From the neonatal nurse…sadness

This is my rant and objections about the Vermont State law in process. You are free not to read. It frightens me that this may be politics at its worst.

crying-eyes

I worry so much about our country. What I see happening is the decline of our ethical standards. Another state, Vermont, has changed their abortion law. So there is no misunderstanding of what it says here is the link to the bill itself.

Click to access H-0057%20As%20Introduced.pdf

The applicable part is below.

2 § 9493. INDIVIDUAL REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS
13 (a) Every individual has the fundamental right to choose or refuse
14 contraception or sterilization.
15 (b) Every individual who becomes pregnant has the fundamental right to
16 choose to carry a pregnancy to term, give birth to a child, or to have an
17 abortion.

The bill sounds pretty comparable to the laws of some other states until you get to part (C)

(c) A fertilized egg, embryo, or fetus shall not have independent rights
under Vermont law

Even though I am a nurse and understand what the word fetus means I looked for a definition.

fe·tus

Dictionary result for fetus

/ˈfēdəs/
noun
  1. an unborn offspring of a mammal, in particular an unborn human baby more than eight weeks after conception.
    synonyms: embryo, fertilized egg, unborn baby, unborn child

    “antibodies are passed via the placenta to the fetus”

Notice that no definition of that word is present in the bill. It is deliberately ambiguous for most people. We don’t usually hear it applied to full term, viable, infants. However, it does apply to them. I find this reprehensible. Naturally they did not use the word “baby” as that would have been a trigger.

sadness2

I have talked about how we can’t spend our life in “what if’s” but it is time where we must look ahead. Is aborting a full term baby  murder? If it isn’t we have just allowed murder. Now the “fetus” has no rights at all. I guess I have seen so many babies born and fight to live and I have loved and cared for them I am in tears at the thought of this.

“What if” a teen gets pregnant and is able to hide it to full term and disposes of the baby in a trash can. Is this murder? Maybe not under that law. She can claim that she was aborting it. This is not pie in the sky. I have cared for infants found this way and still alive.

My hope is that most women would not carry to full term and then choose to “abort.”I hope that most women will make a decision about this early on and that only exigent circumstance will cause this to be an issue. I hope no one is willing to do it to test the law but I can’t be sure of that.

I have seen babies die and have always felt the sorrow of that loss of life. Life is precious. I would like for the people who have drafted and passed this bill and those who will do so in the next house be present when such a late term abortion of a perfectly normal baby is carried out. It seems that is the least they could do. I certainly could never be present at the MURDER of a BABY.

 

A Serious Problem

Caveat: This blog talks about the partners addiction and suicide.

addiction2

Recently our family has watched a (for me) distant member continue to self destruct. From early on in his life he has been addicted. I suspect alcohol at first but quickly drugs. He has been to rehab many times and now in his twenties he was in a serious accident with his transportation. A short while before this he was hospitalized for an overdose. In the hospital following this latest incident it seems he has expressed that he couldn’t cope any longer.

I can imagine that to have spent most of your life battling addiction, always needing drugs, in and out of rehab unsuccessfully, it would be difficult to see anything in your future except continued pain. I can understand the desire to end it all.

Several blogs have talked about that kind of hopelessness. It is devastating to feel that there is nothing that you can do to stop the circle of pain. Most of the blogs that talk about this have suffered from mental health issues and many have found help with medications, therapy and coping skills. Unfortunately, I know several families who have suffered with the problem as it relates to addiction and wish there were more successful help for sufferers. Some people are helped by rehab but there are those for whom rehab is not enough. It has made me suspect that for these people there are underlying problems, possibly mental health issues, that have never been identified and addressed.

touched by pain

It makes me suspect these victims have spent their lives self-medicating their unaddressed mental health problem with drugs and/or alcohol. I hope that as we look more carefully into the people who are suffering with this that more help can be found.

The ordinary

Yesterday I had an off day. I was sick the night before with a major bout of IBSD. Details carry TMI. Yesterday I was wiped out and just wanted to crash. While I was resting I heard a comment: “When your mind has been shattered you look for simple everyday things to do.” This is a paraphrase of what was said and I have no memory of who said it. (sorry)

ordinary things

It really hit home. Being overwhelmed shoves us into a mindless mode where thinking is impossible. When we can’t even think we turn to the ordinary. Just following a daily pattern allows us to put aside the problem for a moment. Simple tasks like bed making and loading the dishwasher seem comfortable and bring some respite. It keeps us in “the ordinary” and that is what we need to move forward.

petting

Sometimes mindless tasks are the only thing we can do. It reminds us of the simple world outside of our shattered reality. The ordinary can be soothing and kind. There are many times that ordinary is my solace.

