Life is returning to reasonable for me. Between the medicine, that seems to be working, and God’s continued presence I seem to be coming out of the fog.
Now I will finish up anything pending and get prepared to move once again. However, this should be it….finally.
It is hard to remember what life was like before this journey began. It seems like a lifetime ago but was just a year and 1/2. Now along with everyone else I will find my way in this new world. I wish for everyone that they are able to move forward with renewed hope and some joy in the future.
The only way to do that is one day at a time, one moment at a time. I have been reading a novel (fantasy and fun) and finding some inspiring ideas and quotes that I will ponder on. One is: “We are here and now, and that is the only place we can be.” from Mrs. Perivale and the Blue Fire Crystal by Dash Hoffman. It states so clearly what we have to do. We cannot change where we are and what has happened. That is past. But we can live in the moment and be the best we can.
I hope that everyone can find a way to do that and to find some peace along the way.
Here I go again. Tomorrow the packers come and on Friday the movers to pack the pod. It will then go into storage until I get a moving date for the new apartment. I am so tired of this but know this is the last move (God willing). It will be nice to have a place that is my own. I can’t wait. There is something about this last move that really rattled me but now that I have started any packing I have to do it is better.
So many people have been touched by covid and lives have been changed. Mine is just one of them. I would have had to do this anyway covid has just made it harder and lonelier. I will so enjoy getting to meet people and have things to do.
My only concern is my two bassets who are both very anxious. The male (Crash) is going to have to have some meds as he has always had severe anxiety. We don’t know what happened to him before we got him but it did damage him and losing my husband and all the change has exacerbated his problems. Hopefully the vet will help me get him more settled. He is such a sweet boy as is our female (Tillie).
Lately I have been watching streaming programs from Britbox. Many of them deal with live in the 50’s and 60’s. It has brought back so many memories.
I grew up in the time of poodle skirts, penny loafers, saddle oxfords, sweater sets, blue jeans lined with flannel and rolled up to reveal the lining, long pencil skirts and so many other things.
Films were strictly censored….there was little violence or nudity…no foul language. Life was really different. It was kinder in some ways and not in others. Anyone getting pregnant in high school had to leave and go to a different school. They were considered beyond the pale.
We wore “bobby socks” and had sock hops. Socks were worn to protect the gym floor. Proms were held in the school gymnasium and were highly decorated by the students. A king and queen were crowned. Punch was often spiked by boys wanting to show that they could.
During my college years was the era of the folk singers. The Kingston Trio, The Limlighters, Peter, Paul and Mary, The Mamas and the Papas, Joan Baez. I loved that music. Songs like Tom Dooley, Blowin in the Wind, and all the ones that came throughout the sixties. had learned folk song early in my life and absolutely loved those songs. We went to concerts in gymnasiums and sat on the floor.
In 1962 I graduated college and got married. This was the time of mini skirts, knee boots and psychedelic colors. A real change from the fifties. I saw people become “flower children” and live in communes. Birth control pills gave women the freedom to choose to have sex if they wanted and free love was the thing of the day. Women felt freed and the Women’s Liberation Era began.
Things have changed a lot since then. Some good some bad. People in general were kinder and more mannerly but women had more set roles and received less respect in the man’s world. Some people from my era have moved with the times and some not. It is a different world and interesting to live in. I would love to see the future ahead but know that I won’t. I am in the waning years but I will enjoy them fully.
Today has been a little trying. It is raining hard here and 42 degrees. Not the most fun weather. Actually I prefer snow to this. The cold rain is miserable and depressing. It has caused me to feel anxious. I want to be able to get the covid vaccine as soon as possible but since we moved I don’t know exactly how to get connected to let someone know we are both over 80 and at risk. I will have to research and get info so we can get the shots.
Out house also has had no nibbles but Christmas got into the middle of it being on sale so I am hoping with the new year things will begin to change. There are so many things to worry about and I know I have to just put them out of my mind and keep on keeping on. Sometimes it is just so hard.
I also need to find something to stretch my mind. The doldrums have set in. I will have to find some books that challenge me and get reading. I also received a keyboard for Christmas since I had to let my baby grand piano go. That was as really sad since I have had it since I was 8 years old. It was a part of me. Now I do have something to play besides the guitar and need practice.
Instead of feeling sorry for myself I need to move on and explore what is out there for me. There will be some things that I can do that are fruitful during this time and I have to do them. It is too easy to sit and do nothing except crafting and I have done enough of that. Time to get going!
Bouts of grief come and go with me. For some reason driving in the car seems to bring them on. That makes no sense. Grief is always that way. It comes in waves often without warning. Sometimes people don’t realize that it isn’t just a death that we grieve. Any kind of change can bring it on. We grieve for what has been even if we are looking forward to what is to come.
Having moved many times in my life I expect to be sad about what I am leaving but settle well when I get rooted in the next place. In some ways it is refreshing to think that this big downsize means that we will be getting some new furniture of the inexpensive variety. Moving lots of furniture is more expensive that buying new if you are wise about what you buy. We will take things that we love but that is mostly art work and personal items.
A lot of our furniture was passed down from my family and is not necessarily what I would have bought. Even though it has links to the past I have no regrets about letting it go. An estate sale agent will handle that.
It is almost like a new start and a chance to try some different styles that can be modified easily.
Today I started looking at the process of selling my piano. My mother bought it when I was about 7 years old and the thought of parting with it is difficult but a small apartment cannot handle a baby grand piano.
I have moved it around with us from Army post to post but this is one time that it really isn’t logical. When my husband and I were first married the apartment was so small that he joked we would have to eat off the piano but we managed. The truth is I don’t play it as much as before. It is situated where I disturb anything that anyone else is doing in the house and I hate to do that.
It may not be easy to sell but I will put it out there and see what happens. Then I plan to buy a good keyboard..one that can use headphones so that I can play whenever I want with not problem.
Another step toward the future. Just one more thing to clear out of the way. I long for the time when we are settled and not just “in progress” but it will come soon enough.