Author: worrylessjourney

The continuing saga

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, coping, hope, sadness

For some reason it has been very hard for me to write. It is as if my brain has gone on vacation. In some ways it worries me. Has all this stuff over the last year changed my ability to think? It is a scary thought. One that is particularly frightening one for me. I have worked with families who are suffering through family members with dementia and their pain is great. I hope as things settle I will feel more myself.

I hope that it will only be a few weeks before I more to my next destination. It will be so wonderful to feel that I can plant my feet and settle into a home. The apartment is being worked on at this time and I can move as soon as the work is done.

I have been trying to get some things cleaned up and sorted for the move. That means sorting my husband’s things and deciding what to let go and what to keep. It is going well with some moments of sadness.

Hopefully I will get back to my regular writing schedule in the near future and actually have something interesting to say.

Letting go

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, grief, sadness

Last week was a lost week. For some reason I was in a bad place and nothing seemed right. It is the first time that I have had such a down time. I think the impact of everything that has happened since last March finally got to me. (Covid, husband in hospital several times, moving to another city, downsizing to an apartment from my wonderful home, losing my husband, paperwork, changing everything from ours to mine.) A lot to take in over that short time. I guess I wouldn’t have been normal if it didn’t get to me. Just letting it all out helped.

I have begun doing mandalas for healing again, my attitude is different and I feel better. Strangely enough the dogs are behaving better. I am sure that my upset has been affecting them. Yes, I am still grieving and that will take time but I feel more grounded

Memories a poem

by worrylessjourney, posted in poetry, sadness, thoughts

Tonight I was thinking about the homes I have lived in especially the last 2 and this came to mind

Memories


The house emptied of things
sad, forlorn
life lived, joy and sorrow felt
stored there

Feeling lost leaving
Memories left behind
Found in every room
Encased within the walls

But the house though left behind
Waits empty for new life
New people
New memories

But the memories we shared
Within its walls
Are held forever
Within us

Never lost
Stored within us
Ready to relive and savor
Our souls to nourish

A milestone

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, life changes, sadness

Today has been one of my first special days to get through. It was my husband’s birthday. It is strange to live that day without him around. I was remembering last year when we did a party for him outside in the yard with just family and one friend. He was not well then and didn’t really enjoy it.

I am sure that this day is better for him. He didn’t cope well with being unable to do the things he loved. Even though he was able to be with family during the last months it wasn’t the same for him.

Now it is time to accept this day with joy for the time I had with him. That is what he would want.

Do what you can

by worrylessjourney, posted in choices, commitment, decisions

I don’t know if I have written about this before but I feel compelled to talk about it. Each of us matters. We can so easily get discouraged about changing anything…the way the world is going, the condition of the earth, the violence around us. It is so frustrating. Often we want to make a difference but we feel unable to do so. So how do we get past that?

I believe that any small thing makes a difference. I belong to prayer group called Daughters of the King. The motto of that group is ““I cannot do everything, but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do. What I ought to do, by the grace of God I will do. Lord, what will you have me do?”

I believe this. Each of us can make a difference. In the words of the Dalai Lama

In Between Pondering

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, blessings, musing, sadness

For the last few days I have been thinking about what it means to lose a spouse of almost 59 years. It has reminded me of something my grandmother said after she turned 100. She remarked that no one she had known for most of her life was still alive. No one could really grasp her journey.

I have remembered that statement and thought about it over the years. Now having lost my husband and all but one friend I grew up with I can begin to understand what she was talking about. Fortunately for me there are still people around who are my contemporaries and so there are still those who remember the things I do. That is a blessing.

I have realized though that there is a kind of loneliness in missing the person who lived most of my life with me. There are experiences that no one else shared. I know I will continue to miss being able to connect with him over our life together.

There is also a loneliness in knowing that I am alone in a way that I have never been. Thank God I have a loving and wonderful family of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren who will continue to fill my life with joy.

Friends also help to dispel the sense of being along. With them are also many shared memories and I know that there will be many more with those I will connect in the future. I tend to look at the positive and continue to savor all that life has to offer me. This is just an in between time that brings thoughts and ponderings to light.

Renaissance Fair

by worrylessjourney, posted in appreciate, enjoy, fun!, weather

Yesterday I had a real treat. My family and I went to a Renaissance festival near Austin. The day was perfect…breezy and just the right temperature. There were people there but not so many that you couldn’t keep a safe distance. I have never been to one of those but it was really fun. We spent most of the day just walking around, watching people, seeing many people in costumes and lots of venders of antique looking stuff. I got home refreshed, tired and filled with joy at being out and about.

Here are just a few photos.

A day out

by worrylessjourney, posted in beauty, enjoy, family

The weather has been beautiful here in Austin. Over the weekend we decided to visit the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center. It was wonderful to see. The spring flowers are blooming and we took a long walk around the field with many different flowers blooming.

The flowers were so beautiful and the landscaping so pretty. We also saw a mother owl with her little ones but couldn’t get a photo. It was a really nice day out. Nothing like fresh air, sunshine, great scenery and good company.

Leaping

by worrylessjourney, posted in acceptance, anticipation, becoming

Homes are not meant to be lived in – but only to be moved out from.

Richard Rohr in Falling Upward

When I first read this statement I was confused? -startled? – surprised? I’m not sure what. I realized that only when we are confronted with real change do we experience the growth that really moves us forward. It is a time of searching and redefining ourselves. We are moved our of our comfort zone and made to experience the world in a different way.

That has been my experience for, at least, the last year and a half. My life has been changed, disrupted and scrambled. Only now am I beginning to understand that this is not a negative but a positive. This is a time to “fall up” and explore what is revealed to me.

My 80 plus years have not been wasted but are a platform for jumping off. They are a gift that keeps on giving. It is up to me what happens next. I just have to take the leap.

Connections

by worrylessjourney, posted in choices, connections, friends

“The tendrils that connect one human being to another are so unlikely so inherently fragile…I think that is it s a miracle they exist at all.”

From the TV program Numbers

Connecting with one another is so key to how we live. I have always needed those connections and tend to nurture them. Without them I am lost.

Whether we are connecting to the family that raised us or family that we choose and continue to choose from those we meet those connections form us. They are the glue that hold us together. The support that we receive from others makes our lives manageable. The love of those connected by those tendrils is what brings joy to our journey through life.

It is a miracle and one that I depend on and rejoice over every day.