Polygamy: what do you think?

Did anyone else read about the state of Utah having a bill before its legislature about polygamous marriage being legal? I was fascinated by this idea. As I see it the problem is that marriage in one state is legal in every other state. This creates a conundrum for many states. The polygamous marriages reported so far have been far from pleasant. The reported ones have been abusive. There may be others that are fine but I don’t know about them.

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I am not sure how I feel about this. I guess I haven’t spent much time thinking about it. As a proponent of women’s rights I am concerned whether this would create any impact on the status of women. I guess this would give women the right to marry multiple men also. Interesting thought.

My concern is there are women who are easily swayed into living in conditions that will be detrimental. Maybe this will work for some people.

Anyone have any thoughts on this issue?

Pick your battles

Image result for pick your battlesOne of the hard things to learn in life is which battles to fight. It is so easy to get caught up in something and turn a mole hill into a mountain. It took me a long time to back down and not get caught up in the moment.

I can remember arguing heatedly with one of my children about what to wear to school. The outfit wasn’t that bad…just didn’t match. If that happened to day I would have just let it go. Amazing what we learn with time.

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This also applies to conflict with a spouse. Sometimes it is just better to not be charged up by what is going on. I am so much better at that now than I used to be.

Some battles are not that important. They really won’t matter in the big scheme of things. Learn what battles really need fighting and when to just back away.

Last minute? Not this time!

Tonight my husband and I attend a dinner for graduates of The United States Military Academy (West Point). He has worked on this dinner very hard….too, too, hard. The problem has been that younger graduates (we finally figured out) did not have the training in how to set up a formal dinner. Having done this during our years in the military and also since then we are well versed in how complicated it is.

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For this kind of dinner there are seating charts, table numbers, reservations, meal choices and many other things. The younger grads think that you can just call the day before and change table seating or add extra guests. Obviously they have never dealt with hotels, country clubs etc and don’t understand deadlines.

In spite of all the confusion I’m sure it will all work out but afterward there will be an extensive after-action report and some teaching (from me) about how things are managed. Not many things are done like this any more. The world is more casual and most people have never had to do it. I guess if you work at the White House you get it. They will too after this.

Friends matter

Image result for nurture friendshipToday I heard from a friend that I haven’t talked to in a while. It reminded me that we need to not let the path grow up between us and our friends. Friends need to be nurtured. Friends need our attention. I need to remember that.

 

For me, friends matter. Even though right on the middle line between introvert and extrovert I rely on my friends. As I get older I hate the thought that some will die before me. I remember my grandmother saying that everyone she had things in common with had died. She was 100 years old at the time. As I approach 80 this year I am beginning to understand. I have children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren but they will never be able to understand my past.

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We must tend to our friends while we can. We all will be gone at some point. Losing those we love is always difficult. But, who knows maybe I will go first and it won’t be a problem!?!

Lifestyle and health

As I was out walking today I thought about how many of our illnesses are caused by our lifestyle. Heart disease, some cancers, COPD, and many others are directly linked to how we live.

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I was reminded of a friend of mine who smoked. Each year she stopped smoking for Lent and then started back up after Easter. What a crazy thing to do.

Image result for healthy lifestyle and mental healthSome problems arise because of our mental health. Anger can be linked to stroke and high blood pressure. Anxiety and depression can lead to suicide. I don’t think we cause those problems ourselves but they may be, and frequently are, linked to our childhood. Our parents were responsible for how we were treated as children. In some cases this was good and in others not. It can be a major struggle to overcome childhood trauma and it does affect lifestyle which in turn affects health.

More and more we are learning about the link to our lifestyle and our health issues. I hope that we are able to make better decisions for ourselves as we learn and especially for our children. Maybe the more we learn the healthier we will be.

Who will win?

