In one of my journals I found this note. I think it was a quote but I don’t know from who (or is it whom?). “When we see a star we are seeing time.” That star’s light is coming from long ago. What we are seeing is actually gone.
It is so amazing to think that what we are seeing is not happening in our time. The scientists of our day have talked about time. It truly is a mystery. There are days when time seems to fly and times where it drags. Time for us is flexible. It has to do with the mind. When I was at work I always wanted to be doing something. A bad day was when time dragged.
This covid crisis has been time out of time. I wonder what we have learned. I see many families experiencing things that they haven’t done in a long time …if ever. I hope that meaning is found in those experiences and that they remember joy found in this different time.
In this crisis good days are to be appreciated. Today was a good day. The weather was beautiful and life was more or less smooth. I am so glad.
For those of us that are at high risk for getting this virus this situation is causing more and more concern. I now have a smoke alarm beeping up high where I will need to get a tall ladder to stop it. I have tried changing these before and I can never get them back in. Since we can’t go out and we can’t let anyone in I will just pull the battery out and leave it. This is really a minor problem but I wonder how many folks like us are starting to face issues much more serious than this.
I am very able to climb the ladder but there are so many who can’t without risk of falling. What other home problems are the elderly facing that may be dangerous? We are certainly learning what a pathogen like this can do. I do worry about what is next.
When I started this journey on Word Press I wanted to stop worrying so much over simple things and stop ruminating. Over the past several years I have learned much from the people I have encountered. I have made major changes in my thinking and my life. These things have helped.
What has not helped is what is happening in our world. It is one thing to obsess over things that will usually never happen and to be concerned over things that are happening. The concern is realistic and can’t be done away with. However, my changes have made me different so that even this current crisis has not been the tipping point to take me back to where I was.
Lessons can be learned and applied to make life, though challenging, less likely to move us back to where we started. We can learn and change and cope better. It is possible. Never give up and think it can’t get better. I can and will if you work at it.
I don’t remember if I wrote about this before but here are some excerpts from something written by C.S. Lewis many years ago that ring true today.
He was talking about an atomic age and asked how can we live with this?
“Why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night; or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway accidents, an age of motor accidents.”
It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering and drawing long faces because …*something new*…. have added one more chance of painful and premature death to a world which already bristled with such chances and in which death itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.
This is the first point to be made: and the first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together.…. *the world we have now should*…… find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep….. *He goes on to say that nothing should forever change our minds.*
— “On Living in an Atomic Age” (1948) in Present Concerns: Journalistic Essays
We are people still with ideas, hopes and dreams. Those thing may have changed their form but there will be more. New dreams, new ideas that we can hang our hope on. This feels as if it will last forever but even if it did we are still us. We are still alive and until we are all gone from this earth there is hope.
My husband remains in hospital without any word on a diagnosis. I have done some research on my on and have some ideas to pass on. As a nurse I do know when the information is reputable. I will just have to take one step at a time.
I have had so many calls from friends that it has given me such a boost knowing how many care. This is just a bad time to have this happen but there is nothing different to do. I will continue to attempt to talk with the physicians working with him even though so far I have not heard from a single one. This is a common problem with hospitals and doctors and I will be stronger about insisting to discover what they are thinking. The hospitals here are not yet full of covid patients and are actually functioning well so there is no excuse for no information.
Tomorrow is a new day. According to the nurse they have some labs pending so maybe some answers will come.
Placating my anxiety, depression and stress with prayer, TV and walking outdoors. I am unable to do some things as my brain is not up to par.
When nothing can be done it is necessary to accept that and do only what is possible. The prayer from AA sums it up perfectly.
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Thank you for your prayers.
There is no greater disaster in the spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality, for life is maintained and nourished in us by our vital relation with realities outside and above us.” C.S. Lewis.
Lewis is so right but not just about our spiritual life. Living in unreality is a disaster in every way. It touches us on every level. I impact our physical self. No matter our level of activity it is not the same as it was. Even how and what we eat has been impacted.
