Yesterday was an interesting day. It was my husband’s 82nd birthday. I spent most of the day preparing his favorite meal. We were having our son and family and my best friend to sit in the yard and eat while social distancing. I worked all afternoon on the perfect meal and it was good.
It was a good idea. At least that’s what I thought. My husband is hard of hearing and it is getting worse. He will need to get hearing aids and soon. Sitting far away from people made it almost impossible for him to hear any conversation and really the whole thing was too tiring for him. It was nice but I won’t plan anything like that again soon.
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft agley, An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy! Robert Burns from To a Mouse
Things don’t always work out the way we thought but we have to make the best of it. It’s best not to dwell on it but to just move on to the next thing.
One of the hard things to learn in life is which battles to fight. It is so easy to get caught up in something and turn a mole hill into a mountain. It took me a long time to back down and not get caught up in the moment.
I can remember arguing heatedly with one of my children about what to wear to school. The outfit wasn’t that bad…just didn’t match. If that happened to day I would have just let it go. Amazing what we learn with time.
This also applies to conflict with a spouse. Sometimes it is just better to not be charged up by what is going on. I am so much better at that now than I used to be.
Some battles are not that important. They really won’t matter in the big scheme of things. Learn what battles really need fighting and when to just back away.
For the last few days I have been suffering with what I thought was the beginnings of a bad cold. Runny, runny, runny nose, sneezing, coughing and feeling bad. That started three days ago. Today I feel better. Makes no sense. It it were a cold I would still be coughing etc. for at least another week. I am grateful but also a little confused. It is like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hope I continue feeling better.
It’s funny how starting something like a cold can mess up our thinking. With Coronavirus out there we are more aware than usual of what a virus can do. My husband and I are older and this is the first time that it has made me feel more vulnerable. I am not used to that. I am a healthy active person and am seldom sick. It feels weird to be in a group that is more at risk.
This virus scare has awakened all of us to how vulnerable we humans are. We have lived with the idea that we are supreme. There is nothing out there tougher than we are. Well, guess what? Something that can only be seen with an electron microscope can take us out.
It certainly puts things into perspective. A while ago someone said that the insects will outlive us. Now it sounds like it may the viruses. We don’t take care of ourselves and the earth around us. We eat poorly, don’t exercise, abuse our bodies and then wonder why we are not well.
It’s time to rethink things. We have to pay attention to ourselves, others (animals, insects, bacteria, whatever) and understand the consequences of our mistreatment of everything.
I have written about this before but today it jumped out at me again. We are a nation of hoarders. As a nation we have too much stuff. Near my neighborhood there are already two massive storage facilities for people to put their excess “junk” in. I have know people who put stuff in those places and later have no idea what they have stored. I know there are some people who have downsized and know they will be moving up again and need to keep their things but they are the exception.
There is a TV program where people bid and buy unopened storage places and recycle for money what is inside.
Now a brand new huge facility is being erected. I guess there is so much “stuff” that we have outdistanced the two already here. What are we thinking?
I have spent the last six months sorting and cleaning out closets, cabinets and drawers and taking the excess to charity. I am still not done and am ashamed that I have so much extra that I don’t need. At least I have never needed a storage facility to house the excess. I know that someday we will have to move from our home (as age catches us) and my intention is to give away everything we don’t need for a smaller place. I will not keep and store things.
Are we a hoarding nation?
Truth said in love can hurt before it heals. Unknown
Sometimes we know something that we feel needs to be told. It is something that we know will be a surprise (not always a good one). It is something that could be devastating. What do we decide to do?
This can be an awful decision. It is important to look carefully at why we would disclose. It is possible that we might never be forgiven. It is possible that any friendship will be gone. Do we want to tell for us or for them? Will the disclosure be worth the pain it could inflict? We absolutely have to look closely at ourselves and think about the outcome. Sometimes revealing something it not necessary in the long run. Some times the repercussions will be too painful and can be unnecessary.
Taking the time to think everything through is most important. Hurting someone should not be done lightly. Think before you do!
I have three children. They are all in their 50’s now and that is hard to believe. They were born 3 years apart making the oldest 6 years older than the youngest. When they were about 10, 13 and 16 there was fun conversation going on at dinner one night. The kids were taking about each other’s mistakes…the older two pointing fingers at each other debating who had made the worst mistakes.
