Month: August 2020

Dreams can echo life

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, frustration, life

Last night I had a dream about trying to cook at meal, at the last minute, for a large group of family members. It seemed to be partly my fault that it was last minute but I couldn’t find the right things to cook. It was in the kitchen I grew up in and everything was wrong. The meat was huge and had to be cut up to cook but looked like nothing I have ever seen before.

I have always had lots of odd dreams and this one was not unusual but I wondered where my mind was headed and if I could connect it with anything going on in my life. Maybe it does in some ways. I do keep trying to get things done and it seems that everything is so difficult. Nothing goes easy. That may not be that unusual but is being amplified by covid.

The frustration of the whole situation, my husband’s illness, covid and all that goes with it are getting old. I am not the only one who is feeling this way and waiting for some good news. It will come….please let me hold on until it does.

I don’t know that any of us have ever been through this kind of situation. We were not alive for the last pandemic and waiting for it to end had to be much worse. Now we will always remember this year and those who come behind us will hear us talk about what happened.

Clean inside and out

by worrylessjourney, posted in declutter, life changes, look inside

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Actually it has been more a matter of getting rid of things we don’t need. It has felt good. Clutter is disappearing. Surfaces can be dusted easily and cabinets are empty. It is hard to believe when you move into a place how much you can accumulate over the following years. There was stuff that I haven’t seen or needed in years.

“I don’t think you’re getting the point of this exercise.”

All this reminds me that I need to also look into myself and open all the closets and drawers and clean out all the excess. With all that has been going on I haven’t had time to do that. I realize I have let the structure of my days fall apart. It couldn’t be helped before but with the way things are now I think I can do it.

Cleaning out our living space is important but it is also as important cleaning out ourselves.

A broken system

by worrylessjourney, posted in advice, help, needs

Today is better. Things are starting to iron out. My interventions this week bore fruit and I think we are on a good path.

I worry about those who have no idea how to navigate the medical system. It is getting more complex every day. Physicians want to stick to their specialties and no one wants to manage the whole person. Sometimes the Internal Medicine docs are the ones to do that but they also struggle with getting information from the specialists so they are frustrated too.

I wish I knew what need to be done but things are getting worse every day. I really do think that the insurance companies are a major part of the problem. They are telling the doctors what they can and cannot do. That makes no sense. I pray that something happens in the future to make this better.

If you are dealing with medical care find someone you know who understands it and ask for help. Most people are happy to help where they can.

More aggravations

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, frustration, worry
And many other words I don’t want to write down!

Today was a continuation of yesterday. It seems that none of our current physicians, including the Mayo clinic, consider themselves unable or right, to provide the next medication that my husband needs to switch to on Monday. Surprise, surprise! After spending most of the day working on this problem the Visiting Nurses managed to get him in to see an Infectious Disease specialist who is wonderful. The appointment is for tomorrow morning.

I am really concerned about him although he is better we need to get everything in place for this transition and God willing the meds work. I am so mentally tired that it has also made me physically tired. Tomorrow will tell the tale.

If you pray, pray for us…if not send good thoughts. Peace

Help needed for everyone

by worrylessjourney, posted in aggravations, health, problems
Not just the uninsured…everyone has problems. The doctors seldom talk or agree.

Anyone who has a major or chronic healthcare problem and has to manage their day to day care must be stressed out. I have been managing my husbands care and I am a nurse and have been a case manager (one who handles these kinds of problems) and it is about to drive me into insanity.

This week the IV medication that he receives every 12 hours didn’t arrive and I spent hours on the phone trying to get that fixed. The provider messed up and we didn’t get meds until 1pm today totally ruining his schedule and having him miss a dose of needed medicine.

Then I spent the rest of the day organizing the medicine and care he is to receive following the stopping of the IV meds and had doctors bouncing it between them each saying it is not their job. The medical system has totally fallen apart. Too many doctors with specialties and each one not considering the whole person.

