Category: coping

Embrace the cracks

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, appearance, belief, compassion, coping, empathy, feelings, perfection, viewpoint, wisdom

beauty in lifeI don’t think we see ourselves correctly. Most of the time we see ourselves as flawed. We are flawed…that is true but we can also be beautiful. In fact, it is the flaws that make us what we are.

Those of us who struggle with some mental health issue see ourselves as even more flawed than that average person. We have to work harder to see the beauty. It is because at some point we have been set aside by others and viewed as less than.

In my life I have noticed that people who have never had a bad thing happen to them suffer real agony when something goes wrong. They have no coping skills. A bump in the road can devastate them. They have always seen themselves as managing really well. They can’t see that it is easy to do that when nothing goes wrong. These are the people who will see anyone with some physical or mental problem and say “poor John, he has problems.” It is seen as a fault in John’s makeup. Unless something changes this perception they will continue to see things from this viewpoint.

The sad part is they have little or no empathy. Empathy comes from suffering. Empathy comes from walking a path that is similar to someone else’s. We may not want to have issues in our lives but true beauty comes from them. The beauty of brokenness.

vaseI have a vase in my house. It is very small not very exciting. My beloved friend bought it for me when we were in college.  She is now gone. I accidentally knocked the vase off and broke it and I am not a good mender. However, the vase is beautiful to me. It has some flaws but they show the years that it has been with me.

Remember our chips and cracks have formed us. They have made us what we are and left us with much empathy. Don’t forget that! We are all beautiful!

And it was good

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, balance, calm, choices, coping, God, grace, moments, peace

front lawn shadowsToday I decided to eat breakfast on the porch. It is frequently too hot but today is milder and there is a breeze. We live on a tidal marsh. We have an 8 ft tide change. When tide is low you can smell the marsh. Some people don’t like that smell but I love it. When I was a child and visited my aunt and uncle here that smell meant we were on the way to the beach… on the way to a fun day so that smell has wonderful memories for me. It is interesting that smell can stimulate such strong memories.

I love the play of light and shadow made by the giant oak trees that we have here. There are ferns that grow on the trees (along with Spanish moss). They are called resurrection ferns. When there is no rain they are brown and look totally dead. Then it will rain and behold they are beautiful and green. I love the name and the connection.

resurrection fern

Today sitting on the deck I just reveled in the beauty of the day…how green everything is…the beautiful oaks..everything in God’s world. God is in the midst of it all. Creation continuing in the world.

I am blessed to be able to sit and absorb the beauty. I don’t do it enough. It soothes my soul and reduces anxious thoughts. It is part of my journey that I have committed to see the world around me each day and immerse myself in it.

Who knows what the day brings?

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, compassion, connections, coping, death, emotions, feelings, friends, God, grief, moments, sadness

strong 1

Today I am tired. It has been a strange day. I worked in the yard this morning and came in for a shower. The phone rang and it was one of my best friends telling me that her husband died. This is not the one I have written about before but one whose husband is in his nineties and has been fading for awhile. However, I did not expect to get that call. My husband and I immediately went to her home to help where we could. Things seem to be on track there and we got back home about 3:30. I am sad and feel a loss for her and all of us. He was a wonderful man.

I decided to call and check in on the other friend whose husband has been struggling at home to improve (with much needed help) only for her to tell me they were taking him to the hospital as he was more ill. He is being admitted.

Strange day. I asked my husband, (somewhat tongue in cheek) if we could lose two of them in one day. May God grant that this doesn’t happen.

It is clear once again that we never know what will happen in a given day. There are no assurances or guarantees. We have to live each day as it comes. One of my grandmother’s favorite Bible verses was “sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” Don’t look for more to happen. Absorb what has already happened. That will be enough.

I am grateful that I was available to be where God needed me to be today. I guess this is a reminder to me to use the gifts he has given me where he is calling me and stop griping about what I need to be doing. I think I am doing it.

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These events do tweek my anxiety but I will continue to cope and be available when needed.

 

 

There is wisdom out there

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, answers, choices, community, compassion, connections, coping, intelligence, kindness, share, understanding, wisdom

I am at the age where so many milestones are behind me…..the events that make up our dreams and ideas when we are young. I have been to college (two different degrees). married at a wonderful wedding, given birth to three children, have 6 grandchildren and 1 great grand child. I have worked at several jobs…some fulfilling and great and some not. So, I ask myself what is the next milestone? It could be a depressing thought if you felt that there was nothing left to aim for. We all need something for a focus.

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I really hadn’t thought about it but I realize that I am not depressed by the thought. In many ways it is satisfying to see so much positive behind me. I also do not feel that I am finished. This is the time of life when I have the time and, thanks be to God, the energy to look at these years as the time to give back. Our culture spends little time thinking about the wisdom gained through experience. I have written about this before but I think it is important enough to mention again.

