Author: worrylessjourney

Hatred or Love – Choose Well

by worrylessjourney, posted in divided world, hatred, peacemakers, worry

I think many of us living in the USA are worried about the state of our country. There is so much hatred, so much dissent and so much violence. If I didn’t live here I don’t think I would visit.

Recently something showed up on Facebook with people having their DNA analyzed. Many of them before being tested talked about their perception of their background and their beliefs. Some stated dislike of other cultures. It was a wake up call when they discovered that part of their DNA came from those cultures they disliked. It’s too bad that we can’t test everyone to show what a polyglot humans have become. It might solve some of the prejudice and hatred going around to find that you had genes from the people you hate.

It seems that people want to hate. They also want to incite others to hate. The beginning of the football season here is an example. Again players are not standing for the national anthem. Maybe some people feel that a song or a flag are not that important and why shouldn’t the players do what they want. They do have freedom of speech but for a long time athletes were an example to the young of good sportsmanship and national pride. They may still be an example but to encourage others to hatred and dissent. When I see those who are so dissatisfied with life in this country I want to send them to live in a third world country for a least a year. And not with the millions of dollars they are earning here. I have done that and it certainly will help you to appreciate this country no matter its flaws.

peacemaker

The people who did the most for others in this world in modern times were both believers in non-violence….Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. Both were wonderful examples of how to change the world they lived in peacefully. They did believe in speaking out and making needed changes known but in a way that brought about a good result. These men were people of God. There have been others… Mother Theresa and Nelson Mandela. I am sure there are more that I don’t know or remember. We need more of these people. “Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the children of God” The Bible Matthew 5:9

May we all strive to be peacemakers. Let us sow love

choose well

Laughter Heals

by worrylessjourney, posted in balance, healing, Laughter

Today has been a good day in spite of everything messing up.. No matter that it was very hot and also humid I pushed myself to work outside. I tried to finish all major yard work during the spring so that only maintenance  would need to be done in the summer but as usual I didn’t finish. Our yard has long stretches of azaleas which form a border between our property and the next door. These are large bushes which grow with little help but so do the vines that love to climb on the azaleas and prevent the sun reaching them. Dragging out vines has become my lifes work. I use an antique golf cart and pull a cart behind it to fill with vines and haul them to the street to be picked up. I was half done with my planned job when the golf cart quit.

Leaving the cart half way down the drive way I decided to weed wack the area I had been working on. As expected I pulled the starter for at least ten minutes before getting the weed wacker to work. When I had done about half of the area new string was needed. That’s when I found that my grandson had replaced the string incorrectly requiring me to go in the house for pliers to fix the problem.

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The thing about all of this is that in spite of the hiccups, the aggravations, and the heat I got something done. After a cold shower my sense of humor returned and I found the whole thing funny. In life one of the most important things we need for survival is a sense of humor. Not only should we be able to laugh at events but most importantly laugh at ourselves. We can do some really stupid things but being able to shake them off with laughter is critical. Laughter heals. It is good for our health. If we could laugh for ten minutes of each day we would feel so much better.  If we try and find the humor in the things that upset us we will be so much better off.

I am sure that God laughs at us frequently.

Finding Balance

by worrylessjourney, posted in balance, connections, guilt

balance

Today I am thinking about another one of my crusades. We have allowed electronic devices and the world they have created to rule our lives and more importantly our time. We allow ourselves to be connected so much that we have no think time. Our ?free? time is interrupted constantly. The human body is not made to cope with this. No wonder the stress level is so high. We have to find balance.

