24 hours to rant

status-quoI have been thinking about the words “status quo.” There are many people who struggle against change of any kind. They fight for things to remain the same. The problem is that things never stay the same no matter what.

The one thing we can count on is that things will change. Sometimes that change is for the better, sometimes not. One of the greatest lessons we can learn is how to cope with change.

Recently I have used the term “new normal.” This is how I describe the pattern that is present in my life at the moment. I hope that this pattern will hang on for a while. Patterns give me peace. But I can surely count that, at some time, everything will change again.

pity partyCoping with change is one of the critical lessons we can learn. The ability to let go of our previous “normal” and move on to another has a lot to do with our state of mind. For those of us who battle anxiety change is a trigger word. It can send our whole world into a tailspin. Coping mechanisms for dealing with change are a must. I have a friend who says that when change happens that is negative we are entitled to fuss, fume, and cry about it…..for 24 hours. I have found this works. Just being able to rant for a while seems to get some of the frustration out and it helps me to move forward. I may be having a pity party alone or with someone…it doesn’t matter. It helps either way. There is a positive to venting. Let all those feelings out! Then move on.

When change comes use all the coping skills in your arsenal to overcome fear and anxiety.  It can be done!

Frustrating

crash with toyTonight was frustrating as people are still shooting off firecrackers. One of our Bassets is terrified of the noise. He is a rescue and we don’t know what happened to him before we got him. Since we also had this problem last night tonight he was frantic. I finally had to give him some benadryl.

I know people enjoy the fireworks but it is hard for dogs like Crash. If I had thought it would be again tonight I would have sedated him earlier. Poor puppy.

I can’t hear but I don’t care

What-I-Cant-Hear-You-Jude-Samson-Culture-Transgender-UniverseIt is sad to watch people whose hearing in declining and who won’t do anything about it. When with friends you can see them sitting without joining in on the conversation. They can’t hear others but they are unwilling to get hearing aids. Unfortunately, I can see this in my group of friends. I am not sure why hearing aids are an anathema to them. They don’t realize that not hearing well isolates them from others.

I know that the cost of hearing aids has been a factor but recently tech companies have realized that the cost was being controlled by those in the business. Technology has grown to the point that it is possible to create decent hearing aids that work for most people. Before the cost was exorbitant but now it is possible to get help for a reasonable price.

help want toThe most recent studies have shown that not hearing well leads to a decline in mental acuity, withdrawal from social activities, and a decline in overall health. I still don’t understand why some seem to find using this simple tool as unimaginable. I don’t know what would be the trigger to undo this thinking but I wish I knew what it is. Discussing the impact with them (as a nurse) doesn’t seem to get through.

 

Why this kind of thinking?

What can be done?

Any ideas?

“The perfect storm”

the perfect stormI feel as if I am in a time warp where “normal” has been taken away. Monday we experienced what I call “the perfect storm”. One of those days where everything you touch turns to #%&*. I discovered that the RV we planned to take to Mayo had a problem somewhere between the generator and the things that work from it. Things just didn’t work. So we scrapped that idea and went to plan B. In the meantime my husband and grandson worked to remove some leftovers from the rental house we are selling. While taking things to the dump the trailer they were using had a flat time (at the dump) and the tire had to be taken to fix.

I was working on a Christmas thank you letter and the printer decided to disappear. I am good with technology but the printer had just made up its mind not to work.

Tuesday I drove my husband to Mayo, taking the dogs with me, dropped him off and drove home. A six hour trip. Wednesday I helped out at the church office where the folding machine quit and I spent an hour cleaning it. Then the staple machine glitched and I spent time fixing that. At this point I realized that I was the link and I had better not touch anything else.

Just a normal week.

It is odd how when things start to fall apart they seem to do it in multiples. Some people say things happen in threes but that was more than three. Nothing was irreparable but everything aggravating. My son has to work on Christmas so that will not be a “normal” day but it will all work out. Life is never boring.

laughing

In life, without a sense of humor, we would be hauled away in a strait jacket. Being able to laugh at how ridiculous it all is saves us from a strait jacket.

Life will continue to challenge us and the only important thing is how we respond to it. We have no control over what happens but we do control our reaction. I will just keep moving ahead and be grateful for the life we have.

You can’t always fix it

Have you known people whose whole life is a drama? Their life is really no different from any of ours but they tend to enjoy the hullabaloo. This morning the minister at my church talked about that. He pointed out that for them it is a way to make life more interesting. However, continuous drama gets old fast. The constant anxiety and stress related to it is not good for the drama queen/king. It keeps life in a continual adrenaline rush. Not good for us physically or mentally.

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This lifestyle keeps the focus on the drama-maker. It is part of their way to remain the center of attention. It also wears out the people around them and can result in people not responding as in “the boy who cried wolf.” Their need for acknowledgement is sapping their life force.

I don’t know if this lifestyle comes from a childhood of being ignored. I am not an expert. But it does seem that they desperately need reinforcement of their goodness and value. When relating to people like this we can mirror their goodness back to them but we can’t be pulled into the drama. This can be a negative stressor for us.

Some of the people I love are like this and I have struggled with learning how to deal with it. I have found that giving them as much love and support as possible without diving totally into the drama works for me. I have to make a conscious decision to maintain some distance and calm or else I will be anxious and stressed too.

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There are some things in this world that no matter how much we want to fix them we can’t do it. It is important absorb this and live accordingly.

