How many of you are like me and don’t always really listen to what others are saying? While someone else is talking we are often formulating our response. It can be a rebuttal of something they said or an approval or a story we just thought of….whatever. The point is we are not really listening.
When my children were little I learned a skill called “active listening.” It has to do with repeating in some way what a person said. For example if I said “I would like to go to the beach today” you might respond “you are thinking about us going to the beach?”
This kind of listening lets the person know that they have truly been heard. I did it so much with my children that they started saying “you’re doing that thing again!” It did work though most of the time. I was able to get a clearer idea of what was going on in their minds.
I read something recently that said that this is a technique used by the FBI and that they call it mirroring.
It has occurred to me that being really heard is one of the reasons that the Word Press community is so compelling. By reading one an another’s thoughts carefully we are able to respond to the true thoughts of another. There is no question that we hear or that we are also heard. Reading the thoughts, problems, victories, joys and sorrows give us the ability to really absorb what has been said and respond.
That’s what makes this community so precious.
And try using mirroring or active listening and see what happens.
What is it like when the day begins with no plans? Every day the same. Nothing going on. The sameness creates ennui…nothing creates the desire to do nothing. We have to learn a new way to live.
That is how I was feeling when I got up this morning. Then the light bulb lit up. It is nice outside. Why not have my knit group meet on my porch where we can distance ourselves?
We can talk and knit and discover what has been going on with each other. I am sure we all have stories to tell. So I called them and that is what we are going to do tomorrow morning. We will meet, have lunch, learn the news from each other and feel like life is somewhat normal.
Just sitting in the boredom was definitely not the answer. It was time to do something about it. We just have to do it ourselves and in a safe way because this is how we have to continue. Life goes on.
It is hard knowing that I am going to be living in confusion for a good while. I don’t like confusion. I like my life to be in order but that is not going to be. I know that it will all be worked out but I want it finished NOW!!
Patience is not one of my virtues. I am notoriously impatient. Maybe not as bad as some younger people since I didn’t grow up in an era when things happened over night. We did have to do a lot more waiting. Internet shopping was not available. Heavens we didn’t even have a TV until I was about 10. I have just learned to be impatient and now I have to move that away and think about how it used to be.
We were living at a very fast pace. The world was spinning more rapidly and getting faster all the time. This lull has taught us some things about patience. We have been waiting to get out and be with others. We still have to be very careful and wait. Now I have to put that into practise.
Life seems at a standstill. The weeks go by and very little changes. One week seems the same as another. There is nothing to differentiate the weeks. It feels very strange. Oh well. We are doing some things now so maybe next week will be different.
Different things happen is what marks time. It we do the same thing everyday they all blend into one another. Try and find some way to make each day just a little different so you can remember time passing.
I was wakened in the middle of the night by my Alexa light blinking at me. I asked it about the notification and was told that we had flash flood warnings. We are not in that area and I wasn’t thrilled but the light woke me.
It is amazing how much we all count on technology. I love Alexa and use it for all sorts of things from meditation to “what is the time, weather?’ I wouldn’t call myself addicted but it sure is handy.
When the power goes out we realize how much we depend on electricity in our homes. We are blessed to have a generator since we are in a hurricane area. It doesn’t work for the whole house but the parts that it does make storms livable.
Hurricane season is upon us and after what happened a few years ago I am not looking forward to it. I have to say though that I would rather than than a tornado. At least we can have time to get out of the way. Property may be lost but lives can be spared. I pray that this hurricane season doesn’t devastate anyone. Nature can be so unforgiving.
Since we have had such a difficult spring it would be nice to have summer and fall to recover.
Like most dogs our two have interesting personalities. They definitely have minds of their own. Our female “Tillie” has decided that it would be a good idea to take pieces of her dry dog food and place them carefully on the rug next to my bed. Stepping on them unawares is not how I want to start my day.
Our male dog “Crash” likes to go into the bathroom and pull down the towels from the towel rack and just leave them on the floor. I don’t know why this is so amusing but I guess it satisfies something that he longs for.
Crash sleeps at night on the sofa and if we don’t remove one of the pillows that is in his way we get very dirty looks. Tillie sleeps in the bed and must have her own blanket to cover all but her head.
I am sure that our dogs rule the house. Everything must be done to assure their comfort. After all who is more important? Don’t they look innocent?
Today it has been 58 years since we were married. Sometimes it seems like forever and sometimes just yesterday. For you young folks we were married in 1962. That will sound like an eon ago. The Viet Nam War was just hotting up. The Cuban Missile Crisis was in October of that year. We were at Ft. Benning and it looked like my 2nd Lieutenant husband might be going to war. Thank God that did not happen. The next event to shock us was that Kennedy was shot in November of 1963. Again things in the military were very uncertain. What a way to start married life.
However, we survived it. We had children, moved from place to place to include his two years in Viet Nam and ended his career with a high note teaching math at the United States Military Academy at West Point.
Our time since then has been living in Savannah, both of us working, me as a nurse and him as a structural engineer. Life has been good. We raised three children all married with children of their own and blessed be all gainfully employed (to include three of the grandchildren).
We had our ups and downs but I wouldn’t trade any of it. Now we look to the next chapter which is rocky at the moment but with planning will settle into a “new normal.” I have been blessed.
In our area the Episcopal Diocese has said that we will not go back to church until there has been two weeks with no new cases. I am hoping that they will rethink that as I don’t think we will see a week without at least one case until there is a vaccine.
At some point we will have to resume some regular activities even if for those of us “at risk” must remain more isolated and more careful than the rest of the population. The mental health aspect is going to require us to do some things or we risk some serious complications.
I know that I am reaching my limit of just being at home and that I will have to go out into the world carefully but I will have to go out. The state has opened many things and there are people out there resuming their normal schedules. Most of them are not wearing masks but they seem to be social distancing. I can see us doing that for quite some time.
It’s a new world and one we will learn to navigate one day at a time.
This is a difficult post to write. Since my husband has been recently diagnosed with dementia our life has changed. We will learn and adapt as we go but some major changes will have to be made.
Our home is one that requires us both to be able to help with its maintenance. It is really too much for me to manage on my own. It is time to move forward and find the right environment for both of us. This will be heart wrenching and particularly hard on my husband but we need to do it now and get settled for the future.
My aunt ( who was really quirky) always said that if you do all the things you CAN do at the moment then you can stop worrying. This is my plan. We will be taking one day at a time. There are still some medical issues to be resolved and the virus hasn’t helped getting those done but we will get there. God is with us.
There have been lots of ups and downs in our life together. This is just another down to get through and look forward to the next up. On the 9th of June we will have been married 58 years. A wonderful journey.