Today I have little to say. This is how I feel
Isolation
Category: aggravations
Persistence
I hate mysterious illnesses. There are many things that happen to people that may never be solved. There are some that you have to keep pushing and pushing and pushing through many layers of doctors and tests to find out what is wrong.
My husband has something wrong with his legs. The picture has been clouded by all the other things that have gone wrong. Now that many things are being taken care of we can concentrate on solving this issue. Fortunately today I was able to connect with the right person at the Mayo Clinic and I hope we are on the way to unearthing the problem. There is one thing for sure. I will not quit until we have answers even if the answers mean that things can’t be fixed.
Mayo Clinic is considered one of the primary places in the country to solve mysteries and I am praying that they can solve this one. A 2 1/2 hour drives means nothing if it helps. The nurse I connected with has even asked to be kept up so that she can hear the answer also. She cares. You can’t ask much more than that.
Blame it on the pandemic
Why is it that sometimes it seems as if the universe is against you? Nothing earth shaking but little things that require multiple details and it all goes crazy.
I have been trying to get my husband in to an orthopedist to find out why his knee is hurting. He had surgery at the Mayo Clinic over a year ago and we don’t know why there is pain now. I’ve called the orthos that we see here for other issues and they can’t see him without the records from Mayo. He had two procedures there and Mayo sent the records from his last visit instead of the surgery notes. Now we have to start over. The whole process had to be done again so that I can get him seen.
Why does something so simple have to go awry? Is it karma? This is just one of the things that has been so frustrating recently. I am keeping my sense of humor but it is getting harder. Hopefully some things will start to work out and life will at least be a little easier. I can blame it all on the pandemic!
Let impatience go
It is hard knowing that I am going to be living in confusion for a good while. I don’t like confusion. I like my life to be in order but that is not going to be. I know that it will all be worked out but I want it finished NOW!!
Patience is not one of my virtues. I am notoriously impatient. Maybe not as bad as some younger people since I didn’t grow up in an era when things happened over night. We did have to do a lot more waiting. Internet shopping was not available. Heavens we didn’t even have a TV until I was about 10. I have just learned to be impatient and now I have to move that away and think about how it used to be.
We were living at a very fast pace. The world was spinning more rapidly and getting faster all the time. This lull has taught us some things about patience. We have been waiting to get out and be with others. We still have to be very careful and wait. Now I have to put that into practise.
More advanced, more complicated, more wrong.
There has been a gremlin in my house. I am sure of it. We now have TV remotes mixed up and they don’t seem to work totally anywhere. One will change channels and do volume, the other will turn on and off. We need two remotes for my husband to work his TV. My daughter sent a new remote for him and I can’t get it programmed. The instructions work but you have to search for the codes for the TV and the cable box and the numbers that may work reach out to infinity. If I had a week I’m sure I could get it programmed. So for now he is using two remotes.
Why do things have to be so complicated? My daughter say the more things they add to each electronic piece the more likely it is to go wrong. I’m finding that to be true. Somehow I have got to get something working. I contacted the cable company and they are not allowing anyone to come into the house at this time. Since there are many issue involved with this having someone here is the only way to solve it. Oh well….sighhhhhhhh.
Life is complicated enough without having to fight with electronic devices. I wonder what it will be like when robots do everything? I think I am glad that I will not be here to see it.
Left handed blessings
Sometimes the things that we think of as awful trials turn out to be a good thing. This virus has caused me to be at home. If I were able to go out I would feel trapped staying here with my husband every day. I would have to have someone in occasionally to be with him. Most of the time everything is fine but we never know when he will not be himself.
So this staying at home has been a blessing. Someone might call it a “left handed blessing” but a blessing none the less. As we are able to discover what is causing this up and down problem things may resolve. If not I will find options to functions as needed. We still have several doctors to see and answers to seek to help define our options.
So aggravating as this crisis has been it has, for me, been a time to share with my love however he might be. That’s all that matters.
From day to day
I hate sharing that things have been difficult at my house but I will share some of my thoughts. It seems it is necessary for me to write since that is my outlet.
My husband has not really recovered from his hospital stay. Initially his mental status was almost back to where he was but that has not lasted. He wavers from day to day. Some days are good and some are not.
The virus has made seeing doctors and determining the problem almost impossible. We move ahead one day and fall back the next. The hospital lost some of his ID’s and we just managed to replace his military ID thanks to the wonderful staff at the nearest post. They made getting a new one so easy! One thing accomplished.
As we manage appointments and see doctors as possible we will get closer to some resolution. Knowing what is going on will be so helpful. This day to day fluctuation is so frustrating.
We are keeping on keeping on and I know that someday there will be answers. This would happen when there is so little to do about it. If only we could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know there is a light!
Renewing the mind outdoors
This has been a good day. We spent some time outside and the weather is beautiful. I cleaned out my bird bath and fixed the simple drip fountain I made from a watering can. I even caught a drip in the photo! Since I am no photographer that is amazing.
The birds love it and I can see it from inside and while sitting on the porch. We are blessed to have this wonderful spot left to me by my grandparents.
Hopefully we will be able to stay here a while longer although the property is difficult to care for and the taxes keep going up.
It is wonderful to be able to spend time outside.
This was the good part of the day. The other part was that I discovered that Facebook thinks that I am posting inappropriate material on this blog and I can’t post to them with the link.
However, sneaky person that I am I am copying the post and posting it anyway. I have asked for reviews of the things they have blocked but don’t really know how to get this problem fixed. They allow my heargodinothervoices.blog. It is interesting what they felt was not good. At least my last five posts have been blocked. Don’t you just love the craziness?
Spending time outdoors seems to clear my fogged mind and renew my spirit. I will have a good walk tomorrow with the dogs. If you are able get outdoors. It will blow the cobwebs away.
Feeling stifled
Today has been a good day. I managed to get myself moving and got some things done. It felt good. I think that one of the problems with this isolation is that it seems to sap your energy. The temptation is there to stay in your pajamas all day.
We seem to be at that point where the desire to be “free” is making everyone fidgety. You just want to break out and live life as you remember it. Unfortunately, the state has reopened some businesses…hair salons, gyms and ??? tattoo parlors. It will be interesting to see what happens. I would be willing to bet we will see covid numbers rising. It is logical that beginning to loosen the restrictions should be a gradual thing otherwise there will be second round of problems.
I really hope that very soon there will be some treatments that prove valid even if we have to wait for a vaccine. Just knowing that there is treatment if sickness occurs would be wonderful.
In spite of the things I have been doing to keep myself intellectually stimulated and my mind awake I find myself dull. I guess like everyone else I just miss contact with others. Continue to stay safe.
Strength is required
Things have been difficult here in the last few days. I hope we are on the up side. It is pretty scary to think that in the middle of covid 19 I would have to take my husband to the hospital. That is the last thing I want to do. But if that is what it takes to get him well then there is not choice. However, for now each day seems a little better but it is slow.
Today I was wondering what it must have been like the day that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. One day there was war “over there” and suddenly it had come home. What fear and panic must have been felt by everyone. We are facing something not at all fun but it will pass long before WW2 did. They lived with it every day for years.
They were strong. They had endurance, faith and hope. We have the same things available to us. Whatever we have to do to keep on is what we will do.
worry-less-journey 