See what happens

This has been a difficult week and it’s not over. My husband is working on a house we need to sell as our age makes it difficult to care for it ourselves. We have been doing repairs on this rental house for years and it is time to stop. Unfortunately, we didn’t plan well and now we are trying to get work done so it can be sold. Nothing like adding this on in the midst of going to the Mayo Clinic, getting ready for Christmas and life in general. Our friend who loaned us the RV has never used it and we don’t know how to work the many devices that we have to use to work things. She has no idea either. I guess we will take it to an RV place tomorrow and hope they can help. I feel as is everything is frustrating. I find myself flying off the handle at every little thing.

see what happens

I know that we can manage to work everything out but right now it seems too hard. I must find time to stop and take a deep breath…calm down and just let things come as they will. I will sign off for tonight and go meditate.

 

Rudolph? Really?

Today I was listening to Christmas music in the car and it reminded me of the controversy over some Christmas songs this year. The protests over things has certainly reached the point of the ridiculous. Someone always has to put a meaning that reflects their negative attitude on something that has been around forever. As someone said there are more victims that people.

ridiculousOne song under contention is “Baby, its cold outside.” My parents were around during the time that this was written (I think 1944) and there was no ulterior meaning to this song. Some of the phrases used were common vernacular during that era. Now we have to put a spin on it that reflects today’s world and it just doesn’t fit.

The other song is “Rudolph the red nosed reindeer.” Once again something is being made of nothing. I have always seen that song as a positive to Rudolph. He wins in the end and his skills become paramount.

silencejpg-1536912226-884-640x480When is this craziness going to stop? It is becoming impossible to say anything that will not offend someone. Any common sense has been thrown out the window. I can envision us in a future where there is no music, or books, or speeches, or talking, or ads, or TV, media or anything. It will be a silent and sullen world. Everyone will always be angry with others. Eventually we will kill each other and there will be no one to complain.

It is impossible to please everyone and offend no one. If everyone carries a chip on their shoulder there is no way to fix it.

When will we put away all this anger and contention and turn to kindness and love? That is the only thing that can save us.

love-grows

The best day?

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Today seemed like it was not going to be the best day. We arose at 5 AM to travel to Mayo Clinic for my husband’s appointment. I HATE getting up in the dark! There was no problem with the drive but at the appointment we got the news that the physician wants to do another procedure for my husband to make sure he has the best possible outcome. (God bless the Mayo Clinic for caring so much!) This is not bad news except it requires another trip and additional two nights at the clinic. Unfortunately this has to be done as soon as they can schedule and it looks like Dec. 19th for tests, 20th for procedure and 21st for therapy. Yikes! This is the week before Christmas but it will be worth it.

I am the grandmother. I am not the mother of young children with an all out Christmas to plan. I have to remind myself of that. Everyone around me will deal with it and if Christmas is not as planned…Oh well. It will still come….and go.

good-friends-like-stars-you-260nw-619768490My friend has offered us her RV (not huge and easy to drive) so that we can save the expense of hotel and dog sitters. We hope to do that and take the dogs with us. I will rotate between keeping dogs and being with my husband. (He would rather me be with the dogs since they are more important than me! LOL!) God bless good friends!

So instead of feeling stressed about all of this I am feeling grateful. Grateful for caring physicians and good friends. Grateful for loving family who will be happy that we are still around. All in all, not a bad day but a blessed one.

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Life is for living!

life hits you

Why is it that we have these times of doing well and the suddenly life smacks you. My friend’s husband fell last night and broke his hip. She has been caring for him…physically..for over a year now. She is the reason that he is alive. Medicine today requires that you have an advocate and she is his. He was doing well and improving, walking with a walker and talking more and now we are back at square one. I am brokenhearted for her and for him.

My daughter’s father-in-law died yesterday. She has been helping to care for him for the last eight months. His was an expected and peaceful death but there is still much to get through. In life we are in the midst of death.

This is the season of anticipation. Waiting for a birth and yet death and suffering continue. The cycle of life. It is interesting at my age to think about the years coming and know that I won’t be here to see the future. This is not an unhappy reflection but a reflection on life itself. Everything is a cycle of birth and death. Even stones are worn away into sand. We also return to the earth. This is as it should be.

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Today I am fighting IBSD and that is part of my cycle. This too will pass and life will continue to be born. There is today and more days to come. Take each of them and treasure them whether they are joyful or challenging.  Life is to be lived.

 

 

A thankful day

thankfulforanotherday-2Thanksgiving will soon be here and today is the day I shop for the food. My wonderful daughter-in-law will make a lot. I am assigned turkey with stuffing and dessert. I have no choice in this matter as my family loves and demands the two desserts I will be making….real New York cheesecake and pumpkin chiffon pie. They love these and beg for them each year.

This is one time I enjoy cooking. I have someone to cook for and I am cooking my favorite things. As usual, there will be fun and interesting conversation. My son and granddaughter love to push each other’s buttons. A heated discussion will be verboten at my table. I want to enjoy my dinner and not get stomach upset so I will warn the two ahead of time. They really love each other but have fun making each other angry and this is not the time for that. “Grandmother” me doesn’t like it at a meal.

a familyNo matter what holidays there are always interactions among family members. Some are fun and some are not so fun. In my family in have found that setting down ground rules before hand can make the day fun and pleasant. Any disagreements get left at the door. I have sent a text to the two combatants requesting peace.

It is not always possible to do this but if you can it will help the day be truly a thankful one. I hope everyone is finding some way to help those who have no family or friends to be with. Our church offers a meal with everyone bringing something to share. The people who go love this and are excited about it each year.

Hope your holidays is joyous and thankful!

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