There are some things we can’t fix. I have written about this….I know this and yet I don’t want to accept it. My friend is in an untenable position. It is amazing how events can transpire in such a way that there is no way out.
No matter what we do sometimes life boxes us in and there are no good choices. Only ones that bring pain.
Sometimes I wonder why some people seems to have more sadness and challenge in their lives that others. Is it because they deserve it….no, no, no. Sometimes the worst person has the best come to them and the best person gets the worst. We just want to yell at God and say NOT FAIR. But no one ever promised that things would be fair.
For me it seems at least sudden catastrophes can be gotten through. The long term, every single day, on and on things become an impossible burden. It is amazing to me how there are those who cope each day and go on. Think about the ALS patients (Lou Gehrigs Disease). Day after day…on and on.. each one failing a little more. Those that I have known have been amazing. Keeping faith and a positive perspective through it all. How do they do it?
Life is a precious thing and maybe just waking each morning makes it worthwhile. I can see that but what about the person for whom life has no meaning left, no joy? They may not know that dawn comes each day. How do the families face the next day? How do you manage when each day brings no change but only sameness?
The only thing that I know to do is to be there in those times. There is nothing that can fix it but my presence may give some solace. This is what we must do. See around you the people who are in pain…emotional or physical. Reach out to them. Let them know that someone cares. You don’t have to know what to say. Just presence in enough.
Everyone has pain in life. Some immediate, some long lasting. Don’t forget to be there whether supporting them on Word Press or in person. Be there!
Tonight was frustrating as people are still shooting off firecrackers. One of our Bassets is terrified of the noise. He is a rescue and we don’t know what happened to him before we got him. Since we also had this problem last night tonight he was frantic. I finally had to give him some benadryl.
I know people enjoy the fireworks but it is hard for dogs like Crash. If I had thought it would be again tonight I would have sedated him earlier. Poor puppy.
Often we wonder if all the trails and pains of life have any purpose. A number of years ago I wrote this poem expressing that I can see a reason.
The pain of aloneness
Is an instrument
carving out the soul
making a space
to hold and heal
someone else’s pain
©Suzanne Boyd 2018
Have you known people whose whole life is a drama? Their life is really no different from any of ours but they tend to enjoy the hullabaloo. This morning the minister at my church talked about that. He pointed out that for them it is a way to make life more interesting. However, continuous drama gets old fast. The constant anxiety and stress related to it is not good for the drama queen/king. It keeps life in a continual adrenaline rush. Not good for us physically or mentally.
This lifestyle keeps the focus on the drama-maker. It is part of their way to remain the center of attention. It also wears out the people around them and can result in people not responding as in “the boy who cried wolf.” Their need for acknowledgement is sapping their life force.
I don’t know if this lifestyle comes from a childhood of being ignored. I am not an expert. But it does seem that they desperately need reinforcement of their goodness and value. When relating to people like this we can mirror their goodness back to them but we can’t be pulled into the drama. This can be a negative stressor for us.
Some of the people I love are like this and I have struggled with learning how to deal with it. I have found that giving them as much love and support as possible without diving totally into the drama works for me. I have to make a conscious decision to maintain some distance and calm or else I will be anxious and stressed too.
There are some things in this world that no matter how much we want to fix them we can’t do it. It is important absorb this and live accordingly.
Well, this is my second time tow write this blog. For some reason WP lost it even though I saved it.
I wrote on https://heargodinothervoices.blog/2018/12/08/a-little-bit-more/ about Advent season and I would like to share some of my thoughts here.
In this season before Christmas there is something that changes. Whether people are Christian/Jewish or celebrate something else there is a change at this time of year. People seem more kind and caring. They are more willing to make donations and volunteer to help others. There is something about the season that, like snow, floats down over our parts of the world. It is as if a profound sense of generosity is awakened. This time of the year is different and I think Dr. Seuss, in the Grinch, was right. It is “something more.”
May we keep this caring and outpouring of help into the new year.
I wasn’t able to write yesterday. Instead I spent the day doing what I was supposed to be doing. I had great fun helping a friend whose journey has been difficult, complicated and amazing. She is the reason her husband is alive and improving. I couldn’t have managed what she has.
I then came home to help finish up decorating for Christmas. The decorating is not hard it is the putting back of the boxes everything was in. Since my husband has had knee and back surgery I am the designated lifter and mover. By the time I shlep the boxes out and then shlep them back I am beat. They are not heavy…just awkward to move. It goes without saying I slept well last night. It was the sleep of jobs well done.
Sometimes I wonder if putting up all these decorations for just a few weeks is worth it but then I look at the finished product and know it is. This time of year seems to bring out the best in most people. People seem kinder. It is really sad that it can’t be that way all year.
My Aunt (who was a real character) said “you get out of this world what you put into it.” Sometimes it doesn’t seem that way when people are hurtful and unkind but in the long run I find it to be true. Our kindness will rub off on most people.
I have never forgotten the film “pay it forward.” This idea has been true for me for years. When we were moving from place to place in the service we didn’t always have the time to return a favor “whence it came” but had to pass it on in another place with other people. Someday, somewhere we will get to “pay it forward.”
During this season be kind, be loving, and help others….but more importantly continue it into the new year!
I want to thank Damon Brewster at https://my-journey-online.com for choosing me to participate in the 3.2.1. Quote Me Challenge. Check out his blog it is wonderful to read! His challenge word for me is: Peace
The Rules Of This Challenge Are As Follows:
Thank the Selector
Post 2 quotes for the dedicated topic of the day
Select 3 bloggers to take part in ‘3.2.1 Quote Me!’
And give them a topic/word
Note: Although this is the topic for today there is no specific deadline to it, meaning you can answer when you choose.
The topic I choose is
This was not the first quote that came to mind but the one that has pulled me today.
Gandhi and Martin Luther King really understood what peace means
My three nominees are:
Eric, who writes so movingly about life in a different place at https://theuntamedplaces.com
Rachel, whose insights I look forward to seeing at https://rachelmankowitz.com
Lilly, whose kindness is so apparent, at https://whitelillyweb.wordpress.com
Be sure to look at these blogs!