Hallelujah! My husband is home at last. He is very weak and will need time to regain strength after this more than 3 month ordeal. Things have moved with frustrating slowness but they have moved…..just like covid.
Patience is not one of my virtues but I have had to use it and will get used to it more than I ever have before.
I am getting good at this. Maybe some day it will become one of my virtues.
I have not posted for so long it feels strange. I spent the last week at the Mayo Clinic with my husband whose knee problem was finally diagnosed after him dealing with the pain since February. His knee is infected with staph. He will be on intravenous antibiotics for six weeks and on oral ones for life. Surgery was done to physically remove as much infection as possible. He is recovering from all of this.
There is no answer for how this happened. We all carry staph on our skin and it can migrate through a simple cut. For him it found the weakest area of his body a settled in. It was most likely the cause of several other problems. He is now in a rehab facility for a short stay and then will be home.
It is wonderful to be home but missing him. One of my daughters is with me and it is so good to have someone to actually see and talk with.
Many changes will be coming to my life as it will to the lives of others. We will have to learn to live differently. Somehow we have to learn to respect and appreciate what we have and not dwell on what is missing. It is the only way to live.
Today I had to cut the lawn. For my lawn this is a two hour job on a riding lawnmower. the weather was great but the mosquitoes about carried me off. I came in reeking of OFF and headed right to the shower.
Normally I like cutting the lawn as it is one of those jobs that you can see results as you go. Usually my husband like to do it but his health has halted that for now. I had waited too long to mow and the grass was really long. I had to mow some areas more than once to mulch the cut grass. Nevertheless it is done.
This time of needing to do everything has been a challenge. One that I have met sort of. There are boxes that need to go to the dump piled up in the garage and that will hold for another day. I guess I didn’t realize all the things Hap was doing. I’m getting a dose of real appreciation for the things he did.
The good new is that I can look out at a beautifully cut lawn and enjoy the view. That is until it jumps out of the ground again. Some things never go away.
In our area the Episcopal Diocese has said that we will not go back to church until there has been two weeks with no new cases. I am hoping that they will rethink that as I don’t think we will see a week without at least one case until there is a vaccine.
At some point we will have to resume some regular activities even if for those of us “at risk” must remain more isolated and more careful than the rest of the population. The mental health aspect is going to require us to do some things or we risk some serious complications.
I know that I am reaching my limit of just being at home and that I will have to go out into the world carefully but I will have to go out. The state has opened many things and there are people out there resuming their normal schedules. Most of them are not wearing masks but they seem to be social distancing. I can see us doing that for quite some time.
It’s a new world and one we will learn to navigate one day at a time.
This is a difficult post to write. Since my husband has been recently diagnosed with dementia our life has changed. We will learn and adapt as we go but some major changes will have to be made.
Our home is one that requires us both to be able to help with its maintenance. It is really too much for me to manage on my own. It is time to move forward and find the right environment for both of us. This will be heart wrenching and particularly hard on my husband but we need to do it now and get settled for the future.
My aunt ( who was really quirky) always said that if you do all the things you CAN do at the moment then you can stop worrying. This is my plan. We will be taking one day at a time. There are still some medical issues to be resolved and the virus hasn’t helped getting those done but we will get there. God is with us.
There have been lots of ups and downs in our life together. This is just another down to get through and look forward to the next up. On the 9th of June we will have been married 58 years. A wonderful journey.
Tomorrow will be very busy. My husband will have a “Watchman” implant (a brand new device) to prevent blood clots. A short while after he will be able to come off of blood thinners for the first time in years. That will be great as he bruises easily and is always needing major band aids for small everyday scrapes and cuts.
They will allow me to be with him and can see him following the procedure. He will spend the night and be home on Friday. Medicine just keeps advancing. Hopefully this will be a plus for him.
This getting old is aggravating but it’s better than not being here. I am thankful that we have managed this long and hope we keep moving for a while yet. We plan to.
Sometimes the things that we think of as awful trials turn out to be a good thing. This virus has caused me to be at home. If I were able to go out I would feel trapped staying here with my husband every day. I would have to have someone in occasionally to be with him. Most of the time everything is fine but we never know when he will not be himself.
So this staying at home has been a blessing. Someone might call it a “left handed blessing” but a blessing none the less. As we are able to discover what is causing this up and down problem things may resolve. If not I will find options to functions as needed. We still have several doctors to see and answers to seek to help define our options.
So aggravating as this crisis has been it has, for me, been a time to share with my love however he might be. That’s all that matters.
Every day is different. Today was a better than good day. That’s the way life is. You never know what is coming next. It is the uncertainty that gets us.
Not knowing answers to problems is the thing that is hard to take. I don’t think anyone likes it. When we can see the path in front of us life seems so much easier. We just want someone to turn the lights on the path so we can see ahead.
However, there are so many times in life when that is not possible. No matter what we always live without knowing what is ahead. The difference is we think that we do. We can see the day ahead with all its plans and we think that is what will happen. the truth is there are no guarantees. It’s funny how we perceive that we have control but really don’t. It is an important lesson learned when we realize that.
I hate sharing that things have been difficult at my house but I will share some of my thoughts. It seems it is necessary for me to write since that is my outlet.
My husband has not really recovered from his hospital stay. Initially his mental status was almost back to where he was but that has not lasted. He wavers from day to day. Some days are good and some are not.
The virus has made seeing doctors and determining the problem almost impossible. We move ahead one day and fall back the next. The hospital lost some of his ID’s and we just managed to replace his military ID thanks to the wonderful staff at the nearest post. They made getting a new one so easy! One thing accomplished.
As we manage appointments and see doctors as possible we will get closer to some resolution. Knowing what is going on will be so helpful. This day to day fluctuation is so frustrating.
We are keeping on keeping on and I know that someday there will be answers. This would happen when there is so little to do about it. If only we could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know there is a light!
Through this whole crisis I have stayed away from the news. It is so biased. It seems there is no real news anymore only opinion…so totally intolerant. It reminded me of this quote.
Toleration is good for all, or it is good for none. Edmund Burke, speech, House of Commons, 1773
How intolerant everyone is. The whole country is so divided and so one sided. There is no longer a middle ground. I have talked about this before. I am a moderate. I am part of a dying group. To be moderate we have to be willing to listen to someone else’s opinion. We don’t have to accept it but we should be able to talk without rancor. There could be the chance that we would learn something new. It is sad that many people are unable to hold a discussion without getting angry or upset.
We can’t pick and choose who we choose to tolerate. That is not tolerance. Being tolerant by being socially correct is also not tolerance. It is false. Our acceptance of others has to come from something deeper. It is found in seeing the human being inside and seeing that we are the same deep down.
worry-less-journey 