a life of caring and compassion does.
The Way of the Three Steps:
A Native American Way to Begin the DayStand on Mother Earth. Face any direction you choose.
(Take one step forward, as you look about, up and down:)
O Great, Holy Spirit, I take this step into the day you have given.
I embrace all I see----the season, the wind, the fragrances, the weather.
Let me always accept the day given with a grateful heart.
(Take another step forward.)
O Spirit of Life, I put my arms around myself, all that I am, all that I can be.
I stand here in my own history, with all my mistakes and victories.
I hold all those I will meet today, in my journeying and in my work.
I try to walk gently on this earth.
Let me walk gently through the lives of my work companions and friends.
Though they make way for my passing, may they spring back, neither broken
(Take another step forward.)
O glorious Spirit of Mystery, I put my arms around you.
I do not know what will happen to me today, but I accept it.
Give me a heart of courage and believing, so I may put my trust in you,
and fear nothing.
From the Plains tribes; Native American Recorded by Jose Hobday. Found in the Book "Woman Prayers" by Mary Ford-Grabowsky
I found this beautiful and compelling. I plan to use it. Hope you enjoyed!