Author: worrylessjourney

We were born communal

by worrylessjourney, posted in answers, belief, connections, coping, empathy, friends, hope, kindness, listen, needs, share, understanding

We all need someone to talk to. We all need someone who actually hears us. It may not be the people we love but we need someone. We were not created to go through life alone.

We are communal people. The earliest humans survived because they lived together. We are no different. One of the worst tortures that a human can go through is to be confined alone in a room for a long period. Most people would lose their minds.

We-re-communal-animals-If-we-re-by-ourselves

It is sometimes difficult to find that person who will really hear us when we share our lives. Too often people are thinking of themselves and not really listening. Often we are sharing with someone who truly cares but wants to fix everything. Most of the time we don’t expect or even want ideas for fixes. All we really want is to be heard. The trouble is most people don’t understand that.

This is the reason that so many people need to talk with a psychologist or psychiatrist. They should be the ones who really listen. (at least if they are any good) If we don’t have someone to share with then they are certainly a help. At least they shouldn’t be judgmental or share confidences.

In the last year I have also found that this community on Word Press is a good place to share and be heard. We are understood the best when someone else has had similar experiences. In this community there is understanding and affirmation. Sometimes it is hard to find that kind of understanding elsewhere.

you are not alone

 

Wherever you find it seek someone who will listen and hear you. Even if they can only seek to share your feeling it is a help. If you don’t have anyone to talk with face to face you can find understanding here.

No comparisons!

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, belief, celebrate, comparisons, coping, freedom, Uncategorized

We are Unique. Each of us is a separate creation and important. A number of years ago I wrote this poem about comparisons.

I wonder if the rose

compares itself to all other roses

and thus negates its beauty to itself

by comparison

 

I suppose the rose

would find this idea silly

and wonder why anything

would want to do this

 

I would imagine

that the rose

simply delights in its own

uniqueness

and never worries about

comparisons

At-Night-We-Make-No-Comparisons-Between-Right-And-Wrong-Stars-Nor-Between-Well-And-Badly-Arranged-Constellations (1)

Never spend time comparing yourself to others. It can be self destructive. Remember your own uniqueness and cherish it!

Life in balance

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, balance, choices, coping, enlightening, expectations, frustration, perspective, Uncategorized, viewpoint

Expectations. Something that can really send us  into a tail spin. It seems that there are always people expecting things of us. We can spend our whole lives trying to live up to someone’s expectations.

expectations-heyokyay

Too often those expectations are not appropriate. Sometimes they are actually too low because we are thought to be damaged because of mental health issues. That prejudice can make us feel “less than” and sets us up for problems with self esteem. Labels can be so damaging.

The other side is when expectations are too high. They may not be logical or reasonable. We are set up for failure and again threatened with low self esteem.

their way

Challenging expectations that are too high may require discussion regarding what is appropriate. Too often anyone can find themselves pushed by overwhelming expectations. It is part of the society we live in. Sometimes it’s hard to bring it up, as for some, jobs could be on the line. The most important part is to recognize when it is not your issue but someone else’s. Don’t let the situation affect your own sense of self worth.

Somehow we need to find a path down the middle. There may not be anything that can be done about other people who give us labels. Until things change just consider the source and move on. If it is just an education problem that can be solved. Continuing to work within your own abilities solves many issues.

life in the balance

Watch out for people who want you to fail or who want to put you down. These people are toxic and need to be avoided.

We also have to be careful in setting our own expectations. Setting them too high or too low can make us feel inadequate. We have to find a reasonable path.

 

Remember you count! Your life matters too! Seek the place where you can find success and self affirmation.

You are important

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, balance, choices, consequences, control, coping, depression, habits, mistakes, patterns, viewpoint, wholeness

pused over the edgeLife can be difficult at times. It may not be one big thing but many little ones that push you over the edge. In fact for me that is usually the case. If there is a big crisis I seem to do well until it is over…then I crash. Many little things nibbling away at just push you closer and closer to the precipice.  You don’t notice it is happening until it is too late.

We want to be strong and able to handle the things that life brings but sometimes it is just not possible. When this happens I have to take a step back and realize that I am over the edge. It’s time to back away from the things that I can and handle only the most important. Sometimes I struggle to prioritize and don’t know which balls in the air to let fall. Sometimes some fall while I am not looking. It can’t be helped. None of us are Wonder Woman or Superman. We just aren’t.

wonder womandc-comics-superman-maquette-tweeterhead-903305-07

I spent much of my life trying to be all things to all people and the stress took it’s toll in anxiety, depression and physical symptoms. We have to learn that we are vulnerable too.