 

Where the lost things go

 

Many people have posted about this song on Facebook. Many were brought to tears. Memories are still there. People are not forgotten. As long as we remember them they are still there. I wrote about my father recently. He is still in my mind. My mother is always with me. Things don’t just go away. Maybe we will find the “where the lost things go.”

Poems, Prayers, and Promises

This has been a quiet week. For those of us who plan so much quiet can be good. I actually had time to meditate. I also seem to have more energy for getting things done. This is good news since my house to-do list is growing exponentially.  I think all the Christmas things are put away and my house looks clean even if it only looks that way.

Christmas is always a drain on energy and money. I do my best to not overspend and this year I did well.  Since we are both retired and on a fixed income we do try to be careful.

I have spent some time thinking about the whole of my life and I can see that many blessings have come my way. There have been times of trial but overcoming them was a gift.

I was reminded of the John Denver song “Poems, prayers and promises.” It think it sums up what I have been feeling.

Here is the text and a link to it being sung.

https://youtu.be/4d-NmoMHBbE

Poems, Prayers and Promises
I’ve been lately thinking
About my life’s time
All the things I’ve done
And how it’s been
And I can’t help believing
In my own mind
I know I’m gonna hate to see it end
I’ve seen a lot of sunshine
Slept out in the rain
Spent a night or two all on my own
I’ve known my lady’s pleasures
Had myself some friends
And spent a time or two in my own home
And I have to say it now
It’s been a good life all in all
It’s really fine
To have a chance to hang around
And lie there by the fire
And watch the evening tire
While all my friends and my old lady
Sit and pass the pipe around
And talk of poems and prayers and promises
And things that we believe in
How sweet it is to love someone
How right it is to care
How long it’s been since yesterday
And what about tomorrow
And what about our dreams
And all the memories we share
The days they pass so quickly now
Nights are seldom long
And time around me whispers when it’s cold
The changes somehow frighten me
Still I have to smile
It turns me on to think of growing old
For though my life’s been good to me
There’s still so much to do
So many things my mind has never known
I’d like to raise a family
I’d like to sail away
And dance across the mountains on the moon
I have to say it now
It’s been a good life all in all
It’s really fine
To have the chance to hang around
And lie there by the fire
And watch the evening tire
While all my friends and my old lady
Sit and pass the pipe around
And talk of poems and prayers and promises
And things that we believe in
How sweet it is to love someone
How right it is to care
How long it’s been since yesterday
What about tomorrow
What about our dreams
And all the memories we share

The light of home

richmond-home-with-christmas-lightsIn the past my friend and I walked the neighborhood each winter. We loved seeing the houses lit for the holidays. All the sparkling lights were so festive. When you walk in the dark you can also see lit rooms in the houses we passed. People living their lives.

This morning our pastor talked about the dark and how the light of home beckons us. It made me think of the John Denver song “Back Home Again.”

“Back Home Again”

There’s a storm across the valley, clouds are rolling in
The afternoon is heavy on your shoulders
There’s a truck out on the four lane, a mile or more away
The whining of his wheels just makes it colder He’s an hour away from riding on your prayers up in the sky
And ten days on the road are barely gone
There’s a fire softly burning, supper’s on the stove
But it’s the light in your eyes that makes him warmHey, it’s good to be back home again
Sometimes this old farm feels like a long lost friend
Yes, and hey, it’s good to be back home again

The winter can be a difficult time for those of us who crave the light. However, it is a wonderful feeling to turn into the drive and see the lights of home welcoming us. We are pulled into that feeling of belonging and peace. The light from home does draw us in. It is the place we feel secure….the place where we can rest our souls. It is a warm place in the coldest dark. Even in the darkest time that light can brighten our feelings.

ALighttoLead

Through this winter darkness remember there is light and peace not only at home but also coming with the spring. The darkness fades and the light returns.

If you would like to hear this song:

Do we really want to see?

