Category: feelings

keep going

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, feelings, healing, moving on

Here I am again having not written for a while. I don’t know what is wrong with me. These posts are my connection to others and I have to do better.

Recently I had a really bad episode of IBSD and it threw me into the most difficult panic I have had in a longtime. If I could just get past my unreasonable fear that stems from years ago I would get whatever I could do done and find something that will help this. Things that happened in the past really can come back to haunt us. I suffered for three months without edimy (then) doctor doing anything and when I finally got to the right person I was in the hospital for three weeks. This experience left me with unreasonable fear of repetition and brings on panic.

Years later I started this blog and it has helped me through a lot. I do so much better when I can express myself and push the problem away.

On the whole I am better but once in a while it comes to haunt me. Those times are less frequent and I know that the meditation, journaling, writing here and keeping busy have made a tremendous difference.

Not finding the right church has not helped but I will keep on trying.

I guess my thought for today is never give up. Just keep going.

We will get through!

by worrylessjourney, posted in coping, feelings, frustration, persistance

Today it is hard to write. It’s as if my mind is spinning with all that has gone on recently. Like most people the covid outbreak has turned everything around. Things that would normally be just a drop of water into a pond are amplified into major issues. The stress of our isolation is getting to almost everyone. I still see people out without masks and just not staying away from others who are either in denial or oblivious.

just waiting

Sometimes it is hard to see an end to all of this but there will be one. I think one of the hardest things for me is to wait. I know I am not alone in that. Lately I have felt as if I am part of the play “Waiting for Godot.” The play is a picture of futility which seems right on target. Here in the states so many people have been stupid and are suffering the consequences of that. While New York is getting better because things were done right that is not true here. Bad decisions were made and we are all paying for it.

We will get through this! We will get through this! It helps me to keep reminding myself of this.

Blame it on the pandemic

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, feelings, frustration, health, persistence

Why is it that sometimes it seems as if the universe is against you? Nothing earth shaking but little things that require multiple details and it all goes crazy.

This is how I feel

I have been trying to get my husband in to an orthopedist to find out why his knee is hurting. He had surgery at the Mayo Clinic over a year ago and we don’t know why there is pain now. I’ve called the orthos that we see here for other issues and they can’t see him without the records from Mayo. He had two procedures there and Mayo sent the records from his last visit instead of the surgery notes. Now we have to start over. The whole process had to be done again so that I can get him seen.

Why does something so simple have to go awry? Is it karma? This is just one of the things that has been so frustrating recently. I am keeping my sense of humor but it is getting harder. Hopefully some things will start to work out and life will at least be a little easier. I can blame it all on the pandemic!

Unconditional love

by worrylessjourney, posted in appreciate, comfort, dogs, feelings, life changes, medical

This post should be a challenge since Word Press has decided to put us all in the new version. I have played with it a little and now I will have to dig in and see how it works.

Each day is a challenge. I never know what is coming next and I suspect that this is the “new normal” for me. Today is another Doctor’s visit. Each one heading toward some ideas of what things will be like from here on.

It rained hard night before last with lots of thunder and lightening. One of our bassets obviously had some trauma before we adopted him and he was up all night shaking and crying. We have tried some different meds some with no success and some with side effects we didn’t like. I wish we could help him. We do snuggle him but nothing stops the shaking.

Amazing how much like humans dogs are. If I have experienced the trauma that I’m sure he did I hate to think the condition I would be in. The up side is that both dogs sense when something is wrong and show their concern by coming close to add comfort.

Dogs know hot to chill

I am sure that the dogs run the house. My husband doesn’t like to travel and leave them at home so he would rather stay home. He loves those dogs and they love him.

I don’t think I could live my life without a pet of some kind. I grew up with dogs, outdoor cats, chickens, ducks and turkeys. In college I had gold fish that I hauled back and forth during summer breaks. They lasted all four years. Funny, I don’t remember what happened to them after that. I suppose my mother took them since I married and moved away.

This covid confinement would have been much worse without our dogs.

We actually prefer our own stuff

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, emotions, feelings, life changes, problems, stress, understanding, worry

I am not sure if I have written about this before but I wasn’t going to look through everything.

A while ago I went to a conference where the speaker asked everyone to write their worst problem on paper…no names….and pass it up to the front. She asked us if we would want to come up and draw out a problem that we would then be responsible for. Needless to say there we no takers.

We all consider our problems to be the worst. We have lived with them and struggled but we know them. We understand them. We really don’t want to take on someone else’s stuff.

Image result for choose a problem

I guess the lesson we learn is that we each deal best with what we already have and know about. Maybe we can take heart from that.

I put off

by worrylessjourney, posted in accountable, anxiety, choices, consequences, control, coping, feelings, habits, plan, viewpoint

We procrastinate. I think we all do. We put off things. Those of us who have anxiety would rather suffer being anxious than tackle the thing that is causing the problem. We would rather obsess about it and keep putting it off. This make the anxiety blossom and nothing has gotten better.

Image result for procrastinate

I am better at doing things than I used to be. Somewhere along the line I discovered that doing the thing I dreaded got it our of the way and then I felt better. Sometimes the list has to be scrapped until the next day. Sometimes I fall back into the trap of putting things off and then I suffer for it.

Image result for listsOne of the things that got me started was some advice a number of years ago. The person suggested making a list of the things that needed doing and then prioritize them. You may not get to the end of the list each day but you will be able to cross some things off. Seeing those cross outs makes you feel better. It also tackle the things that I obsess about first.

It doesn’t work for everything but is does help with some things.

 

The elusive memory

by worrylessjourney, posted in change, connections, consequences, coping, feelings, memories, moments, PTSD, remember, remembering

The events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves, they find their own order…the continuous thread of revelation.  Eudora Welty

Our lives move forward on a continuum. Events happen every day. Some events are memorable and some are not. I have always found it interesting the things we have stored away and can recall and the things we can’t. Our memories are selective. Our brains store information….probably everything we ever did but most of it cannot be recalled.

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I have been asked about my earliest memory. I have a memory but it is not really clear. I am standing in a crib in my mother and father’s room. That is all there is. There is no context…nothing more than that. I don’t know why I have that memory. It seems to have no significance but there it is.

Image result for memoryOf course we remember traumatic events or days of special happiness but we don’t always remember the specifics and our memories will usually not match those of others who were there.

It is also interesting how memories can be triggered by other senses. A certain smell can cause recall. I grew up in Virginia and my family had large privet hedges around the back yard. When I smell privet it brings back memories of that place.

Music can remind us of a particular time that we heard it. We also experience the feelings associated with those memories. This can be a good thing but in the case of persons who have had a trauma it can bring it all back full force. That is what happens to those with PTSD. The memory comes with all the feelings of fear and horror.

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How our brain keeps memories and which ones come to light is not fully known but more is learned each day.