Somewhere during the conversation the two of them realized that they had not said anything about the youngest…..and they couldn’t think of anything to say about her. One of them, frustrated that they couldn’t point at her asked: “Why don’t you make many mistakes?”
She responded: “I watch what the two of you do and don’t make the same mistakes.” An amazing piece of wisdom from a 10 year old. We could all learn from her.
Too often we can’t see the wisdom of learning from the mistakes of others. If we did the world would be a better place. That is what history teaches us if we are willing to pay attention. Don’t make the same mistakes with the same outcome. Learn from the past and from the mistakes of others.
I was scheduled for a Community Conference this morning. The child involved did not show up. We were told that the mother is usually the problem with this particular child. For me that is really sad. The child’s case will go back to juvenile court to be dealt with. It is awful that this mother cares so little for her child that she would let the child enter the Juvenile Court System rather than find other solutions and have the case closed. If they had appeared we would have worked to find options for reparations that did not include going to court.
It just makes me want to find this mother and tell her to get her priorities in order. Of course that would do no good. So many children are with parents who are uncaring or so self absorbed that the children don’t matter. Some of the parents solve problems by themselves getting in fights or some other unacceptable way of handling things.
We have to begin teaching conflict resolution in elementary school to try and stop this. Children learn what they see and do what their parents do. It would be good to offer a class for the parents as well and hopefully change what the children are exposed to.
Violence breeds violence.
Our 2019 ended….badly. Our 21 year old granddaughter was in a serious auto accident and ended up in surgery. She was very blessed that when the surgeons went in the only thing damaged was her spleen. Her spleen was removed and she is recovering. She does have a bruised lung which makes breathing painful. It will be a few days in the hospital barring any infection or other problem.
This was early in the day and was not alcohol related with either driver.
Life is so fragile. One moment everything is fine and the next it can be taken away at the snap of a finger. It truly reminds me to treasure each and every day. Even when things are not perfect it is still life!
If only we could live so that we don’t let our minds move us into places we don’t need to go. The worries and anxieties can remove all the joy and we spend each day struggling.
Just to live each day in thanksgiving and peace. That is really the driving force behind worry less journey. To worry less and experience joy and peace more.
May each of you have a blessed new year!
Today has been calm and a nice break. The weather is hot but after all it is summer. Today I did another mediation. It is amazing to me the terrible fixes people can get themselves into. Sometimes I just want to say “what were you thinking?”
So many of the mediations are about loans. Not today but I have seen cases where people borrowed money and I’m sure they had no idea how 25% interest would affect them. You can quickly end up owing so much more money than you started out with. Money management is one of those things that should be taught in school. Someone should show them how if you borrow money at that interest rate you will be in trouble fast.
I have heard some educators recently talking about things that should be taught. It seems that people need education on practical matters. I don’t know what happened. Are parents not teaching money management or cooking at home any more. My parents made sure that I understood about life issues. I may not have wanted to hear it but they told me anyway.
Sometimes I feel so sorry for the people who end up in a legal problem because no one explained the basics to them. Quick money = big interest. It is important to pay attention and know what you are doing.
Sometimes we struggle and struggle to make something work and it just doesn’t. I never want anything to defeat me. When this happens I feel so unsuccessful. Failure jumps in and causes me to show my frustration with whatever I was working on. I hate giving up.
I just have to learn that in some cases I am not defeated. It is not giving up. That is so hard to see. There are some things that we don’t need to succeed at. It may not be the right thing for us in the first place. We can get caught in wanting to fix things that are not ours to fix. There are things that cannot be fixed. This is a difficult lesson to learn. We can continue struggling and get absolutely nowhere.
The prayer from AA talks about fixing the things we can, letting go of the things we can’t fix and most critical the wisdom to know the difference.
Working in the medical field shows you clearly that there are things you can’t fix. I can’t heal the child with brain cancer or stop an illness from progressing. I can’t go home and night and obsess about those things or I will not be able to help the things I can help.
Sometimes it is time to let go and move on to the next thing. We just have to learn when to do it.