Category: habits

Center down

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, anxiety, control, God, habits, life changes, wisdom

day

I often think about the song “what a difference a day makes.”  The song is not talking about all of life but it is so true. One day everything can be fine and in 24 hours your life can be totally different. That happened to me at the beginning of 2017 when my job was done away with. The problem for me was it wasn’t a job but a ministry. I lost my identity.

A lot worse things have happened to others. Loss of a loved one among many things. When this kind of thing happens we are blindsided and have to restructure our thinking. I am beginning to realize how long that takes. I know that at some point the pain of this will lessen. It already has some.

god-in-the-middle-of-itThere are people who seem so strong that nothing can rock their world. I am not so sure that they aren’t vulnerable as well. It is possible that nothing has ever happened to reach their core. There are some people that I am sure have strength that doesn’t come from themselves. People like Gandhi and Mother Theresa. They are what Quakers call “centered.” This is kind of strength that we all need. This comes from seeking something more than ourselves. My only experiences with this kind of centering have been fleeting. I know that the way to connect in that way with God (or whoever works for you) is to spend time with him. In the kind of rushing world that we live in it is so easy to do other things. It requires the kind of life change that (for me) started this thinking.

Now, again, I am focusing on the things that matter. I have no idea what the future will bring but my only way forward is with God. I have to reach out and seek the connection that never fails.

Sadness and Joy

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, compassion, God, grief, habits, life changes, sadness

sad bearThis week has been sort of up and down. For me it wasn’t a normal week. This week we celebrated Thanksgiving. I used to love this time of the year with Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now I find myself with mixed feeling.

As we grow older things are not the same as when small children were around and there was a sense of excitement building. My children and even their children are grown and flown. Don’t get  me wrong. This is what parents want. My children are gainfully employed and some of their children are beginning careers. However, it is an adjustment. The Christmases from those younger days are past. Family doesn’t all live near and other priorities prevail. I am blessed to have loving children but they have priorities of their own. My husband and I encouraged them to form their own traditions. We do see the nearest ones during the holidays but one daughter and her family are far away and can’t always be here. We do go there when we can.

I guess the bottom line of all of this is that time moves on and our lives change. Change is the only constant. Even though the changes can make me sad at times I am still grateful for what I have. So many people really suffer through the holidays. Grief crops up in a big way for those who have lost a loved one or if life has had some bad turns during the year. There are so many pictures of happy families and perfect Christmases that hit you in the face and remind you of your losses. The ads begin earlier and earlier each year.

Sully, Thomas, 1783-1872; Old Stables of the 'Dolpinn' Inn, LincolnI am not sure there is such a thing as a perfect Christmas. At least not like the ones in the ads. The problem is that the perfect Christmas happened 2000 years ago and the conditions would never be shown in an ad. What we are longing for is right in front of us. It is the birth of Christ. It was not in a beautiful home but in a stable. If we can spend our time with that in focus it changes everything. Celebrate that Christ was born to show us the way to God.

You don’t eat what?

by worrylessjourney, posted in addiction, balance, diet, habits, life changes

mark twainNot too long ago I belonged to a circle of women who met once a month for dinner and a program. We held the meetings at someone’s home and a light dinner was provided by the hostess. After a while ideas about diets began to be popular and things changed with the group. It was expected that the hostess would try to accommodate the dietary requirements of the members. One person became a vegetarian and that was pretty manageable. Then someone become a vegan and it got a little more difficult. Then someone didn’t eat carbs and another went gluten free. It began to feel as if water was the only choice for dinner. The group decided to eat out and let everyone make their own choices. Strangely enough, people who were on restricted diets seemed to eat whatever when eating out.

I have noticed that this is a growing phenomenon in society today. People are choosing various eating methods in order to be healthy. For people who have allergies or celiac disease or diabetes or other serious problems,  it is logical to avoid certain foods. We have long known that most of us eat too many carbs and too much sugar. But we seem to have reached the ridiculous.

(How many of you have seen the movie Notting Hill where a dinner guest objects to eating carrots because they were murdered?}

I have friends who have been vegetarians or vegans for many years. They manage their diets well and usually manage at dinners without any fuss. I also know people who claim to be one or the other and really don’t understand how to manage it well.

