The Dream

Yesterday was Veteran’s Day and I miss my veteran so much. Our time with the Army seems so close and yet so far away. At my age things seem to be moving so fast to get past the things I have grown up with. Our perception of the future was very different than what we have and I still want my flying car!

In our ignorance we believed that things would be better. The lives of our children would be much better than ours. The world would be better, kinder and more loving. No more wars. No hate.

It was a dream that didn’t last long and I’m sorry it’s gone.

(I couldn’t resist this photo.)

,

Old Wisdom

Ageing, disappearing

Vanishing, not noticed

Passed by

As we grow older

 these things happen

Frequently

But we remember

We learned

And we still remember

Life is a gift

Cherished, loved

Hated, experienced

Ups and downs

Bring wisdom

Joys and tears

Compassion Can be learned

As our lives

Connect with others

The journey can be

Long or short

Alone or with others

We have been there

Learned

And gained

 When you see us

White haired, frail

And bent

Don’t dismiss

The wisdom learned

On our journey

We’ll share if you sit

and Listen openly

To our wisdom

Who knows

It may

Soften your journey

And you may find

Obstacles

Moved out of the way

Where is everyone?

Things have been crazy around here. The Independent Living place where I live just can’t get help and all the others are in the same boat. It is an interesting phenomenon. It seems that every place cannot find enough staff. Last evening the people in charge were working in the dining room. Everyone from the CEO down. Wait staff is impossible to get. People come for interviews but don’t want to work.

It is not just us. Everywhere I go people are advertising for workers. What baffles me is where are the people who were working before covid? Did they all get jobs working from home? Did they get enough government bailouts to not have to work at all? It is a real mystery.

There is also the issue of the availability of products. That is worse than ever. The head chef can’t even get the food he orders. The same thing is true for the grocery stores. Shelves are still out of may items.

I guess we are just going to have to learn to live differently. I am blessed that I have a place to sleep and food to eat. Inconvenience is a minor thing compared to life altering problems.

Insanity is around us

There is one thing about growing older that is frustrating. We won’t live to help our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren find hope when we self destruct. It is so hard not to worry about the polarization our country is experiencing. How do we get to the point where those with opposing opinions can talk without becoming angry and abusive.

What are we to do? I can remember when our representatives actually listened to each other and considered what was presented to them.

Currently we have states who have banned any abortion even when the mother has an ectopic pregnancy which will kill her. Oh well what, does the life of the mother matter.

Then there are states which allow killing of an infant who is full term and call it an abortion.

Has the whole world gone crazy?

(I know this sounds extreme but I have actually read the laws in the two states above. I have deliberately left out the names.)





Worry

One day at a time. Don’t we all wish that we could live that way? To be able to shut our minds to the worries that plague us about the future. My grandmother loved to quote the Bible and always said:

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

If only I could do that I am sure that life would be so much easier. Oh well, something to continue working on.

Grandmother also loved to say this to me:

Balance or Acceptance

Sometimes it feels as if I will never achieve some sort of normalcy in my life. I can go several days feeling well and settled and then IBSD hits me and I am back in the doldrums. I long for balance. I hope that I can find it before long. Maybe this is just the way that it will be as I continue to grow older. Maybe acceptance is the answer.

Thoughts from last year

I wrote this poem when I was really low. It helps me to see how far I have come. It gives me hope for the times to come.

Grief hurts
It touches
The body
The mind
And the spirit

It’s toll
Can be felt
Everywhere

There is
no escape
no respite
no relief

It raises
I’s head
When least
Expected

And
Wipes away
Peace

Fear
Accompanies it
Casting long shadows
Making the world
Dull, grey

Hope is
Pushed aside
Lost

Will change
Ever come?
Hope ever
Return?

I cannot

See
If light
Is there

I only
Suffer
Each moment
And wait

You Never Know

There is a quote that says “if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans.” That has been true for me so many times. I thought I had most of my financial things all wrapped up and just found out today that the accountant I had doing things for me died. He was a wonderful man….joyful, kind and loved. My finances will work out but he will be missed.

Life is so uncertain. we never know what is coming next. I learned early that I am not in charge of life. It was a hard lesson but a necessary one. It is helpful to know that.

On Saturday mornings there is a meeting of the Knit Wits. This is a group who meets each week to enjoy each other, chat and like our grandmothers do hand work. One person was talking about when her father’s nursing home called to tell her he had passed away. The lady on the phone said “Your father has expired.” She replied “I didn’t know he had an expiration date.” There was silence for quite a while on the other end of the phone. I just loved that and it was my laugh for the day.

The journey continues

What do we do when life changes drastically? How do we learn to live differently? I am still figuring that out. Each day is a new way of thinking a new way of being. I haven’t entirely found myself in this new reality.

I have talked many times with others who have experienced something similar to my journey. They have the same feelings, the same questions, the same puzzling ups and downs. One day everything is so easy and the next is a struggle.

I know that there will be a time when I will know I have found myself. I will find myself whole and not living in several worlds.


Life is a journey and is always new. It is time to embrace it.

Just life

I have been absent for so long that I feel guilty. The life that I live now is so different than before. There are many good things that I do. I swim three times a week and it feels so good. I will be able to do that all year as the pool is inside.

There are so many different people here. It was founded by graduates of the University of Texas and we have lots of retirees who taught or held other jobs at the University. There are so many smart people who have held amazing jobs and traveled the world.
Sometimes I feel inadequate and provincial. However it is exciting to talk with those who have had such interesting lives.

I am still playing guitar in the band badly but no one notices. It is just a fun thing to do.

I still spend too much time reading or watching TV. I actually miss working in the yard. There was something therapeutic about it. I had such a sense of accomplishment.

Most days are good and I have new friends who are wonderful but there are times when the huge change in my life still overwhelms me.

My dog, Crash, is still with me and shares his love with me every day. I am so grateful for him.

I’m just resting my eyes

I am trying to get on a schedule with writing. I need it and miss all the connections I have made in the 5? years that I have been doing this. I want to keep in touch.