It is difficult to explain what I am experiencing so that it makes sense. My thoughts have been going in many directions lately. I have revisited so many scenes from my past. A video has been running in my head most of the time. Visiting the past is becoming a big part of my grief process. The moments when life was so wonderful pop up and bring me both joy and pain. It reminds me of the idea that when dying we see our life pass before us.
When I lost my husband my focus was on losing his present person. Missing him day to day was front and center. Things to do took precedence and I would wake each day with the nagging feeling that there was something I was forgetting to do. Just the normal routine of living had disappeared.
Now that I am mostly settled in my apartment and have a new daily routine I guess it frees my mind up to explore the things that made our years together so amazing. Now I can bear to immerse myself in the times that bring my grief to the surface. I am more able to endure the pain so that I can also feel the love and joy.
I recently read a book called “Lakota Woman” by Mary Crow Dog. This was an eye opener. Canada showed up in the news this year for abuses done to native children in their past. They have even instituted a new day of remembrance called National Day for Truth and Reconciliation. This day is to honor and mourn those affected by the treatment of indigenous peoples.
In the US there has never been any major acknowledgement of the many atrocities visited on our own native population. I was unaware of many of the things done and the book made me angry that we have never done anything to set this right.
We were invaders in their territory and greedily grabbed their land and moved them onto reservations that are barely able to support life. We took their children and subjected them to the same kind of abuses that showed up recently in Canada.
We have spent years recognizing the wrongs done to those who were brought here in slavery but have done nothing about our “First Nations” population. We need to learn and hear more of the abuses focused on these people. We need to address the wrongs that have resulted in them being considered “lesser” citizens and change our image of their culture and history.
The stories of these abuses need to be bannered in our news service, taught in schools and our past evils brought to light. There are holidays for others in this country. We need to do the same for “First Nations.”