Month: October 2018

“If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all.”

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, anxiety, belief, choices, consequences, coping, emotions, empathy, feelings, frustration, guilt

sad charlie brown

Do you ever feel as if life is out to get you? I have felt that way lately. Superstitions abound about this….things come in threes, if you have too much good then bad is coming. Sometimes it is a self fulfilling prophecy.  When a lot of things keep happening you start to feel vulnerable.  You are having lots of bad luck. It starts reminding me of an old country/western song that says “if it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all.”

Ever since this knee surgery process was begun it has felt that way. The big good is that the surgery was successful. It seems that everything else surrounding it has been complicated and stress causing. I feel like “chicken little” running around saying “the sky is falling.”

When Hurricane Michael hit the Florida coast I felt such empathy for the people devastated by it. We only got the outside fringes as it went up the middle of Georgia and other states. We had some wind and rain. Very few areas lost power. Unfortunately, two houses away from us there is a vacant lot and some very dangerous trees. One fell across the power lines and we were without power for about 18 hours. This is nothing compared to what others are going through but it just seemed that the bad luck genie was striking again.

I have been pretty free of IBS issues for a while but of course this kicked the whole thing up again. Some medicine has helped but made me tired and cranky. I just want this to stop. I seem to be complaining when lots of people are so worse off. It makes me feel guilty.

emotional reactionSometimes it is so hard to control our emotional reaction to events. They hit and our minds and bodies respond before we can slam on the brakes. I can see more work on my part tending my coping skills.

I hate a messy, dirty house but have not felt like cleaning and the mess just makes me feel worse. I need organization and I have to work hard on that right away. I can’t even call someone to give my house a one-time clean as I need to pick up first. It is really bad when what you need to do is clean before someone else can clean.

I know this will all resolve and I am ready for that. I will put on my big girl pants and get to work and I know things will be better. I know that bad luck is not the only kind I have. God will make sure of that.

 

Shorter days and darkness

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, calm, consequences, coping, darkness, depression, Uncategorized

HibernateThis morning I had to get up in the dark. My husband had an appointment for surgery to change out his pacemaker. I do not like to get up in the dark. My husband has and expression for getting up in the dark. He says it is “0 dark 30.” I do not do early. I am attached to sunlight. In the summer I can get up early because the sun is up.

The days are growing shorter (not cooler here) and anything before seven is dark. I get up after seven. The joys of being retired.

When we lived in upstate New York I discovered that I was depressed during the winter and realized that I have SAD. Now I know that I am dependent on light for well being. Fortunately I live where the winters are not so long and I can manage the winter. However, it would be nice if we could get some cooler weather. The 90’s are getting old.

sunshineI know a number of people suffer with this problem and that it can make winters miserable. In the north I spent a lot of time in a glassed in sun porch that got lots of light during the day. I think this is what saved me.

It is difficult to look forward when the days are getting shorter if you have this problem. It makes it hard to enjoy some of the holidays that come up during this season. I hope that you can find ways to get the light you need whether from artificial lights or whatever you find that helps. It does help to get some sun when you can.

I hope fall and winter are kind to us all.

The ARANGELS

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, anxiety, belief, celebrate, coping, God, healing, medical, perspective, stress, viewpoint

too much stress

The last few months have been filled with such stress that it has been hard to keep focused. It hasn’t been one thing but the combination of things. Friends sick, husbands sick, travel, whatever. It is time to get my focus back and to remember an event from last week.

Wednesday of last week i realized how sick I was and decided that I must go to my doctor. It was in the morning and while I was trying to make a logical decision the phone rang and it was my doctor’s office. They called to let me know that they had called in a refill for some routine medicine. This is not how their system works. They never call to let me know about that I just get a text from the pharmacy when it is ready. Their system has been skewed due to some doctors moving and the office being understaffed at the moment so this was not the usual person. While I had her on the phone I asked if I could see my physician that day and she managed an appointment for that afternoon. Absolutely amazing. That would never have happened at any other time!

angels-at-work-2014-becky-jaine

Madeleine L’Engle says “a miracle is a coincidence where God prefers to remain anonymous.” People say miracles don’t happen and this was just nothing but it didn’t feel that way to me. I have a friend who says “the ARANGELS were at work” and I agree. For me this was a miracle and due to that visit I am now better.

Yes! the ARANGELS were at work!

Laugh!

by worrylessjourney, posted in balance, coping, emotions, fun!, funny, healing, Laugh, Uncategorized

mignon-mclaughlin-humor-quotes-a-sense-of-humor-is-a-major-defense

I was thinking about what is one of the traits that has been most helpful over the years and I have decided that it is a sense of humor. There have been so many things in my life that I either would have to laugh or cry. For most of them I have been able to laugh.

