Do you dream? Do you remember what you dream? I dream a lot and I often remember the dream…at least for a while. The bad part is that sometimes I have nightmares. I had one last night. Mine are not about monsters chasing me or falling off a building. I wish they were. I could deal with that better.
My nightmares have to do with trying to help my mother and my aunt. (both deceased) The dreams are sad and frustrating. I struggle to solve whatever is going on with no success. It makes me wonder if this is some leftover guilt for something I regret not doing for them. I cared for them in their last days and was with each of them when they died.
As a part of grieving we tend to guilt ourselves for being human. Of course I have regrets but my care for them was the what I was able to do. I did all that I could. Sometimes we just can’t let it go. I remember crying hysterically in the dream ….so frustrated that nothing I tried worked.
Now wide awake I have to understand that grief comes in waves when we least expect it. This time it surfaced in my nightmare years after both of them died. It is still there and will crop up again. Loss becomes a scar but sometimes the scar hurts. That is normal.
Life moves on day by day, moment by moment. Sometimes you fail…sometimes things work out. Sometimes you just don’t know. Today some things became clear to me. I have a calling. I have a ministry that God wants me to use. How to do that is not for me to be concerned about at the moment. I am to continue the healing ministry that God wants me to do. Today I am clear about that. Maybe I won’t be so clear tomorrow but then I can back up and read this and know that I have been clear.
Today I listened, I paid attention, I heard. Now it is up to me to figure out how to accomplish this. The thing is when God speaks it is scary. Sometimes the things we have to do to follow can be something we don’t really want to do. Sometimes it takes too much waiting. That is the scary part. Sometimes we may be dragged by the scruff of the neck but we must go.
I will just take one day at a time. One step, one move forward, maybe a few steps back but always moving. Always trying to pay attention.
The most important part is to listen and keep listening. So hard to do when there is so much noise around us.
I have had a revelation! A few days ago I wrote about a dream that I had (nightmare?). It was about planning a banquet and cleaning up afterward. Two days later I was called by a friend and made a last minute lunch for four of us. Admittedly this was not a banquet but did require cooking and cleaning. Until yesterday I never connected the two things. I have no trouble understanding the dream was a message. I have seldom connected things that closely but it is evident that there is a connection. I guess I was being warned what was on the way and to be ready. You can bet I will be paying more attention to my dreams in future.
I don’t know how many of you have experienced this kind of phenomena but it has seldom happened that clearly to me. I have had experiences where I felt a strong need to call or pray for someone. Usually I listen to that urge.
When I was working as a parish nurse I had two instances where I planned visits for the day, got in the car and was pulled to visit someone else entirely. Both times the person I saw needed a visit or some sort of intervention. I have awakened in the middle of the night and knew I had to pray for someone only to find out that something had occurred and they needed prayer.
I don’t find these things to be spooky at all. They are examples of God speaking to us. Whether the impulse to pray turns out to be something or not no prayer is wasted. We have to tune in to God and follow through on impulses that clearly are God calling.
I woke this morning remembering the dream I had just before waking. For some reason I had provided a banquet for a large number of people and now was cleaning up mostly by myself. It was a combination between a home and a commercial kitchen. Some of the things I was cleaning seemed to be someone’s treasures and required special handling. I had been cleaning for the whole night and now was almost done but exhausted. I woke feeling that I had been working all night.
When we have dreams that we remember it is interesting to think about what they might mean or where they came from. Sometimes it is evident as something you did during the day is connected to the dream. Those dreams make sense.
I have no idea where this came from. I cook for one other person and he helps clean up after we eat. I don’t know that I have ever been left holding the bag after some group dinner.
The dream connect me to a recent Gospel read in church. It was the parable of the bridesmaids and the oil. Some of them were ready and some were not. The ones who were not ready were closed out of the banquet. The whole time I was cleaning up after the banquet I felt that I had to hurry because something else had to go on in that place in the morning. Is there a message there for me about preparing…….about being ready?
What is it that we are to do to be ready? God calls each of us to His plan for us. We each need to do keep faithful in prayer and study so that when the plan is revealed to us we are ready.