Today amidst all else that has been happening I discovered that I am missing some of my favorite necklaces. I have torn the apartment apart but no luck. Now none of these things were valuable but just important to me. I literally have no necklaces that I like to wear. There is a box full of the rest of my costume stuff but none of it is anything I care for or would choose to wear. Much of it is broken.
Such a simple loss but one that hurts terribly. I just seems to add to all the other loses I am experiencing. I know that with God’s help this will all get better but today I just don’t see how.
I’ll just hope that is spite of my search the things will show up some how.
It has been so long since I have written that I feel lost. I think the straw that broke the camels back fell on me. I hate to say it but I don’t remember but one other time in my life when I felt so miserable. My IBSD is out of control even though I have tried one round of medicine. I have asked for a second round. I am praying that I will not have to go through all the gastro tests to get this under control.
For those who read my blogs you know that this IBSD triggers my anxiety and panic attacks. I think that all of this is related to all that has happened but also with having a new doctor who doesn’t treat the same and doesn’t understand the meds that I need. He doesn’t want to proscribe the way that I am used to and then when I need meds he doesn’t agree with what I am asking him. He did get a letter from my previous doctor but I don’t know that it has helped.
For most of my life I have managed to stay off any meds whenever I can and don’t ask for them unless necessary. I reduce them as soon as possible but I don’t think he believes that. I will be searching for someone who will understand and hope to find one soon.
In the meantime I have such an assortment of meds that it is really crazy. I won’t go into the whole list but I have way too much of things that only help slightly and not enough of the ones I need.
Sorry for the hard post but I am frustrated and ill and need prayers and support. I want to get back to myself.
Sometimes I just don’t know what to write. Life can be so confusing. So much has gone one in my life over the last year and 1/2 that it will take some time to process. It seems that life goes faster the older we get. We don’t stop to savor each moment like we did as children. I would like to relearn that ability and I think it is possible to do so.
As I look out my windows I see hills and trees and rain clouds. There are houses where others live out their own lives. Will they stop and see time rushing by? I hope so. It is such a gift to have those memories from the times we did pay attention.
We see so often “take time to smell thee roses” but we often don’t do that. As I continue my journey I want to savor every moment. Life it too short. Don’t waste it.
My favorite sign ever was painted on a shop window in Canterbury, England. It said, “Sex Aids for Ferrets!” Only upon drawing nearer did I see the small print beneath that read, “Not really, but we do have some great deals on guitars.” Two of my favorite things in one place: guitars and British wit! […]
I have not written since the middle of June. It has just been too hard. I have struggled with IBSD and grief and didn’t want to write about all my sadness and anxiety. I have moved to Longhorn Village a wonderful home for those who want to live the rest of their lives with joy and I have met so many people who live life to the fullest. It will take me time to adjust and the grief will come and go on its own schedule. Nevertheless, I am hopeful for the first time in forever.
I will be able to do stimulating mental and physical activities and it is such a relief after covid to be able to go without a mask here and shake hands. Before all this journey we have all been on with virus we would never had imagined how our world would change.
I thank God for all that has changed in my life…the good and the bad. I would have preferred to not go through some of it but I am alive getting up every morning.
I miss my books. Many of them I have had for a long time and they are friends. I will think about something I want to read again and then remember that my books are not here. I can’t wait till I can get them after moving. They are so much a part of me.
I often think about how blessed I am to have sight and am able to read. On line things are wonderful but there is nothing like a story to take us out of ourselves. Also I have so many books that have thoughts that I want to revisit and mull over.
I know it won’t be long and I am looking forward to it.
Living in Texas is a whole other world. Recently the legislature here decided that it is fine for anyone to carry a gun, without a license. No restrictions. Then last Friday there was a shooting in the busy downtown area. Anyone wonder?
There are some other strange things that has been passed by this group but I am not going into all of that. I have to say that some groups in other states have also done some peculiar things. I am no longer living the real world. It seems as if each state is trying to see who can be nuttier….both groups on the left and on the right. Are they trying to outdo each other?
I guess I am too old to understand all of this. Is there no one reasonable left?
Anyway, I get to move to my own world next week and I suppose I should just stay there until I shuffle off. At least most of the people my age seem sane. Maybe even those with dementia are better that those controlling our governments.
Life is returning to reasonable for me. Between the medicine, that seems to be working, and God’s continued presence I seem to be coming out of the fog.
Now I will finish up anything pending and get prepared to move once again. However, this should be it….finally.
It is hard to remember what life was like before this journey began. It seems like a lifetime ago but was just a year and 1/2. Now along with everyone else I will find my way in this new world. I wish for everyone that they are able to move forward with renewed hope and some joy in the future.
The only way to do that is one day at a time, one moment at a time. I have been reading a novel (fantasy and fun) and finding some inspiring ideas and quotes that I will ponder on. One is: “We are here and now, and that is the only place we can be.” from Mrs. Perivale and the Blue Fire Crystal by Dash Hoffman. It states so clearly what we have to do. We cannot change where we are and what has happened. That is past. But we can live in the moment and be the best we can.
I hope that everyone can find a way to do that and to find some peace along the way.
It will be interesting how this “time out” for the world will be viewed in the future. The big question is has it made enough of an impact to force us to change. Change is a word that can strike terror in the hearts of many. We don’t like change. Somehow we tend to focus on what has changed and lost instead of what has been gained.
Will there be more similar problems coming? Will we learn from this about our world and take better care? Will we revert to our old way of life and finally have the next crisis be destroying the world?
I imagine that there will be some of each of these things. I pray that enough will change to make things better. It has been enlightening and joyful to see creatures not seen for decades or centuries suddenly reappearing. I hope we can keep this trend going. There is hope.