Making choices

Another day of sitting in my house and outdoors on the porch. It is beautiful but warm out. May is when we usually start almost summery weather. The yard is a mess so I hope that the yard people come tomorrow.. We don’t have them come often. It is too expensive but once in a while I need help to catch up. After they come I must get out and do some things myself.

gardening

I do enjoy working out in the yard except when it is super hot. It try to get out early in the morning and come in before it gets to me. Good hard work is the best exercise and I have been bad lately about avoiding it.

The prediction for us here is that we will have a huge surge in virus cases as things open up since we have not had a peak yet. We stayed inside before it really came here and now the timing my cause us a headache.

risk

There comes a time where some things that have been put off by this virus just have to be done. My husband’s medical issues, though not life threatening, have to be dealt with so some Dr. visits are necessary. We do have to live our lives and do the critical things in spite of the risk.

Years ago my youngest daughter was going to Japan as an exchange student. Shortly before she was to leave a commercial place was shot down by mistake. I don’t remember the exact circumstances but I was afraid for her to fly so far. My husband made the comment that we can’t stay away from risk forever. We do have to take some chances….reasonable ones.

I think the country may be coming to that point. Some places have peaked and it may be necessary to go out for some things. Those of us at high risk will shelter as much as possible but there will be limits.

Hang on!

life-is-always-up-and-down-so-why-are-you-8796618 (1)

Life has been pretty much up and down. My husband’s health fluctuates from day to day. Not critical but learning management is the plan. Yesterday was particularly tough but we got through it. I am still not sure about the underlying problem because the virus has made logical medical care impossible. We will root it out eventually. At least the hospital stay ruled out major problems. I am sure there are others suffering from the same issues.

Something else to make life uncertain. We will all be lucky not to need a short time for what was called in the 50’s a hospital stay for out nerves. Too bad that’s not possible any more. A couple of days rest and relaxation with someone waiting on us would be wonderful. Anyone what to join me? A long time ago a friend suggested (when life was stressful) a Cruise to Nowhere. It showed up in the New York paper and sounded like a wonderful idea. Not so great now with the status of cruising.

Hamster hangs on a rope isolated on a white background
You can do it!

I do find myself without lots of energy to tackle any big projects. Some things I will have to do and will get done. Others will just have to wait. I think looking toward the future is a big question. We know that life will go on but will have to cope with the shape of things. We can do it! We can’t give up or the virus will have won. This is not acceptable.

Most of us are still here and still functioning. Keep going things will change.

 

Some plans don’t work

Yesterday was an interesting day. It was my husband’s 82nd birthday. I spent most of the day preparing his favorite meal. We were having our son and family and my best friend to sit in the yard and eat while social distancing. I worked all afternoon on the perfect meal and it was good.

DogHousePlans

It was a good idea. At least that’s what I thought. My husband is hard of hearing and it is getting worse. He will need to get hearing aids and soon. Sitting far away from people made it almost impossible for him to hear any conversation and really the whole thing was too tiring for him. It was nice but I won’t plan anything like that again soon.

The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft agley, An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy! Robert Burns from To a Mouse

Things don’t always work out the way we thought but we have to make the best of it. It’s best not to dwell on it but to just move on to the next thing.

 

What will we learn?

problemsI feel awful about not posting yesterday. I lost the day. The night before I had what I think was food poisoning. I was fine by morning but exhausted. I was feeling sorry for myself. Here without my husband and feeling miserable. Later that day one of my friends called and her sister’s husband caught the virus while traveling and died at 44 years old. His wife, working as a nurse, had damage from a tornado that struck their neighborhood. Her sister cannot have her husband transported home or have a glimpse of him. He died with none of his family around. There are so many people who have more crisis than anyone should have to bear. It certainly put my life into perspective.

Each of us has our own problems. Even though we can see catastrophic things happen to others the feelings we have are still valid. Our own problems bring forth emotions that we have to learn to deal with. We may not have things wrong that seem more devastating than others but our own tragedies are ours. We have to absorb the emotions. We have to deal with the issues. They are important. They are ours.

learningcontinues

As each of us move through the things that cause us grief and pain we will learn things that we can use to help others when this is all over. Our experiences will help us gain new insights, new skills,  and new ways to cope. We will have much to teach others. Lots to share with those who come after us.

This crisis is hard but we can learn from it and share what we have learned with generations that come.

Bend don’t break

“The green reed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm.”

Confucius

reeds

We have to learn to bend like the reed. It bends one way and then another. Eventually it stands up straight again. When times of change force us to change ourselves we must become like those reeds and be flexible. When the crisis subsides there will be a new reality. We must adapt and thrive in the new environment. We have the strength. We just need the determination.

What’s next?

future_what_is_next-100711982-largeI wish that this quiet time away from the busy world was one that I could enjoy but not to be. My husband is still in care. He’s physically all right but still not mentally well. He is better. It is just so hard not knowing how this will all come out.

