Just a few more weeks until our move. I will be so glad to be done with this and in place. I know I will so miss my friends but nothing else is as important. We will create a new path and a simpler way to be. When my mother died, then my aunt a year later, I was tasked with clearing out two homes. It was hard to see all the things they had gathered over the years. I always swore that I would not leave that kind of task for my children and now I know that I will not. Things that I saved through so many moves have been sorted and only the important and loved things will go with us.
It is a sadness but also a relief. There was so much “stuff” I found that I have no idea why I kept. Now there is a fresh start with the things we love. It feels freeing in so many ways. Help from family arrives on the 23rd and more on the 27th. That will help us to continue to make progress.
We have mailed our absentee ballots and who knows what this election will bring. I will just be glad when it is over. I have never seen so many vituperative people in my whole life. The world has certainly changed and I am not sure for the better. I pray that the world can move on to a better way of being.
We have had rain every day for the last week. Not just a little bit of rain but heavy downpours. Today, as I started writing, we are having a major storm with heavy rain and strong winds. I have not heard anything about a tornado but some of the blasts have pulled limbs from trees. The rain has blown all the way up to the porch windows and I can’t really see out.
Before all this started we got more stuff checked off our to-do list. Flu shots and the last of the shingrix (?) Vac. I have been working on the Christmas presents that I am knitting/crocheting trying to get them done. Then I can shop in Austin. All in all progress has been made. Fortunately this month is not as busy with Dr visits as last month so maybe there is some time to breathe.
I can really see the benefit of going through everything you own. It makes you clear out things that you have saved for no reason at all. Bags of trash are going out of this house. Some things will go to charity and some will be sold. I find myself not horribly sad about this. Things are not as important to me as people and it is interesting to see what I couldn’t/didn’t throw away before this. This is a good feeling.
Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Actually it has been more a matter of getting rid of things we don’t need. It has felt good. Clutter is disappearing. Surfaces can be dusted easily and cabinets are empty. It is hard to believe when you move into a place how much you can accumulate over the following years. There was stuff that I haven’t seen or needed in years.
All this reminds me that I need to also look into myself and open all the closets and drawers and clean out all the excess. With all that has been going on I haven’t had time to do that. I realize I have let the structure of my days fall apart. It couldn’t be helped before but with the way things are now I think I can do it.
Cleaning out our living space is important but it is also as important cleaning out ourselves.
My home has become a storage area for boxes. All sizes and shapes. Boxes from Amazon, Hello Fresh, Chewy, and wherever else I need to order to keep our house going in this distancing time.
The boxes are piling up because my husband was the one who broke them down and took them to the recycling place. I have not done that. There are boxes in the back stairs, on the front porch, in the garage and in the house. I am starting to feel like a hoarder.
I know, I know, I just have to get them broken down and removed but somehow it has not been something that floated to the top of need to do things. Now it is beyond that. Does anyone need boxes? I have about any size you need. Small ones, big ones, square ones, flat ones, some with filler so things don’t bounce around inside. Maybe I could go into business selling them. Probably not since I imagine many people have been ordering also and may have their own supply.
Oh well, I guess I will have to bite the bullet and get on with cutting them down and getting them out. If not soon they will be popping out of windows and lifting the roof.
I have written about this before but today it jumped out at me again. We are a nation of hoarders. As a nation we have too much stuff. Near my neighborhood there are already two massive storage facilities for people to put their excess “junk” in. I have know people who put stuff in those places and later have no idea what they have stored. I know there are some people who have downsized and know they will be moving up again and need to keep their things but they are the exception.
There is a TV program where people bid and buy unopened storage places and recycle for money what is inside.
Now a brand new huge facility is being erected. I guess there is so much “stuff” that we have outdistanced the two already here. What are we thinking?
I have spent the last six months sorting and cleaning out closets, cabinets and drawers and taking the excess to charity. I am still not done and am ashamed that I have so much extra that I don’t need. At least I have never needed a storage facility to house the excess. I know that someday we will have to move from our home (as age catches us) and my intention is to give away everything we don’t need for a smaller place. I will not keep and store things.
I suspect that everyone knows the phrase “cleanliness is next to Godliness.” I’m working on it. I have continued to clean out drawers, closets, and now file cabinets. I am sure that when I get it all cleaned out I can start again where I began. It has made me wonder am I cleaning out the right places?
Maybe it is me I should be cleaning out. I know that I don’t spend enough time in quiet and contemplation. I waste time doing trivial things to keep from looking to deep inside. There are things inside I don’t want to think about.
After my latest episode with IBSD I have pondered on how quickly I move from a physical problem to anxiety…the mental problem. Obviously I have not spent enough time cleaning out the mental closets. Am I cleaning the house to avoid cleaning myself? It is certainly something to think about.
Cleaning out is good. It makes me feel I have accomplished something. Now I just need to do the same thing about those inner closets.
