Category: coping

Bravery and fear go together

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, appreciate, compassion, coping, fear, remember, viewpoint

 

Bravery comes from the things we fear. We are only brave when we face something that we fear. Being able to step forward into a situation that worries us means that we can put the fear aside. We learn how to do this from the struggles we have had in the past. Each thing that has gone wrong in our lives has been a learning experience. We moved past those experiences and survived.

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Nobody wants to go through difficulties in life but they do help us to grow. The growth gives us the coping skills to manage the next problem that confronts us.  We not only learn how to manage but it helps us to understand others who are going through the same things. We have more compassion.

Think about the things that have troubled you in life and how you got through them. They have made you stronger and more compassionate. Don’t dwell on them as negative things but appreciate them for the things you have learned.

Apologize?

by worrylessjourney, posted in answers, anxiety, choices, connections, consequences, coping, misunderstanding, perspective, responsible

“It is a good rule to never apologize. The right kind of people never want apologies and the wrong kind take advantage of them.” From the TV show “The Orville”

On one level I agree with this quote. The wrong people can take advantage but the right people deserve an apology. Sometimes you don’t know which you are dealing with. When thinking about this I came to the conclusion that if in the wrong I would rather apologize. In some ways the apology is for me and the other person.

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Being able to ask forgiveness makes me feel better. It also shows respect to the other person.  It takes away some of the guilt I am feeling. However, I don’t like to apologize for something I did not do. This is where I draw the line. In my life I have been accused of wronging someone when it wasn’t me. In spite of the fact of my insistence that I was innocent I was never believed. That is hard to live with.

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I just couldn’t resist this one

The other interesting idea is the non-apology apology. Have you ever used this ploy? For example, I might say I am sorry you feel that way. It sounds like an apology but really I am just stating how I feel at the moment. It is however, the truth. This can work if you are in a sticky situation. Most of the time it is taken as an apology. It is one way to end any dispute and restore good feelings.

 

What are your feelings about apologies?

 

Make life better

by worrylessjourney, posted in answers, balance, choices, complacency, consequences, coping, habits, healing, help, hope, ideas, perspective, strength

Today I was at the Mediation Center and ran across this list. It is the most comprehensive I have ever seen. Anyone should be able to find something on here that they can do to make their day better. I am appending it to my bulletin board.

We often think there is nothing we can do. Usually because we really don’t want to do anything except feel bad. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to do something to improve things. It may take strength to get going. There is always something that will help. See if you can find some things on this list.

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Share yourself

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, choices, comfort, compassion, connections, coping, empathy, healing, kindness, understanding, wisdom

Our society expects us to maintain a facade. We must never seem broken or fragile. Society sees this a weakness. Underneath all of that the reality is that it is frightening. If you are shattered maybe that will happen to me.

Think about how we greet people. “How are you? I’m fine.” We may be suffering but oh dear we better not share it. I have heard people respond “not okay” and the other person doesn’t even acknowledge what has been said. Too often we don’t want to hear it. It might draw us into the pain and suffering that we don’t want to see.

In truth, most of us are balanced on a precipice and feel that a little shove might push us over. We wouldn’t want anyone else to see this as that would diminish us in their eyes.

Most of my life people have sought me out to share their fears and their pain. I don’t think I am at all special. It is because I have never hidden my own wounds and am willing to open myself to others. I’m not sure why I am this way but it is who I am. Being this way is not always comfortable but it has given me the opportunity to show compassion and love.

Never be afraid to share your true self. Some will turn away but it is their own fears that cause that. Showing others how you have learned and continue to move on will give them hope.

 

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The importance of touch

by worrylessjourney, posted in appreciate, connections, coping, life, touch, understanding

I am now in Texas visiting my family. I is nice to reconnect. Not everyone has family for that kind of connection. In my life family has always been my rock. I was brought up to believe that will everything else fell away family was there. For most of my life this has been the case.

 

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One of the most difficult things about how we all live today is we are so separated. Yes, we can fly to visit family but it is not the same as being in the same town. When families lived close to each other it always seemed that there was someone that you could relate to. It might be crazy Aunt Lily or weird Uncle George but we were able to find someone who understood us.

The world is wider and narrower today. We are physically separated but can communicate easier. That helps in some ways but there is nothing like a hug. As humans we are wired to need touch and the fears we see with inappropriate touch has made us draw back from even simple gestures. I don’t know how we will fare if we are unable to receive the physical contact we need. Babies who are not held are at greater risk for a diagnosis of “attachment disorder” which can lead to serious antisocial behaviors. I wish I knew the answers but I don’t.

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Find the people in your life who are willing to share touch in a positive way.  We can’t live without it.