I don’t know if I will have the man I knew or someone else. Things will work out but the uncertainty of it all is harrowing. At this point the virus is of less concern to me. During this time not only has the world outside of my own surroundings changed but also inside my circle. Many people are caught in this. I am not the only one struggling. Some have more grievous things to bear.

I seem to do really well for a while and then I falter. I suppose this will continue until there are some answers forthcoming. Waiting has never been my strong suit. I am certainly learning to endure patience.

It will be different for us when we come out of this. I pray there will not be another pandemic coming any time soon and that we can be better prepared. Everyone is blaming everyone else the world over but I remember hearing some words of Pope Francis pointing out that if we all blame someone else them we have to accept that all of us are to blame. There are certainly judgement errors aplenty to share.

mother earth

We must change. We must understand the nature of the damage we have done to the earth. Soon it will be too late and we must live with the guilt about what we are leaving our great grandchildren.  We have to learn to live together over the whole world or there is no hope.

I pray that we can.

Hope and dreams

how-not-to-live-in-a-bubbleI don’t remember if I wrote about this before but here are some excerpts from something written by C.S. Lewis many years ago that ring true today.

He was talking about an atomic age and asked how can we live with this?

“Why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night; or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway accidents, an age of motor accidents.”

 It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering and drawing long faces because …*something new*…. have added one more chance of painful and premature death to a world which already bristled with such chances and in which death itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.

This is the first point to be made: and the first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together.…. *the world we have now should*…… find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep….. *He goes on to say that nothing should forever change our minds.*

**My edits

— “On Living in an Atomic Age” (1948) in Present Concerns: Journalistic Essays

The concept of business growth .We are people still with ideas, hopes and dreams. Those thing may have changed their form but there will be more. New dreams, new ideas that we can hang our hope on. This feels as if it will last forever but even if it did we are still us. We are still alive and until we are all gone from this earth there is hope.

 

 

 

An unfamiliar world

surreal worldAnother day in this upside down world. I have had some news of my husband which assures me that he is comfortable and being treated but will be there a while longer. Tough news but at least some answers are forthcoming.

The world for most of us remains surreal. Safely at home but having to clean groceries or leave them in the garage for several days. I am only cleaning the things needed immediately and with just me those are not many. I guess not spending much money is a blessing.

thank-you-clipart-for-powerpoint-8Life is certainly different and certainly interesting. One has no idea what tomorrow will bring. It helps us to take stock of what is really important in our lives. I am so grateful for all the friends and loved ones who have called, texted, or emailed.

I am also grateful for all the kind words from my Word Press friends. This is a wonderful community and helps me not feel so alone.

I will wait with hope

prayer for hope

My husband remains in hospital without any word on a diagnosis. I have done some research on my on and have some ideas to pass on. As a nurse I do know when the information is reputable. I will just have to take one step at a time.

I have had so many calls from friends that it has given me such a boost knowing how many care. This is just a bad time to have this happen but there is nothing different to do. I will continue to attempt to talk with the physicians working with him even though so far I have not heard from a single one. This is a common problem with hospitals and doctors and I will be stronger about insisting to discover what they are thinking. The hospitals here are not yet full of covid patients and are actually functioning well so there is no excuse for no information.

 

Tomorrow is a new day. According to the nurse they have some labs pending so maybe some answers will come.

Placating my anxiety, depression and stress with prayer, TV and walking outdoors. I am unable to do some things as my brain is not up to par.

When nothing can be done it is necessary to accept that and do only what is possible. The prayer from AA sums it up perfectly.

God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Thank you for your prayers.

New Joys, New Possibilities

There is no greater disaster in the spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality, for life is maintained and nourished in us by our vital relation with realities outside and above us.” C.S. Lewis.

Lewis is so right but not just about our spiritual life. Living in unreality is a disaster in every way. It touches us on every level. I impact our physical self. No matter our level of activity it is not the same as it was. Even how and what we eat has been impacted.

Our emotional/psychological life has been impacted. We can’t do the things we used to do. Our social interactions have been curtailed. Whether we are introverts or extroverts this is still a change. I am sure that everyone is feeling this distancing in some way. I used to be an extreme extrovert but in my latter years I am more in the middle. This change has affected me in many ways.  I miss the touch of others, the face to face exchange of ideas, the fun of simple conversation. I am lonely.

Our spiritual life has most assuredly been impacted. In some ways mine has expanded in that I spend more quiet time and intense connection with God that I have in quite a while. There are not so many distractions. I miss the camaraderie of our church community in addition to the services themselves.

Quotes about Possibilities (558 quotes)This time has created a different way of being. One that can either strengthen or break us. We have to maintain perspective. Though maybe months distant there will be a change. The view will be changed making us find a new path into the world as it emerges. We have the ability to blend into the new world around us and adapt and make it better.

Part of my nightly prayer from the New Zealand Prayer Book: Night Prayer says:

The night heralds the dawn.Let us look expectantly to a new day,new joys,new possibilities.

May we all do so with enthusiasm and creativity.