Author: worrylessjourney

Who could love us more?

by worrylessjourney, posted in dogs, unconditional love, understanding

There was a tremendous thunder storm in the middles of the night and I was awakened by a panicked dog. Ever since we rescued him him has been terrified of thunder, firecrackers and fireworks. This is an 58 pound Basset Hound. I can’t pick him up and he was cowering by the side of my bed. I leaned over far enough to rub him with my hand and he began to be settle some. I kept my hand there until it fell asleep at which point I switched and stretched my log over the side of the bed and rubbed him with my foot. He settled and stayed there until the storm subsided and then left. I awoke with my leg numb and tingling but happy that I was able to comfort him.

He, Crash, and my other dog Tillie give so much love and meaning to my life that I couldn’t survive without them. They know my mood and do whatever they can when I am down. They are excited when I am joyful and Tillie follows me from room to room keeping me always in her sight/scent.

I hope I never have to be without a dog. All the ones who I lived with have enriched my life in so many ways. I plan to always have such a loving companion. Who else loves so much?

Just one more thing

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, consequences, frustration

You would never think that water would be a problem but here we go again. We now have a huge water bill because apparently something happened in April that we were not aware of. At that time I was tending to my recently hospital discharged husband. (still not well) I was barely holding my own. Somewhere, unaware of us, water was left running and caused an enormous water usage. Now there is the problem of scraping up the money to pay all of this to include having plumbers come out to tell us there is no leak now.

HELP!

Just another one of life’s glitches. Just when you think the money is holding up well something hits. There are so many people hurting so much more than us. Many are out of work and have not yet received any unemployment compensation. Many businesses are having to close. Covid has brought us to our knees. I pray that things begin to improve…even if just a little and that those who need help can get what they need.

Memorable people

by worrylessjourney, posted in connections, memories, remembering

Thinking back over my almost 80 years there are so many memories of those who were a part of it. Lots of them are gone but they live on in my mind. It is funny the ones you remember and the ones you know must have been there but have no defining moment to think about.

I do remember some of my teachers particularly from High School and College. The ones I remember the most were the ones who were real characters. That is probably why they stuck in my mind. I remember a Latin teacher whose looks and demeanor were perfect for the part. She was petite, wore dark rimmed glasses, had grey hair and was really tough on us.

Another was a history teacher who made me love history. He gave us a assignment that was 100 questions. It was not something you spent time writing but researching. The questions were obscure and finding out the answers was difficult. You got a grade depending on how many you got right. One of the questions was “What is this ***** ? Yes, it was just 5 asterisks. It was a pseudonym for a writer whose name is lost to memory but I got it! His whole point was you could find anything if you knew how to research.

A college professor was named (by us) “paperback Bednar” because he didn’t have us buy a text but lots of paperbacks. He taught Philosophy of History one of the more interesting classes I took.

Another had student evenings at his home for discussion on anything including religion. He was a student of C.S. Lewis and shared much about him. He also wrote a book telling about his wife, his great love of her and her loss called “A Severe Mercy.” I still find people who knew about him and have read his book. His name was Sheldon Van Auken.

These people made an impact on my life. There are many more and I will be thinking about them from time to time.

Time of mixed emotions

by worrylessjourney, posted in balance, life changes, perspective

I am continuing to clean things out and today I put all of my dvd’s in a case. That eliminated the cabinets that housed them. This is the first time that I have moved any pieces of furniture. I was a small thing but for the first time I realize that we are actually planning to move away from here.

This is a major life event. This is a complete change and an acceptance that we are growing older and need to be set for the time we have left. It may be long or short but we want it filled with people to meet, things to do and new adventures. Even though we are going to move to a retirement community it is one that has people who are still living fully, having fun, exploring new things to learn and enjoying a expansive life. It is connected with a University and has much learning experiences and opportunities.

We will also be near my youngest daughter and her family whose lifestyle makes them able to be supportive and caring. Their church home is also a plus since we have visited there many times and also feel at home there. The best of all worlds.

This kind of change comes with some sadness and loss. We will be leaving long time friends, a church home, a beautiful home with an amazing view and things we love. As a Parish Nurse I have seen so many people sit in a home they love until they can no longer manage and family has to make decisions for them. This leaves everyone unhappy and we decided that it is better to make the decision for ourselves.

This cannot happen too quickly due to medical issues and the problem of covid but we know it is on the near horizon. So this will be a time of looking forward to good things and still grieving over where we have been. A time of mixed emotions.

Dreams can echo life

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, frustration, life

Last night I had a dream about trying to cook at meal, at the last minute, for a large group of family members. It seemed to be partly my fault that it was last minute but I couldn’t find the right things to cook. It was in the kitchen I grew up in and everything was wrong. The meat was huge and had to be cut up to cook but looked like nothing I have ever seen before.

