Today it is hard to write. It’s as if my mind is spinning with all that has gone on recently. Like most people the covid outbreak has turned everything around. Things that would normally be just a drop of water into a pond are amplified into major issues. The stress of our isolation is getting to almost everyone. I still see people out without masks and just not staying away from others who are either in denial or oblivious.
Sometimes it is hard to see an end to all of this but there will be one. I think one of the hardest things for me is to wait. I know I am not alone in that. Lately I have felt as if I am part of the play “Waiting for Godot.” The play is a picture of futility which seems right on target. Here in the states so many people have been stupid and are suffering the consequences of that. While New York is getting better because things were done right that is not true here. Bad decisions were made and we are all paying for it.
We will get through this! We will get through this! It helps me to keep reminding myself of this.
Tomorrow will be very busy. My husband will have a “Watchman” implant (a brand new device) to prevent blood clots. A short while after he will be able to come off of blood thinners for the first time in years. That will be great as he bruises easily and is always needing major band aids for small everyday scrapes and cuts.
They will allow me to be with him and can see him following the procedure. He will spend the night and be home on Friday. Medicine just keeps advancing. Hopefully this will be a plus for him.
This getting old is aggravating but it’s better than not being here. I am thankful that we have managed this long and hope we keep moving for a while yet. We plan to.
Well Christmas is over. It will come again next year.Now we need to think about what lies ahead. It’s been hard for me to think of what’s next. I know I will go back to my Community Conferencing. I know that there are other things that I have been doing that I will keep on doing.Writing is 1 of the most important of those.
It is a joy to be able to share my experiences and my thoughts. It is a joy to have a community so caring. Each of us has a story to tell. It is important to share that story so it maybe help other people.We learn from the experiences of others and ourselves.
1 of the lessons that I have learned in recent years is that things change frequently. The only thing consistent is change.We have to adapt To live.Without Gaining the strength and courage to move forward each day we would not be able to survive. Life is a challenge but it is also a joy. Each moment is precious And should be savored.
Remember that life is a gift.We are so blessed to have the opportunity to live each day. Don’t take that gift for granted. It can be taken away so easily. Love each and every day to the fullest. Even if it’s a struggle continue to move on.
If there is one thing I have learned in the last week it is that a 79 year old does not bounce back. My husband has had several surgeries in the last few years…mostly from jumping out of airplanes in the army. I have had none. I have always been supportive of him during his recoveries but I am not sure I have appreciated just how hard it is to get back to your best you can be.
He has been so supportive and kind to me with this surgery which was not a bad one (as surgeries go), I guess experience is the best teacher.
I have no complaints today other than being tired. I am usually the energizer bunny but have had to listen to my body and rest. I am grateful that everything went so well.
I have always spent a lot of time crossing bridges before getting to them. This time I was better than usual. I think the time I have spent learning new habits and applying the needed skills did make a difference. My journey to be “worryless” is advancing. I’m not at the end but making progress. We can get better but it does take work. Seeing this improvement encourages me to continue my efforts and keep going.
I think that it is easy to get discouraged when we can’t see progress but it will come with time. Just work your way through one day before considering the next. Things can change.
The events of the last few weeks have been stressful but organized. I am to have surgery on Friday to remove the other half of my thyroid. It is pressing on my trachea. The Dr. visits and pre-surgery were especially good with pleasant, wonderful, caring people and greatly efficient. The whole process has gone exceedingly smooth. It was moved from Tuesday Dec. 3 to this Friday as the Dr. decided to work that day. Now just to get it done and headed back to my ??normal?? self. The surgery itself it not difficult we just don’t want to find any unexpected problems.
As part of my journey I have worked hard on finding new ways to reduce anxiety in my life and some of it is paying off. My consistency with prayer, meditation and focus on each day has really improved. That doesn’t mean that there haven’t been moments but nothing like before I started this journey.
Consistency and a determination to live more fully and joyfully are making a difference. I may succeed in conquering it before I shuffle off the planet. The lesson learned it that no matter how many times spent backsliding getting up and going on it what matters. Each day is progress….maybe not so visible but it is there.
