This morning I was thinking about what a difference there is when you lose a spouse. I can only see it from my own perspective but having been married for so long it has made me feel lost. For the first time in my life I feel completely alone.
This does not mean that I am alone. My family is wonderful and I have friends from my longtime home and caring friends and neighbors here. However, there is the sensation that I am totally alone for the first time in my life.
I have lost people in my life: parents, relatives, friends. I miss them and feel the lost connection but I never felt lost myself. With this loss there comes the severing of years of closeness. There is now no one who knows me as well as my husband. The years of memories have lost the person who held them too. No one else can relive those with me. Just the ability to say “remember when” and be understood is gone.
My grandmother, at one hundred, said there was no one who she could talk to about her past and share those memories. Now I understand.
We do grow with each experience in life. Some of the most painful produce the most change and the most empathy. Life is always teaching us. We just have to use that wisdom to reach out to others.
One of the blog writers I read this week talked about his journey’s. He has done much traveling recently. I can relate to that even though I haven’t moved an inch yet.
We are all on a journey whether we journey in the same place our whole live or venture far away. It is a life journey and it brings us to many places. We experience so many things on our journey and if we are lucky we learn much.
As I near (next month) my 80th year I can see all the twists and turns that my life has taken. The journey has been eventful and, I hope, will continue to be so. Our experiences help us to grow and become wise. That is why in generations past the elderly were so respected. They had so much wisdom to impart. We still do if there is anyone to hear.
I have been blessed with children and grandchildren who sometimes take advantage of my wisdom and benefit from it. I hope that can continue and that those who come after can use what us older ones have to share.
The other night I caught the edge of some news. They were talking about somewhere that a protest was being held. Not us, another country. The protesters came out into the street and just stood. No words, no movement, nothing. Apparently people were stunned and paying attention. It was novel. It was different. It was non-violent. It piqued curiosity and questions and notice. It reminded me of the protests of Gandhi and Martin Luther King.
All this violence, robbery and chaos does not do the same thing. I was reminded of these quotes.
When will we ever learn?
This quote sums up my mother and the other mothers in my life.
Today I have been watching “The Story of God” with Morgan Freeman. This is an excellent program that discusses world wide ideas of the origins of our ideas about God. Any form, any religion.
In the one I just watched he talked about various peoples belief of “the apocalypse.” He mentioned that the original root of the word actually was not connected to a kind of catastrophe. Originally the word was quite different and I love the initial meaning and the ideas that it brings forth.
“Apocalypse” (ἀποκάλυψις) is a Greek word meaning “revelation”, “an unveiling or unfolding of things not previously known and which could not be known apart from the unveiling”. As a genre, apocalyptic literature details the authors’ visions of the end times as revealed by an angel or other heavenly messenger.”
For me apocalypse has always been seen as a negative word. One that brought forth ideas of the earth on fire, wars everywhere and horrible destruction. How interesting that a word that we connect with end times started out with such a different meaning. I am caught by the thought that it is an unveiling. It is a deeper understanding of things. A revelations of things that we have not been able to see. This does not seem at all negative to me but a seeking for universal truths. Unveiling answers that we struggle to understand.
I am glad to learn this new meaning. I also recommend this series. Take a look at it on Netflix.
Today I heard from a friend that I haven’t talked to in a while. It reminded me that we need to not let the path grow up between us and our friends. Friends need to be nurtured. Friends need our attention. I need to remember that.
For me, friends matter. Even though right on the middle line between introvert and extrovert I rely on my friends. As I get older I hate the thought that some will die before me. I remember my grandmother saying that everyone she had things in common with had died. She was 100 years old at the time. As I approach 80 this year I am beginning to understand. I have children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren but they will never be able to understand my past.
We must tend to our friends while we can. We all will be gone at some point. Losing those we love is always difficult. But, who knows maybe I will go first and it won’t be a problem!?!
For those of us who struggle with mental health issues it is easy to look down on ourselves. We have the idea that we are not as good as others. Unfortunately, for some, this is what we have been told.
This is so far from the truth. Some of the most famous and inspirational people suffered things that would be categorized as a mental health issue today. Below is a list of some of these people and an estimate of their problem.
11 Historical Geniuses and Their Possible Mental Disorders
- ABRAHAM LINCOLN // DEPRESSION. …
- LUDWIG VON BEETHOVEN // BIPOLAR DISORDER. …
- EDVARD MUNCH // PANIC ATTACKS. …
- MICHELANGELO // AUTISM. …
- CHARLES DICKENS // DEPRESSION. …
- CHARLES DARWIN // AGORAPHOBIA. …
- WINSTON CHURCHILL // BIPOLAR DISORDER. …
- VASLAV NIJINSKY // SCHIZOPHRENIA.
We may not consider ourselves to fit into this list but it is obvious that we all have something to offer to the world. Never put yourself down. Know that you have gifts that are needed. Ignore those who want to put labels on you and just keep going.
Tomorrow I have to be up at “0 dark 30” to facilitate a Community Conference that starts at 7:45! My husband laughed when he heard this. I am usually not up until 7:30 in the winter. In the summer I can be up because the sun is up. I am totally sun oriented. I told the person who assigned me this that they owe me BIG!
Time was when I was at the hospital before 7 am but those days are far behind me. YEA! Being retired allows me to set my own schedule and I don’t do early morning. Oh well,….early to bed etc.
Today was a yard work day so I am already tired and going to bed early will be perfect.
It is night but after the night comes the morning. And with the morning there are new opportunities . There is so much to be shared. People who need love, hope, joy. Each of us needs to do what we can to bring that to others. Our sharing can make all the difference in someone else’s life. It doesn’t have to be physical things. If we have things we can share that others need that is a blessing. But to share ourselves is more important. For by giving love to others we enhance our own lives as well.
It is easy to get tangled up in “why do we do things? For ourselves or for others?” There is no confusion… we do it for both. We are not free from receiving good from the ways we reach out. It happens. But we can’t dismiss it as being selfish alone. Out helping others can bring them love, hope and joy. It can also bring the same things to us. That is not a wrong thing. It is just the way it works. God wants us to derive pleasure from helping others. It’s joy will remind us to keep on giving.
In my life I loved getting gifts. Interestingly enough, I now get more joy from the giving of them. There is something about the faces we see when we share of our belongings and especially of ourselves.
Share, share share. Don’t be afraid. You will not lose….you will gain!
The events of the last few weeks have been stressful but organized. I am to have surgery on Friday to remove the other half of my thyroid. It is pressing on my trachea. The Dr. visits and pre-surgery were especially good with pleasant, wonderful, caring people and greatly efficient. The whole process has gone exceedingly smooth. It was moved from Tuesday Dec. 3 to this Friday as the Dr. decided to work that day. Now just to get it done and headed back to my ??normal?? self. The surgery itself it not difficult we just don’t want to find any unexpected problems.
As part of my journey I have worked hard on finding new ways to reduce anxiety in my life and some of it is paying off. My consistency with prayer, meditation and focus on each day has really improved. That doesn’t mean that there haven’t been moments but nothing like before I started this journey.
Consistency and a determination to live more fully and joyfully are making a difference. I may succeed in conquering it before I shuffle off the planet. The lesson learned it that no matter how many times spent backsliding getting up and going on it what matters. Each day is progress….maybe not so visible but it is there.
If you pray keep me in your prayers and if not send good thoughts my way.