If we are blessed with a good family when we are young we don’t worry much. As we reach our teens we encounter social issues and worry about how we seem to others. For some teens this can encompass their whole being. Social media has made this worse.
If we are blessed enough to find a partner and start a family our worries grow…..will there be enough money?….Will the job work out….etc. Then we have children and the worry increases exponentially. As we age our children grow up, find partners and have children of their own and then we have a larger group to hold close to our hearts. I guess the law of large numbers (out of my area) means that the more people involved the more potential for problems.
One of my children lives in the same town. One live 3 hours away and one is an 18 hr drive. We talk frequently and I am glad they also talk to each other often. No matter how old we get our children are still our children and when something crops up for them they call mom. I am glad they can do this. I see it as my place in life to be there for them.
This allows me to utilize my skills at worrying. My grandmother used to tell me to sit in a chair and worry as hard as I could….then get up and see if anything had changed. She was so right. Worry doesn’t help anyone but I am so good at it.
Worry can turn into anxiety as we magnify the problems and think of all the things that can go wrong. I am good at crossing many bridges before they are anywhere in sight. My husband says do what you can and then stop thinking about it. He is right. It is time to let this go. Jesus tells us:
Matthew 6:27-29New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)
27 And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?[a] 28 And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these.
Today was rainy and cold. Really depressing weather. When we lived in the north I preferred snow to this rain. It chills you so. I have been helping out in the office of the church I used to work for. The only people I see are the administrator and a friend. Both are very dear to me. My friend and I do some simple tasks to help out a little. It is wonderful to see the two of them and we have lunch together.
Romans 8:37-39 
Each night I try to write my blog before my favorite time of the day. Tonight I didn’t get my done and it is now quite late. I love the time after dinner when my husband and I and our two basset hounds retreat to the sofa and watch a little bit of TV or listen to music. This is our down time. The dogs expect it as much as we do. As the weather gets colder we will build a fire. I love this time. I feel so blessed to be able to do this.
Today I have been sad. For the 20+ years that I worked for a church I have seldom been sad. Now it seems to be a recurrent state for me. I am still grieving over the losses of the last few years. I suspect that it is really ok to feel sad from time to time. We are entitled to grieve over things. Many people do not understand grief and think that it follows the same pattern as the stages of accepting dying. This is not the case. Grief is an entirely different thing and doesn’t follow a precise pattern. For that reason it can sneak up on you when you least expect it.
Nevertheless waiting is what I am doing. I need to remember Life is what is happening while waiting for life to happen (a familiar saying). I will continue to work to embrace where I am and live in the now. If you read any of the mystics such as Julian of Norwich, Hildegard of Bingen (sp) or the desert fathers you learn that they lived in the moment. I suspect that God is telling me that I am not waiting but living each day. I will learn much during this time if I just see what is directly in front of me. The journey continues and yes at times we are entitled to be sad!
This week has been sort of up and down. For me it wasn’t a normal week. This week we celebrated Thanksgiving. I used to love this time of the year with Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now I find myself with mixed feeling.
I am not sure there is such a thing as a perfect Christmas. At least not like the ones in the ads. The problem is that the perfect Christmas happened 2000 years ago and the conditions would never be shown in an ad. What we are longing for is right in front of us. It is the birth of Christ. It was not in a beautiful home but in a stable. If we can spend our time with that in focus it changes everything. Celebrate that Christ was born to show us the way to God.
The news today continues to follow the sexual harassment scandals. This is all so sad. It is sad for the women who are coming forward…..they have held these things inside for so long. I am sad for the people who are being accused…life has changed for them. I am not sure that life hasn’t changed for all of us.
Anyone, male or female, who is in power can use that power for good or ill. Power can be a heady thing. Power is one of those things that we think will fill that hole that only God can fill. It has been sought instead of God since time began. Putting our priorities in the right place and seeking God first will move power to its rightful place. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and its righteousness and all good things will be given unto you.” (from the song)
I don’t find these things to be spooky at all. They are examples of God speaking to us. Whether the impulse to pray turns out to be something or not no prayer is wasted. We have to tune in to God and follow through on impulses that clearly are God calling.
We had friends for lunch today. One is over ninety and fragile. His wife called yesterday saying he wanted to get out of the house and could they come and see us. That was a resounding yes and we invited another couple who are special friends of us all. This lunch was a blessing. Our aging friend is slipping and it was a joy to give him a day of pleasure.
I wonder how many times I have balked at something that seemed difficult at the time but was something God had in mind. It is so easy to back away and not do the thing right in front of us. Do we pay attention or do we let it slip by us? Our own agenda can so easily get in the way. We will decide that we have plans and don’t want to change them. We can choose the easy path and put ourselves first.
Since daylight savings time is gone for a while the night comes faster. One minute it is light and the next the curtain comes down. I really don’t like getting up in the dark so I don’t like daylight savings time. As we head into fall I have more trouble waking up in the morning because it is dark. I am a person who needs light to function. When we lived in the northern US I realized that I have mild SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I spent a lot of time on the glassed-in sun porch.
Today has been a good day. Tomorrow is my birthday and two friends took me to lunch to celebrate. Another good memory made. Memories are precious things. I hope that each of you have some good memories. In the dark night when I can’t sleep I try to pull up good memories to lean on. Whether from my childhood or more recent those memories are mine and no one can change them.
When I was visiting people with memory loss connecting with them was not easy. I would always read with them the 23rd Psalm or say the Lord’s Prayer. Those things never seemed to go even if they didn’t remember their family. God’s love and care for them remained with them in these words.
worry-less-journey 