Absorb and take time

It is a beautiful day. That frequently happens after a storm. The air is clear and everything seems so much brighter. The yard is clean. I am tired but I am brighter too. It was hard just sitting and waiting for a storm that was determined to stay in place for so long. My heart cries for those who have been so hurt by the storm.

strong but tired

I think I am physically and emotionally drained. It is actually not a bad feeling but I know I need rest and time to refocus. Some time spent in silence and meditation will do me a world of good.

 

It is so important to allow ourselves time to regroup. Too often we leap into the next thing without time spent in absorbing what has happened. In this case nothing really happened and that is the odd part. How does one absorb nothing? Maybe by understanding that much emotional energy was spent waiting for nothing. And so, there was something after all. The emotional battle of waiting takes it’s own toll. Just because it was intangible doesn’t mean it didn’t matter.

take time to heal

 

We often think that we don’t have to restore ourselves when it it important to do so. Take time to understand before again taking on everything else.

Still waiting but coping

kind-of-coping-9781507209189_lgAnother day just waiting. The workers who are redoing our bathroom will not be able to work this week so we will just continue toughing it will stuff everywhere. Who know that fixing a bathroom would be such a big deal? We are very lucky that we tore it out since we discovered that a major leak had been occurring under the tile. Before long one of us would have fallen through the floor. I am so glad that we are able to fix this now.

Life is never boring. At least that has been my experience. Life has had nice lulls. Just enough time to think it might continue when something else comes along. This is a pattern I have learned to accept and manage to absorb.

sharing wisdom

I am sure that age has something to do with my perspective. I’ve had a long time to learn how to roll with things. There are still things that can wreck my calm but after a short while of acceptance I usually can move on. I wish I had been able to manage this well when I was younger. I hope that my sharing my experiences is helpful to others. It is a major thought in everything I write.

May all those who are threatened by Hurricane Dorian be safe.

Unfixable??

Today, like lots of late Augusts and September we are watching to see what the hurricane will do. Would love to be spared it but I don’t wish it on others either. Hopefully it won’t be devastating as some in the past have been. This is something we just have to live with on the coast. It is the price we pay for our beautiful scenery and mild winters.

unfixable

Life can be filled with things that aggravate and upset us. I try to not pick up aggravations that don’t belong to me. It is so easy to be swept up and become angry or sad about things that go on around us. I want to help make the world a better place but I have to do it in my space and tackle what I can. It is not possible to fix everything. This is a hard lesson to learn. As a nurse you are thrust abruptly into the real world and either learn quickly about unfixable things or else you will run screaming from the job.

My husband watches the news too much and is often upset about something that someone said. I can’t do that. I keep abreast of important happenings but stay away from the “talking heads.” That is something I can’t fix.

Try to learn what it possible to do and what is not. Otherwise you will be constantly on edge.

Tangled up

dog-tangled-up-in-blue-1Today I was knitting a top for my adult granddaughter. The yarn I’m using is very tricky to work with and gets tangled up easily. It did! I realized that I had done something wrong and had to back up several rows. No way did that work. The yarn became so tangled that I ended up cutting it and pulling it all out. Now I will start over. To say that I was frustrated is an understatement.

I thought about the saying “oh what a tangled web we weave.” I didn’t practise to deceive anyone but I sure wove a tangled web and had to fight my way out.

dont get stuckWe can get ourselves into messes from time to time and some of them are more complicated to get out of than others. Sometimes we volunteer to do something and discover that it not only it too much but also that we don’t like it. The getting out gracefully may not be possible.

When I got married 57 years ago the only advice that my mother gave me was “start out the way you intend to go on.” I asked her exactly what she meant and she said: “if you plan on getting up at  4 am every morning to fix breakfast just be aware that it will set the pattern for the rest of your marriage.” I have found this advice to fit so many situations. Take a good look at anything you are getting into and see if you want it in your life before you are stuck with it.

Things can go wrong

Today I went to do a mediation. It was the shortest one I have ever done. My suspicion is that this family has been at each other for years. I don’t think that will stop anytime soon.

Isometric family disagreements and quarrels, conflict. Concept for web design

Families are so tricky. We usually know who our family members are and whether we like them or not. Some members we accept even though they may not be our cup of tea. Some of the trouble comes about because of money….. a consistent evil. Someone dies and the distribution of money and family things causes bad feeling. Members accuse each other of taking something that doesn’t belong to them or mishandling money to be distributed. No matter how close and loving a group seems they can fall apart over things left.

disagreement

I have decided that I will begin deciding who in my family will receive things that I expect could cause issues. I have begun asking my children what are the things that matter to them. Sometimes the answers can surprise you. Some people are more concerned about memories rather than intrinsic value. Having that information is helpful when making decisions.

The sad part is when things aren’t defined sufficiently families can end up with bad feelings and divisions forever. I don’t think my children are that way but you never know for sure.

There are things that have to be done before hand so that things don’t go downhill fast. I hope it is years before is slip off this mortal coil but just in case I am starting to make sure all goes as well as possible.

An amazing manifesto from parent to child

This is from my daily readings by Richard Rohr. I find this truly amazing and wish I knew about it when my children were small. I plan on creating a copy for my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. My whole family needs a beautiful framed copy of this!

parent child

Researcher Brené Brown knows the importance of vulnerability and open-heartedness. In her book Daring Greatly, she offers a parenting manifesto that can serve as a touchstone when we feel afraid or resist vulnerability. You might read it aloud to a child, someone you love, or yourself:

“Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions—the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.

I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.

We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both.

We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices.

You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel.

I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude. I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.

When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.

Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.

We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here.

As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.

I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.”

Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (Avery: 2012), 244-245. Visit brenebrown.com for a copy of the manifesto and other resources.

Grandparenting– great fun!

I am so bummed. I can’t manage to get my IBSD under control. It is better than it was but still giving me problems. I feel bad complaining because I don’t have the problems that many people have. The hardest part is not being in control

love children

There is a new baby about to be born into our family and the mother is sure that her child will be perfect. I suspect that most of us felt that way before we had children. We had expectations that were usually completely wrong. When we are young and naive we think that everything will go the way we expect…and then life begins.

 

When we have children life is no longer in our control. It really isn’t anyway but we don’t realize that until things go wrong. Children are their own selves and have their own minds and personalities. Every day is a new experience. It is amazing how quickly they get smarter than their parents. They are superior at reading moods, finding loopholes and pitting parents against each other.

grandparent

 

It makes me glad that I am a grandparent and great-grandparent and can love the children and send them home. Life is good!

Celebrate today

It is important to live your life. Every single day is important. It doesn’t matter if the day is bad or good. You are still alive. At some time in everyone’s life we realize that there are more days behind us than ahead. Sometimes this realization is hard to take but life is still out there.

time-quotes-live-if-well-lived-is-long-enough-seneca-wisdom-quotes

If I sit in my chair and sink into sadness or depression because I have acknowledged this fact then I miss today and the days that are ahead of me. What a waste that would be. Many people in my life are gone. To not live each day and wring every bit of joy out of it would be a disservice to them. They don’t have more days but I do.

Most of them lived full lives and showed me, by example, how to live with all the passion you can muster…..no matter the circumstances.

Dale-Carnegie-Today-is-life

Today is the day that I have in front of me. It may be good, it may not. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that I experience it…that I live it fully, consciously, and lovingly. That is the only thing to do. If I do that the rest of my days, however many, will have meaning.