I tried to write tonight but find that I am not able to say much. The last few days have been too difficult. So I am just posting these thoughts.
Tomorrow will be very busy. My husband will have a “Watchman” implant (a brand new device) to prevent blood clots. A short while after he will be able to come off of blood thinners for the first time in years. That will be great as he bruises easily and is always needing major band aids for small everyday scrapes and cuts.
They will allow me to be with him and can see him following the procedure. He will spend the night and be home on Friday. Medicine just keeps advancing. Hopefully this will be a plus for him.
This getting old is aggravating but it’s better than not being here. I am thankful that we have managed this long and hope we keep moving for a while yet. We plan to.
There has been a gremlin in my house. I am sure of it. We now have TV remotes mixed up and they don’t seem to work totally anywhere. One will change channels and do volume, the other will turn on and off. We need two remotes for my husband to work his TV. My daughter sent a new remote for him and I can’t get it programmed. The instructions work but you have to search for the codes for the TV and the cable box and the numbers that may work reach out to infinity. If I had a week I’m sure I could get it programmed. So for now he is using two remotes.
Why do things have to be so complicated? My daughter say the more things they add to each electronic piece the more likely it is to go wrong. I’m finding that to be true. Somehow I have got to get something working. I contacted the cable company and they are not allowing anyone to come into the house at this time. Since there are many issue involved with this having someone here is the only way to solve it. Oh well….sighhhhhhhh.
Life is complicated enough without having to fight with electronic devices. I wonder what it will be like when robots do everything? I think I am glad that I will not be here to see it.
I was reading through my Quote Book (yes, I keep my favorite quotes in a journal) and starte thinking about this one.
In a time of universal deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act. George Orwell
What an amazing and true statement. I feel that we are living that right now. How much of what we hear is truth. Instead it is someone’s version of the truth. There is a big difference between those two things. When I was teaching a high school at the church one of the things I stressed was seeking truth…looking at all sides and any information available and making your own decision. Too little of that is done today. Most of what we hear could actually be classified as rumors.
It is important to teach our young people how to make assessments based on many sources before coming to any conclusion. There are too many talking heads and I am sure that there are no statesmen left…only politicians. That comparison can apply to any source from religion to politics to anything else. We must filter our information.
Sometimes the things that we think of as awful trials turn out to be a good thing. This virus has caused me to be at home. If I were able to go out I would feel trapped staying here with my husband every day. I would have to have someone in occasionally to be with him. Most of the time everything is fine but we never know when he will not be himself.
So this staying at home has been a blessing. Someone might call it a “left handed blessing” but a blessing none the less. As we are able to discover what is causing this up and down problem things may resolve. If not I will find options to functions as needed. We still have several doctors to see and answers to seek to help define our options.
So aggravating as this crisis has been it has, for me, been a time to share with my love however he might be. That’s all that matters.
Sometimes I forget to not leap ahead of myself but just concentrate on one thing at a time. Getting one thing done feels good. When I do I stop obsessing on the things not done.
A long time ago I worked for a company that handled case management for insurance companies. As nurses, we reviewed medical information and (the company was a good one) usually recommended doing the right thing. It costs less in the long run and that was how we explained it backing it up with figures.
While there a huge caseload was brought on to do with workers compensation from the state of Texas. I was handed that account. It was overwhelming. The amount of files on my desk was tremendous and daunting. After struggling with how to handle it I took the files and adjusted by date it came in and status of the patient. I stacked them up that way and just pulled one at a time. It was amazing how much I was able to get done once I stopped obsessing over how much there was.
Now as I face dealing with my husband’s medical issues I have realized that I have to do the same thing. Instead of worrying (useless) I have evaluated what needs to be done in what order and have started contacting doctors ect., setting appointments and moving ahead. We will solve things one at a time.
Every day is different. Today was a better than good day. That’s the way life is. You never know what is coming next. It is the uncertainty that gets us.
Not knowing answers to problems is the thing that is hard to take. I don’t think anyone likes it. When we can see the path in front of us life seems so much easier. We just want someone to turn the lights on the path so we can see ahead.
However, there are so many times in life when that is not possible. No matter what we always live without knowing what is ahead. The difference is we think that we do. We can see the day ahead with all its plans and we think that is what will happen. the truth is there are no guarantees. It’s funny how we perceive that we have control but really don’t. It is an important lesson learned when we realize that.
In one of my journals I found this note. I think it was a quote but I don’t know from who (or is it whom?). “When we see a star we are seeing time.” That star’s light is coming from long ago. What we are seeing is actually gone.
It is so amazing to think that what we are seeing is not happening in our time. The scientists of our day have talked about time. It truly is a mystery. There are days when time seems to fly and times where it drags. Time for us is flexible. It has to do with the mind. When I was at work I always wanted to be doing something. A bad day was when time dragged.
This covid crisis has been time out of time. I wonder what we have learned. I see many families experiencing things that they haven’t done in a long time …if ever. I hope that meaning is found in those experiences and that they remember joy found in this different time.
In this crisis good days are to be appreciated. Today was a good day. The weather was beautiful and life was more or less smooth. I am so glad.
For those of us that are at high risk for getting this virus this situation is causing more and more concern. I now have a smoke alarm beeping up high where I will need to get a tall ladder to stop it. I have tried changing these before and I can never get them back in. Since we can’t go out and we can’t let anyone in I will just pull the battery out and leave it. This is really a minor problem but I wonder how many folks like us are starting to face issues much more serious than this.
I am very able to climb the ladder but there are so many who can’t without risk of falling. What other home problems are the elderly facing that may be dangerous? We are certainly learning what a pathogen like this can do. I do worry about what is next.