For the last few days I have been suffering with what I thought was the beginnings of a bad cold. Runny, runny, runny nose, sneezing, coughing and feeling bad. That started three days ago. Today I feel better. Makes no sense. It it were a cold I would still be coughing etc. for at least another week. I am grateful but also a little confused. It is like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hope I continue feeling better.

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It’s funny how starting something like a cold can mess up our thinking. With Coronavirus out there we are more aware than usual of what a virus can do. My husband and I are older and this is the first time that it has made me feel more vulnerable. I am not used to that. I am a healthy active person and am seldom sick. It feels weird to be in a group that is more at risk.

This virus scare has awakened all of us to how vulnerable we humans are. We have lived with the idea that we are supreme. There is nothing out there tougher than we are. Well, guess what? Something that can only be seen with an electron microscope can take us out.

It certainly puts things into perspective. A while ago someone said that the insects will outlive us. Now it sounds like it may the viruses. We don’t take care of ourselves and the earth around us. We eat poorly, don’t exercise, abuse our bodies and then wonder why we are not well.

It’s time to rethink things. We have to pay attention to ourselves, others (animals, insects, bacteria, whatever) and understand the consequences of our mistreatment of everything.

The radical

The church has very efficiently pared the claws of the Lion of Judah, certified Him as a fitting household pet for pale curate and pious old ladies. Dorothy Sayers

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Often our image of Jesus is the sweet man surrounded by a group of children. The image is not wrong. Jesus did do that but we can’t leave it there. Jesus was radical. He flouted the mores of his day and defied the ruling hierarchy. He loved so deeply that he was willing to give his life. He was not afraid to heal lepers and eat with tax collectors. We are called to fight against prejudice and injustice just as he did.

Change your mind not your plan

It is so easy to think that we can’t do something. Recently I was making a baby blanket in crochet. I haven’t done that in a long time. Not a difficult task one would think….but I got a short distance into it and decided I couldn’t do it. Now it is sitting in my yarn pile waiting for me to change me mind.

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Yes, it is my mind that needs changing. By becoming easily frustrated with it I decided that I couldn’t do it. I was struggling and I quit. I can’t tell you how many times I have done that with something.

The mind is an amazing thing. It can help us or hurt us. Learning to focus on that positive side can be difficult. I can finish that blanket. It may frustrate me at first but I can do it and I will.

I put off

We procrastinate. I think we all do. We put off things. Those of us who have anxiety would rather suffer being anxious than tackle the thing that is causing the problem. We would rather obsess about it and keep putting it off. This make the anxiety blossom and nothing has gotten better.

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I am better at doing things than I used to be. Somewhere along the line I discovered that doing the thing I dreaded got it our of the way and then I felt better. Sometimes the list has to be scrapped until the next day. Sometimes I fall back into the trap of putting things off and then I suffer for it.

Image result for listsOne of the things that got me started was some advice a number of years ago. The person suggested making a list of the things that needed doing and then prioritize them. You may not get to the end of the list each day but you will be able to cross some things off. Seeing those cross outs makes you feel better. It also tackle the things that I obsess about first.

It doesn’t work for everything but is does help with some things.

 

Are we all becoming hoarders?

I have written about this before but today it jumped out at me again. We are a nation of hoarders. As a nation we have too much stuff. Near my neighborhood there are already two massive storage facilities for people to put their excess “junk” in. I have know people who put stuff in those places and later have no idea what they have stored. I know there are some people who have downsized and know they will be moving up again and need to keep their things but they are the exception.

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There is a TV program where people bid and buy unopened storage places and recycle for money what is inside.

Now a brand new huge facility is being erected. I guess there is so much “stuff” that we have outdistanced the two already here. What are we thinking?

I have spent the last six months sorting and cleaning out closets, cabinets and drawers and taking the excess to charity. I am still not done and am ashamed that I have so much extra that I don’t need. At least I have never needed a storage facility to house the excess. I know that someday we will have to move from our home (as age catches us) and my intention is to give away everything we don’t need for a smaller place. I will not keep and store things.

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Are we a hoarding nation?