I am grateful that I will be getting him in to see my own primary physician who is wonderful. I am hoping that this will create some harmony in his care and take some of the burden off me. I really don’t know how those with no experience in health care can manage the care of their loved one. I am not surprised to see that some nurses are opening their own business as patient advocates. It is really needed. Heaven help those who don’t have someone to help.

Scary thoughts

by worrylessjourney, posted in consequences, darkness, listen

I ordered new music song books to play on the piano. This morning I was playing “The Sound of Silence” and reading the words. It was eerie. It was as if those words were written for today’s world. I am including the words here for you and also the song. Frightening how much it fits.

This explanation comes from Google:

What is the meaning behind Sound of Silence by disturbed?The song makes an allusion to the extreme capitalism and consumerism that is suffocating society – “the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they made” (neon represents the signs of commercial stores), and further expresses a discontent for humans who do not care to pay attention to anything and anyone‘

The Sound of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
‘Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

“Fools, ” said I, “You do not know
Silence, like a cancer, grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you”
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells, of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, “The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls”
And whispered in the sounds of silence

The one from my era was done by Simon and Garfunkel but I think that this one by Pentatonix hits the mark.

The traveling chair

by worrylessjourney, posted in choices, decisions, life changes

We ordered a new lounge chair for my husband from Wayfair. I have ordered from them before and they are great. We were in no hurry for it to come but it took an interesting journey. It traveled! Up and down the country. Not a direct route. It went from the west to the north. The opposite direction to us. Then it took a journey east before starting to turn south. It finally ended up about 10 miles from us where it sat for several days before coming to us. This is a well traveled chair.

Now it is here to travel more with us as we plan for the rest of our lives. A fun start to the new things in front of us. We will be sad to leave this beautiful home that my husband designed for the way we live. It is so perfect but nothing lasts forever. Now perfect is becoming a burden and that changes things.

Choose so someone else doesn’t have to choose for you!

In life we have to accept what happens as we age and be ready to do what is best instead of holding on to something that no longer works. I have seen too many children having to drag their parents out of a home that is no longer logical. How tragic that is for families and everyone ends up unhappy. We have to know when it is time to choose for ourselves and do it.

Storm coming

by worrylessjourney, posted in nature, storm, weather

I love to sit on the porch and watch a storm comming. One of my dogs hates me to do that since he hates thunder and is frightened. Today I loved feeling the wind and the smell of the rain. This photo does not do it justice. I love all of natures moods. The reason that the horizon is grayed out is it is covered with rain.

More planning and changes to come

by worrylessjourney, posted in fun, plan, work

Yard work today. Cutting back jasmine which if not watched carefully will take over the world. Then pulling vines and pruning Azaleas. As it is hot outside I worked early but still got overheated as usual. A wonderful cool-cold shower made me feel great.

Doing something productive really helps to lighten my mood. It gives a real sense of accomplishment. It is also great exercise.

Since I have been struggling against boredom I have picked up my guitar and am relearning and also toughening up my fingers. I had forgotten how much fun it is to play and sing. I am not sure anyone would want to hear it as (at soon 80) my voice is not what it was but I don’t care. I’m doing it for me.

Life is blending into some sort of pattern. I am not sure what since we will need to move when we can. Age is catching up with us and we are not able to keep a big yard and do all the repairs on the house like we used to. It is logical for us to do this before we are stuck and our children will have to take care of us. Since Hap is getting so much better there will be fun things we can do somewhere less physically demanding. It is time to relax more, explore new things and enjoy each other.

Epiphany

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, Live!, peace

I have had an epiphany (a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. ) I don’t really know why but something has shifted in my thinking. I suppose it is that we have been living this careful, isolated and distanced life for long enough that it now feels different.

I still want it to be changed but I have accepted what is and have settled into it. Unlike some people this acceptance will not change what I am doing but is a mental shift that will make this way of life more acceptable. Change has happened in me. Certainly nothing around me has changed and probably won’t for quite a while. We are still at risk and there remains some anxiety over the potential for a severe illness but that has settled into just living it.

I have found an odd and strange peace. I still can’t wait to have some other form of living back but for now I will be living.