Balance is a very tricky thing. I have a book done in the 50’s by the cartoonist “Osborne”. The book was originally a lecture done for a design conference in Colorado. The lecture was wonderfully illustrated. It became so popular it becambalance osborne a book. This is one of the best things I have ever seen about using our time well. He talks about “the perfectly attainable Leisure the picnic, the two hours in the evening, …….the non-frenetic weekend with gardening or carpentry- the QUIET moments which CAN be had.” He says that the “crux of the matter……we must set limits to out efforts…..How much LAWN are we going to MOW? If we choose too little we have lots of Leisure, but a vapid face. If we choose too much we become tired, irritable, dislocated, insensate.” (Caps etc are his) *

This is the tricky part. Figuring out what is too much and what is not enough is difficult to say the least. Balancing work, family and some social life is complicated. Who do we leave out when we see it all as too much? What is most important? It can be different things at different times. Osborn wrote at a time when more women were at home and he saw it as difficult then. Think how much worse it is now. I think the anxiety about trying to stuff everything in for children is why helicopter parenting began. The idea that we MUST do the best since we are working parents. The guilt about not being there is overwhelming. Many families never have a meal together.

Eating together is central to the ministry of Christ. I think all of us see sitting at a table together is a huge part of connecting. Over food we can share feelings, discuss problemsin a non-threatening way and just enjoy each other. When meals are eaten in fast food restaurants or the pressures of life are so great that a meal is a trial things go downhill fast.

How do we find that balance? We have to set aside time to understand ourselves and our situation. Each day may require a different balance of priorities but over time balance can be seen. NOT EASY. Some serious listing on paper may be needed and discussion with others whose schedules coincides with ours.

 

*If you are interested I found there are still used copies on Amazon. Osborn on Leisure, A Ridge Press Book published by Simon and Schuster, copyright 1956 by E, R, Squibb & Sons. 

Cartoon drawing from the book.

Impatience Doesn’t Help

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, anxiety, job loss, life changes

Life can sure change. I have been out of a ministry since January and I’m trying to learn how to live without doing something meaningful. The thing is it seems to work but only for a short while. I find myself playing computer games and watching TV. I know that there are lots of needs out there but the bad news is that I’m losing my enthusiasm for trying anything. With so much experience working  for churches and my jobs in nursing I have much to give. I just need to get out of this slump and get going.

When I started this journey I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy but I forgot how hard change can be. The problem is that the thing that has to change is me. I refuse to fade into another older person who does nothing every day.

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I am a 50’s girl. I was born in 1940 and grew up in that idyllic (??) world where everyone knew what they were supposed to do. It was fine if all I wanted was to marry and have children. The problem was that it wasn’t me. Fortunately I married someone who understood that and who encouraged me to jump into a meaningful life with both feet. In many ways I had it all. A wonderful family and the encouragement to follow my dream. Helping people is my passion. I have followed that passion my whole life. Now I need to choose to continue that in whatever way I can. I am sure that I will find it. I just wish that God would hit me over the head with it.

It is a hard struggle when you are young to find and pursue your passion. The world doesn’t always help with that. After all, we have to eat. I have had time to learn the skills I needed and the chance to use them for much of my life. I know what my passion is. Now I need to find a way to use it again.

Our Plans???

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, complacency, habits, life changes, worry

It is a funny thing that when life seem to be going along well something will come and smack you in the face. Life is never smooth. The problem is that we can get lulled by lack of problems and complacent about how things are going. Just when you are starting to feel secure…..WHAM and there you are caught again.

GodLaugh

Last week and this week seemed to be going so well and then plans that we had made were just wiped out. Somehow it always happens. It is even harder to deal with when I have to put plans on hold to be with my youngest daughter. That causes my heart to ache.

I know that most of the time it has to do with expectations that are either too high or altogether wrong. It does explain why I never seem to stop worrying.

Some how it will all work out but I’m having trouble with disappointment. I know that I need to put it into God’s hands but I am so good at picking it back up, For me turning things over to God is like hauling a big garbage bag out to the trash and then letting the truck go by without putting the bag in it. I follow the truck, drag the bag, follow the truck, drag the bag.