The sad part is that when you spend your time saving everyone you become expected to do it and sometimes you receive no thanks or appreciation. When you stop it is a tremendous shock and you may have some upset people.

Furry+Logic+-+Ten+Speed+Press+-+(c)+2004

We have to set boundaries. I think our struggle with self worth is part of the reason we fall into this trap. The more secure we are with ourselves and our own self respect the more we can choose wisely. Logical decisions about what we can do are critical.

You are important. You are just as important as anyone else. You deserve to have pride, dignity and self regard. Don’t throw yourself away.

Hands + mind + eyes = calm

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, calm, control, coping, habits, hands, help, peace, prayer, safety, stress

Is there something in your life that makes you feel good? Something that you like doing and it puts you in a calm place. There are several things that I do that calm my mind and my mind is peaceful. I do Mandalas. I started these after seeing the book by Judith Cornell  on Mandalas for healing.

string of pearls0001
String of Pearls. This is a small mandala I did after having my mother’s pearls stolen. I was grieving her loss.

 

I am not artist but just creating something while in a meditative state gives me peace. I also use the book Praying in Color as a way to pray for others using drawing. Again, I am not an artist but the action is calming.

praying in color0001

Writing is also calming for me (most of the time). Writing poetry allow me to vent my feelings in a constructive way. I also like to play the piano.

The point of all of this is that if you can find something that is calming for you and that you like doing, use it. If you, like me, tend to binge on TV to reduce stress and keep your mind from freaking out, try something like this instead. There is something about engaging your hands, eyes and mind all at once that soothes us.

Both of these books are available at Amazon

 

 

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We want what we can’t have

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, choices, control, emotions, frustration, marriage, needs, unconditional love

Today I feel written out. My brain is just sitting and doing nothing. I think having been at home and not getting out I am feeling dull. I have binge watched some TV programs, cleaned out some drawers, and sat looking at the marsh. We had a thunderstorm and I love watching storms.

Generally I am down and need to do something to pull myself up. My husband has been easy to care for, helpful when he can and pleasant but being in is getting to me. I have asked myself what I was doing before and I really don’t know that it was anything spectacular. I don’t know that I was out that much it just may be the feeling that I can’t.

grass

It’s funny how our minds work. We always want to do what we can’t have. If I had to be out every day I would be fussing about not getting to stay home. So I will stay in as long as necessary and get out when things settle down. After all, there is nothing else to do and why complain about it.

Was the 50’s easier?

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, change, choices, coping, divided world, electronic devices, fun, life changes, memories, stress, viewpoint

While riding the car I listen to 50″s on Five on Sirius Radio. I know, I know….so old. But something struck me. So many of the songs talk about a lifestyle no longer around. In many ways it is sad. I don’t know if people have real fun anymore.

Things were so much simpler. We had sock hops in the gym and had fun dancing without drugs and flashing lights. We had costume dances around Halloween and prizes for the best costumes…..designed and created by us! NOT bought or rented. Half the fun was thinking up a costume and doing it yourself.

sock-hops-2

We had hay rides in the fall behind horses on a farm that did that and sleigh rides. We met at the drive-in restaurant and hopped from car to car seeing all our friends. We got together and played games. We had pajama parties and we didn’t look like the girls in Grease.

We communicated by phone with most of us having only one in the house. Some of us had cars…usually old rattle traps that didn’t run well.  Alcohol was king but not overdone where I grew up. Sure, girls got pregnant and had to quite school but again not many.

We had to go to the library for information and my friends and I loved reading books. TV was watched but the shows were limited so we didn’t spend lots of time watching. We loved to go to the movies with out friends.

1950s-Collage

There seemed to be less stress on us than on teens today. There was little bullying, no school shootings, little drug use. In some ways I think things were almost black and white like the movie Pleasantville. There weren’t so many grey areas and so many bad things for us to see and hear. In spite of the fact that we may not have been as “free” as today our lives were easier over all.

So what changed? Women’s lib, birth control pills opened up a sexual revolution, the internet, cell phones, media of all kinds, parents both working. Kids today have so much in front of them. So many ways to head down the wrong path. It almost seems that with so much on offer the simple pleasures are lost. I don’t envy them.

Caveat: this was the life of a girl from a middle class family living outside of Washington, DC.