I have always had lots of odd dreams and this one was not unusual but I wondered where my mind was headed and if I could connect it with anything going on in my life. Maybe it does in some ways. I do keep trying to get things done and it seems that everything is so difficult. Nothing goes easy. That may not be that unusual but is being amplified by covid.

The frustration of the whole situation, my husband’s illness, covid and all that goes with it are getting old. I am not the only one who is feeling this way and waiting for some good news. It will come….please let me hold on until it does.

I don’t know that any of us have ever been through this kind of situation. We were not alive for the last pandemic and waiting for it to end had to be much worse. Now we will always remember this year and those who come behind us will hear us talk about what happened.

Clean inside and out

by worrylessjourney, posted in declutter, life changes, look inside

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Actually it has been more a matter of getting rid of things we don’t need. It has felt good. Clutter is disappearing. Surfaces can be dusted easily and cabinets are empty. It is hard to believe when you move into a place how much you can accumulate over the following years. There was stuff that I haven’t seen or needed in years.

“I don’t think you’re getting the point of this exercise.”

All this reminds me that I need to also look into myself and open all the closets and drawers and clean out all the excess. With all that has been going on I haven’t had time to do that. I realize I have let the structure of my days fall apart. It couldn’t be helped before but with the way things are now I think I can do it.

Cleaning out our living space is important but it is also as important cleaning out ourselves.

A broken system

by worrylessjourney, posted in advice, help, needs

Today is better. Things are starting to iron out. My interventions this week bore fruit and I think we are on a good path.

I worry about those who have no idea how to navigate the medical system. It is getting more complex every day. Physicians want to stick to their specialties and no one wants to manage the whole person. Sometimes the Internal Medicine docs are the ones to do that but they also struggle with getting information from the specialists so they are frustrated too.

I wish I knew what need to be done but things are getting worse every day. I really do think that the insurance companies are a major part of the problem. They are telling the doctors what they can and cannot do. That makes no sense. I pray that something happens in the future to make this better.

If you are dealing with medical care find someone you know who understands it and ask for help. Most people are happy to help where they can.

More aggravations

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, frustration, worry
And many other words I don’t want to write down!

Today was a continuation of yesterday. It seems that none of our current physicians, including the Mayo clinic, consider themselves unable or right, to provide the next medication that my husband needs to switch to on Monday. Surprise, surprise! After spending most of the day working on this problem the Visiting Nurses managed to get him in to see an Infectious Disease specialist who is wonderful. The appointment is for tomorrow morning.

I am really concerned about him although he is better we need to get everything in place for this transition and God willing the meds work. I am so mentally tired that it has also made me physically tired. Tomorrow will tell the tale.

If you pray, pray for us…if not send good thoughts. Peace

Help needed for everyone

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, health, problems
Not just the uninsured…everyone has problems. The doctors seldom talk or agree.

Anyone who has a major or chronic healthcare problem and has to manage their day to day care must be stressed out. I have been managing my husbands care and I am a nurse and have been a case manager (one who handles these kinds of problems) and it is about to drive me into insanity.

This week the IV medication that he receives every 12 hours didn’t arrive and I spent hours on the phone trying to get that fixed. The provider messed up and we didn’t get meds until 1pm today totally ruining his schedule and having him miss a dose of needed medicine.

Then I spent the rest of the day organizing the medicine and care he is to receive following the stopping of the IV meds and had doctors bouncing it between them each saying it is not their job. The medical system has totally fallen apart. Too many doctors with specialties and each one not considering the whole person.

I am grateful that I will be getting him in to see my own primary physician who is wonderful. I am hoping that this will create some harmony in his care and take some of the burden off me. I really don’t know how those with no experience in health care can manage the care of their loved one. I am not surprised to see that some nurses are opening their own business as patient advocates. It is really needed. Heaven help those who don’t have someone to help.

Scary thoughts

by worrylessjourney, posted in consequences, darkness, listen

I ordered new music song books to play on the piano. This morning I was playing “The Sound of Silence” and reading the words. It was eerie. It was as if those words were written for today’s world. I am including the words here for you and also the song. Frightening how much it fits.

This explanation comes from Google:

What is the meaning behind Sound of Silence by disturbed?The song makes an allusion to the extreme capitalism and consumerism that is suffocating society – “the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they made” (neon represents the signs of commercial stores), and further expresses a discontent for humans who do not care to pay attention to anything and anyone‘

The Sound of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
‘Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

“Fools, ” said I, “You do not know
Silence, like a cancer, grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you”
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells, of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, “The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls”
And whispered in the sounds of silence

The one from my era was done by Simon and Garfunkel but I think that this one by Pentatonix hits the mark.