Writing tonight is difficult. I did a dumb thing today. I went out to finish the small amount of hedge, wore shoes that were not appropriate and fell. Fortunately after I finished. The driveway is rock so I have some lovely scrapes, cuts, and bruises but no major damage.
It pays to wear the right gear when working in the yard. I won’t write more since my left arm is sore.
Good night and God Bless.
Today I thought about the word disturbance. It struck me in two different ways.
This is what has been happening in my home and my life. Workmen tramp in and out. Stuff is carried about and dust collects daily on anything that doesn’t move. I clean in vain. I know that this will be over soon and the house will return to normal?? ( I use that word loosely) It will be wonderful to have things stay clean longer than one day. We will have a renovated and safe bathroom. We will not fall through the shower into the depths beneath. Hooray!
Our home will return to what I hope is:
Today my husband and I took our weekly trip to the grocery store. When we came back out and unloaded out groceries then (as usual) I went to take the cart to the “return carts” place. On the way to do that I found three more carts in the middle of parking places that people had not bothered to return.
Since this was no where near the handicapped area these were obviously people who were well able to return the carts. The total time that it took me to return all of the carts was less that one minute.
It is laziness? Are they too busy? Too important? Too uncaring? I mean really how long does it take to put the cart where it belongs. In addition to the cart not put away those carts blocked three parking places that could have been used.
We are really becoming a lazy, uncaring society. Yes, the carts would have been corralled by the staff of the store but in the meantime they are a nuisance to other shoppers and take extra time for the employees to retrieve.
It is not that this is wildly important but it is a symptom of a bigger problem. We have created a society of people who don’t care about anyone but themselves. I wish I knew how to fix this.
Insurance companies are so much fun. They approve claims unless…… somewhere in the fine print they don’t. The policies are difficult to read and parse the intangibles. I am sure it is deliberate. In the case of property etc it is aggravating enough but in medical issues it can be life and death.
When I worked as a Case Manager I had to be able to read and understand the policies. One of the best things I learned in my life. I can’t do it with property but I can read through the details on medical insurance and find the little catches that are used to avoid approving things. So very useful in today’s world.
As in most things it is the squeaking wheel that gets action but doing that can take time and much aggravation. Confusion is one of the tools used to make us think there is no way through the fog. Usually there is but finding it is tricky. If you are struggling with a problem like this see if you can find an advocate who understands the system and can help. Sometimes physician’s office staff can help.
Sometimes it is difficult to let go of a grudge against someone. Over time our church has had difficulties and unfortunately we (my husband and I) tend to feel some of them were because of some bad decisions on the part of someone.
We have struggled with this and know it is time to let it go. However just deciding that and actually doing it are two different things. I read something years ago that we don’t really let go until we can think about the issue without emotion
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We will work on that. I like to use “act as if” to help change a pattern or habit so I will begin to “act as if” there are no feelings attached to this. Eventually it will go away.
“Act as if” works really well for lots of things. If I am feeling down I will try to act happy. Many times it works. Just setting your mind to change things can make a real difference.
Try it!
Each day is different. Each day brings it own challenges and its own rewards. We just have to be ready to take one moment at a time. We have ups and downs…times when we feel lost…times when we are sure that we won’t manage. Somehow, we can pull up our socks and get through.
These last few weeks have been a challenge for me but I continue to move on. I will not give up and let it drag me down. I know it will be a few more weeks before I can put things back to rights and find all the things I can’t put my hands on right now.
Things do arise that test our patience and our ability to cope. Each time we learn something new about ourselves. It may be something good or something we didn’t want to know. Nevertheless it is critical to learn, accept and move on.
Since Saturday I have been fighting IBSD. This is one of the worst episodes I have had. Today was a struggle. I hope tomorrow is better. I am also struggling with anxiety. It’s been a long time since this hit me this hard and I am trying to gain some perspective. Hopefully something will work.
I don’t have much else to say tonight. Not the best of days but tomorrow is a new day and I still have hope.
It has always fascinated me that people who I know and who condemn any kind of sexuality other than heterosexuals can sin so freely in other ways. Adultery seems to be fine, hatred, unkindness, greed….actually many of the 7 deadly sins are fine. Sexual differences are the one unforgivable sin. My aunt used to call this “swallow an elephant, choke on a gnat.”
They seem to feel that some sins are ok and others are not. A kind of hypocrisy that I find particularly abhorrent. It is so easy to condemn others and blithely carry on with our hurtful ways.
Judgement is mine says the Lord and the rest of us need to back off.
The work on our bathroom continues. Today we had the insurance adjuster as areas below the shower seat and the floor were soaked. There must have been a break in the tile that we couldn’t see. We don’t know what they will do but anything will be a help.
There is something disorienting about living somewhere in your house that you never stayed constantly in. It is a strange feeling. I didn’t ever think about it being off putting but it is. I don’t know why. It just feels wrong.
I really can’t think of the word to describe how it feels. The word that comes closest is disordered. According to the dictionary it is: disrupting the healthy or normal functioning of. Our closets are between our bedroom and the bathroom and the bedroom is covered with plastic and unusable. To get clothes I have to wander into the disaster zone and find what I want. I keep moving things to the bedroom I am using. Who knows what will be there when we get done.
I am spending time out of the house, mediating when I can and generally using coping skills to stay myself. I didn’t expect something that is a happy circumstance to be disorienting. Oh well. Live and learn. As a nurse I know that even good stress is stress (eustress) and can get to you. I think that having to delay a week because of the hurricane didn’t help.
They are moving on with the work and I hope they are done soon.
Just thought I would check in tonight. So far we still have power here in Savannah. We usually lose power in ever the lightest storm so I am really surprised it is still on. We do have a generator and hope that it works if the power goes off. If you click on the video it should right itself.
So far just lots of wind and rain impossible to tell what it looks like without video. Hopefully the worst will be by us by tomorrow. I will only be able to post with my phone if no power so it may be a few days.
worry-less-journey 