When my mother died and then my aunt a year later I was tasked with cleaning out their homes. This was not an easy task. Not only were there things that hadn’t been seen in many years but also things that brought back memories and tears. This was back around 2003-2004. I still remember the agony of that job.
For this reason I am trying, little by little, to make cleaning out my things easier on my family. I have written about getting rid of things but this is the underlying reason. I am moving slowly but making progress. This is another thing that strangely enough is on my bucket list. I know, this is not a fun thing but it matters to me.
Little by little, bit by bit I am going through papers and personal items. Many things can be discarded but others need to have a place, with explanations, where they are kept. I hope I don’t die soon as this may take me until my death to do. For my children’s sake I hope not. For me this is not a macabre task but a loving one.
It seems that we spend the first half of live accumulating things, the next quarter enjoying them and the last quarter letting them go.
Each part of life has its demands. Too many people leave a huge disaster for others to clean up. I hope I can do better than that.
Today my husband and I traveled to Mayo Clinic for a follow-up. As we traveled I notice the number of storage facilities we passed. What is wrong with us? We have so much stuff that it is big business to store it away. Surely this is the height of the ridiculous.
As a society we hoard. There are many stories about hoarders lately and most of us don’t have a house so full that we can’t walk through it. However, maybe we would if we didn’t have it stored away in a facility.
If the “stuff” is not wanted then we need to take it to the Salvation Army. They have the highest rating for actually helping instead of paying CEO’s. There may be people who need it.
I have recently been trying to clean out and pare down. I have way too much in my house. Quite a bit can be classified as trash and should be thrown or recycled. Some of it is going in boxes to take to help others. It is amazing what we can accumulate.
Seeing all of this reminds me that not only is my home in overload but that I can be too. What am I holding on to that I need to let go? So while I am searching through stuff I will also be opening doors in my mind to sweep out what is cluttering my mind.
Today I have been feeling stressed. I started obsessing about dec 18th through 21st when we have to go back to Mayo clinic for therapy for my husband. We have no one to keep the dogs and so if all works out will take my friend’s 27 ft, camper. It is a real luxury but easy to drive since it is not one of those ones that looks like a bus. It looks more like a truck and has all the bells and whistles that we need. She bought it recently and has not used it so we do have to check everything out and be sure it all works.
I can’t say that I am looking forward to those days with the dogs. I don’t know how two bassets will respond to the trip. However, bassets are not know for their energy but are know for their incessant talking. (read that as barking). I will also have no internet to blog unless I can find a hot spot.
I should take this as “time out of time” and relax into it but I haven’t wrapped my head around it yet. Maybe I will after we get the camper all set up. I can spend time reading and walking the dogs. If it is not cold I would love to walk them on the beach.
Today I began something new and it really helped me to back down off my anxiety. I watched “the great bell chant” on you tube and another video that taught how to use the bell. Since I have a bell from Tibetan monks I used that and found that the sound is very calming for me. Another tool in my tool chest. Something I will continue to work with.
I have been so good about my meditation, prayer and writing time and that has helped also. The place I have failed utterly is cleaning my office and my house in general. I don’t do well with cluttered space and usually my office is my “sacred space.” Right now it is filled with Christmas presents that need wrapping. Oh well. My mother used to say that I don’t have to worry that the elves will come and clean it for me and that after I rest or go out it will still be there for me to take care of. A very wise woman, my mother. She lived to be 95 and was wise ’til death. I hope I am that blessed.
Advent continues to slide toward Christmas. I have decided to live by the prayer I use each night before I sleep. Hope you enjoy this prayer as much as I do.
From “Night Prayer” in the New Zealand Prayer Book
it is night.
The night is for stillness.
Let us be still in the presence of God.
It is night after a long day.
What has been done has been done;
what has not been done has not been done;
let it be.
The night is dark.
Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our own lives
rest in you.
The night is quiet.
Let the quietness of your peace enfold us,
all dear to us,
and all who have no peace.
The night heralds the dawn.
Let us look expectantly to a new day,
This quote set me to thinking. We can easily be too busy about nothing. Does the busy-ness cover our inability to stop? Are we busy about things that have no meaning?
It is so easy to get caught up especially in this season. Shopping, baking, decorating seem to take up all of our time. Our minds are on overloaded trying to juggle everything. We don’t take time to stop and think. Unfortunately we have turned this holiday season into a nightmare. Many of us spend more than we should on things that may not even be appreciated. We need to rethink this season and find a middle ground that works.
In the last few years I have backed off from some of the stress I created during the holidays. I have a much more relaxed attitude. Things don’t get done as fast and if they are not done at all that’s ok. I used to be whirling dervish…running everywhere….making sure everything was perfect…driving myself crazy. When the holidays actually arrived I was too tired to enjoy them.
We can set ourselves an impossible task. We can end up exhausted and burned out. Try to decide the things that really matter and let the rest go. You will reap the benefit of enjoying a joyful season.