Just as recent converts to a faith are the most stringent so the most recent converts to a diet are rabid about maintaining it. This kind of thinking makes me decide to not have people to dinner as they have few manners about pointing out their restrictions. As the group decided, it is easier to not do it. We have become picky eaters and outspoken about our desires. Others are often left feeling that they are not in step if they don’t follow.

garfieldEating healthy is important for many reasons but let’s not be so obsessed as to make others uncomfortable. Everyone is entitled to their own choices. There is some implication in one of the two Genesis stories that vegetables should be our primary choice but it is up for interpretation. (Have you realized that there are two stories?) I have felt for a long time that moderation in all things is the key to living. Extremes cause problems. It’s up to you.

Why unease?

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, anxiety, balance, consequences, control, ethical, habits, life changes

new-habits-new-me-socialIt is not easy to shake a problem that has plagued you your whole life. For the last week I have been battling mild anxiety. I have no idea why. It has, however, kicked up my IBS which is very aggravating. There doesn’t seem to be any specific thing that I can blame this on. Everything seems to be fine. So,,,I am striving to continue on and just accept that it is what it is. I have not worked on my strategies for handling this enough and now I can see the result.

It is clearly evident to me that habits are hard to break even if the habit is to do nothing. That may be the hardest habit of all to break. To go from doing nothing to doing something pushes me way out of my comfort zone. I am determined to struggle with it each day and take one day at a time.

The events in that small Texas town have brought home to me the crisis the US is in. I am so sad to see the nation I grew up in at the brink of disaster. Are we all living in a mental health crisis? It certainly begins to look that way. When one person takes a gun and shoots random people to solve a problem it tells others with problems that this is a viable solution. How do we stop the ball rolling downhill?

values

Throughout my lifetime this has been a wonderful country to live in but I am very afraid for us. So many people have turned away from a moral life. When the ethical ground of a country is eroded then it seem the country itself is also eroded. May God be with us.

Silence

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, anxiety, belief, calm, centering, complacency, coping, fail, habits, listening, meditation, silence

At the beginning of this blog I wrote about my journey to worry less. I had wonderful plans for ways to be more prepared for the times when anxiety crops up and takes control of my life. The thing is I have not followed my plan. During this time of relative peace I have let it go. Knowing what is at stake I really have to get with the program. My meditation, prayers etc. don’t take that long why do I shy away from them?

Image result for the best laid plans

Spending quiet time with yourself is not easy. It can be so revealing of things about ourselves we don’t want to know. I know someone who says that he can never quiet his mind and that it causes so much stress. We do have to learn to experience meditation and silence long enough to get the mind to quiet. It takes time and effort.

Iquiet-mind-meditation-quote (1)t is just that silence and quieting of the mind that can make the most impact. In discovering ourselves the important thing to remember is that the past is past. What we do today…in this moment….is what really matters.

God is always with us in the silence. We spend so much time talking to God that we forget to listen for him in the silence. Maybe the reason we don’t hear him speak more is that we don’t listen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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While waiting….pray

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, compassion, habits, impatience, life changes, prayer

waitingSome days are just plain harder than others. Today was not a bad day it’s just that I couldn’t stop thinking. I worked in the yard this morning and did some housework and can’t stop thinking is this all? Most of my life has been spent helping others. My job as a parish nurse was so fulfilling. Now I seem to be in limbo. I know that there will be more coming for me……something to do that lets me help others but today waiting seemed forever.

I think one of the hardest things to do in life it wait. Frequently I talk with friends who have medical issues. They have been to the doctor but are having to wait for the results of the tests before they know anything. WOW! Talk about creating anxiety and stress! The system is not good about getting information to those waiting. I wonder if anyone thinks about the fear that can arise just waiting.

We are impatient people. We want everything done right now. We don’t want to wait. How often do we wait in medical offices for appointments. By the time we are seen our blood pressure has risen to a dangerous level. We don’t wait well.

It seems to me that this inability to tolerate waiting is a result of society’s current lifestyle. It goes right along with the inability to tolerate silence. We don’t remain calm for long and can feel the stress rising.

We have to learn to take a deep breath and relax into the situation. I once heard a story about a man who stressed over every red light that he encountered on his way to work. Someone suggested that instead he should pray for the people around him at the light. Pray for anyone walking by, other drivers, cars passing by. He started doing this and really prayed at every light. After a while he began to be upset if he encountered a green light.

while waitingMaybe when we have to wait prayer is a good response. I can imagine myself praying for all the people in the doctor’s office. Prayer for others while working in the yard or doing housework could make the experience much different. I think I will give this a try and see if it curbs my impatience.