The ability to see the humor in a situation even when it is smacking you between the eyes has really helped me. I have almost always been able to laugh at myself. I know some people who can’t do that at all and when something happens they really lose it.

My father-in-law was one of those people. He and my brother-in-law were painting the outside of their house when Harry,( f-i-l) spilled some paint on a bush. As they came around the house with the second coat my Dave (b-i-l) asked his father if he wanted to put a second coat on the bush. That did not go over well.

There are so many situations that we encounter in life that test our ability to see ourselves in a humorous light. If we can do that it can save us a lot of pain in the long run.

Laugh!laugh2

Who is responsible?

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, answers, anxiety, belief, choices, complacency, consequences, danger, fear, habits, mistakes, wisdom

work-quotes-loyaltySometimes I worry about where society is headed. It seems that we have moved in the direction of everything being acceptable. Most everyone is focused on themselves. We have lost the idea of being “our brother’s keeper.” In fact that phrase is most often used in a negative way.

Our government is a perfect example. Each party is only concerned with forwarding their own objective. There is no concern about right and wrong. There is no concern for the people who elected them. The only concern is for “what it can do for me?”

This is not the only place where we see this thinking. Shifts in parenting styles have led to many children feeling entitled. Again a “me first” modality.

Religion has also taken a hit with leaders who have profited from the people to the point of absurdity. There is little trust in “religion” and so many young people see it as an unnecessary idea. They can only see established churches as a home for hypocrites. For them, most churches exist to perpetuate themselves and not for real ministry to the outcasts and needy. It is hard for them to see that churches are formed by people and people are not perfect.

billy-graham-dont-be-swayed-by-the-false-values-quote-on-storemypic-0526e

Media has made us numb to entertainment and we seek more radical spectacles to keep our interest. It takes us back to Rome and the horrors of the Colosseum. When we have “seen everything” more is required for satiation.

Those of us whose view is different may be ridiculed for our thinking but we persist. Somehow we have to learn that not only are we responsible for each other but for everything that exists on the earth. If we don’t wake up we won’t be here. God didn’t guarantee that mankind would last forever.

Wholeness: mind + body = wellness

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, anxiety, connections, control, coping, emotions, frustration, healing, health, medical, understanding, wellness, wholeness

feeling-sick

Today has been up and down. I realize I ran myself into the ground planning, traveling, cleaning etc to get ready for my husband’s surgery at Mayo. My immune system was bottomed out. So, after getting a cold while at Mayo, I ended up with a sinus infection and on antibiotics. I am someone who seldom gets sick and to say it unsettles me is an understatement.

I am worse than the parents of the children I saw when I worked for a group of pediatricians. The child would be put on antibiotics and the parent would call later that day saying he/she isn’t well yet. (completely true) I have been given an excellent treatment and I want to be well yesterday!

Feeling down and sick is not fun. I am not sure which is at the top but I guess it doesn’t matter.

There are so many people suffering with physical illness and coping beyond amazing. There are so many with mental illness who are also suffering and coping. My oldest daughter worked at a children’s hospital in a unit called “Adolescent Med-Psych.” That unit cared for teens who were having mental problems because of their physical problems or the reverse. They handled teens with diabetes who didn’t care for themselves, and anorexics with who had created physical problems from their diet. Some patients had severe mental illness that had led to physical problems. I don’t know how she worked there. The anguish of both teen and family must have been horrible. She loved her work.

Many of us don’t take care of ourselves. We let our emotional problems cause physical symptoms. Conversely, we can’t cope with the physical problems and let them move over into emotional problems.

Whole+Body+Health+logo

I think the coping skills for the two things are similar. We are whole. We are not a separate thing. Our minds and our bodies and forever connected. To flourish we need to care for both. The things that we do for our mental health help out physical health. We know that meditation, mindfulness, and managing stress have a powerful affect on our bodies. Keeping up with needed physical exams is also critical.

We need to continue to learn and use coping skills that work for us. Not everyone is the same. Keep testing and trying different things until you find what works for you. It will pay off in big benefits in the long run.

We were born communal

by worrylessjourney, posted in answers, belief, connections, coping, empathy, friends, hope, kindness, listen, needs, share, understanding

We all need someone to talk to. We all need someone who actually hears us. It may not be the people we love but we need someone. We were not created to go through life alone.

We are communal people. The earliest humans survived because they lived together. We are no different. One of the worst tortures that a human can go through is to be confined alone in a room for a long period. Most people would lose their minds.

