Category: life changes

Forgiveness takes work

by worrylessjourney, posted in balance, connections, forgiveness, habits, life changes

My husband and I have been watching the BBC series “Father Brown.” I have been struck with the many scenes about confession and forgiveness. Father Brown makes completely clear that there is no forgiveness if there is not true regret and a desire to change. That is the view for the person who needs forgiveness. There is also the side of the injured. What is forgiveness from that point of view?

trustForgiveness can be a difficult thing. If someone has hurt us badly we can have so many different emotions…anger, pain, hurt, disappointment, betrayal and others. Our emotions may swing from one feeling to another. Forgiveness may be the last thing we think about. Maybe we don’t even want to forgive for to do that we would have to let it all go.

The important thing to remember about forgiveness is that it is not just for the person who hurt us but for us as well. All the emotions  that we are feeling heighten our body in a flight or fight mode. We secrete extra adrenaline causing our body to prepare for danger. When we think about the hurt we drag up those emotions again and again. You can feel the upheaval. If we continue to hang on to the hurt and drag it around with us it damages our well being. Somehow we have to find a way to let it go.

forgiveness 2

Letting it go may take time and conscious effort. Some of the hurts I have encountered in my life have hung on for quite a while. We have to consciously decide to turn it loose…. and do it again and again until those feelings subside. When we can remember the hurt without the emotions attached then we have truly let it go. There may always be a small residue like ashes left after burning paper but the real pain has subsided.

Forgiveness takes work.

And all manner of things will be well

by worrylessjourney, posted in danger, hope, life changes, worry

batterdownthehatches_2011-12-20-humor-1Tonight I am discombobulated. A great southern term. Since we live in coastal Georgia we will begin putting things away and battening down the hatches. I know that we are blessed to not be in Florida or some of the islands that will be very hard hit and I grieve for those people. To have your life disrupted  by mother nature can be a devastating blow. Any idea of safety and security is literally blown away. Suddenly you are completely vulnerable. Having been through this last year……as did all the places being hit again…..you start to feel caught in some dreadful nightmare. It would be easy to ask where is my God in all of this?

The thing is I start to wonder how much part we humans have played in all of this. Are we having so many storms because of the warming water due to global warming. It is possible the earth would be warming anyway but I suspect that we have helped it along.

buddhaSo where is God? The answer is right where God has always been…at our side through any kind of adversity. There was no promise that life would be perfect. Just a promise to always be there. So..I will leave my home and hope that when I return things will not be too bad. My husband and I will still be together and the rest of our family safe. As Julian of Norwich says: “and all will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.”

How do we fill the void?

by worrylessjourney, posted in balance, compassion, healing, life changes, peace, prayer

What are we missing? What is the thing that makes us feel as if we are not complete in some way? What is it that makes some of us feel that only money can fix it. For others it may be fame and others some sort of addiction. We try to fix it with food, alcohol even suicide. We label some people as having an addiction and yet each of us is addicted to something. The question is something that helps us or something that hurts us.

puzzle piece

Each of us lives out life striving to fill that void. The quote below from Blaise Pascal shows that humans have had this longing for centuries. Pascal equates it as God.

“What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself.” 
– Blaise Pascal, Pensées VII(425)

Some people have said that there is a God sized hole in each of us that we try to fill with things but nothing works. Those of us who sense that hole may be reaching out to understand and find God….each in our own way. For me that search fulfills itself in Christianity. For others it may be Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism or wherever you find that peace.

peace

In my mind that peace is found in love and compassion toward others which seems to be at the root of most faiths. Accepting and caring for others no matter their beliefs, color, sexual orientation or anything else pulls us toward filling that hole. Seeking to find something more than ourselves by meditation, prayer and acts of love fill us in a way that nothing else can.

Seek to find that peace for yourselves and help lead others to it.

Help Where You Are

by worrylessjourney, posted in compassion, life changes, needs, prayer, weather, worry

Life is never boring. Now nature has handed the people around Houston a major catastrophe. This may not impact us individually but we need to think about what something like this can do….feel compassion and help where we can.

lifting

Last year we were hit by a hurricane head on. It was just a category 2 hurricane when it hit us but the way it functioned caused more damage than usual for a hurricane of that size. For the fist part of Matthew we were pummeled by 12 inches of rain and minimal winds. After the eye was past the winds came. We have a lot of pine trees. Usually those trees are snapped off by winds but do not fall over. Unfortunately, the rain loosened the roots and our islands were devastated by fallen pines. These were at least 100 foot trees. Many houses were hit by more than one tree and some were completely destroyed., We were lucky to only have one tree on our home. Now I worry about it happening again this year.

