I have continued to struggle with depression. I know it is related to the covid numbers here. It seems as if nothing will ever change. I know that we may not end up the way we were before but as a senior citizen I end up so warry of exposing myself.
I know that I am blessed having the basic needs of life available to me. It is just a matter of turning my perspective around. The truth is I miss people. For years I was an extreme extrovert but in the later years I am about in the middle. I realize that I need to make opportunities to connect with people. Even talking on the phone helps.
The real answer lies with me and not from external factors although they are stressful.
Today as I was walking the dog it struck me that all of us wearing masks look like many apocalypse books I have read and films that I have seen in my life. It gave me a strange feeling. Growing up in the era when 1984, Brave New world, Animal Farm, That Hideous Strength, and the later film Soylent Green were most read and watched is strange today. I saw 1984 pass by, the fear of the millennial crisis (which never happened) and many other milestones come and go (and by the way, where is my personal flying car?).
And yet, this very morning I could see the dystopian future right in front of me. Will this virus subside or do we have many more variants coming? Will we always be the people wearing masks to protect us from each other? Will we never be able to establish physical connections with people other than those in our immediate circle? Have we so damaged the earth, our home, that there is no choice but isolation? These are frightening questions and I hope the answers do not define the future for coming generations.
Here in this country we are so divided that I question our ability to work together for the good of us all. The rest of the world is also plagued with problems from starvation, war, and fanatical religious differences, that it seems hard to imagine everyone joining together to save us all before it is too late.
Having said all of this I still have hope that somehow, someway, we will find a way to move forward and live in a world without masks, both the physical ones we don for safety and the mental/emotional ones we put on for the same reason. I pray that my grandchildren and great grandchildren will live in that world and not the one I see now.
Living where I am is beginning to feel more like home. Today I started on a project of unpacking 6 large plastic bins of yarn and sorting them into shoe box size containers according to yarn weight. When I have finished it will make finding yarn for projects so much easier. Just packed in huge bins made it impossible to have any idea what is there. That will be a big plus for me.
Austin and my Independent Living site are pretty much shut down. There is so much info that the new virus version is less troublesome but I don’t want it if I can manage to evade it. I suppose at some point all of us will have it but I’d rather not just now. My plate has been full enough for the last year and I am ready for some changes.
I hope that most of my word press friends have managed to either survive or not get covid. Hopefully in the near future the new Pfizer medicine will be available as a treatment.
My dog, Crash, is better from his bout with Kennel Cough. The only problem is getting so much medicine down him each day but that will end soon. My daughter still has Tillie and it is so much easier with one. They don’t seem to be distressed with being away from each other so I am thankful for that.
I hope this new year will bring positive changes for all of us and the whole world.