If you pray keep me in your prayers and if not send good thoughts my way.
The weather has been unusually cold here for this time of year. It seemed like a good time to make soup. I found a wonderful recipe in my computer cooking program and it sounded wonderful. I decided to give it a try.
The thing I didn’t notice before I started was the amount of things that had to be chopped to get ready. I have made lots of recipes with many ingredients but this one was demanding. I chopped chicken breasts, carrots, celery, shallots, sage, spinach, mushrooms, rosemary garlic,parsley, grated a lemon for zest and parmesan. It was rather time consuming. The cooking took little time. Next time I will chop everything the day before and just make the soup.
I realized that life can be something like this. There are many things that we have to spend a great deal of time preparing and then they are done in a flash. Just think about the Christmas Holidays. So much preparation goes into a day that (especially if you have children) can be destroyed in an hour.
I guess we have to decide which things are worth the effort put into preparing. For me, Christmas is and I think I will make that soup again….it was wonderful!
Today I find myself leaning on my faith. I have some medical issues which may resolve…or not. Time will tell. This news did not send me into a panic…at least not yet. I have high hopes that this will be an easy fix and life will go on pretty much as normal.
In the meantime I will continue my routines and keep my anxiety at bay. I am grateful that I have some tools that I have made a habit and can actually count on them to help.
Life is always interesting and challenges us in many ways but it is worth cherishing. Keep me in your thought and prayers as I travel into this joourney.
Today I am again using the Dragon software so forgive any grammar errors.
This has been a quiet day. I did have to attend the funeral of the young man with children who died. The funeral was a real tribute to him. There must’ve been at least 300 people there. Sad though it was his funeral was a celebration of his life.
There is always something so much sadder about the death of a young person. We feel as if there are things that are unfinished. Someone told me many years ago that in truth the death of a young person is not a life unfinished. That each of us has our own lifespan. It is a lifespan set for us alone. For some reason that gave me comfort.
Death is something that we all come to. It is something that we all have to face. Many people fear death. For me death itself is not frightening. It is the dying that we don’t look forward to.
There are so many things in life that can frighten us. For those of us who suffer with anxiety it seems that we can be afraid of almost anything. Although I think each of us has certain things that trigger our anxiety. I know that some things that might disturb me might not be bothersome at all to someone else. I think each of us has to discover what are the things that set us off.
Over time with help we can learn management of our own triggers. The thing is we have to practice and keep up by exercising those tools frequently. If we think we can just use them when we are in a panic it won’t work. I think that is the hardest part. Reminding ourselves daily to meditate or pray or whatever it is that works for us to use it. Consistency is the answer.
No matter what we have to keep on going, keep on working, keep on hoping, and keep on living.
Today I thought about the word disturbance. It struck me in two different ways.
This is what has been happening in my home and my life. Workmen tramp in and out. Stuff is carried about and dust collects daily on anything that doesn’t move. I clean in vain. I know that this will be over soon and the house will return to normal?? ( I use that word loosely) It will be wonderful to have things stay clean longer than one day. We will have a renovated and safe bathroom. We will not fall through the shower into the depths beneath. Hooray!
Insurance companies are so much fun. They approve claims unless…… somewhere in the fine print they don’t. The policies are difficult to read and parse the intangibles. I am sure it is deliberate. In the case of property etc it is aggravating enough but in medical issues it can be life and death.
When I worked as a Case Manager I had to be able to read and understand the policies. One of the best things I learned in my life. I can’t do it with property but I can read through the details on medical insurance and find the little catches that are used to avoid approving things. So very useful in today’s world.
As in most things it is the squeaking wheel that gets action but doing that can take time and much aggravation. Confusion is one of the tools used to make us think there is no way through the fog. Usually there is but finding it is tricky. If you are struggling with a problem like this see if you can find an advocate who understands the system and can help. Sometimes physician’s office staff can help.