Slippery Words

I was talking with someone today about words. Language changes over time. So many words that were common when I was young are no longer used. So many new words are out there.

There are words that I have to stop and think about before using. These are some of the ones that can be confusing.

affect                  to change or make a difference to a result;
effect                  to bring about a result

born                  having started life
borne                carried

desert                    a waterless, empty area; to abandon someone
dessert                  the sweet course of a meal

dessert-island

practice                 the use of an idea or method; the work or business of a doctor, dentist,
practise                 to do something repeatedly to gain skill; to do something regularly

From Oxford Dictionaries

In writing  myself and reading others I have noticed that we can get these wrong. Affect and effect are particularly difficult. Usually, affect is a verb and effect is a noun, and they’re used when talking about the results or consequences of particular actions.

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The difference between affect and effect is so slippery that people have started using “impact” as a verb instead. Don’t be one of them! Another trick is to remember that affect comes first alphabetically, and an action (to affect) has to occur before you can have a result (an effect)          from FluentU.

So affect is something we do and effect is what happens after we do it.

From what I have seen no one gets practise and practice. Word Press thinks that the former is not a word. I had to add it to my dictionary.

There is a long list on the Oxford site. What words bug you?

 

 

24 hours to rant

status-quoI have been thinking about the words “status quo.” There are many people who struggle against change of any kind. They fight for things to remain the same. The problem is that things never stay the same no matter what.

The one thing we can count on is that things will change. Sometimes that change is for the better, sometimes not. One of the greatest lessons we can learn is how to cope with change.

Recently I have used the term “new normal.” This is how I describe the pattern that is present in my life at the moment. I hope that this pattern will hang on for a while. Patterns give me peace. But I can surely count that, at some time, everything will change again.

pity partyCoping with change is one of the critical lessons we can learn. The ability to let go of our previous “normal” and move on to another has a lot to do with our state of mind. For those of us who battle anxiety change is a trigger word. It can send our whole world into a tailspin. Coping mechanisms for dealing with change are a must. I have a friend who says that when change happens that is negative we are entitled to fuss, fume, and cry about it…..for 24 hours. I have found this works. Just being able to rant for a while seems to get some of the frustration out and it helps me to move forward. I may be having a pity party alone or with someone…it doesn’t matter. It helps either way. There is a positive to venting. Let all those feelings out! Then move on.

When change comes use all the coping skills in your arsenal to overcome fear and anxiety.  It can be done!

Don’t tell me

life fragile

Life is so fragile. One minute everything can be fine and the next someone can be gone. Our bodies survive so much but there are limits. We tend to live as if nothing will ever be wrong and maybe this is how it should be. If we spend each day worrying about what will happen next we will drive ourselves crazy. The truth is there is not much we can do about the future except to hope we have one.

 

AHEAD

what is to come

we can’t know

it’s not here yet

I can’t see

 

Do I want to know

no and no

for knowing

can break me

 

I may see joy

or fear

or pain

who knows

 

to see ahead

no and no and no

please don’t tell me

it can’t be borne

life-is-fragile-300x294

©Suzanne Boyd 2019

Small things matter

maxineI am not fond of new years resolutions. I probably never kept one that I planned. If I did I would be surprised.  But…I have been thinking. Maybe  there is something else that we should due to usher in the new year. How would it be if we spent time thinking about life in the past year or years. Are there things that we can divest ourselves of? Do we own things that are no longer used or don’t matter? Can welighten our load and let some things go?

Also, how would you like to live in the new year? Not hunting for goals and major changes but what are some little things that may in the long run have a big impact? It might be some as simple as trying a new coffee shop  or stretching before getting up. Think of the things that are easy and simple. Put a smiling face on your mirror or splurge on a great smelling soap.

small things

It is amazing how simple changes can impact our lives. I bought a set of squeezable fidgets for my desk and I love them! I find myself defusing by just holding one of those in my hand. Those tiny animals have changed each day for the better.

Each year life changes in one way or another. See if you can find small ways to improve your days and give you something to look forward to.

Core values and end of life

medical_business_partners_core_valuesThere are times when I reflect on someone else’s life and wonder how they manage. There are so many tragic stories out there. I have wondered how I would react if asked to live life as a paraplegic…if I could not longer feel anything but my face. What would be my reaction to being trapped in my body with only a mind to make me feel alive? Would I cope or would I seek to end my life?

How would I react if my husband required 24/day care and I didn’t have the money to hire someone to help?

In life there can be some living nightmares. Scenarios that we not only wouldn’t want to be in but also wouldn’t wish on someone else.

It is an ethical dilemma to make decisions when things like this happen. Would you be willing to help someone die? (Assuming of course that their life was full of nothing but pain and imminent death.)

