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The real me

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, balance, change, consequences, healing, knitting and crocheting, routine, wholeness

Another week gone by. Funny, they all seem the same. Wait…they have been the same. Each day blends into the next. Around and around and around. The days are only different by thoughts and ideas. It is hard to know what day it is.

Why am I so lazy? So inclined to just sit and knit or crochet. It is getting something done but not with the energy I usually enjoy. Today I did some simple gardening. It was hot out and it didn’t take me long to be tired and overheated. A routine of exercises must be added to my days or I will become a painted picture attached to a chair with knitting in her hands. This is not me. Somehow the desire for more has to be re-established. Days where my sights are higher than that chair.

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People around us are getting out more but they are not as at risk as we are. It is so strange to be in the “old and fragile” group, I have never thought of my self that way. My self image has been altered and I need to move back to the real me.

Left handed blessings

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, aggravations, answers, blessings, connections, love, moments, perspective, Uncategorized

Sometimes the things that we think of as awful trials turn out to be a good thing. This virus has caused me to be at home. If I were able to go out I would feel trapped staying here with my husband every day. I would have to have someone in occasionally to be with him. Most of the time everything is fine but we never know when he will not be himself.

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So this staying at home has been a blessing. Someone might call it a “left handed blessing” but a blessing none the less. As we are able to discover what is causing this up and down problem things may resolve. If not I will find options to functions as needed. We still have several doctors to see and answers to seek to help define our options.

So aggravating as this crisis has been it has, for me, been a time to share with my love however he might be. That’s all that matters.

One thing at a time

by worrylessjourney, posted in choices, coping, enlightening, ideas, perspective, routine, small steps

do itSometimes I forget to not leap ahead of myself but just concentrate on one thing at a time. Getting one thing done feels good. When I do I stop obsessing on the things not done.

A long time ago I worked for a company that handled case management for insurance companies. As nurses, we reviewed medical information and (the company was a good one) usually recommended doing the right thing. It costs less in the long run and that was how we explained it backing it up with figures.

While there a huge caseload was brought on to do with workers compensation from the state of Texas. I was handed that account. It was overwhelming. The amount of files on my desk was tremendous and daunting. After struggling with how to handle it I took the files and adjusted by date it came in and status of the patient. I stacked them up that way and just pulled one at a time. It was amazing how much I was able to get done once I stopped obsessing over how much there was.

Now as I face dealing with my husband’s medical issues I have realized that I have to one stepdo the same thing. Instead of worrying (useless) I have evaluated what needs to be done in what order and have started contacting doctors ect., setting appointments and moving ahead.  We will solve things one at a time.

An important lesson

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, answers, anxiety, control, frustration, life changes, perspective, Uncategorized

Every day is different. Today was a better than good day. That’s the way life is. You never know what is coming next. It is the uncertainty that gets us.

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Not knowing answers to problems is the thing that is hard to take. I don’t think anyone likes it. When we can see the path in front of us life seems so much easier. We just want someone to turn the lights on the path so we can see ahead.

However, there are so many times in life when that is not possible. No matter what we always live without knowing what is ahead. The difference is we think that we do. We can see the day ahead with all its plans and we think that is what will happen. the truth is there are no guarantees. It’s funny how we perceive that we have control but really don’t. It is an important lesson learned when we realize that.

From day to day

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, aggravations, anxiety, coping, mental health, stress, wondering

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I hate sharing that things have been difficult at my house but I will share some of my thoughts. It seems it is necessary for me to write since that is my outlet.

My husband has not really recovered from his hospital stay. Initially his mental status was almost back to where he was but that has not lasted. He wavers from day to day. Some days are good and some are not.

The virus has made seeing doctors and determining the problem almost impossible. We move ahead one day and fall back the next. The hospital lost some of his ID’s and we just managed to replace his military ID thanks to the wonderful staff at the nearest post. They made getting a new one so easy! One thing accomplished.

As we manage appointments and see doctors as possible we will get closer to some resolution. Knowing what is going on will be so helpful. This day to day fluctuation is so frustrating.

We are keeping on keeping on and I know that someday there will be answers. This would happen when there is so little to do about it. If only we could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know there is a light!

A different time

by worrylessjourney, posted in appearance, connections, ideas, learn, moments, perspective, Uncategorized

In one of my journals I found this note. I think it was a quote but I don’t know from who (or is it whom?).  “When we see a star we are seeing time.” That star’s light is coming from long ago. What we are seeing is actually gone.

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It is so amazing to think that what we are seeing is not happening in our time. The scientists of our day have talked about time. It truly is a mystery. There are days when time seems to fly and times where it drags. Time for us is flexible. It has to do with the mind. When I was at work I always wanted to be doing something. A bad day was when time dragged.

This covid crisis has been time out of time. I wonder what we have learned. I see many families experiencing things that they haven’t done in a long time …if ever. I hope that meaning is found in those experiences and that they remember joy found in this different time.

 

 

Music feeds the soul

by worrylessjourney, posted in appreciate, blessings, enjoy, joy, listen, music, wholeness

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Today I had fun making some playlists for my Amazon Alexa. Now I have some of my favorite music ready to go. Music has always transformed me. Just sitting and listening I can feel my body relaxing. Music feeds my soul.

As a youngster (too young for clubs) my father would nevertheless take me with him to hear great musicians. He loved New Orleans Jazz. He knew most of the people and they knew he wouldn’t order me drinks.

I also played piano and took lessons until college. My teacher was friend with some of the great pianist of the time and I got to meet Rubenstein…a big thrill for me.

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I have always loved all kinds of music. I was exposed to everything. There is hardly anything that I don’t like. I can get tired of some things. Being the age I am I also can’t get playing music so loud that you damage your hearing. I like loud but there is a limit.

I have often wondered about the damage to the hearing of some young people. I am sure they don’t realize that those little hairs in the ears can fail if pushed too far. It really is too bad but maybe good for the hearing-aid people. It is also interesting to me with all the ability of electronics today that someone doesn’t make a hearing aid that really works for a reasonable price.

Small problems become bigger

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, consequences, danger, opinion, perspective

fallingFor those of us that are at high risk for getting this virus this situation is causing more and more concern. I now have a smoke alarm beeping up high where I will need to get a tall ladder to stop it. I have tried changing these before and I can never get them back in. Since we can’t go out and we can’t let anyone in I will just pull the battery out and leave it. This is really a minor problem but I wonder how many folks like us are starting to face issues much more serious than this.

I am very able to climb the ladder but there are so many who can’t without risk of falling. What other home problems are the elderly facing that may be dangerous? We are certainly learning what a pathogen like this can do. I do worry about what is next.

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