We are here…those of us who have lived through many battles. We have the scars to prove it and the knowledge to teach others. We can show you how to fight and make it through so many trials. Why struggle when you can tap the resources in the wisdom of your elders? Maybe technology is something that some of us are less savvy about but the ups and downs of life change very little no matter the changes in how it comes about.

Many of us continue to learn ourselves and advance our own knowledge. Not all of us sit in a recliner and watch TV. We are out in the world sharing where we can. Take advantage of the wisdom available to you. We are not dead yet!

Elegant funny quotes about old age and wisdom Quotes About Age

I am here if my experiences can be helpful. Believe me I have just about heard it all. I am a nurse, patient advocate, compassionate, loving person with a heart for listening. There are others like me who will understand and listen. Use us.

Quit moaning…get going

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, aging, anxiety, choices, coping, depression, emotions, frustration, perspective, sadness, Uncategorized

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. ——Abraham Lincoln

Another-Uselesss-Gift-(ReviI read this quote today and started to wonder if I am doing anything to make those years worth something. At the moment, except for this blog, I don’t feel as if I am adding much to this world. I spend my days cleaning my home and working in the yard. I do read…sometimes something challenging but I can’t see that I am using it in any way.

Before my life was full. I taught classes at church. I wrote educational information about church history for the newsletter and did laying on of hands on Sundays for healing. I spent my life ministering to those who needed the help of a parish nurse.Today I still go to church with my husband but can’t see that I am contributing. I feel sidelined like a train car pulled off on a side track.

I have been signing up to take on mediations but would you believe every one I am scheduled for has been cancelled? Is someone trying to tell me something? I know that somewhere there is a place for me. I will just keep on and something will change. It just becomes sad and depressing.

I absolutely have nothing to complain about. My best friend is still struggling with her sick husband. He is at home with care and consumes her entire day and night. I do what I can but there is little that truly helps. Some things can’t be fixed.

carry on

So my sadness is minor compared to the things that others have to go through. I tell myself to quit moaning and get going!

When things go awry

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, anxiety, coping, expectations, frustration, perspective, plan

crazy-daysThis has been an odd day. Today I was asked by a friend to drive her to pick up her car from the shop. I was glad to take this on. We had fun talking in the car. I dropped her off about 11:45 and tried to decide how to manage the rest of the day. I was due to mediate a law suit at 1:30 and if I tried to go home I would arrive just in time to turn around and go back. I decided to just find a coffee shop where I could sit and read for a short while.

Good idea. Not so easy to execute. I wanted to find some place near the mediation center so that it would be easy to be there at 1:00 as we usually arrive 1/2 hour early to prepare. This neighborhood is near two hospital. Since it is an area where I don’t know about coffee shops or hangout places I started to drive around….and around.. and around. There were plenty of restaurants, fast food places, gas stations but no place to sit and chill for an hour. After going around in circles I finally found a great coffee shop. (They must do well since they are the only one.) Got myself a coffee and a scone and sat down to relax. I had been there about 15 minutes when my phone rang and the mediation center let me know that one of the parties wasn’t going to show up and it was cancelled.

In the midst of all of this I had spoken with my husband twice to re-schedule our afternoon plans and now had to call again. I went home.

Was the day wasted? I really don’t know. The time with my friend was well spent. I loved the coffee and scone and our afternoon worked out.

logo-work-it-outHave you had days like this where nothing went as planned and you spent the day revamping your life? For me this was a microscopic example of how all of life proceeds. Just when we think we have it all worked out we have to start over. It may look like things are going to be a mess but in the long run they end up working out.

It reminded me to take things as they come. To not obsess about the changes but just roll with it all. I was able to do that today. Yea!

Sadness and grief continued

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, change, community, connections, consequences, coping, emotions, feelings, guilt, healing, life changes, perspective, sadness, understanding

life-is-so-ironic-it-takes-sadness-to-know-what-30714385Today I was very disappointed. On Tuesday’s I have lunch with two wonderful people from the church where I worked. While there I asked the pastor (who is an interim) if the “weekly” (lands in the pews each week) could include the address of my devotional blog Hear God in Other Voices. (heargodinothervoices.blog) He said that other people had asked that their addresses be included and that it couldn’t be done. This is not his being unkind but it is just policy and probably  shouldn’t be his call at this time anyway. New pastors are coming in August and it really is up to them.

It did, however, make me sad. For many of the 20 years that I was there I wrote and published devotionals for the church. People were very complimentary and I was asked by many to continue doing it.

I guess this just (again) brought home to me how disconnected I am from those years of work. Part of this is (of course) my own fault for not attending church there but I felt it was the right thing to do to help people adjust to my not being there after so long.

