Today my husband and I took a day off from church. I din’t think that either of us wanted to go to a yearly meeting. Instead I worked on my computer restoring programs while carbonite chugged away and re-installing my data.
Just waiting is something I don’t do well. I tried playing the piano to take up some time but the little finger on my right hand is in pain with arthritis (UGH – again with the aging!) I plan to get it taken care of but it hasn’t floated to the top of the list.
It is so easy to get impatient. We want to fix ourselves and we want to fix others. We want the world to be a better place. If only we could do that. As a nurse I learned the hard lesson that some things can’t be fixed. I am still impatient and still longing to try.
Life doesn’t wait on us while we sit around waiting. Each day holds moments for us to leap in and participate. Each day offers opportunities to do something. Sometimes the something may be doing nothing. We often forget that doing nothing is doing something. It is choosing to step away and just be. We move so fast in our world today that just sitting with hands folded is almost considered a sin. The time is past when people sat on the front porch in a rocking chair and just SAT.
So today, even though I am impatient for my computer to finish, I took some time to fold my hands and sit. I pushed away thoughts of getting up to clean the house or some other work. I just sat. Even though it wasn’t for long it was a time of doing something. Sitting.
Today started out ok. Just the usual, coffee, breakfast etc. My plan was to work on a computer booklet in Publisher for a dinner my husband is involved in. Lately my computer (I use a desktop as I am old and blind..HA) has been behaving strangely. I hate to use my laptop as I don’t like typing on a small keyboard. I know, I know, I could connect the keyboard to the laptop but then I would have to stick on large glasses to see the screen. Aging is aggravating! I had cataracts removed but one of them needs redoing and until then my vision is UGH!
We never know how our day will be. We just have to get up and make the bed, clean ourselves up and move forward. The day will unroll one moment at the time. God’s time.
Silence is a useful tool but it can be difficult. Silence is useful if you want someone else to speak. Most people can’t sit in silence and if you are just quiet and wait they will speak. It is hard for us also. Too often we want to fill silence and will resort to anything to fill the space.
God is always with us in the silence. We spend so much time talking to God that we forget to listen for him in the silence. Maybe the reason we don’t hear him speak more is that we don’t listen.
Dogs know how to relax. It is evident in the two bassets that I have. Never lie down to sleep unless there is something soft to put your head on (not to mention your whole body.) Nothing deters them from the comfort they deserve. Their relaxation is almost instant and complete.
I will keep looking at my dogs relaxing and remember to continue my efforts to achieve calm and peace in spite of what is happening in my life.
Recently I read an article about the factors that helped people live longer. It was a study by a group of physicians who found that the two most important things were not what I expected. The top of the list was being around people. Out and about doing anything that involved meeting with others. The next thing on the list was having a support system.
It also means that those of us who have some understanding of mental and emotional problems must do all that we can to create better communication with others and foster clearer understanding. For those of us who struggle with both emotional and medical issues connected to these problems more understanding will help us to be a part of society and feel acceptance.
Sometimes memories crop up and you remember people who are no longer here and sadness creeps in. That is one of the hardest things about aging. It is possible to lose people at any age but it becomes more frequent as we grow older. Every now and then the losses catch up with you and you can’t help shedding tears and thinking about them.
Tonight I have been thinking about friendship. I think we all have many acquaintances but it is friends who change our lives. I feel blessed to have four amazing friends. They are with me through thick and thin. I hope that they feel they can count on me to do the same.
Today I decided that I needed to heed the statement that cleanliness in next to Godliness. For so long my office has been cluttered with material brought home from the job I left last year and I decided it was time to clear out. I did save some things that are important to me but trashed a lot. It is so nice to see this space neat. I realize that the disorder was connected in some way to my own disorder. When you are not functioning well it doesn’t seem important to be neat. Now I can see that the neatness has made me feel better.
The thing is if we didn’t love…whether is was a vocation, a person or whatever…we would feel no grief. Love is never lost. Love is worth it. Our lives would be lesser without love.
Today I seem to have returned to some equilibrium. This episode helped me to realize how easy it is to run the train right off the rails. With the start of this blog I wanted to find ways to prevent this but wasn’t consistent. Unfortunately, consistency is the key. You can’t use a tool if you haven’t mastered it.
It seems to me that our pets are a true gift from God and certainly an example of how to live. They love unconditionally and share that love always. They don’t judge. They love in spite of our failings. What better example could there be of God’s love.
worry-less-journey 