I don’t know why things are so hard to turn loose. I do wonder if it is arrogance and the inability to turn anything over to anyone else because I think I can handle it better. Wow! Knowing ourselves is really complicated and why I am on this journey toward better understanding. I hope I survive the journey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Loneliness

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, connections, electronic devices, Loneliness, needs, sadness

Since losing my ministry in January I have discovered that even with my husband at home with me I miss other people.  For me, being with others is important. The ministry also gave me a sense of purpose and allowed me to be a help to others. We do have friends that we meet with and a church that we attend but I miss the connection with the people that I saw in my work. This is one of the things that I have been fighting to overcome and something that has led to an increase in worry and sadness. It has made me realize how important connections with others can be.

loneliness

I just read an article from Spirituality and Health called

Is Loneliness the New Obesity?by Kathryn Drury Wagner – August 16, 2017.

It suggests that loneliness is rising as a major factor in early death. This makes sense to me on many levels. The article talks about high risk in the rising elderly population which makes a lot of sense. Most people who are aging do not want to move away from the place that they have called home. There are so many negative connotations. I visited so many nursing homes and saw elderly folks just sitting in the halls. Most homes are trying to offer activities for stimulation but in many cases people are past participating. The thing is to get those who are aging to look early for more palatable solutions. A nursing home has long been seen as somewhere you wait to die.

Cost is a major factor in the US. Without universal healthcare there seems to be no acceptable solution. Elderly people can be such a resource and we are wasting it. Homes that have linked up with day cares have worked extremely well in giving both groups joy in their day. We need to explore ideas for solving this crisis.

In addition to the elderly there is the growing isolation among young people. I have been on a soap box about this for quite a while. Our growing dependence on electronic communication can lead to isolation and loneliness. We have to make sure that growing children learn that meeting face to face (and not on face time) is critical to growth and learning. It is so easy to misunderstand the true meaning of a communication that is electronic. Faces tell us a lot.

Most of us live in populated areas which in many ways make it harder to find closeness with others. So many people in large cities have no idea who their neighbor is. We have to have places where we meet with others who have some things in common with us. We need to be connected. Connection helps us to avoid loneliness and the depression that being alone can bring.

alone

I know that I can discover new ways to fill my need to help and be with people. I know that it is up to me. This is part of my journey.

Aging and The Questing Life

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, habits, life changes, questioning, worry

Age-is-no-barrier.-Its-a-limitation-you-put-on-your-mind.-Jackie-Joyner-KerseeLife can be difficult as we age. When I was young I thought that those people whose children were grown up and doing well were worry free. Now that I am there I have realized that this is very far from the truth.

If you have children the concern for them never goes away.  It’s as if they will always be children in your eyes. Add to that as they grow older any problems that they have are usually more serious. Yous also add others to your worry list….grandchildren, spouses or significant others. The list of people you worry about grows exponentially.

Even if there are no children as we age health issues crop up. We would all like to just fade away in our sleep but life doesn’t always go that way.

It makes me realize how important it is to learn to live each day to the fullest. Wallowing in worry is wasted time. I can’t choose what life brings to me. I can only decide how I deal with it.

There are so many suggestions that people give you on how to do this. I do wonder if they are as successful as their suggestions imply. Each of us is a unique person and difficult as it may be we have to find our own path. It is important to be willing to try different things and be willing to make changes. We all know how hard this is. I have written before about getting rid of old habits and changing them for more fruitful ones.

questions

I continue each day to struggle with the choices I make. Prayer and meditation help when I do them instead of wasting time. The bottom line is that to change ourselves is the most difficult task we face. Some people never question the path they are on and don’t explore new ways. I guess I am one of those who keeps asking questions and seeking answers. It is my curse and my blessing.

I commiserate with those who are like me. It may not be the easy road but it is an enriching one. Don’t be afraid to travel the questioning path.

See the Whole Person!

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, connections, electronic devices, grief, medical

Today I had another medical test to understand why I am low in iron. I decided to explore on the web if anyone is connecting this abnormality to stress, grief and anxiety and discovered that indeed this is on the research radar.

As a nurse I have long been aware of the impact of grief and stress on the human body. Until now I don’t think that the medical field has paid enough attention to how our emotional life is reflected in our bodies. We have not long practiced holistic medicine. It is critical to understand that we are complex beings and that anything that impacts us is related to our health.