We-re-communal-animals-If-we-re-by-ourselves

It is sometimes difficult to find that person who will really hear us when we share our lives. Too often people are thinking of themselves and not really listening. Often we are sharing with someone who truly cares but wants to fix everything. Most of the time we don’t expect or even want ideas for fixes. All we really want is to be heard. The trouble is most people don’t understand that.

This is the reason that so many people need to talk with a psychologist or psychiatrist. They should be the ones who really listen. (at least if they are any good) If we don’t have someone to share with then they are certainly a help. At least they shouldn’t be judgmental or share confidences.

In the last year I have also found that this community on Word Press is a good place to share and be heard. We are understood the best when someone else has had similar experiences. In this community there is understanding and affirmation. Sometimes it is hard to find that kind of understanding elsewhere.

you are not alone

 

Wherever you find it seek someone who will listen and hear you. Even if they can only seek to share your feeling it is a help. If you don’t have anyone to talk with face to face you can find understanding here.

No comparisons!

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, belief, celebrate, comparisons, coping, freedom, Uncategorized

We are Unique. Each of us is a separate creation and important. A number of years ago I wrote this poem about comparisons.

I wonder if the rose

compares itself to all other roses

and thus negates its beauty to itself

by comparison

 

I suppose the rose

would find this idea silly

and wonder why anything

would want to do this

 

I would imagine

that the rose

simply delights in its own

uniqueness

and never worries about

comparisons

At-Night-We-Make-No-Comparisons-Between-Right-And-Wrong-Stars-Nor-Between-Well-And-Badly-Arranged-Constellations (1)

Never spend time comparing yourself to others. It can be self destructive. Remember your own uniqueness and cherish it!

Life in balance

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, balance, choices, coping, enlightening, expectations, frustration, perspective, Uncategorized, viewpoint

Expectations. Something that can really send us  into a tail spin. It seems that there are always people expecting things of us. We can spend our whole lives trying to live up to someone’s expectations.

expectations-heyokyay

Too often those expectations are not appropriate. Sometimes they are actually too low because we are thought to be damaged because of mental health issues. That prejudice can make us feel “less than” and sets us up for problems with self esteem. Labels can be so damaging.

The other side is when expectations are too high. They may not be logical or reasonable. We are set up for failure and again threatened with low self esteem.

their way

Challenging expectations that are too high may require discussion regarding what is appropriate. Too often anyone can find themselves pushed by overwhelming expectations. It is part of the society we live in. Sometimes it’s hard to bring it up, as for some, jobs could be on the line. The most important part is to recognize when it is not your issue but someone else’s. Don’t let the situation affect your own sense of self worth.

Somehow we need to find a path down the middle. There may not be anything that can be done about other people who give us labels. Until things change just consider the source and move on. If it is just an education problem that can be solved. Continuing to work within your own abilities solves many issues.

life in the balance

Watch out for people who want you to fail or who want to put you down. These people are toxic and need to be avoided.

We also have to be careful in setting our own expectations. Setting them too high or too low can make us feel inadequate. We have to find a reasonable path.

 

Remember you count! Your life matters too! Seek the place where you can find success and self affirmation.

You are important

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, balance, choices, consequences, control, coping, depression, habits, mistakes, patterns, viewpoint, wholeness

pused over the edgeLife can be difficult at times. It may not be one big thing but many little ones that push you over the edge. In fact for me that is usually the case. If there is a big crisis I seem to do well until it is over…then I crash. Many little things nibbling away at just push you closer and closer to the precipice.  You don’t notice it is happening until it is too late.

We want to be strong and able to handle the things that life brings but sometimes it is just not possible. When this happens I have to take a step back and realize that I am over the edge. It’s time to back away from the things that I can and handle only the most important. Sometimes I struggle to prioritize and don’t know which balls in the air to let fall. Sometimes some fall while I am not looking. It can’t be helped. None of us are Wonder Woman or Superman. We just aren’t.

wonder womandc-comics-superman-maquette-tweeterhead-903305-07

I spent much of my life trying to be all things to all people and the stress took it’s toll in anxiety, depression and physical symptoms. We have to learn that we are vulnerable too.

The sad part is that when you spend your time saving everyone you become expected to do it and sometimes you receive no thanks or appreciation. When you stop it is a tremendous shock and you may have some upset people.

Furry+Logic+-+Ten+Speed+Press+-+(c)+2004

We have to set boundaries. I think our struggle with self worth is part of the reason we fall into this trap. The more secure we are with ourselves and our own self respect the more we can choose wisely. Logical decisions about what we can do are critical.

You are important. You are just as important as anyone else. You deserve to have pride, dignity and self regard. Don’t throw yourself away.