 

A little time out

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, anxiety, control, coping, enjoy, family, stress, Uncategorized

My posting may be erratic for the next week. I am going to visit my daughter in Austin. Hopefully I will get to use one of the computers they have and post.

Today has been a strain. For some reason I have had a flare of IBSD. I don’t think it is the travel. Last week was stressful and I guess it just got to me. I will cope and be on that plane tomorrow and enjoy my week.

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I will be reading all the posts. Have a great week.

Explore options

by worrylessjourney, posted in advice, choices, consequences, coping, enlightening, learn, life changes, perspective, wisdom

My husband has taught me over the years some comments that he lives by. One of my favorites is “there is always a solution…it may not be the one you envisioned or wanted but there is one.”

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I have so often found this to be true. Sometimes the idea that we have can’t be done the ordinary way. We don’t need to give up but be willing to search until we come up with something else that will work. This kind of thinking has lead me to be creative in my solutions and come up with ideas that I might not have found before. It helps me to not give up.

Over the years I have seen my husband (a structural engineer) receive awards for buildings that he was told “it can’t be done that way.” He does it. It works and stands the test of time.

I know that over the years he has learned things from me too. I am a people person and am astute at judging motives and at nudging out the truth. People usually open up to me. I am absolutely no good at math and engineering. I have always been the literature/psychology person.

When I was young I wanted to be a nurse but thought I couldn’t get through the science part to get to the people part. My first college degree was History/Music. Later in life I made up my mind to defy my fears and sturdy nursing. I found out I could do the science since I love learning about human anatomy, diseases and how to help those with problems related to them.

My people skills led to living the last 20 years of my career as a parish nurse. This brought all of my experience, skills and faith and wrapped them up in one package. It was an amazing experience.

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I always tell young people to not worry if they don’t know their passion or their path right away. Just leap out and do something. You have time to do many things and pursue many ideas in your life. Never give up exploring. Something you thought early on may change with time and experience. It is never too late to make changes if you have the desire and the drive to do it. As my husband’s quote says there always is a solution. It may not be the first one you find. Jut keep on and try different things until it works!

What else can dogs do?

by worrylessjourney, posted in appreciate, celebrate, comfort, connections, coping, dogs, Uncategorized

Today I was out for a while and I returned home to find two happy, tail wagging dogs greeting me as I got out of the car. If only we were always greeted by someone who was so excited to see us our lives would be so much better.

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They look so innocent

The unconditional love given to us by our pets is an example to us. We certainly can learn from them. Recently I read a magazine about animals and there is evidence that dogs can also tell if someone is evil or has bad intentions toward us. We are learning more every day about what they are capable of. We already know that they can smell out cancer, calm those with PTSD, find drugs, and help those with disabilities. I wonder how much we will discover about them in the future.

Can we learn soon?

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, connections, consequences, coping, danger, frustration, grief, mistakes, responsible, worry

In Iroquois society, leaders are encouraged to remember seven generations in the past and consider seven generations in the future when making decisions that affect the people. 
-Wilma Mankiller, the first female Chief of the Cherokee Nation

I have always admired the insight of Native Americans. Their wisdom seems to reach a depth not always found in our society. When I look around at what we have done to the earth it is apparent that we don’t look ahead at all. Too often it is all about money and/or power. Two things that are so transient.

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To nurture the earth will allow human life to continue. If we don’t we don’t survive. I was talking with someone recently about “Mother Nature” and how she always seems to bite back. If we find an antibiotic to cure a disease it has the potential to change to something that we can’t fix. Eventually the earth itself will kill us off. Either as a direct result of what we have done or by what has evolved because of our hubris.

The Episcopal Prayer Book calls the earth: “this fragile earth, our island home.” The earth is fragile and I weep for what has been done.

I still have hope that people will wake up and change. In my experience we often wait until such a crisis occurs that there is no option but to change. I hope we don’t wait too long. Whatever is in our future I hope that we will learn, change and care for the earth. It is our only home.

 

All will be well??

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, anxiety, consequences, control, coping, depression, emotions, Uncategorized

Sometimes everything that can go wrong will and there is nothing you can do about it. This week has been that way. We were supposed to be able to have a closing on a house we are selling and nothing has gone right. Part of it has been minutia. T’s to be crossed and i’s to be dotted. It just seems that every time we thought it was done something else has cropped up. Who knows how this will end but I know that sometime it will.

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It is just so hard to not let things that drive you crazy push you over the edge. I am supposed to travel next week to visit my daughter and I am not going to let anything mess that up. I don’t get to see two of my children and their families that often and I am not going to spoil this trip by being upset.

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I will invoke all of my coping skills and manage the frustration my husband and I are  feeling. “This too shall pass!”