My husband mentioned recently that he doesn’t remember people being so angry at each other when we were younger. I agree with him. I meet so many people who are angry for no reason. Today I was crossing the road from Staples to my car and there was a gentleman down from me doing the same thing. A car came up to him and honked loudly several times. He was trying to hurry but had a limp and I think was moving as fast as he could. The lady pulled in next to my car and got out. Her shirt said: “Remember be kind.” I was so tempted to say something to her but I didn’t. She needed to read her own shirt!
It is so easy to see the anger in road rage, shootings, anger in our government, and just about everywhere. What has happened? Have changes in the ways we communicate (electronically) allowed us to not be kind face to face? The treatment of each other has deteriorated drastically.
I hope that we can discover the cause of all the anger and learn new ways to get along. If not, life will continue to be scary.
It is an interesting to discover that you no longer feel at home someplace where you used to. That has happened to me. Lately I have felt disconnected from the church I am attending. There is nothing really wrong just me feeling differently. I suppose spending 20 years working for another church didn’t help but I do want to be back at church with my husband and this is where he is at home.
The church has made major changes over time. Initially there was a minister who seemed right for the church but turned out to not be. Following that mistakes were made in finding someone new (not by the church itself) and now the attendance is down to a very small group. It is really sad.
I love music and for me that is a large part of connecting spiritually. The music is not reaching me. Again may be just me but there it is. I can’t return to the church where I worked so am just puzzling about the whole thing.
I am finding my connections in my writing, reading and prayers but there are things I really miss. Both churches have wonderful people that I love and so I know the questions are mine.
Somehow I will wander through this time of feeling at a loss and come out the other end. It is nothing that I have to solve quickly. In fact I think taking time to sort it all out will help.
Questions about one’s faith are not unusual. In fact I think if we don’t question we don’t grow. I will find ways to fill my soul until some clarification comes. That always happens. Sometimes we just have to sit and wait.
I have been home too much lately. When this happens I lose my perspective. Things start to close in on me and I spend too much time in my head.
The house is quiet
life is in abeyance
I don’t see
I am numb
I am sad. Lucy has not been found yet. I am sad for my daughter and her family and sad for Lucy. This is not the end anyone wanted for that poor girl dog. She had such a bad life before. These things happen in life and I think they remind us that everything does not always go the way we want.
Life can be challenging. There are times of joy and times of sadness. Both are important because they are joined. There is not one without the other. I don’t think we would understand how important our good times are if there were not bad times.
The older I get the more empathy I feel. Tears come easily but I don’t mind that. Tears can be cleansing.
Tears fall easily
their drops wash
Etching the sorrow
my heart endures
as they fall
of the pain
from my soul
and cleansing peace
After the serious dry spell that we had now we have had rain every day. It doesn’t rain long but enough to help. I hope that it reached the farmers soon enough.
Today I had a call from one of my daughters telling me that my daughter in Texas has lost one of her dogs. She rescued two dachshunds a while back. Both had obviously been badly treated and were afraid of almost everyone. She and her family have been working hard to restore their trust and put their fears to rest. One of them would probably be considered to suffer from PTSD. The dog is on multiple meds for anxiety and panic attacks. While I was there visiting she eventually let me touch her but is still terrified of most things. Apparently last night little Lucy got out somehow. She is so fast. I’m not sure how it happened but my daughter is devastated.
Lucy will not come to anyone if called. She is chipped and has a collar with her name and address but I don’t know if anyone will be able to catch her. Poor thing she is now lost and away from any kindness she has ever been shown. They also live near what is called “green belt” an untouched area designated to allow water retention and wildlife. I know they are worried that if she is there it will be difficult to find her.
This makes me so sad. I would be lost if I couldn’t find either of my dogs and Lucy is at risk in so many ways. Dogs become part of our families and touch our hearts in so many ways. Lucy found a safe place and I hope she is found and returned there.