Our emotional/psychological life has been impacted. We can’t do the things we used to do. Our social interactions have been curtailed. Whether we are introverts or extroverts this is still a change. I am sure that everyone is feeling this distancing in some way. I used to be an extreme extrovert but in my latter years I am more in the middle. This change has affected me in many ways. I miss the touch of others, the face to face exchange of ideas, the fun of simple conversation. I am lonely.
Our spiritual life has most assuredly been impacted. In some ways mine has expanded in that I spend more quiet time and intense connection with God that I have in quite a while. There are not so many distractions. I miss the camaraderie of our church community in addition to the services themselves.
This time has created a different way of being. One that can either strengthen or break us. We have to maintain perspective. Though maybe months distant there will be a change. The view will be changed making us find a new path into the world as it emerges. We have the ability to blend into the new world around us and adapt and make it better.
Part of my nightly prayer from the New Zealand Prayer Book: Night Prayer says:
The night heralds the dawn.Let us look expectantly to a new day,new joys,new possibilities.
May we all do so with enthusiasm and creativity.
Things have been difficult here in the last few days. I hope we are on the up side. It is pretty scary to think that in the middle of covid 19 I would have to take my husband to the hospital. That is the last thing I want to do. But if that is what it takes to get him well then there is not choice. However, for now each day seems a little better but it is slow.
Today I was wondering what it must have been like the day that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. One day there was war “over there” and suddenly it had come home. What fear and panic must have been felt by everyone. We are facing something not at all fun but it will pass long before WW2 did. They lived with it every day for years.
They were strong. They had endurance, faith and hope. We have the same things available to us. Whatever we have to do to keep on is what we will do.
As a nurse there is one thing that I have learned well….not everything can be fixed. Often people grow up with the idea that there is nothing that can’t be solved in some way. Working in the hospital it is evident that things go wrong, people die, life is not perfect.
We live in a world where we expect everything to be fixed. Get a headache take a pill. Go to the doctor..get a diagnosis..get fixed. We don’t want to wait for anything. We want everything to be done at once.
Because of that this time is a real eye opener for some. I can’t go to the store and expect to find everything I need. I can’t hop in my car and go out to a restaurant. Everything I want is not available. What a shock.
I was born a year before Pearl Harbor. I don’t remember much about the war as I was very young but I do remember rationing. You couldn’t get everything you wanted. Gas was limited so you couldn’t go where you wanted all the time. We mostly stayed home. My father was working on the pentagon (construction contractor) and was exempt from going to war. This grieved him and he tried several times to go but to no avail.
My parents built a house shortly before the war began. They had extra rooms and took in war wives whose husband were overseas. They lived with us throughout the war. That was the environment I grew in. We were comfortable but certainly weren’t able to choose the life we wanted to live. I was blessed with a sense of extended family and lots of love but we lived in frightening times. Even as a small child I could sense that angst.
This time reminds me of those days. Something from my distant memory pulls feelings from the past. Those feelings are attached to the way things are now. Just like that time we can’t fix it. We just have to wait it out and live with whatever comes afterward.
Remember…patience, patience and waiting. It can’t be fixed but it can be endured and lived beyond.
“All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”
Another day of feeling isolated. No matter how many times we talk with people electronically it doesn’t take the place of face to face. This is one of the things that has worried me about the electronic communication generation. I worried about them not knowing how to communicate in any other way. Now look at us. We have all have had to do the same thing.
I hope when this is over that we will understand how crucial person to person contact is. Humans are meant to be communal. We don’t do well without others. We need human touch. Children who don’t have it from birth have serious problems including attachment disorder.
I hope that we will learn from this isolation and appreciate the contacts we will have later. Take the time to enjoy the extra time we have and know that “this too shall pass.” And God bless those whose lives are put on the line for us each day. They are busier and at risk.