Becoming

This journey that we have been on for the last year has changed me in many ways. I have felt myself stretching and discovering. I have had to learn things I needed to know since my husband could not longer help. I have been blessed that I managed the finances (mostly) all along so that was something I didn’t have to struggle with.

When you have been living with someone as long as we have you develop patterns and really become unaware of how much you depend on the other person and the things they do. I have learned to be so grateful for the things my husband has done over the years and truly miss his help although he is now able to help some.

still becoming

All of our lives we are people in transition. We are growing, learning and hopefully gaining wisdom. I was raised in a family that taught that people are more important than things and our home has always been open to others both as a refuge and a fun place to be. We have nurtured many over the years and hope to continue to do so. Our hearts have always been open to love those around us and that will also continue.

Our journey is continuing and will until we leave this earth and maybe even after. My husband and I are still “becoming.”

Freeing up from things

Just a few more weeks until our move. I will be so glad to be done with this and in place. I know I will so miss my friends but nothing else is as important. We will create a new path and a simpler way to be. When my mother died, then my aunt a year later, I was tasked with clearing out two homes. It was hard to see all the things they had gathered over the years. I always swore that I would not leave that kind of task for my children and now I know that I will not. Things that I saved through so many moves have been sorted and only the important and loved things will go with us.

It is a sadness but also a relief. There was so much “stuff” I found that I have no idea why I kept. Now there is a fresh start with the things we love. It feels freeing in so many ways. Help from family arrives on the 23rd and more on the 27th. That will help us to continue to make progress.

We have mailed our absentee ballots and who knows what this election will bring. I will just be glad when it is over. I have never seen so many vituperative people in my whole life. The world has certainly changed and I am not sure for the better. I pray that the world can move on to a better way of being.

Fun question for discussion

I am still perusing the “If” book and this one is an interesting puzzle?

“If you have to choose a time in history when overall things were worse than any other single time, when would you say it was?”

The temptation, of course, is to say now. The whole world is in a pandemic with millions dying. In the US politics is a nightmare. The earth is in danger. So many things are wrong. But then, having studied history a case could be made for quite a few other times.

Hitler wipes out at least 6 million Jews not to mention those who were dissenters, other nationalities or disabled. He brings war to Europe and England causing many other deaths.

It is estimated that the Black Plague wiped out 25 million people in much of the known world. It changed the face of Europe for ever.

The Great Chinese Famine wiped out tens of millions between 1958 and 1961. I was alive and a college student at that time and I don’t remember it ever hitting the news in this country. You would have thought that as a History Major I would at least have noticed it.

I am sure that I could go on citing things in the past that have changed the civilization of different groups. How important were these things in the big scheme? That is a question for interesting debate and a fun conversation for those studying Philosophy of History.

When would you choose?

Where would you go?

While continuing to separate what is to move with us and what is not I have been going through books. I have so many books and some I refuse to part with. Some I will be sad to lose but will recover.

While doing this I came across the book “If…(questions for the Game of Life) by Evelyn McFarland & James Saywell. This book is really fun to use to spark your imagination and your thinking. Today I pulled out “If you had to choose one country in the world other than the United States to become the only superpower of the twenty-first century, which country would you pick?”

Which would you choose?

Wow! in the midst of all that is going on a really interesting question. I have recently asked myself if I wanted to live somewhere else where would it be? The politics, anger, violence, attitudes and management of covid has made me to question this country. When I read the question I had to seriously consider. Is there any country whose moral ethos and government functions would I trust with my life? That is so hard. Over the last 6 months or so I have often said I would like to move to Holland or Sweden or Finland, Not having lived there I really can’t gauge how it would be. More recently covid has made me wonder about New Zealand. They have certainly responded to covid with caring for each other.

What do you think? Is there any place you would pick?

Times are a changin

I am sorry that I haven’t been able to read on a logical schedule lately. I want to keep up with everyone but things have been so crazy that I just couldn’t get to it.

We only have a few more weeks to go and the hectic part will be over. It will be time to settle in and get a routine going. I will be nice to have my daughter and her family to be with since they have been quarantining and we feel safe around them.