There is a point to all this remembering. At almost one year later we have finally repaired the damages from Matthew. When I think about Houston and surrounding areas I know that the damage from winds was bad enough but the floods have been devastating. Some people will never recover. For others it may be years before they are settled and comfortable somewhere.

houston

I do wonder about our weather and what is changing. We have not done our earth any favors. We are called to be stewards but good stewardship does not leave the land in worse shape. Some of climate change can be from the normal cycles of the earth but we have gone way overboard to injure “this fragile earth our island home.” (from the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer) If we continue the way we are we will soon extinguish ourselves.

All of us are called to do whatever we can to help. We must pray for and help the hurricane victims in whatever way we are able. Each of us must also do what we can to help the earth. We may only be one person at a time but each thing helps. We may inspire others to help too.

Pray for all those who have experienced tragedy due to weather.

Impatience Doesn’t Help

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, anxiety, job loss, life changes

Life can sure change. I have been out of a ministry since January and I’m trying to learn how to live without doing something meaningful. The thing is it seems to work but only for a short while. I find myself playing computer games and watching TV. I know that there are lots of needs out there but the bad news is that I’m losing my enthusiasm for trying anything. With so much experience working  for churches and my jobs in nursing I have much to give. I just need to get out of this slump and get going.

When I started this journey I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy but I forgot how hard change can be. The problem is that the thing that has to change is me. I refuse to fade into another older person who does nothing every day.

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I am a 50’s girl. I was born in 1940 and grew up in that idyllic (??) world where everyone knew what they were supposed to do. It was fine if all I wanted was to marry and have children. The problem was that it wasn’t me. Fortunately I married someone who understood that and who encouraged me to jump into a meaningful life with both feet. In many ways I had it all. A wonderful family and the encouragement to follow my dream. Helping people is my passion. I have followed that passion my whole life. Now I need to choose to continue that in whatever way I can. I am sure that I will find it. I just wish that God would hit me over the head with it.

It is a hard struggle when you are young to find and pursue your passion. The world doesn’t always help with that. After all, we have to eat. I have had time to learn the skills I needed and the chance to use them for much of my life. I know what my passion is. Now I need to find a way to use it again.

Our Plans???

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, complacency, habits, life changes, worry

It is a funny thing that when life seem to be going along well something will come and smack you in the face. Life is never smooth. The problem is that we can get lulled by lack of problems and complacent about how things are going. Just when you are starting to feel secure…..WHAM and there you are caught again.

GodLaugh

Last week and this week seemed to be going so well and then plans that we had made were just wiped out. Somehow it always happens. It is even harder to deal with when I have to put plans on hold to be with my youngest daughter. That causes my heart to ache.

I know that most of the time it has to do with expectations that are either too high or altogether wrong. It does explain why I never seem to stop worrying.

Some how it will all work out but I’m having trouble with disappointment. I know that I need to put it into God’s hands but I am so good at picking it back up, For me turning things over to God is like hauling a big garbage bag out to the trash and then letting the truck go by without putting the bag in it. I follow the truck, drag the bag, follow the truck, drag the bag.

I don’t know why things are so hard to turn loose. I do wonder if it is arrogance and the inability to turn anything over to anyone else because I think I can handle it better. Wow! Knowing ourselves is really complicated and why I am on this journey toward better understanding. I hope I survive the journey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aging and The Questing Life

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, habits, life changes, questioning, worry

Age-is-no-barrier.-Its-a-limitation-you-put-on-your-mind.-Jackie-Joyner-KerseeLife can be difficult as we age. When I was young I thought that those people whose children were grown up and doing well were worry free. Now that I am there I have realized that this is very far from the truth.

If you have children the concern for them never goes away.  It’s as if they will always be children in your eyes. Add to that as they grow older any problems that they have are usually more serious. Yous also add others to your worry list….grandchildren, spouses or significant others. The list of people you worry about grows exponentially.

Even if there are no children as we age health issues crop up. We would all like to just fade away in our sleep but life doesn’t always go that way.

It makes me realize how important it is to learn to live each day to the fullest. Wallowing in worry is wasted time. I can’t choose what life brings to me. I can only decide how I deal with it.

