It’s time for me to think about the blessings in my life. I have lived 81 years with lots of love and caring both me for others and others for me. I was blessed by wonderful parents and grew up feeling safe and loved. In today’s world not many can say that.
I am living in a place that will keep me safe and secure for the rest of my days. Not many people can say that. I have so much to be thankful for.
It is so easy to get in the habit of dealing with the negatives in our lives and not spend any time think about what is good. We all have heard that we should concentrate daily on the good things but we let the bad take over.
I want to begin anew my “worry less journey” learning to be grateful each day. The down times may try to pull me away but I will find ways to let it go.
This very old song sums up my thoughts. (Johnny Mercer was a native from where I lived.. Savannah Ga)
Sometimes the simplest things help us more than anything. Last week I did something that made me feel happy. I had my nails done. A very small thing but I haven’t done this in several years. I didn’t have to do it but it made me feel spoiled and happy. This is not something that I will do all the time but this simple thing was important. My mood lightened and I felt so good about it.
There are many times where doing something just for ourselves can make a big difference. Take the time to recognize when you need to treat yourself…whether is it a bubble bath, a walk in the woods, or visiting a friend. It can make a huge difference!
I was supposed to take a train trip across Canada with my daughter and her family starting July 19th. After taking my husband’s ashes to Savannah for burial in the middle of June I was so emotionally drained that I couldn’t go. I was also battling IBSD and didn’t They are now home and all of them got covid on the trip. Obviously I made the right choice. I am sorry to have missed the vacation but I was certainly better off to not go. Fortunately none of them were very sick.
I have found a new counselor who is really wonderful and a great match for me. She is holding me accountable for doing the things I need to do to stay well and grounded. That is what I need.
Life goes on here with covid coming and going. We all need to learn how to live in this new world.
Today I read an article from the New York Times about a movement toward banning books. I am so sorry to see this ugly idea coming up again. The minute we begin to censor what people can read we are in danger. Having access to other’s ideas is critical to our freedom. People are kept in ignorance can be controlled. We have seen that before in history. As always those who don’t learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
Another day is fading into night. It reminds me of the “gloaming” and I love the image. I continue to move ahead each day trusting that my path will unfold before me. I still struggle to stop worrying about what tomorrow will bring. Both my husband and my mother frequently chastised me to not let the future ruin the present. They were both so good at living in the day. May I too learn to do the same.
I met today with a new therapist and am so encouraged by our connection and her understanding. Things will get better. I will continue to believe that.
I continue my struggle with IBSD but I am reaching out for a doctor as I don’t have a gastro one here. I realize that I also am missing all the doctors I had before. I must find new ones.
We are currently sheltering from the new covid strain and quite a few people here have been sick. We all wanted so much to see things as normal and that is not happening. It can be so tiresome and depressing.
Crash and I remain here working through each day. He is my companion and solace.
The last few days have been bad. I am having a serious attack of IBSD and that always stresses me into anxiety. In addition where I live there has been a considerable increase with the number of people who have covid and that doesn’t help. Today the dining rooms are closed and we can order food to be picked up. Not fun to have to eat alone.
I think one of the hardest things about my time is the loneliness that can’t be helped. I miss my husband who was my rock for almost 59 years. It is the emotional support that is the most difficult to lose.
I am trying to hang in there and hope that getting my rx for the med I need will bring about some change.
Since coming back from my husband’s funeral in June things seemed ok. I was preparing to travel with my daughter’s family on a trip to Canada. I became more and more anxious and time ticked away and a week before the trip had a melt down. I had been crying daily and getting more and more upset.My anxiety had reached a level where I knew I had to do something. Discussion with my doctor’s Nurse Practitioner helped me to see that I wasn’t ready or able to take that trip. Fortunately my daughter had wisely taken out insurance that allowed anyone to cancel for any reason. She completely understood my decision. The minute my decision was made a weight was lifted.
I was really unaware that I would be so affected by the trip to Savannah with the funeral, visiting the city and seeing friends. After his death over 14 months ago I had no idea that it would cause me to react so strongly. I should have remembered that we were together for over 58 years.
Those of us who are in the last chapter of our lives need to know that we can still make a difference. Continue to live each day to leave behind a legacy of love and caring.
They used to say that nothing stays the same but death and taxes. I have decided that as right as this is something supersedes these and it is change. Change is always with us. It comes when planned and when unexpected but it always comes.
Since fall of 2020 my life has been the perfect example of change. With two moves, losing my husband and my home (had to sell when moving), living in a completely different state(one that acts as if it is its own country) and living in an Independent Living Retirement place, change has become normal. I just expect it and keep going.
Living with others who have retired and seeing mostly grey hair around me has been interesting, challenging, disturbing and comforting. There is sometimes the feeling of living in the British comedy “Waiting for God.” It can be hard to accept living where (supposedly) you know you will die. You have to develop a different mind set.
In some ways it it like living in a college dorm. As a community, there are rules that must protect us all somewhat like those in a HOA setting. For those who have been independent and masters of their own choices it can be frustrating.
Those are some of the negatives. It is wonderful, however, to have 3 restaurants on site and cook only if you want to. It is so good to have conversations with people who remember the things you do and understand your references to events and people of the past. (Some young people are so clueless it make me wonder what is being taught in school.) It’s a miracle to have my apartment cleaned once a week.
Soooo, although life has been challenging with lots of changes, it has also been interesting, stimulating, and life enhancing. There are so many things to do. We are connected to the University of Texas and can attend things there as we want. Events and activities are fun and improve minds and bodies. Life is good. You just have to reach out a grab it.
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