These are core questions. The kind that we hope we never have to come up against but they are real.

What are your core values? If faced with this kind of decision how would you decide?  It can be difficult to envision this ever happening to you but this kind of thinking does help you to understand deep moral questions. For those of us with a faith underpinning we hope that we would turn to that for guidance.

decisionIn my time as a nurse I have seen families struggle with decisions that can tax their moral ground. I have seen them divided over the answers and sometimes torn apart by it. Many times we would like for the doctors to tell us what to do but that is not their decision to make. Most of them will avoid giving an opinion which makes it harder.

If you have never considered having a living will to take the burden off of those around you please think about this. We tend to think that this sort of thing is for older people but the worst struggles come when something happens to someone young. You are never too young to fill out this important document. It seems morbid but it is important.

If you don’t know how to get an advanced directive leave a comment and I will answer.

Scrooge’s Ghosts

ghosts

This is the time of year when the Scrooge story is on TV. I started to think about the ghosts that visit him. Christmas Past, Christmas Present and Christmas Future. I always think about Christmas Past. I think about the time when we had small children and Christmas was so joyful and exciting. Seeing the children as they opened their presents was wonderful. That time is gone for me. I’m not sure I completely appreciated it. I didn’t lock it away and say to myself “remember this, it won’t come again.” We don’t usually think such thoughts when we are experiencing life. I don’t know if we have to or should. It might bring sadness into the picture….the thought that time is moving on and this moment will be gone.

Each phase of life is different. Years ago I studied Hindu thinking with a practitioner and liked the idea of the eight-fold path. We have important things to accomplish in the different ages we live. My age should be concerned with understanding life in all its aspects. I think that is what I am doing. I can look back…not to bemoan my faults …but to glean the wisdom I gained. I want to accomplish this and share what I discover.

I do miss the joys of Christmas Past but it was a different time and I can’t go back. I don’t think I want to. I just wish some of it would stick around. Instead we have another wonky Christmas. We will be gone next week for Hap’s therapy and my daughter will come the Friday we arrive back to celebrate early with us. She will be working Christmas week. We celebrate with my son and his family Christmas week. My other daughter and her family we will not get to see.

CherishDreamLive

It is life. I will concentrate on the reason for the holiday and enjoy the family time that we will have. I don’t have time for regrets and wishing the past was back. I have too much living in the now to do. After all, who knows what Christmas Future will be.

 

 

What has been done has been done!

one day at a time
Jane Seabrook

Today I have been feeling stressed. I started obsessing about dec 18th through 21st when we have to go back to Mayo clinic for therapy for my husband. We have no one to keep the dogs and so if all works out will take my friend’s 27 ft, camper. It is a real luxury but easy to drive since it is not one of those ones that looks like a bus. It looks more like a truck and has all the bells and whistles that we need. She bought it recently and has not used it so we do have to check everything out and be sure it all works.

I can’t say that I am looking forward to those days with the dogs. I don’t know how two bassets will respond to the trip. However, bassets are not know for their energy but are know for their incessant talking. (read that as barking). I will also have no internet to blog unless I can find a hot spot.

carry onI should take this as “time out of time” and relax into it but I haven’t wrapped my head around it yet. Maybe I will after we get the camper all set up. I can spend time reading and walking the dogs. If it is not cold I would love to walk them on the beach.

Today I began something new and it really helped me to back down off my anxiety. I watched “the great bell chant” on you tube and another video that taught how to use the bell. Since I have a bell from Tibetan monks I used that and found that the sound is very calming for me. Another tool in my tool chest. Something I will continue to work with.

I have been so good about my meditation, prayer and writing time and that has helped also. The place I have failed utterly is cleaning my office and my house in general. I don’t do well with cluttered space and usually my office is my “sacred space.” Right now it is filled with Christmas presents that need wrapping. Oh well. My mother used to say that I don’t have to worry that the elves will come and clean it for me and that after I rest or go out it will still be there for me to take care of. A very wise woman, my mother. She lived to be 95 and was wise ’til death. I hope I am that blessed.

Advent continues to slide toward Christmas. I have decided to live by the prayer I use each night before I sleep. Hope you enjoy this prayer as much as I do.

From “Night Prayer” in the New Zealand Prayer Book

timelapse-of-starry-night-sky-and-swaying-fir-trees_h3geiyzmx_thumbnail-full01

Lord,
it is night.

The night is for stillness.
Let us be still in the presence of God.

It is night after a long day.
What has been done has been done;
what has not been done has not been done;
let it be.

The night is dark.
Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our own lives
rest in you.

The night is quiet.
Let the quietness of your peace enfold us,
all dear to us,
and all who have no peace.

The night heralds the dawn.
Let us look expectantly to a new day,
new joys,
new possibilities.

In your name we pray.
Amen.