They have done so much for us during this transition as have my other two children. We are so blessed that my three and their families don’t fight with each other and love each other dearly.

The elephant in the room

The trip to Mayo was tiring especially since my cruise control went nuts and now the car has to go in for service. There have been several electronic glitches in the last few weeks so I think they are all connected. Just hoping it is not toooooo expensive.

Since I knit and crochet all the time I have packed six boxes of yarn so far. WOW! I have to start using what I already have and find patterns to match.

I have been having fun working on some elephant snuggle things for my two great grandsons. Since this one is unfinished he has a crochet hook on his ear but I think they will love these. It is the perfect age for this kind of thing. Enjoy my feet in the edge.

With all the sorting and getting ready to pack I need something creative to work on.

Time is getting nearer and there is less tension for me as it does. I hate waiting more than moving.

All will be well

Today has been trying. I had to be at the eye center early for surgery to remove some cloudiness behind the lens. I used to be a morning person and I still get up early but I can’t get going easily. I just need some alone time in the morning to get my mind going. When I have to get going early I don’t sleep well the night before. So I didn’t sleep well. The bad part is that we have to drive to the Mayo Clinic for a check up tomorrow. Three hours there and three hours back. I’m not looking forward to that. Once we get going I will be fine. At least the drive is time to think.

This waiting to move is so hard. I feel as if I am living in a time warp. I know it will be past soon and I am looking forward to that. And “all will be well.”

BLACK – grey – WHITE

Today I have decided that I am a grey person living in a black and white world. I don’t mean grey as a color but the middle ground between black and white. People are either on one side or the other. With race you are black or white…forget Native Americans (First nations), people whose skin is tan, brown, yellowish, reddish, half of one thing and half another. You are either one or the other.

I really wish we could all have our DNA tested to discover what different colors show up in our genes. Having been raised in the south I would be willing to be that I am a certain percentage black?/brown?. Who knows what else might show up. Could certainly be First Nations.

In politics there is also no grey. We are all being bombarded with negative information. I have only seen one positive commercial during this whole campaign. I was awed to see it.

I grew up in a grey world. People could talk without rancor. There could be actual discussions. Real debate. I didn’t watch the debate because I suspected how it would go. It wasn’t a debate but a diatribe by both men. We are being overcome by the negativity of things. Positive no longer applies. This is worrisome for me and my descendants. We have to revive the positive. There is a middle and we have to find it. It is imperative!

Sit Quietly

I have written and talked a lot about silence. In the book I’m reading I ran across this quote and agree so much with it.

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Blaise Pascal

The only thing I would add to that is “in silence.” That might not have been necessary in Pascal’s time but today it would be.

It is critically important for us to take “down time.” Not just time to sit but time to sit with nothing else going on. It is easy to notice how difficult this is for people when in church you ask people to sit for a moment in silence. It doesn’t take long for the twitching to begin.

Our culture gives so little time for this kind of restfulness. There is almost always something to watch, listen to, or be distracted by. I have noticed that some school systems in the world are beginning to teach children how to sit quietly in a meditative way. What a wonderful thing. The current generations have great trouble with it.

I was an only child and had much time by myself to just be quiet and think. It has helped me to be able to do this. Everyone needs to learn!

Discernment = balance

Compassion is the sometimes fatal capacity for feeling what it’s like to live inside somebody else’s skin. Frederick Buechner in “Wishful Thinking.”

Compassion is a wonderful thing. It helps us to be kind to others. It is a gift. To be able to understand what someone else is going through on a deep level can be enlightening.

There is also another side to compassion. One can feel the pain so deeply that they are too involved. We have to have the ability to know that although we understand we are not that person. Sometimes people who feel other’s pain very deeply are called “empaths.” Empaths often have trouble removing themselves from the situation. They become so involved that it may not help the other person and can be harmful to them. That is why Buechner calls it a “sometimes fatal capacity.”

This is one of those things for which we have to find balance. Compassion is needed for us to be loving people. But we do have to be able to discriminate between what is enough and what is too much? It can be a tricky thing to do.