Today has been a little trying. It is raining hard here and 42 degrees. Not the most fun weather. Actually I prefer snow to this. The cold rain is miserable and depressing. It has caused me to feel anxious. I want to be able to get the covid vaccine as soon as possible but since we moved I don’t know exactly how to get connected to let someone know we are both over 80 and at risk. I will have to research and get info so we can get the shots.
Out house also has had no nibbles but Christmas got into the middle of it being on sale so I am hoping with the new year things will begin to change. There are so many things to worry about and I know I have to just put them out of my mind and keep on keeping on. Sometimes it is just so hard.
I also need to find something to stretch my mind. The doldrums have set in. I will have to find some books that challenge me and get reading. I also received a keyboard for Christmas since I had to let my baby grand piano go. That was as really sad since I have had it since I was 8 years old. It was a part of me. Now I do have something to play besides the guitar and need practice.
Instead of feeling sorry for myself I need to move on and explore what is out there for me. There will be some things that I can do that are fruitful during this time and I have to do them. It is too easy to sit and do nothing except crafting and I have done enough of that. Time to get going!
Bouts of grief come and go with me. For some reason driving in the car seems to bring them on. That makes no sense. Grief is always that way. It comes in waves often without warning. Sometimes people don’t realize that it isn’t just a death that we grieve. Any kind of change can bring it on. We grieve for what has been even if we are looking forward to what is to come.
Having moved many times in my life I expect to be sad about what I am leaving but settle well when I get rooted in the next place. In some ways it is refreshing to think that this big downsize means that we will be getting some new furniture of the inexpensive variety. Moving lots of furniture is more expensive that buying new if you are wise about what you buy. We will take things that we love but that is mostly art work and personal items.
A lot of our furniture was passed down from my family and is not necessarily what I would have bought. Even though it has links to the past I have no regrets about letting it go. An estate sale agent will handle that.
It is almost like a new start and a chance to try some different styles that can be modified easily.
Today I started looking at the process of selling my piano. My mother bought it when I was about 7 years old and the thought of parting with it is difficult but a small apartment cannot handle a baby grand piano.
I have moved it around with us from Army post to post but this is one time that it really isn’t logical. When my husband and I were first married the apartment was so small that he joked we would have to eat off the piano but we managed. The truth is I don’t play it as much as before. It is situated where I disturb anything that anyone else is doing in the house and I hate to do that.
It may not be easy to sell but I will put it out there and see what happens. Then I plan to buy a good keyboard..one that can use headphones so that I can play whenever I want with not problem.
Another step toward the future. Just one more thing to clear out of the way. I long for the time when we are settled and not just “in progress” but it will come soon enough.