The elephant in the room

The trip to Mayo was tiring especially since my cruise control went nuts and now the car has to go in for service. There have been several electronic glitches in the last few weeks so I think they are all connected. Just hoping it is not toooooo expensive.

Since I knit and crochet all the time I have packed six boxes of yarn so far. WOW! I have to start using what I already have and find patterns to match.

I have been having fun working on some elephant snuggle things for my two great grandsons. Since this one is unfinished he has a crochet hook on his ear but I think they will love these. It is the perfect age for this kind of thing. Enjoy my feet in the edge.

With all the sorting and getting ready to pack I need something creative to work on.

Time is getting nearer and there is less tension for me as it does. I hate waiting more than moving.

All will be well

Today has been trying. I had to be at the eye center early for surgery to remove some cloudiness behind the lens. I used to be a morning person and I still get up early but I can’t get going easily. I just need some alone time in the morning to get my mind going. When I have to get going early I don’t sleep well the night before. So I didn’t sleep well. The bad part is that we have to drive to the Mayo Clinic for a check up tomorrow. Three hours there and three hours back. I’m not looking forward to that. Once we get going I will be fine. At least the drive is time to think.

This waiting to move is so hard. I feel as if I am living in a time warp. I know it will be past soon and I am looking forward to that. And “all will be well.”

More paperwork

One of the difficult things during this time is trying to get everything in order to move. When one has lived somewhere since 1976 there is a lot to remember, get changed and the paper work done. Unfortunately my husband is only able to help some. The things he can do are a big help but for the first time I feel the burden is mostly on my shoulders.

I know that all will get done but I do seem to be a little overwhelmed. Oh well. Things will go on and I will be able to relax once all is done.

Paperwork is a pain in the neck and I am throughly tired of it. It seems that everything is much harder than it should be. Always something else needed or something going wrong.

I will survive!

Change is inevitable

“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.” Anonymous

We are in the middles of one of the hardest things we have ever had to do. We are upsrooting ourselves to be where we need to be. It has been a hard decision but it is the right one and we know that. So we will continue to honor our decision and follow through.

Changes are very difficult and most of us don’t like them at all. Nevertheless nothing ever stays the same. I have always heard said that nothing is sure but death and taxes. Well, I would add something else to that. Change is inevitable.

Epiphany

I have had an epiphany (a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. ) I don’t really know why but something has shifted in my thinking. I suppose it is that we have been living this careful, isolated and distanced life for long enough that it now feels different.

I still want it to be changed but I have accepted what is and have settled into it. Unlike some people this acceptance will not change what I am doing but is a mental shift that will make this way of life more acceptable. Change has happened in me. Certainly nothing around me has changed and probably won’t for quite a while. We are still at risk and there remains some anxiety over the potential for a severe illness but that has settled into just living it.

I have found an odd and strange peace. I still can’t wait to have some other form of living back but for now I will be living.

Getting on

If I don’t keep finding things to do, read, and see I will sink into boredom. I have been knitting, crocheting, cooking, reading, watching TV. I don’t want to walk since it is so hot outside but I really need the exercise. I get lots of steps caring for my husband that is one plus. I guess if I were counting steps I would be doing good.

Nevertheless it is hard not to slip into being bored. I don’t think it is because I don’t have anything to do but because I can’t do anything I want. Because of that I feel stifled. I know it is just a state of mind and I’m trying to get around it but it’s not working as well as I would like. Oh well…everyone else is in the same boat. We’re all just getting on with what we can.

What we can not what we wish

I love having my daughters here. They have been a big help. We have accomplished a lot and are moving ahead. It remains to see how Hap’s recovery goes and how far. This will take time.

Once again we are stuck up against all the changes in the ways that society can interact. Around here I see most people wearing masks which wasn’t happening before. Maybe people are finally getting it. I hope it lasts.

We have all been so weighed down and fighting our way of life. Maybe it is time to step into a new mode and learn to fly again. I am realizing that even though there are things that I can’t do there are also things that I can do and I am going to do them.

According to current information I can eat outside at restaurants with distancing from other customers. I will be taking advantage of that. We have many places with the option to eat outdoors. My knitting friends and I can meet wherever we can find a safe place and there actually are some options for that.

So life goes on. And it is up to us to decide how to accept what is….not what we wish it could be.

Attitude of gratitude

Today my house is full. My heart is also full with the love from my family. My two daughters, my daughter-in-law and a best friend are here. This is the first gathering since the beginning of covid. It wasn’t planned but just came together as a spontaneous time. The girls are all making dinner and my husband’s pain is less and he is able to rest.

All in all I am grateful. I know there are some tough times coming but definitely not as stressful as the week I spent alone in a hotel with Hap in the Mayo Clinic. I got through it and that is the best I can say. Somehow we both survived it and mending is happening.

It still feels strange to be at home the whole day on a Sunday. I guess that feeling won’t go away until church can begin again. I look forward to that.

Each of us is finding new ways to grow and cope in this strange new world. I suppose we will have some ability to meet others at some point but for now not exposing ourselves to those who could be carrying the virus is best for us.

I hope on this Sunday everyone has found some peace and hope that continues.

Is temporary comfort possible?

It is scary to think that I am beginning to think this life is normal. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I guess I am settling into a routine.

For me, routine is always a plus. Just getting up and following a pattern makes me comfortable. I don’t know how others feel but it works for me. I go out to go to the grocery store, the pharmacy and doctors visits. Otherwise I connect with people through electronic means. I do feel the absence of personal contact as I truly believe that human physical contact is necessary to our well being.

I suspect that this time has been more challenging for those of us alone or with someone else who needs care like my husband. We seek our connections with others and that is limited. My life has changed so drastically that covid is only one aspect of the whole. I have spent months adapting to constant change and now there is some sort of consistency and I suppose that is why I feel more settled.

I hope that each of us continues to find our way through into a routine that is helpful and sustainable. I pray for those who have lost job, income, health and whatever else has struck them.