After a series of glitches last week with my health and my dog Crash I think we are both on the road to recovery. A new year is coming and I pray that with it not just a better year for me and mine but for everyone. The last two years have certainly been hard for us. It is certainly time for everyone to have a break. For some reason I was reminded of a very old TV program called HEE HAW and a song that they sang frequently. I think that in the last two years this has felt true.
I haven’t written in so long that I will be surprised if anyone remembers me. I seem to function well day to day but can’t spend time thinking. TV has become my escape. I don’t like this version of me. It is up to me to change this. Choices are there I just have to choose well.
My dogs continue to worry me. One is with my daughter for a short while and the other has some health issues that concern the vet. I hope we can pin down the problem soon and that it is minor.
My basset hounds are big dogs with short legs which means that they can pull me down or trip me up easily. I fell earlier this week getting tangled with Crash. (on carpet thank goodness). No major hurt except for muscle pains. I feel blessed that it wasn’t more.
As I look back over this short post I wonder where the real me has gone. I will do better! I am determined!
We have too much stuff! Traveling just 15 minutes on the highway recently I saw 7 large places for people to store their excess “stuff.” One of them has spaces that people can buy. They actually will own a storage space. We have so much we have no where to put it.
I have never used a storage space and managed to cram all my excess into the attic or closets. I seldom climbed into the attic to check on what was there. The majority of things up there were things I didn’t need but was just reluctant to get rid of. I wonder how often people who have things in a storage facility visit the place. I am sure that there are people who no longer have any idea of what it squirreled away.
There are times when such a space is needed but I bet those are in the minority. I wonder why we find it so hard to divest ourselves of excess. I know that I tend to think that I just might need “it” in the future. If that was really the case it would be ok but usually I never needed “it” again.
Now I have downsized from my longtime home to a small apartment. In order to keep things neat there has to be a place for everything. Keeping things in place means there can be no excess. I don’t intend to have any extra storage space so I had to get rid of anything not really important to me. I many ways it was freeing. There are things that I miss but not so much that I would change anything.
What is this new world that we are living in? So many people are sick and it is hard to not feel as if it is their fault since so many of them were not vaccinated. It is a terrible world when people are so frightened by words spoken by politicians that they can’t care for their own health and that of others.
How did we get there? How can we make the changes necessary to create another environment. It is so sad. This virus could have had a better and faster outcome if paranoia had not set in. When people are scared anything can happen.
Who is to blame for all of this. To sort of quote the words of Pope Francis ” When no one is to blame then everyone is to blame.”
Everyday is blending into the next. With the rise in covid variant it seems we are back to staying in. It becomes quite depressing. However, there is nothing to do but continue on. There will be some point at which the danger will be outweighed by our need to be with others.
We are human and as such we have a long history of being “tribal.” We need the connection with people. Most of us can only be solitary for so long. Admittedly some extreme introverts can deal with it for quite a while but the rest of us need communion with others.
The incidence of depression and anxiety has risen drastically since this all started. There are discussions of a new, even more virulent covid coming next. We will need to find new ways to live. We may have to limit ourselves to a closed circle of friends. There will still be risk but life has always had risk. We just have to adapt and keep on.
I don’t know if I have written about this before but I feel compelled to talk about it. Each of us matters. We can so easily get discouraged about changing anything…the way the world is going, the condition of the earth, the violence around us. It is so frustrating. Often we want to make a difference but we feel unable to do so. So how do we get past that?
I believe that any small thing makes a difference. I belong to prayer group called Daughters of the King. The motto of that group is ““I cannot do everything, but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do. What I ought to do, by the grace of God I will do. Lord, what will you have me do?”
I believe this. Each of us can make a difference. In the words of the Dalai Lama
“The tendrils that connect one human being to another are so unlikely so inherently fragile…I think that is it s a miracle they exist at all.”
From the TV program Numbers
Connecting with one another is so key to how we live. I have always needed those connections and tend to nurture them. Without them I am lost.
Whether we are connecting to the family that raised us or family that we choose and continue to choose from those we meet those connections form us. They are the glue that hold us together. The support that we receive from others makes our lives manageable. The love of those connected by those tendrils is what brings joy to our journey through life.
It is a miracle and one that I depend on and rejoice over every day.
Today there has apparently been a lot of conversation about the Jeep commercial on the ball game last night. This whole thing is such a mystery to me. People are taking sides and giving their opinions of what was meant and why it was done. What about just considering what was said and how the words themselves have make people think. The fact that there has been so much discussion certainly lets us know that it struck a chord whether good or bad.
Instead of just fussing about each side what would happen if those talking could think about why this brought out so many opinions and thoughts? What if real discussion could take place and questions could be asked about what could be done to change the reality of so many splits today and why everyone has taken a “my way or the highway” position. When I was in my 20’s and 30’s people were allowed to take a different position without is causing anger and vituperation. Is there any going back? Is there any way to change? I hope to God there is.
It would be so easy in the midst of all that has been going on to be afraid but fear doesn’t help. Fear merely increases our adrenaline and does bad things to our body. Unless we truly need the fight or flight response it doesn’t help us. It is so easy to be afraid of covid, afraid of the riots and insurrection. There are many things that can make us afraid. Many times we are afraid of things that scared us as children. For some reason I hate spiders. I don’t know why but there is probably something in the past. Fear is a necessary part of our make up. It can save us when we are in danger but we have to learn to see when it is hurting us.
The things that frighten us don’t have to be real. Many of us experience fear/anxiety for a multitude of reasons. The more we learn ways to use tools that help us the better we become. Fear can stop us from doing things that we need to do or things that we really would love doing. Learning to cope each day, each moment is the goal. We just have to keep moving on.
Today has been a little trying. It is raining hard here and 42 degrees. Not the most fun weather. Actually I prefer snow to this. The cold rain is miserable and depressing. It has caused me to feel anxious. I want to be able to get the covid vaccine as soon as possible but since we moved I don’t know exactly how to get connected to let someone know we are both over 80 and at risk. I will have to research and get info so we can get the shots.
Out house also has had no nibbles but Christmas got into the middle of it being on sale so I am hoping with the new year things will begin to change. There are so many things to worry about and I know I have to just put them out of my mind and keep on keeping on. Sometimes it is just so hard.
I also need to find something to stretch my mind. The doldrums have set in. I will have to find some books that challenge me and get reading. I also received a keyboard for Christmas since I had to let my baby grand piano go. That was as really sad since I have had it since I was 8 years old. It was a part of me. Now I do have something to play besides the guitar and need practice.
Instead of feeling sorry for myself I need to move on and explore what is out there for me. There will be some things that I can do that are fruitful during this time and I have to do them. It is too easy to sit and do nothing except crafting and I have done enough of that. Time to get going!