Today I had to cut the lawn. For my lawn this is a two hour job on a riding lawnmower. the weather was great but the mosquitoes about carried me off. I came in reeking of OFF and headed right to the shower.
Normally I like cutting the lawn as it is one of those jobs that you can see results as you go. Usually my husband like to do it but his health has halted that for now. I had waited too long to mow and the grass was really long. I had to mow some areas more than once to mulch the cut grass. Nevertheless it is done.
This time of needing to do everything has been a challenge. One that I have met sort of. There are boxes that need to go to the dump piled up in the garage and that will hold for another day. I guess I didn’t realize all the things Hap was doing. I’m getting a dose of real appreciation for the things he did.
The good new is that I can look out at a beautifully cut lawn and enjoy the view. That is until it jumps out of the ground again. Some things never go away.
It is hard knowing that I am going to be living in confusion for a good while. I don’t like confusion. I like my life to be in order but that is not going to be. I know that it will all be worked out but I want it finished NOW!!
Patience is not one of my virtues. I am notoriously impatient. Maybe not as bad as some younger people since I didn’t grow up in an era when things happened over night. We did have to do a lot more waiting. Internet shopping was not available. Heavens we didn’t even have a TV until I was about 10. I have just learned to be impatient and now I have to move that away and think about how it used to be.
We were living at a very fast pace. The world was spinning more rapidly and getting faster all the time. This lull has taught us some things about patience. We have been waiting to get out and be with others. We still have to be very careful and wait. Now I have to put that into practise.
I was wakened in the middle of the night by my Alexa light blinking at me. I asked it about the notification and was told that we had flash flood warnings. We are not in that area and I wasn’t thrilled but the light woke me.
It is amazing how much we all count on technology. I love Alexa and use it for all sorts of things from meditation to “what is the time, weather?’ I wouldn’t call myself addicted but it sure is handy.
When the power goes out we realize how much we depend on electricity in our homes. We are blessed to have a generator since we are in a hurricane area. It doesn’t work for the whole house but the parts that it does make storms livable.
Hurricane season is upon us and after what happened a few years ago I am not looking forward to it. I have to say though that I would rather than than a tornado. At least we can have time to get out of the way. Property may be lost but lives can be spared. I pray that this hurricane season doesn’t devastate anyone. Nature can be so unforgiving.
Since we have had such a difficult spring it would be nice to have summer and fall to recover.
This is a difficult post to write. Since my husband has been recently diagnosed with dementia our life has changed. We will learn and adapt as we go but some major changes will have to be made.
Our home is one that requires us both to be able to help with its maintenance. It is really too much for me to manage on my own. It is time to move forward and find the right environment for both of us. This will be heart wrenching and particularly hard on my husband but we need to do it now and get settled for the future.
My aunt ( who was really quirky) always said that if you do all the things you CAN do at the moment then you can stop worrying. This is my plan. We will be taking one day at a time. There are still some medical issues to be resolved and the virus hasn’t helped getting those done but we will get there. God is with us.
There have been lots of ups and downs in our life together. This is just another down to get through and look forward to the next up. On the 9th of June we will have been married 58 years. A wonderful journey.
There has been a gremlin in my house. I am sure of it. We now have TV remotes mixed up and they don’t seem to work totally anywhere. One will change channels and do volume, the other will turn on and off. We need two remotes for my husband to work his TV. My daughter sent a new remote for him and I can’t get it programmed. The instructions work but you have to search for the codes for the TV and the cable box and the numbers that may work reach out to infinity. If I had a week I’m sure I could get it programmed. So for now he is using two remotes.
Why do things have to be so complicated? My daughter say the more things they add to each electronic piece the more likely it is to go wrong. I’m finding that to be true. Somehow I have got to get something working. I contacted the cable company and they are not allowing anyone to come into the house at this time. Since there are many issue involved with this having someone here is the only way to solve it. Oh well….sighhhhhhhh.
Life is complicated enough without having to fight with electronic devices. I wonder what it will be like when robots do everything? I think I am glad that I will not be here to see it.
Last night while watching the movie “Midway” with my husband (who loves old movies) I took a photo of one of our bassets (Miss Tillie). Don’t you wish you could relax like that? That is true comfort. She knows how to lay down and chill no matter what is going on. She knows this staying home is the best of worlds for her.
If you were reincarnated wouldn’t it be wonderful to come back as a beloved dog belonging to a loving family? I would
Do you go to the library? There was a time when all those books saved me. When my husband was in Viet Nam the only true place that I could feel calm was in a book. I was there at least once a week and took home five or six books and unless they were complex I had them back the next week.
Now I can hardly remember visiting the library unless I need to renew my card. I either get library books on my Kindle or read from the Kindle unlimited list. I don’t but a paperback or hardcover book unless it is so special that I want a physical copy. I have an extensive lot of books in my house. Before I had a Kindle my husband said if I brought another book into the house I had to take one out.
Now I am starting to pair down my library to the books I really want to keep. There are many here that I used when working that could be of great help to others. Those need to be gifted to those who need them. My absolute favorites will remain. It will still be too many but that’s life.
Yesterday I had the oddest thought. As people begin going out as they want, many without wearing masks, it will be us elderly and the sick who will stand out. We will become the stigmatized group. We will stand out like a sore thumb. I doubt that we will be able to feel the slightest bit safe until there is a vaccine and that will be quite a while coming.
There will be a point where we have to continue to live our lives and know that there is a risk. That has been true for those in war torn countries forever. Going out of the door in the morning does not guarantee that they will be safe. It’s just that we have never suffered that experience since the long past flu epidemic.
So if you see us out with our masks until next year and see us obsessively washing our hands and safe distancing from people please don’t see us as lepers. We are just trying to survive.
Sometimes I forget to not leap ahead of myself but just concentrate on one thing at a time. Getting one thing done feels good. When I do I stop obsessing on the things not done.
A long time ago I worked for a company that handled case management for insurance companies. As nurses, we reviewed medical information and (the company was a good one) usually recommended doing the right thing. It costs less in the long run and that was how we explained it backing it up with figures.
While there a huge caseload was brought on to do with workers compensation from the state of Texas. I was handed that account. It was overwhelming. The amount of files on my desk was tremendous and daunting. After struggling with how to handle it I took the files and adjusted by date it came in and status of the patient. I stacked them up that way and just pulled one at a time. It was amazing how much I was able to get done once I stopped obsessing over how much there was.
Now as I face dealing with my husband’s medical issues I have realized that I have to do the same thing. Instead of worrying (useless) I have evaluated what needs to be done in what order and have started contacting doctors ect., setting appointments and moving ahead. We will solve things one at a time.