The marsh—my blessing

by worrylessjourney, posted in celebrate, emotions, home, Live!, memories, think, viewpoint, wisdom

Today I am counting my blessings. I do have many. It’s sad that we tend to think more about struggles and problems. Today I give thanks.

From childhood I have always love the sea and all things related to it. I now live where I can look out at the marsh and watch the tide. We have an eight foot tide here so when tide is out there is a lot of marsh and marsh mud exposed. I love that smell. We have floating docks since you couldn’t reach the water if tide is out.

 

egret in marsh

There is so much life in the marsh. Many different birds from marsh hens to egrets. Lots of sea birds and pelicans love to fish in the creek in front of the house. Painted buntings love the marsh but like a particular plant which is disappearing here due to building so we don’t see them often. I love to watch the birds in my bird bath bathing and coming for water.

painted bunting
not my photo

We have blue crabs here and shrimp. Fish of all sorts and dolphins swim by often…sometimes with their young.

dolphins

crabsThe tide moves very fast and if you are swimming (even if you are a strong swimmer) it can take you with it. We taught our children and grandchildren early on if caught in the tide to swim to the next dock and walk back.  We have often thought of putting in a water wheel for electricity.

Once a mama dolphin brought her children to see my granddaughters who were swimming in front of the dock. My kin almost walked on water getting out. They didn’t care that people pay money to swim with dolphins. I’m sure mama and babies were disappointed.

The beauty of God’s earth surrounds me. I need to take more time to immerse myself in it. It can help to put things into perspective. I am blessed. I treasure every moment I get to watch a ship entering or leaving port, watching the tide and just rocking on the porch. It won’t last forever but I will keep all of this in my memory-safe.

The sea and me

by worrylessjourney, posted in change, consequences, coping, darkness, emotions, feelings, light, Uncategorized

Tonight I offer this….my connection with the sea.

Image result for the sea

Changing

What are the thughts of the sea

As it rolls In and out

Over and over

 

The wind gently blows my hair

Across my face

Always moving

 

The sand is pulled out

With each wave

And tossed carelessly back

 

The light is gentle

Translucent, glass like

And hovers over the sea

 

Night is falling

The gloaming fades

And grey shrouds the sea

 

The dull, colorless sea

Reflects the drab thoughts

Encompassing my mind

 

I am reminded

That with the dawn

The sea will change

 

Becoming many hued

With laughing waves

Foam topped and spritely

 

So also my life

Can be painted

With new color

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Nine Phases of Adultery/oops Adulthood

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, death, enlightening, fiction story, fun, fun!, funny, immortality, Laughter, life changes, viewpoint

black coffee

With thanks to Mitch Teemley        https://mitchteemley.com/2018/09/24/the-phases-of-adulthood/

A spoof on adulthood with apologies to William Shakespeare

 

All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man/woman in his/her time plays many parts,

His acts being nine ages.

At first the arrogant know it all of the 20’s. Bragging profusely and entitled to the best of everything. Inheritor of nothing, expecting everything.

And then the world wise 30’s always available by cell phone, avoiding marriage but just living together. Uncommitted.

The 40’s bring children, married or not. More money, more of everything, more than the Jones’s– family a show piece, acknowledged when able to break away from meetings. Mortgages, cars, big house, wishing time would allow more love and peace.

Come the 50’s exulting in success, self-adulating, Children off to Harvard enjoying money and status. On wife/ husband #2/3/4. Wishing for old love, should be happy but something missing.

The 60’s enter with shock, memory a little off, aches and pains when working out. Gym daily to get rid of paunch. Maybe face lift, hair dye. Still got it!

The 70’s are the new 60’s! Time isn’t passing…it can’t be. Grandfather/mother not possible! Child in 30”s living at home not working. Knee replacement coming up. Gave up gym membership. Maybe I’ll retire….next year.

The “I don’t give a damn 80’s” arrive and the whole government is lunatic! Read what? Facebook? That cell phone makes no sense. Text. Sure I can write….on paper. This is not a cane…it is a walking stick. Drs appoints get in the way of my naps. I’ve still got it!

I made it! 90! Living the life. Have several girlfriends/boyfriends here in the retirement village. Who cares about the rest of the world! It can go to#####.

The hearse pulls away and many tears fall from friends. Many relatives are already dead. Wish I could do it all again.

kevin-farzad-folgen-kevin-farzad-true-mark-of-adulthood-instead-16396601