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I hope that the pendulum is swinging back and that the whole picture needs to be taken into consideration. This is not easy for those in the medical field since we have a specialty for every part of our body. We are blessed if we have a primary physician who puts all the pieces of the puzzle together.

Too often our spiritual life is not taken into consideration at all. How we consider our relationship to God or whatever spiritual practice is a key link in the chain. In a world where connection with the divine is shrinking we are likely to see more people with both physical and emotional/mental issues.

I have written a good bit about connections and feel strongly that having some connections with other human beings is critical to our well being. With so many of us loving dogs and understanding that they like being pack members should remind us that we are also communal beings. Throughout history we have related to other humans and lived in communal settings. Unfortunately, our current use of technology can lessen our personal connections. Technology helps us when we need to find connections outside of our local area but we also need face to face and touch.

I hope that we can marry the best of the old ways with the new and make a world where we don’t have to feel that we are alone. Also a world where the whole person is taken into consideration when examining our medical issues. Without these things we will see more of us suffering with depression, anxiety and stress related illness.

Connections Trump Control

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, connections, needs, worry

Yesterday a mild anxiety lifted its head due to some physical problems that arise from time to time. For so long I have not been bothered with IBS that I have forgotten how disturbing it can be. It rankles me to have to deal with something that I somehow feel is my fault. It is as if I have no control over myself. Interestingly enough control is a major issue with most of us. It is when we feel that things have spiraled out of control and we are vulnerable that anxiety and worry jump in.

Out-Of-Control.002

When we are in control we are comfortable and life is manageable. Most of us want some routine….something that lives up to our expectations. This makes us feel safe and secure. When things are out of control the chaos is fearful. I think that most of us spend our lives trying to keep control of ourselves and our surroundings. We like to be the one making the choices. We don’t want to need anyone else.

The truth is that we do need others. In my case I also need God. I need something that can’t be shaken. I understand that there are people who don’t need that but it is hard for me to understand. What is there to turn to when things are completely out of our control?  I cannot prove that God is there but conversely I don’t know if anyone can prove he is not. I just know that this belief is something I need and count on.

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We also need people who can love and support us. Those who understand our failings as we also understand theirs. These are the people we can count on. Not one of us is perfect. Let us just hope that we can have people around us to lift us up when we are down.

For some of us we are blessed that those people are near to us. For others they may be on-line or at a distance. There is someone out there who will care. Never doubt this…never stop looking for that connection.

Connections and Sadness

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, anxiety, grief, life changes, sadness

It is terribly hot and humid where I live and we are as housebound as someone snowed in. In the last week I have discovered how disconnected I feel from life.

Having lost my job/ministry was bad but connected with it was the loss of connections. The severing of relationships was the greatest blow.

ropes-separation

I suspect that I am feeling what many people my age (76) feel at this time in their life. Suddenly you are not working and for me that was connection with people. Until I can better understand my next focus I am adrift in a world of loneliness.

I am just stubborn enough to say I am not done yet! I have not yet established a pattern for my days and seem to have little to look forward to. If anyone wonders what older people feel when they are forced to confront not being needed I can tell you. It sucks!

I do know that it is up to me to find new direction and since I do believe that God directs my ways I know that some answers will come. However, now I am befuddled and sad. I am sure that this is no fun for my husband as well. He is a blessing of support and love.

sadness

I think at this particular moment sadness is more prominent than anxiety. I am not anxious about what to do but still dealing with the sadness of loss. Having run Grief Support Groups I understand about grief and know that it is a process. There is no set time or pattern. Every person travels through it differently.  I am finding my way and know that change will come. Nothing ever remains the same.

One of my favorite quotes comes from the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer  in the Service of Compline it says:

“Be present, O merciful God, and protect us through the hours of this night, so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances of this life may rest in your eternal changelessness;”

At this moment I am wearied of the changes.