Today is Memorial Day. It is a day for thanksgiving for those who gave their lives that we might live free. This day is hard for me to write about since my husband was in the Army for 20 years. He spent two years in Viet Nam fighting a senseless war. He graduated from West Point in 1962 and felt obligated to serve in the war. Wars run by politicians cannot be won. All the idiotic rules that governed what could and could not be done made it impossible. I could give many examples of this but it would not only take too long but also bring up too many bad memories.
My husband does not talk about the war except for a few incidents that had some humor attached to them. He fought in the battle of Dak To which was so badly run that many people died. He won’t talk about this.
We have been to the Viet Nam Memorial Wall but he will never go again. There are too many friend’s names on it.
I spent those years at home with our children worrying about him. There was little communication with loved ones during WWI, WWII, Korea, and Viet Nam. I even had to number my letters so that he knew if some were missing. His letters to me came in bunches. Communication is better now but it doesn’t take away the worry.
This is the fate of families today who wait for loved ones in danger. I grieve for both the soldier and the family. Many families don’t survive the separation. Please pray for those soldiers and their families.
Today has not been the best day. I am sad. At the moment explaining why would take too long. This sadness will fade but my heart is sore. I will tuck this sadness away and look at it later and decide how to manage it. That is like Scarlett O’Hara saying “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” I am putting it aside for today but sometimes you just need a day to let the emotion sit.
Yesterday I spent down in the dirt so today was a rest day. Altogether a nice day. I still hate the time change and it will take me at least a week to adjust. I got up at my usuall time although it was an hour early. That is the only way I know to adjust.
Lately I have found myself prone to tears. I seem to weep at anything. It is not depressions but almost an acknowledgement of the sadness I feel for others. Being sensitive to other’s trials and pains is sometimes a difficult road. It does reduce me to tears on occasion and lately more than usual. That is probably because I am seeing more pain around me. Not just those I know but in the world at large.
As an elder I worry about the world that will be here for my grandchildren and great grandchildren. I hope that some of the abuses, anger, going too far in many things will swing back to reason. We have pushed the limit on so many things. Here in the US sexuality has become such an issue. Why do we have to be so concerned about the private lives of others.
Admittedly we see too much on media that is painful and disturbing. I have to turn some of it off for self preservation. Sometimes there is enough to handle in your own space, Many are in overload and it is no wonder that depression and anxiety are rising. A friend of my grandson spent the first semester of his college term not attending classes and obsessing. He has threatened suicide and his parents and having trouble finding appropriate care.
Life today is not easy. As I have said before it seemed easier when I was growing. Was I living in a bubble or was it really easier?
Anyway that is just my train of thought for today. Hope everyone had a good day!
Tomorrow we switch to daylight savings time. How ridiculous! This changing of time is so silly. There have been multiple explanations why we do this and most of them aren’t significant. I know that it gives us evening daylight hours in the summer and some people like that. For someone like me I will be back to getting up in the dark and my mood will switch from great back to SAD. The evening hours don’t help me as I am a morning person. I don’t do getting up in the dark.
For the next few weeks I will be grumpy and tired. I will adjust but only when the sun catches up to our new time. For a while we lived in Panama and to change time was insane since the sun time changed little. We were almost at 12/12. Maybe that is where I need to live. I know it couldn’t be where darkness is 6 months long.
We are definitely connected to the earth’s time clock. Our bodies are part of the earth and we change with the seasons. We change with the tides. We belong to Mother Earth.
I hope that everyone manages to cope with this shift to our natural rhythm. We will manage and move on but I can still HATE IT!
I have been overwhelmed lately by my friends crises. When I think about the things that others are facing tears come to my eyes. If only we could fix whatever we wanted. Sadly, life is not that way.
As we get older we have to face the reality of others traveling with us are also aging. With age come health issues. We cannot live forever. I know this and yet it still hurts to see those we care about struggling. I tried to express some of this in this poem.
Life doesn’t last
loss of abilities