The best plans

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, complacency, consequences, habits, hope, life changes

planToday is another day. A day when I haven’t followed through on my plan to do the things I need to do to be ahead when another crisis causes anxiety. This is the problem. When things are going well it is so easy to do nothing. I have planned to meditate, do yoga and spend time with helpful reading. All of which I have not done.

You would think that having dealt with this my whole life I would be willing to get tough and follow through with the things I need to do. I am reminded of Paul in Romans 7:15-20: 15 I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. 17 But in fact it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me.

Paul nailed it. I really don’t understand why I can’t stick to it. It is complacency with the status quo. Everything is on an even keel for the moment. I keep forgetting that it won’t stay that way. Life is always interesting and often challenging.  The only thing to do is to start again and work to change my habits. I have learned that if you can develop a pattern or habit then you are home free. The reverse is also true. Habits are hard to break and at the moment my habit is to not follow the plan.

hope 3

Oh well, tomorrow is another day with another chance to make changes. I will keep on. There is still hope.

An anxious world

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, balance, habits, healing, life changes, peace, prayer

anxietyToday I read an article about our reactions to stress. With the state of the world the way that it is overreacting to simple events is almost a given. When talking about memory my daughter says that when we can’t access names etc. our RAM memory is full. I think with life being so chaotic our ability to handle events is over taxed. I do wonder if the number of people with anxiety is on the rise because of how the world works. It is hard to get those kind of statistics as many people with anxiety are not known. Are more of us suffering with anxiety? We don’t know but I suspect the answer is yes.

There are so many reasons. The internet makes bad news so much more accessible.
It is almost impossible to avoid it. We now have a whole world of people to agree or disagree with what is posted on social media and some responses attack the writer viciously. Even though it is evident that we are all different and have different opinions people are inclined to take taking sides to the extreme.

There is no silence. We need silence and down time to be creative. We don’t disconnect from everything enough. Silence rests the mind. We don’t know how to sit in silence. We are addicted to noise. Just ask people to sit in silence for one minute and watch the fidgeting.

Life is running at such a fast pace that we barely have time to draw breath. We plan so many things in each day that we are overwhelmed. Whether you are spiritual or not just resting with peace and quiet can help. If you pray, spend time listening for God instead of talking to Him. We spend so much time talking TO God instead of waiting for God to speak. No wonder we can’t hear His voice.

silenceSo…turn off electronics…..sit quietly….think…..meditate…..pray. If you do this each day you will find life more manageable.

How will you be seen?

by worrylessjourney, posted in appearance, balance, consequences, habits, perspective

peanuts dirtyFor the people that see us every day how we appear to them they take at face value. If I don’t bother with my clothes (and I don’t mean how expensive they are) and am sloppy and dirty then that is how I am perceived. God didn’t make junk and I don’t think he wants us to look that way.

Each of us has our own personality and we dress accordingly. I love to people watch and in some cases it is easy to fit people into categories. Admittedly our ideas may be wrong but sometimes we are right on target. Some people’s clothes just shout where they fit in. I was in a restaurant and saw a couple with lots of tattoos, black leather jackets with motorcycle logos, and boots. It wasn’t hard to figure out.

The problem is twofold. Sometimes we misjudge others based on how they look. Discrimination crops up when our view is based on skin color or other ethnic signs. We know that this is the kind of judging that God calls us to avoid.

The other side of the coin is when we don’t care enough for ourselves to put our best foot forward whatever that may be. God does not call us to be sour faced, sloppy and dirty. We are called to be the Christian someone else sees in a positive way whether they are Christian or not.

seing ourselvesRemember you may be the best Christian someone sees today. A really scary thought.

O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us To see oursels as others see us!  Robert Burns

Change?

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, habits, life changes, worry

For some reason I spent the last week stressing about taking a trip with my daughter. I wanted to go but there is something about leaving home that is stressful. Is it about leaving my safe place? I suspect that is part of it. Routine is familiar and comforting. Sometimes it is hard to get outside of our comfort zone. I have always been this way. The crazy part is that I enjoy myself when I go. Why do some of us have this problem?

So I got myself organized am now I’m visiting Boston with my daughter. I also get to be with my grandaughter who is at Brandeis University.my anxiety is suspended. So why all the drama?

It is interesting how change can send us off the rails. Most of us don’t like change and some of us are anxious when we have to accept it. The trouble is change is one of the true constants. Life never stays the same. Again I share the quote from the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer. Since I don’t have it with me it may not be 100%: ” in the midst of all the changes and chances of this life I rest in Your eternal chamgelessness. ” please God let us live into this!