I am sad and will send a link to some church members I suspect would enjoy the blog but that doesn’t really help how I feel. I know that this is part of the changes we face in life but at times it can really hurt. I am so thankful that the church I attend with my husband is happy to include the link in the newsletter.

moving-on-quotes-18

Life moves on and we have to move with it or we are left in a past that is no longer there. My life will continue to be fulfilling as I branch out into new paths. My writing is a blessing to me and is healing in itself. We each have to find the things that provide solace and healing  when we are down and remember to use them.

 

I weep, truth must be heard

by worrylessjourney, posted in anger, change, consequences, coping, divided world, ethical, frustration, grief, impatience, sadness, speak, wisdom

In a time of universal deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.-—George Orwell

This quote speaks so clearly to me of our times. It seems that truth has passed away and we should be mourning.  There are no more statesmen only politicians. There is no more consideration for the good of people or nations but only for the people in control. Because of the rapid sharing of information this virus has spread throughout the world. Power, money and position are all that matters.

truth

I weep for the world. I weep for the children and their children. I weep for all that was before. Mankind has never been perfect, never been without greed or hubris but it wasn’t the total driving source. Goodness was found in the past and can still be found but it is being pushed into dark culverts and trash strewn alleys. The voice of truth and wisdom is almost not recognized. It has become a foreign language.

truth-is-not-always-hard-to-finit-is-often-staring-you-in-the-face-the-problem-with-walter-darby-bannard-105-50-62

We must, somehow, begin to be heard. We must speak until our voices rise above the corruption and greediness of the powerful. We cannot stay silent. Each of us has one voice but one voice added to another voice doubles the sound. We cannot allow ourselves to be silenced.

Quotation-Cornel-West-There-is-a-price-to-pay-for-speaking-the-truth-86-73-83

We must speak out about injustices: sexual, racial, status, health, lifestyle, position, occupation, age and any others that rise to minimize others. We must speak clearly about the state of the earth, a living thing with animals, plants and humans, and our abuse of the resources we pillage. Nothing else will do.

I weep for us all. I weep.

We must speak. It is time for truth.

Illness/anxiety/mental problems, the chicken or the egg?

by worrylessjourney, posted in answers, anxiety, choices, connections, coping, hope, perspective, strength, stress, understanding, wisdom

chicken eggToday a friend and I were talking about how all sorts of bowel disorders are linked to anxiety and depression. I have always wondered which came first….the chicken or the egg. Did the bowel problems cause the anxiety or vice versa. There is no way to know.

In the last week I had a major IBSD episode. At least I think it was. The trouble is when you are afflicted with this and have a long and awful episode it easily could be the flu. Associating an episode like that with IBSD is automatic instead of examining the sequence of events and realizing that it had the potential to be something else. In the meantime anxiety appeared and clouded the issue even more.

Now I truly believe that it was the flu. It is unfortunate that anyone with a mental issue can take an event that might have another explanation and attribute it to their problem.

Somehow we have to learn to look at events in our lives with a clear eye and a logical mind. No matter what the decision is we will be in a better place to begin with. Again it is the thinking mind that gets us into trouble. Most people will tell us that it is “mind over matter” but they have never experienced overwhelming anxiety, depression or any other symptoms. It’s easy to offer quick solutions when you have never been there.

keep your head
Jane Seabrook

People who suffer with any form of mental health problems are in a good place to help others. Connecting with people who truly understand can give others perspective and hope. That is why this blogging community is so important. We all need hope and seeing that others have survived and thrived is the best lesson of all.

Thank you to everyone who is willing to share and help others see the daylight at the end of the tunnel and learn that it actually isn’t another train but a real light.

It’s a new day

by worrylessjourney, posted in answers, balance, calm, change, choices, coping, life changes, moments, perspective

new day Eleanor RooseveltToday I have rested in a bubble of calm. There were errands to run, food to buy etc….but these are “normal” things. For the last six months I have been living in abnormal and abnormal has not been fun. So many unanswered questions were hanging in the air and I don’t do well unknowing. Not I can see a path ahead …and yes I can obsess about it but it feels right.

Our lives don’t seem to maintain a “normal” for very long before we have to adjust to a “new normal.” For me this happens quite regularly. Change is one of the only constants. I seem to be able to manage some kinds of change but the ones that come with unanswered questions are the most difficult for me.

Again, it comes down to living each day as it comes. Trusting that things will somehow work out and just being grateful for the NOW. If we could only learn to live each day and immerse ourselves in it we would be able to live fully. I try but I don’t always succeed. Being grateful for what is true for us at the moment is part of the equation.

god be in my headMadeleine L’Engle (one of my favorite writers) says that before she gets out of bed in the morning she signs the cross and says: “God be in my head, God be in my heart, God be at my left hand, God be at my right hand this day.” What a wonderful way to start the day.