We so often talk about knowing ourselves. We want to see ourselves and know our innermost thoughts and feelings. Most of the time I don’t think that we are ready to see ourselves fully. The truth would be too painful.

scary-reflection-in-the-mirror-1280x800-digital-art-wallpaper

I often think about this as standing in a bright light looking in a mirror. In the mirror we see our face unadorned. All the blemishes and flaws are totally revealed. If we see this most women are quick to add make up to cover what we see and make it acceptable to us. We hope that others will not see what we saw. The face we present to the world is different than the one in the mirror.

The same thing is true of us. We don’t really want to see all the flaws that would be revealed if we could really see what is inside. Our minds have doors that we don’t open. We say we want to see but we look without opening those doors.

contemplation

I wonder if this is part of the reason that contemplation/meditation is so difficult. Not only is it not part of our culture but it can be revealing. Sitting in silence and letting the unconscious be in charge can be scary. We may learn things we didn’t really want to know.

worth of love

The other side of the coin is that opening those doors and cleaning out those closets can bring us a peace that we can only imagine. We just have to be strong enough to accept what we find and let the ugliness drift away and hold on to the beauty. We will find beauty there as well and it can bring peace and help us to love ourselves.

Grief is a journey

grief journeyWhen we experience the loss of someone or something truly significant to we can be overwhelmed. Sometimes numbness sets in and we are separate from things going on around us. When the grief begins to explode our psyche we don’t know what to do to help. There is a danger at this point. We want so badly to help the pain that we can reach out to things that can put a band aid on the hurt for awhile. Sometimes those things are knee jerk reactions and end up adding to our emotional crisis. That is why most advice says don’t do anything hasty. Usually the advice is about selling a house or moving. But there are other things that can crop up.

One thing we seek during immediate grief is connections. We need others to see our pain. Most of the time people don’t know what to say or how to help. Many say the wrong things. There will be some who understand the things that you really need. Hold them close…they are your lifeline.

If this happens to us early in life ..losing a spouse or loved one…we so want the grief to relent that it is easy to dive into another relationship thinking that is the answer. I have a friend who lost her husband early on and had two disastrous marriages before stepping back and eventually making a  loving and lasting connection. She just wanted the pain to stop.

Grief is not an easy thing and it does not follow the same pattern for everyone. Small things can cause waves of pain.. a smell, a song, an event. There are so many more.

griefpoemfinal-740x628There will be life following. It is fine to laugh, have good days and momentarily put thoughts of your love from your mind. Don’t be guilty. You are allowed to go on. You still have God given life and you can live it.

 

 

Is the fear real?

fearFor those of us who suffer from anxiety I am sure that we realize that anxiety is fear. I’m not sure that we can identify the fear….or put a name to it. Maybe if we could do that we could conquer it..and that is the trick….learning how to conquer it.

All the coping skills that we learn are ways to shove the fear away and replace it with calm and resolve. When fear raises its ugly head we react with the flight or fight response. Our body is ready to go into battle. As most of us know, there is no battle looming. Only the one with ourselves.

success

Like those with PTSD too much adrenaline is coursing through us and our heart rate increases, alertness heightens, and we are hyper and fearful. We know it is anxiety and too often related to nothing threatening but there we are.

I wonder if we could stop and identify the specific fear it would help. Maybe just taking a good look at our worst thoughts would help us to be more realistic. Most of the time the bridge we are trying to cross is never coming.

fear mandela

I think I will add this to my list of coping skills to see if I can identify the threat and thereby defuse it. It really would be nice if this can be another skill to add to the arsenal.

Woundedness a poem

When we are willing to share our woundedness it allows us to connect on a deep level with others.

wounded soul

This is a poem I wrote about that.

Wounded

 

Wounded

The pain is near

Close inside my soul

It holds my essence

The past that is me

 

It holds the secrets

Things not always shared

But given freely

To ease distress

The pain others fear to share

 

Pouring out over the torn

And bleeding hearts

Joining our souls

Connecting our depths

 

Healing

 

We are together

Melded by God

Drawn into

The place of suffering

 

The place chosen to connect

Suffering and pain

With others

With no restraint

Feeling the aloneness

Fear

Abandonment

Pain

 

Allowing others

To see

Ever after to pour over

Our emptiness

The oil of compassion

Healing