There are so many suggestions that people give you on how to do this. I do wonder if they are as successful as their suggestions imply. Each of us is a unique person and difficult as it may be we have to find our own path. It is important to be willing to try different things and be willing to make changes. We all know how hard this is. I have written before about getting rid of old habits and changing them for more fruitful ones.

questions

I continue each day to struggle with the choices I make. Prayer and meditation help when I do them instead of wasting time. The bottom line is that to change ourselves is the most difficult task we face. Some people never question the path they are on and don’t explore new ways. I guess I am one of those who keeps asking questions and seeking answers. It is my curse and my blessing.

I commiserate with those who are like me. It may not be the easy road but it is an enriching one. Don’t be afraid to travel the questioning path.

Connections and Sadness

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, anxiety, grief, life changes, sadness

It is terribly hot and humid where I live and we are as housebound as someone snowed in. In the last week I have discovered how disconnected I feel from life.

Having lost my job/ministry was bad but connected with it was the loss of connections. The severing of relationships was the greatest blow.

ropes-separation

I suspect that I am feeling what many people my age (76) feel at this time in their life. Suddenly you are not working and for me that was connection with people. Until I can better understand my next focus I am adrift in a world of loneliness.

I am just stubborn enough to say I am not done yet! I have not yet established a pattern for my days and seem to have little to look forward to. If anyone wonders what older people feel when they are forced to confront not being needed I can tell you. It sucks!

I do know that it is up to me to find new direction and since I do believe that God directs my ways I know that some answers will come. However, now I am befuddled and sad. I am sure that this is no fun for my husband as well. He is a blessing of support and love.

sadness

I think at this particular moment sadness is more prominent than anxiety. I am not anxious about what to do but still dealing with the sadness of loss. Having run Grief Support Groups I understand about grief and know that it is a process. There is no set time or pattern. Every person travels through it differently.  I am finding my way and know that change will come. Nothing ever remains the same.

One of my favorite quotes comes from the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer  in the Service of Compline it says:

“Be present, O merciful God, and protect us through the hours of this night, so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances of this life may rest in your eternal changelessness;”

At this moment I am wearied of the changes.

Change Hate to Love

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, divided world, hatred, life changes

I have worked within Christian churches for many years of my life both as volunteer and staff. One thing is clear to me. Most of us have not really heard and understood the words of Christ. After 76 years I have come to see the message as simple and straight forward. Love God and Your Neighbor. It seems to me that this is the message of many great religious leaders of every faith. Why is it that we have so much trouble following it?

I don’t know if the world is actually getting more violent and hateful or if it is just that we can’t get away from hearing it. If you are not frightened by what is happening then you clearly to do not understand.

hate_and_love

We are now putting people into categories so that we can know who to hate. Liberals, conservatives, gay and straight, white and black, transgender, whatever, there is a name for it and someone hates it. How do we begin to change things?

I am oneI have long belonged to a Prayer Group that says I am but one, but I am one. I may not be able to change everything but I can change something….. starting with myself.

This is part of my journey. Following those simple words of Christ I can learn to live differently. I can change. One day, one moment, one second. It continues to be hard. I backslid with my mediation this past week but tomorrow is another day. I know that anxiety will rear its ugly head. I just need to be as ready as I can.

 

 

Habits and Change

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, grief, habits, life changes, needs

old habitsSince the loss of my ministry as a Parish Nurse I have become aware of how much we humans need to be needed. When we are adrift on our own there is a longing for some connection….something to make us feel as if we belong.

I have had periods in my life where I have experienced this longing due to circumstances beyond my control. The time spent alone and separated from any meaningful relationship is painful. Spending time with ourselves requires soul searching. Sometimes some uncomfortable truths about ourselves are uncovered. I think this is even more difficult when this time alone is forced upon us and not of our choosing.

It is even harder for those of us who are extroverts. Loneliness brings on sadness. I was raised as a only child and do need some quiet and solitude but as the only thing there is it is difficult to bear.

This is why I am concentrating so hard on change. I do need other people and my previous role provided a chance to be present with others and share their joys and sorrows. It was a powerful and empowering experience. It gave my life meaning beyond my own personal needs.

designing-for-habit-formation-17-638

It is hard to take on doing the things we must do to change. Most of all it is hard to be consistent with them. Sometimes no progress can be seen. The thing is we have to continue long enough for what is change now will become a habit. Habits are hard to form and just as hard to break.

Anxiety also can be a habit. One that is high on the list of difficult changes. One that requires major effort to conquer. It may not be possible to banish it forever but just pushing it down to a minor irritation would be a blessing.

So the journey continues.